happens to be a photo of me

ghostcaravan: Feeling thankful for the beautiful people in my life today. Im lucky to have the absolute best girlfriends. Obviously @baumanelise one of them. When challenging things happen in my life, writing songs helps me process it, but it’s my ladies who get me back on my feet! 📸: @kat_aclysmic .

In Case You Missed It: What Happened After The Teaser Photos of B.A.P Were Released

a letter to my ex

Last week I opened up the drawer in my vanity and pulled out a picture of us. The picture is still as it was the day that it was printed, smooth and free of imperfections. Your arms are around me, your chin on my shoulder, and god I looked so fucking happy that I still don’t always understand what happened.  It’s been two years and I thought about how long I had that photo neatly tucked away somewhere that I couldn’t see it, somewhere that I couldn’t cause any damage to it the way that I did to us. I’ve apologized to you, so many times, but I feel like none of them have ever really registered, not when they’re always like this, just letters on a screen.

I’m sorry for the monster that I became in the time leading up what happened to us. I’m sorry for  who I was after, and who I let myself remain for too long. I became a darker version of myself, I became someone who even I couldn’t recognize and I hurt a lot of people around me.

I feel like in a way it isn’t fair because these other people gave me the opportunity to fix what I had done in person, to repair and mend friendships and make them stronger, and I’ll never get that with you.

I’ll always have this half friendship, this half unexplained, half anger, half hurt, half, half, half. Always stuck without a resolution.

Sometimes I think about this day that I had called you, it was when I was at my lowest, I don’t know if you remember. I was at work, and I was sitting on this really old staircase that still had carpet from the 70s, it was this really awful red and brown color. I called you while I was sitting there, and I couldn’t stop crying. I had never dealt with depression the way I was dealing with it then, I had never felt its slithering tendrils grip onto me like that before. Everything I knew was falling around me, everything I had created and built for myself falling apart. It felt like being trapped in a burning building, like I was suffocating but the flames just wouldn’t let me die. And that’s all I wanted, fuck I wanted it so bad that every day I was fighting myself over it.

I was crying so much that I could barely see the room, could barely even feel myself sitting down.

I don’t even know how you understood what I was saying, I just knew that I was falling apart and your number is the one I dialed.

That was when you still picked up.

You don’t answer my calls anymore.

I understand, I mean, I don’t know if I would want to answer my calls either. They wouldn’t have the same context but I can sit here and say that it’s only because I still want to hear your voice. There’s a comfort to it, and there’s days where I wish it was a comfort that I didn’t know. At least if I didn’t know it, then I could never miss it.

When I was that person I did things that I don’t remember, I said things that I can’t believe I would even think of. I let the creature in me take over and lock away the softer side.

All I wanted was to be self destructive, all I wanted was to see how much more I could push myself, to see if I could handle more hurt. I wanted to see what it was that was finally going to break me for good.

It took me four more months after that phone call to finally become the shattered pieces that I wanted to be, because the only way to fix myself was to actually break. Nothing killed me, not physically anyways. Maybe it’s the reason why I’m a little bit arrogant now, because I know I can survive.

I know that even now I’m not the person I was before the darker times, and I’m ok with that because the person I am now wants more out of life, the person I am now wants more for others as well. I may be more opinionated but it’s my passion to help others that makes me that way, my passion to make sure that people don’t break the way that I did.

There’s a point to all of this. It’s just taking me awhile to get there.

You don’t care for me the same that you do, because I know you see the person who lashed out, you see the person that set the sun and pulled up the night, and I’m sorry that you were witness to that, that you had a narrative in that story.

You had asked me to be your friend and I was still fucking awful and I think about that the most. That you asked something of me and I couldn’t even do it right. It’s why now, you could ask anything of me, and I would do it, because I will never be able to make up to you what I did.

My heart wont ever let things fully die, and it keeps telling me that you’ll never hear me sing off key again and that I wont see you roll your eyes at me, that we both wont smile when you tell me that I sound horrible and that I tell you that I wont do it anymore. But then that night when we go to read a story together I sing the first page of ‘The Bell Jar’ and you groan but let me do it anyways.

I’m getting to it, I’m getting to it. Give me a minute.

Do you know that I can’t even remember the first time that we said “I love you”? It’s not that it wasn’t memorable, it’s because I made myself forget and I hate myself for that. I hate that even at my worst I still loved you so much that I never wanted to feel that way again.

I always say that things aren’t about deserving, I’ve preached it so many times, but when it comes to you I bite back that opinion because people like me don’t deserve to be around people like you. And I wish I didn’t think that, but it’s always there, every time I talk to you, how I don’t even deserve a simple text message. Maybe I’m a bit masochistic, maybe I like keeping myself stuck in the “pain and guilt” stage of grief.

Maybe it’s my very own purgatory, where I stay in this little cut out where we’re still some semblance of friends but I’m always wishing things were different.

I know that they’ll never be, and that we’ll always have this weird kind of friendship but it’s better than nothing. Maybe we’ll always be better as friends. Maybe one day I’ll no longer feel jealousy when it comes to you. Maybe one day I’ll feel about you, the way you do about me, and we’ll both just be happy for each other regardless of what happens in our lives. Maybe one day I’ll have moved on too and we’ll have these separate lives and different stories, and maybe then we don’t even think about each other, and maybe things will no longer remind me of you. Maybe then I can look at the books we read and not even remember that I shared those pages with you, maybe then I can finally get rid of all of the things that I kept, all of the things that I lied about and said that they were gone. Maybe then colors will just be colors and they won’t remind me of your shirts, or your favorite team, or anything at all that has to do with you. That I can finally look at that white dress and not immediately think, ‘I was wearing that the first time we kissed.’ Maybe then I can laugh and not remember all of the times that you made me smile. Maybe then I’ll no longer feel the weight of guilt because you’re happy and I’ve told myself that’s all that matters, and maybe then I actually mean it.

I’m sorry that to this day I’m never fully honest with you.

You were always something unexpected to me.

I had really hoped to get a new photo of Fyedka to share for the most recent Rainbow of Orientation Day, but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. Still, this day is too important to me not to participate (even if I am late).

This is Fyedka! He’s ace, and not-so proud about it.

Fyedka is married to Princess Trinity (my DiM Kassia). A purely political marriage, they have no romantic feelings for one another, although they are very close friends beneath their constant squabbling. 

Fyedka is also in a romantic relationship with Basil (my Little Monica Kliff). Basil is NOT ace, yet they are in a monogamous relationship. Before Fyedka, Basil had never had an ace partner before, yet his love for Fyedka is more important to him than his sexual desires. 

reggieharper  asked:

32😂

32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? Did it include sexual actions?

Oi nahh I’m too shook lmao. What happens when my kid turns like fourteen and he comes to me with the photo? Or that one person who’s like “I know that thigh!” Too much of a risk.

6

Katsucon more like Voltron con

Part 2 of the photos I took with amazing cosplayers aHh
Thank you all for making my weekend so much better!♡ If you recognize anyone, please let me know!

i happened upon this picture of Melissa bts and it’s just…too much??? like. the tshirt?? cradling the tiny precious dog?! and look at her fucking arm. i mean i really have a soft spot for athletes lol but are you joking?? get this away from me.

My mom visited a Sherlock Cafe -- Jealousy ensues

Okay so– my mom (who is a pretty big BBC Sherlock fan even though she tries to stay low-key about it) is in China right now for work purposes and she happened upon a BBC Sherlock cafe and I just??

What –

I’m–

Holy shit?? She sent me so many photos of the place and I am in LITERAL agony

LOTS more under the cut because ho boy….there is a lot. 

Keep reading

And another thing about this photo reel

The immediate reasons to be fucking oBSESSED are obvious but do you know what else really has me emotional about it? 

Yuuri’s confidence. His carefree attitude. He’s totally taking the lead here! Like seeing this is WILD for me, especially knowing this happened BEFORE THE EVENTS of this series. I love this! I can’t get enough of this and I want more (hence my other post lol). LOOK AT HIM. And just take away the obvious perfection of this victuuri content and think about Yuuri as a character. 

Yes, he’s drunk, but listen drinking doesn’t give you qualities and skills you weren’t already capable of. I’m p sure all of them were a little tipsy :p.  All it does it lower your inhibitions and amplify certain aspects of you that already exist. Drunk Yuuri is still Yuuri. THIS IS REALLY YUURI. He didn’t just suddenly learn how to pole dance and break dance and do all these holds. And we’ve seen him pull of his eros sober. It was something all his own and it was so surprising at the time but now? Now it makes perfect sense in the best way. 

I really feel like the Yuuri in these camera roll scenes is significantly real and seeing him so confident and in the spotlight is like WOW. My heart breaks a little because HE DOESN’T REMEMBER. Boy has to know and understand that he captured everyone’s heart that night. He’s a goddamn shooting star. As a character he’s a triumph, a masterpiece. He’s so multifaceted and honestly seeing his journey to this point in his career was already good enough. 

But they didn’t stop there! They were like “Not only is Yuuri a badass now, he was ALWAYS A BADASS. Victor didn’t change him at all. This wasn’t what we thought it was going to be at first AT ALL. It seemed like Victor was spicing up Yuuri’s life and bringing out all these NEW sides of him. ALL LIES. Yuuri was the one spicing up Vitya’s life. EVERYONE’S lives even! Who knows what the atmosphere between all of them was like before this? Like honestly? I bet they were all being super stuffy and formal and not all that chummy like they are now and their closeness now is partially thanks to this cute boy. I love Yuuri so much like :’) Just….I just need a moment. *ahem* 

OKAY but do y’all UNDERSTAND like he was upstaging CHRISTOPHE !!! 

he was DANCE BATTLING YURIO. YURIO you guys. Since when has this kid been a socialite? Letting loose at parties?! WHAT? This is the power of our pork cutlet king

this was ALL before the main events in the series like…I’m dumbfounded right now.

Yuri was so timid and insecure in the first episode. And we just rolled with that. We thought this was about a blossoming skater trying to find his footing again. We thought it was about Victor helping him learn to be confident. 

Originally posted by bunnydesuuu

But nah. Yuuri had us fucking fooled. This man is a showstopper. This guy captivated the greatest skater on the scene, he completely stole the show. He just hit a rough spot, honestly.  

Imagine if someone tried to tell us Yuuri Katsuki knew how to do pole! Or breakdance! Or would hold his idol Victor in a saucy tango pose? 

We’d all be like HA! Okay~ :p 

We thought Victor was going to be the seductive one. 

Mann the production team must have been laughing at all of us this whole time. They were sitting on this from DAY ONE. 

We got played in the best way. Honestly? Standing ovation. This is how it’s done. Other studios better step up because YOI raised the bar beyond our wildest dreams. 

wintercon story time

we wanted to hang out with really amazing chris after the 1st day of convention but he couldn’t go , so he sent me a kinda “sorry” photo 

and  I sent photo in viktor too

and we ended up one upping each other and then THIS happened:

i decided that i must not lose and sent  this (thanks my babe katsudon for participating) :

and basically that is the best photo complitation I’ve ever had in my entire life

What I learnt after losing 20kg in 3 months

1. It always starts on a high note but the key thing is to keep it going.

You see someone losing a lot of weight and suddenly you are so inspired and pumped to reach your ideal weight, or you realise that you have put on a significant amount of weight and decide to crash diet. It could even be for an upcoming important event. Usually this inspiration will last for a week or two, after which you start to give yourself a little more allowance, this is where most people fall back to where they were. It happened to me countless times.

You have to want it bad enough.

2. You have to be consistent.

Losing weight is hard af, but the important thing is to be consistent. This is what I did:

- take weekly progress photos (whenever I see how my body changes week by week I’m motivated to push on)

- weigh in weekly (I know how easy it is to be obsessed with the scale)

- follow inspiring people (this helps you more than you think)

- whenever I feel lazy to work out, which happens almost every single day, I tell myself this: ‘if you get out there and do what you have to for 30mins, you are one step closer to your goal. If not, the time will pass anyway even if you’re scrolling through Facebook.’

3. Workout

I started with swimming because it was the easiest. You don’t sweat as much, it’s easy on your knees, and it burns a shit load of calories.

After some time, I switched over from swimming to cycling HIIT on my stationary bike. After which I started doing blogilates’s PIIT28, and started hitting the gym after that.

What I’m trying to say is, change up your activities once in a while! Add some variation to your workout by keeping things interesting and you will look forward to it.

My best friend got me out of my comfort zone. I have been so unfit all my life that I wasn’t able to complete even a 2.4km jog. She dragged me along for a run and I fell in love with jogging. To be fair it happened about 6 weeks after I started working out.

It doesn’t get easier, you just get better!

You only need 30mins a day to complete your daily workout. Choose one workout, be it jogging or HIIT, and just do it!

No matter how tired I am, I make sure to get my 30mins in. Sometimes I impress myself with my determination.

4. Moral support

You’re committed to your goals and are working hard towards it. We all know it gets lonely sometimes. Motivate a friend to do the same! Motivate each other when things get tough or the scale is not budging. I’m lucky to have my BFF on this journey together with me.

Even for those who discourage you or those who once called you fat, you got to have the fire in you to make a change and prove them wrong!

Do it for yourself, your love ones. I know you can. I have fallen off the wagon many times too. But the lower you fall, the higher you will fly. Believe in yourself. I promise you, once you start believing, everything will fall in place. There will not be success without failure. You will get there sunshine. One day you will shine. You just got to start believing in yourself and start working damn hard towards your goal.

Old saying but pushes me a lot: 
it’s never going to be easy but it’s going to be SO worth it.

5. You didn’t gain it overnight, don’t expect to lose it in a month.

Don’t be demoralised just because people ain’t noticing the changes. Don’t beat yourself up.

I gave myself 6 months to reach my goal weight. 7kg more to go! Yay!

6: Your boobs/butt will shrink, there might be loose skins/ stretchmarks if you lose weight too fast.

What I did for boobs and butt:

Do planks and squats every day. Yes every day. It helps firms your boobs and squats give your flat booty a lift. 

I learnt this the hard way. Losing 50kg in a year 2 years ago definitely tested my skin’s elasticity. I researched ways to reduce the appearance of stretch marks since the only way you eliminate them is through a laser surgery.

Loose skins and stretchmarks are tricky. I tried everything so I can’t pinpoint what worked and what didn’t.  But it reduced the appearance of stretchmarks and my skin doesn’t look too loose either.

What I did:

- Drink lots of water (it really works!)

- Dry brushing

- Body scrubs (if you ask me I would say coffee scrub, I didn’t start selling it for no reason)

- Bio oil

- Clarins body tonic oil

- Weight training/resistance training                        

7. Relationship with food

Many asked me what meal plans do I follow or do I have certain calorie restrictions.

I have to clarify that I’m not going for a hot lean body hence this method might not work for you if you are going for that.

I do not follow any specific meal plans. I did many times in the past and tried countless meal plans including Herbal life, natroslim or even master cleanse diet. I’m not saying that all these doesn’t work, they do. You will see yourself losing weight, but it isn’t sustainable.

I eat whatever I want now but I control the portions strictly. I cut out sugar drinks too. Don’t underestimate the calories you are taking in as well, it could be the reason why you are not seeing results.

Learn to say no when being offered food (who does that?!). It’s not easy to say no to the piece of chocolate your best friend got for you, but it’s even harder burning it off later during your workout. If you didn’t plan to eat it, don’t. Save it for another day.

There are days when I have peanut butter toast in the morning, fish soup for lunch and economic rice without any rice (just the meat and vege side dishes) for dinner.

But there will also be days where I crave fried chicken. I order them without sides and go without sugar drinks.

Sometimes I live on ban mian (Singapore-style noodles with mince pork soup) without finishing the noodles. Or some days I have fruits before going to bed.

I try to keep my calorie intake within 1500. I don’t feel starved at all and I eat whatever I want in moderation. It keeps me content to keep going.

You are what you eat. If you know the food you are craving for is unhealthy, have it in small amounts. We all know what happens when we over indulge. A healthy journey consists of 80% diet and 20% exercise.

Food that will help you in your journey:

- Water, just drink enough water.

- Unsweetened green tea, yes you’ve heard this 2 million times. But it works.

- Fruits: Papayas, Watermelons, Apples, Bananas, Lemons and Kiwis.

- Needless to say lots of vegetables

Try new recipes like cauliflower rice. Or replace potato chips with kale chips.

There won’t be any food to avoid in my list because I genuinely believe in moderation.

8. Curbing cravings

You just had dinner but you are craving for dessert. We all know it’s not acceptable to do it every day.

I’d go for a jog if I were you. The cravings for unhealthy food usually subside after a run. You’ll burn 150 calories with 30 minutes of jogging, but it takes 1 serving of potato chips to gain it back. Is it worth it? You be the judge.

If not I’ll find an alternative like yogurt or fruits to curb the cravings.

The last method is to take off your clothes in front of the mirror and stare at your body. Tell me if you still want that tiramisu after that.

Many times we eat not because we need it but because we want it. A treat is only a treat if you have it once in a while. 

9. Shitty days

Just recently I broke down and cried just because I felt fat. I felt like the ugliest/biggest girl in the world and I just wanted to hide away from the world. There will be days where you feel like shit and nothing you do makes sense to you.

I allowed myself to cry and tell myself that I’m not good enough.

Sometimes we have to embrace our emotions instead of hiding them. Only when we acknowledge what we are feeling, will we be able to fix what’s really broken inside.

After my emotional battle, I pick myself up and continue whatever I was doing. I fixed what was going on inside and stayed focused. People around me saw results. I saw my results. I deserved every single bit of it because I worked hard for it.

Happiness is a choice. You are how you feel about yourself.

Don’t give up on something just because of the time or the difficulty to achieve it. The time will pass anyway. If you don’t work on yourself, who’s going to do it.

I learnt to love myself for every stretchmark, cellulite and scar that’s on me. At the same time, I do my best to be a better version of myself.

10. Take a break If you are tired, not quit.

Lastly, regardless how many times you fail, as long as you get up and try again, you will succeed in the end.

Getting healthy is not a quick fix, it’s a lifestyle. There will be days you feel like eating fast food and not working out. But as long as you get back on your feet the next day, I promise that everything will work out.

Never ever give up on yourself and your body, because you are the only one living in it.

Hope this helps!! Happy 2017! Keep on rocking! :) Let’s embrace 2017 together and achieve whatever you need to acheive!

@motiveweight - submission 

nothing hurt more than when I saw a picture of you and her. You barely ever took photos with me, let alone post them. And here you were posting pictures with this girl you barely knew, and I tried not to hate her, I tried not to hate you. But my insides felt like they were ripping apart at the sight of  you. And I knew this was going to happen eventually, I guess I was just hoping it wouldn’t.  
and its just so fucking pathetic, while I’ve spent all this time missing you.. you spent it with her. You never even thought of me once.
And all I can fucking do is imagine the way that you talk to her, its probably the same way I talked to you., like you were made out of the sun or something.
And I just don’t fucking understand how one person can leave such a huge mark on you when you can’t even leave a fucking scratch on them. Because you left me and I still see you every fucking where, and I never made you feel a damn thing. you never even cared for me.
I just want it to stop, I want it all to stop. I want to stop feeling every burning fire for you. I want to stop thinking of every word you said to me, I want to stop analyzing every little part of our relationship in trying to figure out where the fuck we went wrong because I get it now. I understand..
a relationship is always doomed to end in heartbreak when there is one person who loves more and in our case, I was always the one who loved more, and now it just hurts so bad because you love her. You love her even though I wanted you to love me.. even though I gave you every fucking piece of me. You chose her.
It will never be me and you. I was never enough, and the thought of that alone breaks me into a million pieces, so how the fuck am I supposed to feel when I realize why I wasn’t enough. When I see the face of the girl who was enough..
—  I don’t think I’ll ever get over you
2

For every single gift daddy, splenda or free vacay I’ve gone on (I’ve been on 3 this yr and was suppose to have one this weekend 😧😟🙁) this is the trap I use.

1) I casually throw out lingerie shopping for myself out there which of course will entice them. Note: I initially didn’t ask him for anything, just stated it would inevitably happen.

2) He bites…he wants to see. That’s when I ask if he’s buying it. Usually its a “yes” to which I’ll flirt back. In the rare occasion that it’s a “no”, I let him no that he shouldn’t even ask to see me in anything sexy if he’s not willing to buy me something sexy to wear. This usually turns a “no” into a “yes”.

3) I include him in the shopping. I send him photos of things I’m thinking about buying. If he starts to fantasize, I’ll slightly indulge him like “oh yea, I DO think my butt will look great in that…”

4) I up sale him. For example “oh yea, I DO think my butt will look great in that… Can’t you imagine me in lingerie and pearls/at dinner in nude heels and a form fitting dress with my lingerie peeking from underneath/ red lipstick and chanel?”


I’m creating an image for him that he thinks is based for his pleasure but already I’ve gone from just lingerie to pearls, dinner, shopping for shoes and dresses, makeup and perfume. And he doesn’t feel forced because he’s trying to bring to life the image I created for him.

Another trick could be to double up. Once you agree on a set or whatever tell him that you want to pick out another as a complete surprise for him and that he can’t see it until you wear it. Now you have two sets! (Assuming you have his card or he paypal you the money).

It starts small then you just add on a bit more every time. It helps if he believes You’re already accustomed to this treatment. If he thinks every man does this for you and that if he doesn’t do it, another will, And that he won’t get your time of day without it then he’ll more than likely get on board if he truly wants your attention. Btw of all the men I’ve used this on…. young vanillas are the easiest. Truly. Honestly.

Hello ARMY!

Please take your time and read.
I just found out that BTS is really struggling with sasaeng fans at the airport. The sasaengs would buy the same plane ticket as them and take pictures of them in the part of the airport where you only can go in if you have a ticket.

So I want to ask you to please not share those kind of pictures if you happen to see them! It’s not respectable to admire someone’s fashion or visuals if the photo has been taking without any care of their privacy

I know that I have probably accidentally uploaded a picture like that somewhere, but I’ll delete whatever picture I find that I have uploaded. If you see a picture on my blog that is like that, then please feel free to tell me.

And please share this to other fans, it’s extremely important!

You may share this on twitter if you want, some Korean people started doing it in July or so but they stopped

#Save_BTS_from_airport_sasaeng