hanzel & gretel

texts from last night! meme

[text] Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?

[text] The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here

[text] He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.

[text] I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW

[text] So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one’s for Team USA.

[text] He gave me the “find somebody who wants to date you for who you are” speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.

[text] I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese

[text] I just got high off one hit and then Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refrigerator and researching ways to replace it

[text] Seriously. I’m like, “Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you’re so fucking intelligent I’m turned on?”

[text] Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?

[text] He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I’m keeping him.

[text] I’m making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.

[text] It’s a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.

[text] Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I’ve been waiting for this moment forever.

[text] Lesson learned. Don’t roleplay with a real knife.

[text] We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman’s birthday party for the food. Whoops.

[text] He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.

[text] I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I’d say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.

[text] I’m wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.

[text] He’s like… An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It’s almost unsettling

[text] I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I’ve found the One.

[text] Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while… if you happen to find your balls then join us

[text] i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

[text] and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered “Simba”

[text] so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

[text] Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

[text] Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me

[text] We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sounds logical. Thank you daylight savings.

[text] when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was “chug-a-lug”

[text] There’s a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.

[text] Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine

[text] My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.

[text] He told me he loved me. I didn’t know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him

[text] Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten

[text] Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.

[text] He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.

[text] we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I’ve ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury

[text] I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man’s heart.

[text] When was the last time you wore pants?

[text] I’ve replaced you with thin mints and masturbation

[text] Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.

[text] Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time

[text] Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent

[text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.

[text] I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how’s your day going?

[text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.

[text] We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What’s wrong with this tradition?

[text] all i’ve had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.

[text] Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don’t exist?

[text] Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special

[text] And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention

[text] This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the “High While Analyzing Disney Movies” texts begin.

[text] Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won’t quit poking me on fb

[text] I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

[text] One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won’t be me. I’m drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.

[text] You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy

[text] im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster

[text] just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.

[text] I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on

[text] Let’s play a little game called “Chill the Fuck Out” - you’re our first contestant

[text] Didn’t get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.

[text] I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.

[text] you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

[text] tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?

[text] We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out

[text] maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game

[text] i think its awesome that according to your mom i’m your friend that caught on fire.

[text] So fucked up. Can’t tell if I’m starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.

[text] I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.

[text] Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

[text] you traded sex for a burrito?

[text] I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.

[text] You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.

[text] it’s not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.

[text] You’re always adorable, but when you’re drunk, you’re like Chia Pet adorable.

[text] this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest

[text] I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box

[text] I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old’s Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

[text] It’s like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it’s gummy bears and instead of milk it’s vodka.

[text] You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

[text] Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.

[text] we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying “i mean who doesn’t like cheetos”

[text] quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

[text] I left a cheeto on everyone’s car trailing to the house i’m at, hanzel and gretel style.

[text] Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.

[text] nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs

[text] When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.

[text] kinda considering buying a life alert for sophomore year

[text] My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.

[text] Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

[text] you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing ‘follow the yellowbrick road’. i’m pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted

[text] It’s like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.

[text] did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?

[text] The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.

[text] I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!

[text] You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.

[text] I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.

[text] So I woke up today with someone’s door knob in my pocket. I hope everybody else got out of the house ok.

[text] So we successfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.

[text] Because when I say 'You shouldn’t drink anymore’, she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks’

[text] okay, this game isn’t funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.

[text] The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

[text] when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

[text] so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.

[text] You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone

[text] never. drinking. again.

[text] I’m gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.

[text] got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night

[text] I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now

[text] i’m out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.

[text] Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.

Gʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄs Pʀᴏɢʀᴀᴍs:

  • Adobe PhotoShop CS2
  • ArtRage
  • ArtWeaver
  • DrawPlus
  • FireAlpaca
  • GIMP
  • Inkscape
  • Krita
  • MediBang Paint
  • Mischief Free Version
  • mtPaint
  • MyPaint
  • paint.NET
  • PaintRibbon
  • PaintTool Sai (animation assistant plugin)
  • Picasa 3
  • Pinta
  • Pixia/Phierha
  • Photoscape
  • Photo Editor
  • SmoothDraw
  • Speedy Painter
  • Sumo Paint
  • Twistedbrush (Pixarra)
  • Verve Painter

Pʜᴏᴛᴏsʜᴏᴘ:
Links provided by  yeahps

  • Photoshop CS2: download | download | download | download | download
  • Photoshop CS3: download | download | download | download | download
  • Photoshop CS4: download | download | download | download
  • Photoshop CS5: download | download | download | download | download
  • Photoshop CS6: download | download | download | download | download
  • Photoshop CS5 (mac) : download | download
  • Photoshop CS6 (mac): download

3ᴅ Mᴏᴅᴇʟɪɴɢ:

  • Blender 
  • DAZ Studio
  • DesignDoll
  • Fuse
  • Google Sketchup 
  • SculptGL
  • Sculptris 

Wʀɪᴛɪɴɢ Pʀᴏɢʀᴀᴍs:

  • Evernote
  • Gedit
  • Kate
  • NoteTab
  • OpenOffice
  • Quoll Writer
  • ZenWriter
  • A list of various resources
  • Some music for your writing

Fᴏɴᴛs:

  • 1001FreeFonts
  • DaFont

Gʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄ Rᴇsᴏᴜʀᴄᴇs:

  • thosetutorials tutorials masterpost
  • allieofrph graphic resources masterpost
  • faithsicon masterpost
  • hashtagburnham masterpost
  • poikiliia masterpost
  • rphelper’s graphic resource roundup

Fᴀʙʟᴇs/TWAU RP ɪᴄᴏɴs:

  • Alice Liddell
  • Ambrose Wolf
  • Baba Yaga
  • Baobhan Sith
  • Beast
  • Beauty
  • Bigby Wolf
  • Bloody Mary ♦ ♦
  • Blossom Wolf
  • Bluebeard
  • Briar Rose
  • Bufkin
  • Cindy (Cinderella)
  • Conner Wolf
  • Crooked Man
  • Darien “Dare” Wolf
  • Doctor Swineheart
  • Evil Queen ( from Snow White)
  • Faith ( Allerleirauh )
  • Flycatcher
  • Frau Totenkinder
  • Gren  ♦ ♦
  • Grendel’s Mother
  • Hadeon
  • Hansel
  • Holly  ♦ ♦
  • Ichabod Crane
  • Jack Horner
  • Kelsey Brannigan
  • Knave of Hearts (Wonderland)
  • Lawrence  ( from Allerleirauh )
  • Little Boy Blue
  • Little Red Riding Hood 
  • Mister Dark
  • Mister North Wind
  • Nerissa ♦ ♦
  • Prince Brandish
  • Prince Charming
  • Rapunzel
  • Rose Red  ♦ ♦
  • Snow White
  • Therese Wolf
  • Vivian
  • Winter Wolf ♦ ♦
  • Woody

Dɪsɴᴇʏ RP ɪᴄᴏɴs:

  • Disney Alice Liddell
  • Disney Ariadne
  • Disney Ariel  
  • Disney Aurora/Briar Rose 
  • Disney Beast 
  • Disney Belle 
  • Disney Captain Phoebus
  • Disney Esmeralda
  • Disney Flynn Rider
  • Disney Gaston
  • Disney Maleficent 
  • Disney Mother Gothel
  • Disney Prince Philip
  • Disney Queen Grimhilde
  • Disney Snow White
  • Disney Rapunzel

Tʜᴇ Lᴀsᴛ Uɴɪᴄᴏʀɴ RP ɪᴄᴏɴs:

  • The Last Unicorn : Harpy Celaeno
  • The Last Unicorn : King Haggard
  • The Last Unicorn : Molly Grue
  • The Last Unicorn : Mommy Fortuna
  • The Last Unicorn : Lady Amalthea
  • The Last Unicorn : Prince Lír
  • The Last Unicorn : Schmendrick
  • The Last Unicorn : Unicorn

Fᴀᴄᴇʟᴇss/ʀᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ ᴜsᴇs RP ɪᴄᴏɴs:

  • Other: Crime investigation
  • Other: Locations (urban)
  • Other: Locations (fantasy)
  • Other : Various icons
  • Comics : Alice Liddell
  • Comics : Red Riding Hood

Fᴀɪʀʏ Tᴀʟᴇs ᴀɴᴅ Fᴀʙʟᴇs:

  • A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
  • A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing (alt)
  • A Woman Transforms Herself into a Werewolf
  • Aegle
  • Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp
  • Allerleirauh
  • Aunty Greenleaf and the White Deer
  • Baba Yaga
  • Baba Yaga
  • Baba Yaga
  • Bearskin
  • Benzaiten
  • Blodeuwedd
  • Bluebeard
  • Bluebeard’s Ghost
  • Body-without-Soul
  • Boots and the Troll
  • Briar Rose
  • Brynhildr
  • Bunny Man
  • Carmilla
  • Catherine Wheel
  • Charlie No-Face
  • Cinderella
  • Cinderella
  • Clever Hans
  • Counting the stars in Heaven
  • Cu Chulain
  • Death and the Woodsman
  • Der Freischütz
  • East of the Sun and West of the Moon
  • Eglė the Queen of Serpents
  • Elizabeth Báthory
  • Fairy Garden
  • Faithful John
  • Father Frost
  • Feathertop
  • Fenrir
  • Fenrir
  • Georgie Porgie
  • Goatman
  • Gold-Tree and Silver Tree
  • Green Man
  • Grendel
  • Hanako-san
  • Hanzel and Gretel
  • Hayreddin Barbarossa (aka Redbeard)
  • Helga the Fair
  • How the Dragon Was Tricked
  • Hypatia
  • Jabberwocky
  • Jack and the Beanstalk
  • Jack Frost
  • Jack of All Trades
  • Jack O'Lantern
  • Jack the Giant Killer
  • Jack the Cunning Thief
  • Jersey Devil
  • Jorinda and Joringel
  • Knave of Hearts (Wonderland)
  • Krampus
  • La Befana
  • Lamia
  • Lemuria
  • Lilith
  • Linda Branca and her Mask
  • Little Briar Rose
  • Little Jack Horner
  • Little Red Riding Hood (Grimm)
  • Little Red Riding Hood (Perrault)
  • Little Wildrose
  • Loki
  • Loki
  • Lucky Luck
  • Maid Maleen
  • Maria, the Wicked Stepmother, and the Seven Robbers
  • Mirrors
  • Miss North Wind and Mr. Zephyr
  • Myrsina
  • North Wind
  • Okiku
  • Old King Cole
  • Persinette
  • Prince Camaralzaman and the Princess of China
  • Prince Darling
  • Puss In Boots
  • Rapunzel
  • Raud the Strong
  • Reynard and Bruin
  • Reynard Steals Fish
  • Reynard Wants to Taste Horsefresh
  • Rhodopis
  • Rub-a-dub-dub
  • Rumpelstiltzkin
  • Santa Claus
  • Sif
  • Solomon Grundy
  • Snow White
  • Snow-White and Rose-Red
  • Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
  • Snow-White-Fire-Red
  • Song
  • Stingy Jack
  • Sun, Moon, and Talia
  • Sunflowers
  • Tam Lin
  • The Bald Knight
  • The Ballad of Hua Mulan
  • The Bear
  • The Beauty and the Beast
  • The Beauty and the Beast (Villeneuve)
  • The Bell Witch
  • The Boy Who Cried Wolf
  • The Boy Who Cried Wolf
  • The Canary Prince
  • The Cat and the Fox
  • The Caterpillar (Wonderland)
  • The Coyotes’ Curse
  • The Crow
  • The Crystal Casket
  • The Daisy
  • The Death of Koschei the Deathless
  • The Devil’s Mirror
  • The Dog and the Wolf
  • The Dragon of the North
  • The Fairy Serpent
  • The Fatal Marksman
  • The Feather of Finist the Falcon
  • The Fire Bird and Red Fox
  • The Flower Queen’s Daughter
  • The Fox and the Crow
  • The Fox and the Goat
  • The Fox and the Grapes
  • The Fox and the Horse
  • The Frog
  • The Frog Prince
  • The Girl-Fish
  • The Girl Who Pretended to be a Boy
  • The Glass Axe
  • The Golden Bull
  • The Golden-Haired Maiden
  • The Golden Mermaid
  • The Goose-Girl
  • The Green Lady of Newton Castle
  • The Grinning Man
  • The Hare and the Tortoise
  • The Hart and the Vine
  • The Hook / The Hookman
  • The Lazy Magician
  • The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
  • The Lindworm
  • The Little Boy Blue
  • The Little Broomstick
  • The Little Matchgirl
  • The Little Mermaid
  • The Mermaid of Zennor
  • The Mischievous Dog
  • The Nightgale
  • The North Wind and the Sun
  • The Piped Piper
  • The Piped Piper (the real story)
  • The Prince and the Dragon
  • The Prince Who Would Seek Immortality
  • The Princess Who Never Smiled
  • The Scorpion and the Frog
  • The Siren, Lorelei
  • The She-Wolf
  • The Sleeping Beauty in the Woods
  • The Sleeping Prince
  • The Snow Maiden
  • The Snow Man (Sneemanden)
  • The Snow Queen
  • The Story of Lyubim Tsarevich and the Winged Wolf
  • The Story of Pretty Goldilocks
  • The Story of the Girl Who Did Not Like to be Pretty
  • The Story of the Three Bears
  • The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter
  • The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter
  • The Tale of the Dead Princess and the Seven Knights
  • The Tale of the Nine-Tailed Fox
  • The Tale of Urokohime
  • The Three Army-Surgeons
  • The Three Bears
  • The Three Billy Goats Gruff
  • The Three Little Pigs
  • The Three Princesses of Whiteland
  • The Three Sisters
  • The Twelve Brothers
  • The Twelve Dancing Princesses (Lang)
  • The Twelve Dancing Princesses (Grimm)
  • The Vampyre
  • The Vorpal Blade
  • The Wedding of  Mrs. Fox
  • The Werewolf
  • The Werewolf’s Daughter
  • The Werewolf’s Wife
  • The White Rabbit (Wonderland)
  • The White Serpent and the Children
  • The White Wolf
  • The Wicked Prince
  • The Winged Monkeys (Oz)
  • The Wolf and His Shadow
  • The Wolf and the Crane
  • The Wolf and the Fox
  • The Wolf and the Kid
  • The Wolf and the Man
  • The Wolf and the Seven Little Kids
  • The Wolf and the Shepherds
  • The Wolf Stone
  • The Woman with the Ribbon Around her Neck
  • The Woodsman and the Serpent
  • The Yellow Dwarf
  • The Young Slave
  • There Was A Crooked Man
  • Tiburtine Sibyl
  • Tituba
  • Trusty John
  • Tsarevitch Ivan, the Fire Bird and the Gray Wolf
  • Tweedledum And Tweedledee
  • Tyche
  • Uonaidh
  • Vasilissa the Beautiful
  • Vitoria Regia
  • Vlad the Impaler
  • Vlad the Impaler
  • Water of Youth, Water of Life, and Water of Death
  • Wind
  • Yara
  • Yeh-hsien
  • Yeh-hsien
  • Yuki-onna
  • Yuki-onna
  • ‘Um Pachal

Fᴀʙʟᴇs/TWAU-sᴘᴇᴄɪғɪᴄ sᴛᴏʀɪᴇs:

  • Read Fables
  • A Wolf In The Fold
  • Allerleirauh 
  • Allerleirauh Continued
  • Bloody Mary 
  • Boy Blue
  • Boy Blue
  • Briar Rose
  • Briar Rose’s Baptism 
  • Bufkin
  • Cinderella
  • Frau Totenkinder
  • Hanzel and Gretel Continued
  • Hair
  • Jack Frost (or Jack and the Snow Queen)
  • Lamia 
  • Mister Dark
  • North Wind
  • North Wind
  • Prince Charming’s First Love
  • Prose Page
  • Rapunzel Continued
  • Snow White
  • Snow-White and Rose-Red Continued
  • Snow White and the Seven Dwarves 
  • Snow White and the Seven Dwarves Continued
  • Snow-White and Rose-Red Continued II
  • The Big Bad Wolf
  • The Frog Prince Continued
  • The Frog Prince Continued II
  • The Vorpal Blade
  • The Woodsman
  • What was Geppetto Thinking When He Carved Pinocchio’s Mouth?
  • What You Wish For
  • Witching Cloak
  • Essays on Fables/TWAU
  • An Intro to Fabletown
  • Fabletown Map
  • The Farm Map

can someone tell me the name of a video game that came out a few years ago? i think it was either in beta testing or a demo, but i only remember three of the several parts of it, the idea of the game was that youre part of a therapy program where you can go into the minds of your client and figure out their blocked out memories to help them move on from it. the game first gives you a tutorial where you have to solve hanzel and gretels trauma from their fictional story before giving you ‘real’ patients. i only remember two of the three(?) patients, the first one that came in had huge issues with milk and she couldnt figure out why until after you solve her trauma, which was that when she was extremely young, she had accidentally spilled milk and went to go up to her fathers office to get him to help her clean it up and witnessed his suicide, which at the young age, she thought he killed himself over the fact that she had spilled. i dont remember the second (?) patient but the one that came after that was a homeless man who had a psychotic episode in a carnival only to find out that he is a war veteran and had trauma over believing himself to be a monster who would only ever hurt people and the screaming of people on the roller coaster set him off

Hannibal Recap: Season 2, Episode 10 – Naka-Choko

The theme of this episode is “Fuck all this for Florida.”

GRAHAM MANOR

Flashback to Will getting a major renovation bill due to BearZilla break-in. (Jack better sign off on my expense report, Will thinks.) He is all set to shoot BearZilla when he remembers Hannibal’s recent instructions:

1. Use your hands instead of a gun.

2. Eat your kill, like a civilized person.

Keep reading