I never post on Tumblr, but this platform is the only place I feel like I can be myself. Recently I watched 13 Reasons Why. I never read the book, and I started it mostly because I heard great things about it and how they spread such an important message. I don’t know if I’ll spoil anything by accident, but I’ll give a warning just in case. This might be long, so bear with me.
The show is about a girl named Hannah Baker (as many of you probably know already). Each episode showed different events as to how she was treated by her peers, and she recorded tapes explaining basically who fucked her over before she ended up taking her whole life.
A few days before I started watching, I wanted to take my own life. I had it planned out, I knew the texts I was going to send my family and friends, and I knew when I wanted to do it. I thought I lost all hope in my future and I just didn’t want to exist anymore. I resonate with Hannah a lot. I really held on to her because I saw so much of myself in her. I wasn’t treated the greatest while I was in school (I didn’t endure some things that happened to her and I am very grateful). Every little thing you do or say to someone sticks. It’s not easy for them to just brush it off and move on, especially if you deal with a mental illness.
As I got to the episode that contained her suicide scene, I thought I was prepared. I just pictured there to be a little blood. I didn’t expect to see it all happen, and it killed me. It killed me because of how real it looked. I felt like I was watching it happen right in front of me. I had a full blown panic attack by the time I saw it and I know I’m not alone on that. It was fucking hard, but nonetheless very powerful. That stuff happens every single day to people who you least expect it from. This show proves that bullying can really do some serious damage on someone. It’s not something to keep quiet about.
After the show I realized how much I have in my life to appreciate. When Hannah’s mom saw her lifeless body floating in the bathtub, I realized that if I ever took my own life, I’d be putting my family and friends through hell. I realized that I have a purpose in this world, and even though I don’t see it now, I know it’s coming. I’m more important than I think I am. You are all important to people around you, whether you know it or not. So if you think you can handle it, watch the show or read the book. Space it out a little bit. Learn from it. Talk about it and never let the conversation die down. You never know how many people you can save from taking their own life just by being kind.
Sorry for the long post. This show made me realize how passionate I am about mental illness and bullying, and I don’t plan to stop talking about it.