hannafius

You hit my face

When I “talked back”

When I cried

Another smack

Grabbed my hair

With your fists

And then I knew

You were pissed

On my toes

Head gone numb

You yelled at me

Called me dumb

Clean the house

Watch the boys

Yanked from bed

“forgot the toys”

If I lied

With the truth

I stood nervous

For what you’d do

Hot sauce burns

On the way down

And back up

To the ground

My arms still hurt

Up in the air

For two hours

You didn’t care

You read journals

Making fun

That’s when I knew

I was done

You didn’t find

It quite funny

When I drew you

As the dummy

Or when I drew

A nice sharp knife

And as you hung

I took your life

Hunting? Sure

Let us go

Out in the woods…

They’d never know

You pushed me down

Called me fat

But that is you

And you knew that

You made me lie

To my friends

Interrogated me

For that to end

The family begged

Wanting truth

But I kept quiet

For fear of you

My bruised skin

No one saw

I felt stuck

With my flaw

Clouds grew thick

Over my head

You made me wish

I was dead

I could stay
In a pool of
My own lies
Pretending
To be happy

And go day to day
Wishing I could
Find something more
But it would be
Easy to not be
Attached and having
No fear of getting
Smashed

But since the touch
Of your hand
I can’t go back
I can’t pretend to
Know happiness
With people who have
Never touched my
Hands

And I can’t look
Into their eyes and
Feel as anxious
As I do with you
Because your beauty
I cannot deny

And I feel you looking
Into my soul as you
Pull out every sigh
And I-I-I

My mother never taught me

What love felt like
Neither did my father
So excuse me if I get
Too caught up in your
Affection
Or the way you hurt me
I’m a little fragile
Pieces stacked together
Glued too loosely to
Hold up against your
Stormy personality
But I’m slowly melting together
In the heat of your love
Feeling everything come
Together

Starvation

Conditioned to
A certain kind
Of affection
A burning need
For something but
To afraid to ask
For more
How dare you,
Be grateful for
What you’re given
Even if it’s not
What you’ve wanted
Conditioned to please
Those who are
Never satisfied
Because you’re a
Good hearted person
Guilted into
Giving every bit
To me just to be
Criticized and
picked apart