Bahaha Howard in this AU. He loves werewolves (possibly because of Steve?) and he loves his wife and child.


Maria ripped the newspaper she was reading in half. Jarvis sighed and set another newspaper onto the table. They’d started ordering multiples after the third time she had ripped it because of Howard and his panicking.

“MARIA!” Howard bellowed again. “MARIA HELP!”

Maria leapt from her seat and ran out of the dining room, up the stairs and into Tony’s room. Her heart was stuck in her throat–Howard sounded so afraid and he was in Tony’s room! What could have happened to her mate and little boy?!

Bursting into Tony’s room, she snarled, ready to take down any attackers.

“Maria help he’s not changing back!” Howard wailed, standing on the rocking chair.

Maria looked down at the wiggling brown pup that was yapping at him, lips spread in a doggy grin. “…So ferocious.”

“Maria he wants my loafers!”

She spread her arms helplessly. “So give him your loafers?”

“They’re too expensive!” the human whined. “Maria, can’t you go grab my shitty loafers and give them to him?!”

“Do you really want your son to get a taste for loafers of any kind?” Maria asked in amusement, stepping further into the room.

Tony finally noticed her and yapped happily, turning to gallop over to her. He tripped on his own giant paws and flopped onto the ground with a ‘whumph!’

Maria scooped him up before he could start whimpering and whining, cooing at him as she scratched the top of his head. “Look at my beautiful baby boy! My precious little pup! You’re going to be such a handsome wolf when you grow up!”

Howard climbed off the chair. “If he’s even half as beautiful as you, I’ll have to beat off potential suitors with a stick.”

“He needs to make his own decisions, Howard,” she sighed, the argument familiar and more of a joke now than an actual fight.

“With a stick,” Howard insisted, walking over to rub one of his son’s ears between his fingers. “I’ll protect you, Tony.”

Maria rolled her eyes, smiling a little. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate that, Howard. He’ll be a handsome man, too.”

Howard puffed out his chest proudly. “That, he got from me.”

“I’m sure if you were a wolf, you’d be incredibly handsome as well,” she said, amused. “All sleek black hair and sexy dark brown eyes.”

Howard smiled smugly. “And then you would have to beat suitors off me with a stick.”

Maria reached out to grab the back of his head and draw him into a kiss. “Honey,” she said, grinning a sharp wolf smile. “I wouldn’t beat them with a stick. I would rip them apart with my teeth.”

“Why is that so sexy? That shouldn’t be sexy,” Howard complained, reaching out to take Tony from her arms. He stroked down the pup’s head to his shoulders. “And don’t say those things in front of Tony. His delicate little ears will catch fire. He’s too young to learn about the birds and the bees.”

Maria rolled her eyes and did not tell him that werewolves viewed sex and sexuality a little differently than humans. Howard was a good sport about most things to do with werewolves, but that might be a bit too much. She put it down to human and American prudishness. “If you say so, darling.”

Tony sneezed, and suddenly Howard had his arms full of squirming human toddler. “Oh! There you are again,” he said, charmed, and lifted the boy above his head. “If only you were less likely to chew on my shoes in this form, too.”

“Maybe I should pick up a rawhide bone,” Maria mused.

Howard squawked and pulled the boy to his chest, offended. “Maria! Our son is a werewolf, not a dog!”

“Honey,” she sighed, rolling her eyes again.

“I’ll just develop some better teething rings,” the genius continued, giving Tony a firm pat on the back as he strode out of the room. “Some that can stand up to sharp little puppy teeth, too.”

Maria hurriedly picked up the diaper and clothes that had been left behind on the floor from the tot’s earlier shift. “Dear! Dear, his diaper–you were mad the last time he peed on you–Honey!” She laughed a little, because she could hear her husband chattering at Tony about the teething rings he was going to make for him, and how he could be obsessed with good Italian loafers when he was old enough to keep them on his feet instead of losing one of them every two hours.

anonymous asked:

Food for thought: Was Anne of Cleves actually ugly, (pockmarks, etc)? Or was she "normal" / just not henry's "type." (Did henry even have a type?)

Nah, she wasn’t ugly, at least not by the standards of her contemporaries. Of course, we have to account for reports being exaggerated for diplomacy’s sake, but observers broadly stated she was rather attractive, quite pretty in fact (one said she was more handsome than Katheryn Howard).

Namely, I think there was a lack of chemistry and that she wasn’t what Henry expected – AoC was gracious but, it seems, awkward. Understandably so, as she did not know the culture and England seems to have been more “polished” than her homeland of Cleves. My opinion is she was not sophisticated; her brother insisted to Henry that she not be allowed to learn any instruments and, iirc, tried to prevent her from singing and dancing as well. She had decidedly not been educated finely in the way of Henry’s first two wives. Instead, she was taught to run a household efficiently among other traditional domestic duties such as needlework. I don’t think that was necessarily a deal breaker, however, as Jane Seymour was much the same. Elizabeth Norton, biographer of both, states “Jane Seymour received an education as limited as Anne’s”. She goes on to say that Anne’s mother provided her the best education she saw fit for the wife of a German duke or prince, but “it was very far from what would have been ideal as a future queen of England”.

What strained and damaged their relationship from the start was AoC rejecting Henry on sight, when he did the chivalrous act of trying to swoop in and woo her dressed as a peasant. Anne swiped left. You can’t blame her: Anne reacted coldly and probably disgusted because she did not know this man and had not been raised on the code of courtly love and chivalry (which he did not seem to be aware of). Her reaction and rejection left a very sour taste in Henry’s mouth. It was a disastrous first meeting for the couple.

Last but not least, Henry was used to building some sort of relationship with the woman in question before marriage; AoC was the only one he did not know on some grounds before nuptials.

It’s a shame, though – Anne would have made an able albeit probably traditional consort. By my reckoning, she was the most like Elizabeth of York. They were both reported as very genuinely sweet and charitable people, and they both loved a good time and music, etc. AoC took to English culture like a fish to water and she loved his children, especially Elizabeth from what I’ve read. I think she would have made a fine and competent consort. England certainly was fond of her.

The Musketeers cast is one of the best, most interesting looking casts I’ve  seen in ages. Because you’ve got Santiago Cabrera and Luke Pasqualino who are almost comically handsome against Tom Burke and Howard Charles. Now, they’re not bad looking, but they’re definitely not classically, Disney Prince handsome.  Howard Charles is rugged and has a killer smile, but Tom Burke looks like strategically shaved bear and I am NOT MAD ABOUT IT. 

Then you’ve got the women and almost all of them look completely different from each other (not a given, think about it), but are somehow equally gorgeous? 

Awkward Moments (Part 4)

Prompt: Imagine being in love with Howard Stark back in the 40s…Only to meet his son nearly a century later. What will Tony think of you?

Word Count: 1123

Warning: A few layers of angst later on

Note: I thought of this as I watched Captain America: First Avenger, I loved Howard’s humor and his wit. So I was inspired. It also prompted me to binge watch Agent Carter from start to finish. I realize this is sort of…out of my usual scope, but inspiration struck so I went with it! I hope you like it!

These chapters will be rather short.

Shout out to my beta @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

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After they discharged you, you rode in a strange car to a compound a few hours away. Everything looked so different. The cars. The clothing. The hair styles. You had so much to catch up on. What all had changed? What had stayed the same?

Steve rolled up to a very new looking building - at least it looked new to you, it could’ve been old and outdated for all you knew, but it looked nice and well kept.

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If Muse was a TV show
  • Matt Bellamy: the one with a dark past, anxious all the time but also very creative. he literally could be cooking some cupcakes and then blow up the Parliament the minute after.
  • Dom Howard: the handsome one with a beautiful smile. has already slept with 1/2 of the town, is flirting with everyone but is in fact very insecure.
  • Chris Wolstenholme: the cool guy doing sports looking intimidating but he's the cutest. he protects his friends as hard as he can, as he doesn't want them to experiment what he has been through.
  • Tom Kirk: the annoying one following everyone everywhere, making stupid jokes 24/7 that can be very harsh sometimes. everyone loves to hate him.
  • Morgan Nicholls: the most mature one, a bit cold but nice. he looks a bit detached and is mostly alone, but in fact he just enjoys being an introvert.
  • _
  • Showbiz episodes: the school days. the heroes are struggling with the fact they're becoming adults, all they want is to leave the town so there is a lot of fights with their parents and gf. basically the heroes are crying a lot, feeling depressed, are stressed bc of finals. at the end matt steals his mom's car so they can leave.
  • OoS episodes: the heroes party/drink/do drugs all the time. their lifes are becoming very chaotic and there is a lot of fights and sexual tension between them so they suddendly feel like they've lost control. it ends up with one of them doing an overdose.
  • Abso episodes: everyone is sad so they decide to stay away from each other. each episode is about one of the character. they develop some paranoia and dom is arguing with all of his gf/bf while matt is writing a book about aliens.
  • Bhar episodes: the book about aliens is sucessful so they suddendly become very famous. they all become friends again and decide to act less childish, but they occasionally party while being on shrooms.
  • The Resistance episodes: matt decides to read 1984 and fells in love with the book. dom is deseperatly looking for a gf while chris now has 1983638 kids. morgan is starting to become a main character in the show and has more and more fans.
  • T2L episodes: the chaos is back. matt has a baby but doesn't want to take dad's responsabilities, so he wears gay outfits and flirts with dom 24/7. the episodes are filmed by tom so he often does jokes and breaks the 5th wall.
  • Drones episodes: all of the heroes decide to calm down a bit but in fact they go out in the middle of the night to draw penises on the Parliament's walls. they all don't know what to do with their money anymore. matt is now hated while morgan is the most popular character of the show.
  • To be continued...
More Excessively Detailed Howard & Vince Headcanons

Because why not? This was originally inspired by the questions in this post here, and then as I wrote, it grew and grew and grew, and now there are several mini-fics embedded within this big fat slice of headcanon-ing. 

This is for culumacilinte, to whom I promised this an an incentive to write chapter 5 of Pea (which she did, and it’s GLORIOUS), and for concupiscence66, who has kicked some serious ass this week in more ways than one and deserves all the presents.

Now, without further ado…

Can they use chopsticks?

Howard will go on at length about his extensive knowledge and deep understanding of various Asian cuisines, and the philosophies behind them, and of the development of and proper use of the chopstick–but no, he can’t actually use them. He’s tried, many times, but somehow it just never works. They never sit properly in his grip, his fingers get all confused, and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t pick up anything. It just makes a big mess. He always ends up frustrated and embarrassed, so now he insists that his hands are simply too masculine and powerful for the chopsticks to handle without being overwhelmed, so he’ll stick with the noble fork, thank you very much.

Vince, of course, is a whiz with chopsticks, even when it comes to the fiddly stuff, and he wields them like he was born clutching a pair. He uses them every opportunity he gets, which Howard suspects is entirely for the purpose of simultaneously mocking him and showing off. (This is supported by the fact that Vince always smirks at Howard when he does so, his eyes glinting with–mischief? Mockery? Something else? Howard isn’t sure, but it makes him feel… strange.) Secretly, Howard is grudgingly impressed by Vince’s proficiency, but he’ll never admit it.

He’ll also never admit how distracting it is to watch Vince’s rather stubby little fingers navigate such a complicated task with such nimbleness and delicacy. Or how distracting it is to watch Vince’s mouth as he pops something into it and moans appreciatively…

No, he’ll never admit that.

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jo harvelle is saved 


a mix in three parts for the righteous woman, the angel that pulled her from hell, and their journey to kill the devil and save the world.

  • act i: jo harvelle is saved (x)

the righteous woman is raised from hell, and an angel falls to fight

raise the dead (rachel rabin) // barton hollow (the civil wars) // soldier (ingrid michaelson) // fall (dotan) // human (civil twilight) // run (elenowen) // hercules (sara bareilles) // dangerous days (zola jesus) // a sight to behold (eisley) // fire (ingrid michaelson)

  • act ii: i hear you calling in the dead of night (x)

the righteous woman finds faith and prays; her angel answers

something to believe in (aqualung) // bloodstream (stateless) // sleep (copeland) // come to me (lily & madeleine) // overjoyed (bastille) // nightcall (london grammar) // hungry [acoustic] (dotan) // every walk that i’ve ever taken (civil twilight) // diamonds (ben howard) // handsome hands (ingrid michaelson) // shelter (eisley) // harbor (vienna teng)

  • act iii: at the end of the world (x)

you and me against the devil

dark doo wop (ms mr) // ghost towns (radical face) // hallelujah (thao & mirah) // iron [acoustic] (woodkid) // sing for absolution (muse) // the apocalypse song (st. vincent) // apocalypse please (muse) // end of the world (ingrid michaelson) // afterlife (ingrid michaelson)

So this really handsome guy is sitting next to me at the table. This f–king guy. He’s like better-looking than Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, and Tom Cruise all rolled into one. He’s a nice guy. He’s so handsome.
—  Howard Stern explaining his meeting with Orlando Bloom at Jennifer Aniston’s wedding.