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Square Hammer

Kentish Town
3/26/17

The Wrestle, VIII

From one final battle
That we couldn’t afford to lose
I whispered suddenly
My greatest fears to anyone who would hear me-
You’re the last thing I want
I’d love to stay here.

The sun had not grown hot just yet, though that part was coming, sure as anything else in the world and as steady as the dawn. One day, it would appear in the sky and be eagerly belting the ground with everything it had. But today it was cool and polite, still waking and disinterested in showing any sort of force upon the grove of trees and heavy heads of wheat which bobbed and nodded lazily in the occasional gust. The snow was long since disappeared, making way for a long thaw to come across the land.

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LONG POST
  • Gavin: I mean, they were extremely common until just recently -- historically recently, not recently like "metrosexual is a word now" recently, but recently.
  • Ryan: Are we still talking about anvils?
  • Gavin: Yes, where did all the anvils go?
  • Ryan: You're talking about those big, heavy, metal things?
  • Gavin: That blacksmiths hammered horseshoes and stuff on. Everyone had them. They were featured prominently in every movie western, so where did they all go?
  • Jeremy: I don't know that they were that common.
  • Gavin: Wile E. Coyote used them. That's how common they were.
  • Ryan: Who?
  • Gavin: The cartoon. He was always trying to drop an anvil on the Road Runner's head or shoot it at him out of a giant slingshot or fire it at him out of a cannon. Inevitably, the cannon tilted up, shot it in the air, it fell down, and made an anvil-shaped impression on Wile E. Coyote's head.
  • Ryan: This is a cartoon?
  • Gavin: No, no, this just happened to me the other day. I was walking down the street, and this giant anvil -- yes, Rye, it's a cartoon.
  • Michael: I know he sounds nuts, but it's a very common cartoon.
  • Jeremy: But that doesn't prove that anvils were so common.
  • Gavin: It does. It proves that anvils were so ubiquitous at one point -- is that the word, ubiquitous?
  • Michael: It depends on where you're going.
  • Gavin: That they knew that children would know what they were and delight in them. That's how common they were -- children watching cartoons.
  • Michael: That was the word.
  • Jeremy: I've forgotten your point.
  • Gavin: Where are all the anvils? I mean, is there some sort of secret anvil storage facility the government is keeping from us?
  • Jeremy: Or they fell into disuse with the advent of other technologies, and so they melted them down and they're gone.
  • Gavin: But they're not supposed to melt. They were made to withstand the red-hot hammer of the town blacksmith.
  • Ryan: This is easily the most pointless conversation we've ever had.
  • Ivan: I mean, they were extremely common until just recently - historically recently, not recently like "metrosexual is a word now" recently, but recently.
  • Kendall: Are we still talking about anvils?
  • Ivan: Yes, where did all the anvils go?
  • Chase: You're talking about those big, heavy, metal things?
  • Ivan: That blacksmiths hammered horseshoes and stuff on. Everyone had them. They were everywhere in my time, so where did they all go?
  • Kendall: I don't know that they were that common.
  • Shelby: Wile E. Coyote used them. That's how common they were.
  • Ivan: Who?
  • Shelby: The cartoon. He was always trying to drop an anvil on the Road Runner's head or shoot it at him out of a giant slingshot or fire it at him out of a cannon. Inevitably, the cannon tilted up, shot it in the air, it fell down, and made an anvil-shaped impression on Wile E. Coyote's head.
  • Ivan: This is a cartoon?
  • Shelby: No, no, this just happened to me the other day. I was walking down the street, and this giant anvil - yes, Ivan, it's a cartoon.
  • Riley: I know she sounds nuts, but it's a very common cartoon.
  • Kendall: But that doesn't prove that anvils were so common.
  • Ivan: It does. It proves that anvils were so ubiquitous at one point - is that the word, ubiquitous?
  • Shelby: It depends on where you're going.
  • Ivan: That they knew that children would know what they were and delight in them. That's how common they were - children watching cartoons.
  • Shelby: That was the word!
  • Chase: I've forgotten your point.
  • Ivan: Where are all the anvils? I mean, is there some sort of secret anvil storage facility the oligarchy is keeping from us?
  • Kendall: Or they fell into disuse with the advent of other technologies, and so they melted them down and they're gone.
  • Ivan: But they're not supposed to melt. They were made to withstand the red-hot hammer of the town blacksmith.
  • Kendall: This is easily the most pointless conversation we've ever had.

finally-something-happened  asked:

Hello :) I have this character: she's a girl, not very athletic, without a lot of body strenght, but she is forced to fight in the field (there isn't really another possibility). Wich premodernal combat weapons can I give her and wich battle style?

Normally, I’d forward you to Starke and Michi, but I hear they have their hands full at the moment. Still, it’d be worth looking through their answered asks and archives– they’re 24 karat. 

To answer your question to the best of my ability:

Unless the people your character is fighting are also small and not athletic, she can’t afford to fight on even terms with them. Really, she’s best off avoiding scrapping with them at all. In fights, you get hurt, and if she’s going to be in multiple fights, her chances of getting off without permanent injury or dying go down every time as she gets more hurt and tired.   

I’m not an expert on fighting styles, but her general tactics will be basic self defense:
(a) avoid conflict entirely. 
(b) run away from attempted conflict really really fast. (Any time she’s outside of her assailant’s grabbing range, she should be hot-footing it out of there). 
© if (a) and (b) both fail, do something gut-churningly vicious, and then reapply (b) as soon as she is able and sure that her attacker is going to stay down. 

(a) and (b) are her best options. Like I said before, if she fights someone head on, she’s at minimum going to get hurt. Because you’re a writer, and half of writing is shoving characters into hot water to see what they’ll do, you’ll probably put her back to the wall and make her try out option © at least once. If she ends up in a fight that she can’t immediately run away from, she needs to do as many horrible things to the other person as she can as quickly as she can. It’s not time to be squeamish, it’s time to establish herself as someone who isn’t going to die without removing one or both of her assailant’s eyes– which will either get her attacker to back off, or they’re going to have no eyes and she’s going to run away while they are contemplating life without eyeballs. 

Weapons can do something to help even her odds if it comes to a fight.
She’ll need to make two considerations when selecting one. 
1) She needs to be able to use it. Something that requires a lot of specialized training that she doesn’t have, or a lot of strength is not an option for her situation.
2) The weapon should keep her as far away from the other person as possible. People fighting hand to hand and people with weapons have a certain amount of reach– the distance at which they can start dealing damage. She needs to have the longest reach on the playing field if she can’t survive much damage. 
 
A weapon that keeps her out of range of her enemies entirely is ideal, whether that’s setting booby traps or using a long range weapon. Anything that incapacitates from a distance (and it needs to incapacitate, because otherwise she’s revealed her location to someone who is now in pain and very angry) gives her a great head start on running away.

If a gun, longbow, slingshot, pit with spikes, grenade, snare, jar full of wasps, or moltov aren’t options, keep thinking about reach and required skill. I’ve heard spears used to be standard for footsoldiers because they are reasonably simple to learn, and keep people away from you. I know that Japanese noble ladies used to usually learn the naginata (like a spear) rather than a sword to defend themselves because the long reach meant that they could enforce a large personal bubble to keep attackers away from them. Again, after incapacitating her attacker, it’s time to skedaddle. 

Weapons that rely on strength and getting close to your characters attackers are her worst option– but if she has no choice, she should absolutely grab that baseball bat/tire iron/rock/sword/hammer and go to town–and then book it out of there.  

Most of all: Your character needs to be in this to win. When I’ve been saying ‘incapacitate’, I mean that if someone is trying to kill her she needs to do her level best to kill them back. I said it before: every time she gets into a head-on fight, she’s going to get tired, hurt, or killed, which means that every fight decreases her chances of surviving. She has to be willing to do what the other fighters don’t want to, because it is do or die for her. If physical prowess isn’t her strength, she’s going to have to make up for it with intelligence and ruthlessness. 

I hope that that at least starts to answer your question. Again, I seriously recommend looking through How To Fight Write’s archives, because I think they’ve answered some questions that will help you out. 

-Evvy 

When I’m older and wiser, I wanna remember sitting on the roof of a house party with bright purple hair, taking drags from a cigarette, and talking about life with someone I’ve only know for two hours; not the Pythagorean Theorem. I wanna remember singing to my favorite country song with people I’ve known for three days and some for three years, while I’m absolutely hammered in some town an hour away, not the plot of some book I read my junior year of high school. I wanna remember getting high and looking at the clouds in the woods with my best friend, not the atomic number of Neon, and sure as hell not how to find x, because life should be about finding yourself; not learning how to complete an equation by associating a letter with a number.
—  When I’m Older (via revises)

In a forensic documentary, the defense promises that
a toddler is free of sin. Everything I’ve learned about
your country has been cobbled from low grade
tv shows about suburban crime. Murders don’t
happen in this town. He was such a nice guy till
he dug a dent into her head with a claw-hammer.
(T)his town is all pine trees and sunday school. Lifeless
mannequins incarcerated in the windows of neon name
tagged stores. Did he have an alcohol problem, asks the ink
slinger. No, he was quite good at it, jokes the brother. Crickets
chew on the thin tendon of silence. The screen floods with photo
graphs. Her wedding ring is still intact. One half of her
running shoes hides under the coffee table like an orphaned
puppy. Her head cracked open like a soft coconut, says the cop.
He collected the insurance money and holidayed in Hawaii.
Floral shirts. Daquiris. Tan the color of rotten carrot.
What doesn’t kill you, returns on a daily basis to fuck
with your sense of sanity. This explains why I keep
mistaking “farewell” for “funeral.” A child is not
an honest witness, just a really really tired one.   

Scherezade Siobhan

Visitor made me really sad, so I wrote a little ficlet to go with it

~1.5k words, set immediately after ep. 43, Visitor.  mostly just comfort, but there is a paragraph describing bite wounds and their treatment.

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