hamburger patties

It's not just the food that's revolting.

(long story)

Back in my college days, I lived on campus and ate the 20-meals-a-week meal plan at the cafeteria. It was… terrible. Seriously. I know people complain about their college cafeteria all the time, but they still gain their “freshman 15”. I lost mine. The food was disgusting. Sunday spaghetti was made from tomato sauce and Saturday’s cheap hamburgers. One week they didn’t bother ripping up the hamburgers: watery, sauce-tinted, overcooked noodles garnished with dry, leathery, two-day-old hamburger patties. It was still better than the other options. At first, they had a “make your own pizza” line, but removed it because everyone was using it, and “bread isn’t cheap.” I remember seeing a real salad in their “healthy eats” line and getting excited, because it’s hard to screw up salads, only to realize that it was literally floating in oil. The salad on the actual salad bar was not an option; it was changed out every morning, whether it needed it or not. Oh, sorry, I meant the ice in the salad bar. Not the salad, no. A student wrote his initials in the tuna and it remained for a solid week. Sometimes the salad would grow its own salad.

They had a big board set up for student complaints, and they would write responses back. Oddly enough, the board rarely had bad things to say; the manager, may he be haunted by a thousand bedbugs, confessed that he didn’t have time to answer every complaint, but he did read every one, and took the complaints into consideration. And, as far as we could tell, threw away all the ones he didn’t like.

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Oh Boy(s)

Anon Request: Is there by any chance you do Harrison? If so, could you do an Imagine where Haz is drunk and he is singing Shape Of You. You may let your imagination loose on the rest, surprise us readers with the out come 😊

A/N: So while writing this I kind of let my imagination loose a little too  much and decided to turn this request into the idea I mentioned months ago, so hopefully this works out. Possibly another part to add.

Warnings: jealous!harrison, jealous!tom, alcohol use, harrison and tom being drunk jerks, sexual implications

A/N: Also, I just want to point out that, judging by this picture, Tom (and Jacob if they’re playing teams) is horrible at beer pong.


Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four

Young and hopeful, (Y/N) decided to be a volunteer at the 2016 Comic Con, however she could not have imagined how far this act of civil service would take her. From manning backstage at panels and working the photo-op lines, she had managed to find an ‘in’ with some of the celebrities her age making an appearance at the con. When she learned that she’d be able to have a behind the scenes photo-op with any actor or actors of her choice, she eagerly chose the Spider-Man: Homecoming crew. At the end of the day, when her chance came, she’d managed to hit it off with a few of the actors, namely Jacob and Tony.

A few months later, after stewing in anticipation, (Y/N) received an email from Tony saying she was chosen to be a PA on the set of Spider-Man. During this time she had grown to be incredibly close to all of the main actors, but the person she bonded with most had to be the other PA their age: Tom’s best friend, Harrison.

When the actors were running lines and perfecting takes, Harrison and (Y/N) were doing whatever needed to be done, whether it be helpful work or coffee runs, they did it together. They roasted Tom, told jokes, distracted their actor friends one too many times, and frequently hung out outside of work as well. With how much time they spent with one another, Tom, Jacob, Zendaya, Tony, and Laura all assumed that Harrison and (Y/N) were already an item. It wasn’t until their last day in Atlanta that the rest of the group figured out that their relationship was still considered ‘platonic.’

Months rolled by and the group remained in contact with one another, but Harrison and (Y/N) remained closer than the rest, except for maybe Harrison and Tom. About a month before Tom’s upcoming birthday, Harrison sent a message in the group chat that hadn’t been used in half a year, with the exclusion of Tom.

HazO🇬🇧: Trying to have a surprise birthday bash for Tom at my place. Who’s in?

JB🌺Aloha: in london?

Tony⚡: I’m in

HazO🇬🇧: Yes in LONDON!

Z✊🏾: ON his bday?

HazO🇬🇧: No in December

 Z✊🏾: Did I ask for your negativity?🙅🏽 

La-La-Laura👑: I can make it :)

Tater🍠: I can try

JB🌺Aloha: who TF is tater?

Z✊🏾: can’t be Tom. He has a quackson emoji 😂

Tater🍠: It’s (Y/N) -.- you nuke a sweet potato around Haz and Tom ONE TIME and you’re scarred for life 

JB🌺Aloha: Ohh, I forgot about the tater name.

Tater🍠: I wish everyone would…

HazO🇬🇧: So everyone’s coming??? cool!


A month and a lot of convincing later, (Y/N) managed to work out a way so that she could afford the plane ticket out of the country and to England for Tom’s birthday. Jacob, Tony, Laura, Zendaya, and (Y/N) all stood outside in the warmth of the London sun, waiting for Tom  to stroll into the backyard alongside Harrison, unaware of the gatherings taking place. They lingered around a cooler, each sipping on cold beer or hard cider, chatting about their time in Atlanta and catching up in one another’s lives.

Slowly, the back doors opened to reveal Tom and Harrison, bare chested and obviously buzzed, sauntering toward the group. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOM” they called as he approached. Jacob passed Tom a beer and smiled.

“First legal one with all of us according to your home away from home,” he said as Tom twisted off the top of the bottle. (Y/N) continued to linger around the outside of the group and sip her drink. She had always felt slightly different from everyone else. Even though Harrison wasn’t one of the stars, he was still an actor and shared the extraverted tendencies of the rest of the group. Lingering and ostracizing herself was just a few of the many introverted qualities of (Y/N) that seemed to overcome her when in social situations.

(Y/N) sat along the side of the pool and kicked her legs back and forth in the water as the icy alcoholic apple taste slid down her throat. She listened as Tony connected his phone to the stereo system and heard faint footsteps as Tom made his way toward (Y/N) as she sat alone by the pool.

“You came!” he smiled while sitting down beside her.

“You think I’d miss this?” she questioned with a laugh as Tom sat down beside her.

“I bet Harrison is excited to see you,” he said lightly in a deep tone under his breath

“Why? Are you not excited to see me?” she teased in return, offering Tom a small smile..

“All I meant is that you and him are close, right?” Tom returned with apprehensive eyes. “He’s been blabbing about (Y/N) since Atlanta.”

“Yeah sure,” (Y/N) sighed while finishing her drink, catching on to Tom’s lack of stream of consciousness. His eyelids looked heavy when he blinked and (Y/N) could almost hear the fuzziness of his brain like one of the static channels of televisions from her childhood. “Are you already drunk?” she asked.

“Maybe,” Tom said with a chuckle in his voice and holding a finger to his lips, signaling for her to keep quiet about it. “I mean, it’s my birthday!” suddenly his light hearted tone fluctuated to irritation. “It’s my birthday and I have to watch my best friend try and get it on.” 

“It doesn’t look like he’s hitting on anyone,” (Y/N) said, trying to reassure Tom while looking over her shoulder to Harrison as he stood beside Zendaya and Tony. 

“Not yet,” he said while finishing his drink. “Look, just…don’t tell him I was talking to you,” he rushed to add while slurring his words. “Harrison doesn’t want anyone to know that he likes (Y/N).”

“Then why did he tell you?” she asked sneakily, feeling guilty for taking advantage of Tom’s inebriation. 

“He thought I wasn’t interested.” With that he slipped into the pool and swam underwater to the opposite end where Jacob and Laura were practicing underwater handstands.

Since Tom was drunk, (Y/N) chose not to give their conversation much thought, but she couldn’t help remember her interactions with Harrison and Tom in Atlanta and even during the convention when she first befriended the group. When she first met everyone, she immediately threw herself into a roasting battle and got caught in the crossfires, inevitably being on the receiving end of Tom’s banter. As the day went on, she and Tom continued their roasts even when the others had stopped and soon their banter was interpreted as bickering. Harrison was convinced Tom wasn’t interested in the random girl they had just met. After all his breakup was still moderately fresh, fame was on the horizon, and when Tom shows and interest in girls it’s normally through jokingly showing off and being kind, not by what Harrison was interpreting as him being blatantly rude to the new company.

(Y/N) always had a hunch that Harrison liked her. He would occasionally bring her favorite candy to set for a snack, he’d use his own money to buy her coffee when they went on Starbucks runs, and always seemed slightly shier around her than with anyone else, opposed to one on one, they were always laughing and smiling. She had begun to rely on Harrison’s kindness to get her through the relentless teasing from Tom that had, in reality, been a continuation of their banter from when they first met. She didn’t have anything against Tom and liked that he could be a genuinely nice person, but he was never that way when anyone else was around. He was always standoffish and on defense when (Y/N) was involved in the group’s activities, but since that first night that Harrison disclosed to Tom that he may like (Y/N), Tom set roasting as his default when (Y/N) was around. He had to keep himself from indulging in whatever could have been for the sake of his best friend and if being an ass is what would make Harrison happy with (Y/N), then being an ass is what he’d have to do.

The sun faded behind the earth long ago. Since arriving, the group had run out of alcohol and was then replenished when Harry and Sam arrived at the party. Pizza fueled the young adults’ day and turned into a life source once night fell upon them. (Y/N) was pretty sure that, between Harrison and Tony, the local pizza joint had to have been called at least four times; Harry and Sam didn’t make the food overload any better when the brought frozen, prepackaged hamburger patties to the party.

Despite trying to ignore any inclinations of either Harrison or Tom trying to make a move on her, it was nearly impossible for (Y/N) to keep her mind off of the thing causing her the most anxiety. Everything seemed to be a sign, whether it be through the chicken fights or their water rugby/basketball game, everything pointed in a million different directions. When the group decided to play chicken, Harrison chose (Y/N) to be on his team, one of the twins took Zendaya, the other chose Laura, and Tom and Jacob were a team while Tony continued to man the music. Harrison’s logic was to keep (Y/N) as close to him as possible so that, if the time was right, he could tell her how he felt. Having her on his shoulders was about as close as they could get. Tom’s logic was to be as physical as he could: fighting her would fulfill this. She was caught between support and competition as Harrison held her above the water and Tom tried to pull her off Haz’s shoulders and into the water with him.

When the sun began to set, the game changed when Tony threw a rugby ball into the pool. Z and Laura drew the line at dangerous sports but (Y/N) had grown up playing watermelon ball with her family every summer since she was fourteen. The object of the game was very similar to the one proposed in this game: teams were divided and the object was to get the ball from one end of the pool to the other; the only difference is that when (Y/N) played it back home, a watermelon was used instead of a ball, which made the game much more difficult. Again, she was paired with Harrison per his request. Competing alongside them was Tony and Harry while Jacob, Tom, and Sam became their opponents.

As soon as Laura threw the ball into the pool, (Y/N) took off. She dove into the water and grasped at the ball, careful not to bump heads with the other players, and swam to the bottom of the pool. Thinking she could skim the bottom until reaching the other end, she hurriedly kicked her feet only to have a pair of hands come from behind her and latch onto her hips. Frantically, she looked at the swimming trunks around her and tossed the ball toward the white shorts with blue stripes: Harrison. She turned underwater and looked for the person who had grabbed her but they were already gone. Once resurfacing, she found that her team had a turnover and Tom now had the ball. She went back under and quickly used her feet as leverage while she grabbed his ankles and pulled him back. As expected, he face planted into the water and dropped the ball, giving Harry just enough time to swoop in and rush toward their scoring end. Just as quickly as (Y/N) had pulled Tom, she shoved him away and swam toward their scoring end to receive Harry’s pass and dunk the ball through the small basketball hoop. From there, the physical interaction among players only escalated. Guys were able to avoid groin kicks to one another but they were really grabby with the ball and forgot their completion was female until they accidentally grabbed a boob. Used to the similar physical interaction in watermelon ball, and being too incredibly competitive to let it bother her, (Y/N) took advantage of the guys’s awkward moment after accidentally grabbing her and scored against them. It wasn’t until the end of their fourth round that (Y/N) began to notice the looks on both Harrison’s and Tom’s faces. Both exhibited excitement but while Harrison’s showed pride, Tom’s displayed thrill–the thrill of the chase. The two didn’t square off on one another until Tom forced (Y/N) under water and Harrison hurried toward them and shoved Tom under, allowing (Y/N) to swim away throw the ball to Tony and their team to score the winning point.

After the sun was completely absent from the sky, the group decided to settle down from the roughness of their afternoon, eat dinner, and play a little beer pong. Harrison and (Y/N) stood side by side as they each took their turn throwing pingpong balls at the red solo cups that floated opposite them.  As the songs transitioned into Ed Sheeran’s latest album, Harrison’s excitement and confidence boosted. Without coordinating anything, Harrison and (Y/N) began to sing ‘Shape of You.’ She laughed as he hurried his drunk slurs to hit all the right words and notes during the verses, but once the chorus came on, it was like he was at a concert, screaming to hear himself over the roar of the crowd and pounding speakers.

“I’m in love with the shape of you; we push and pull like a magnet do. Although heart is falling too, I’m in love with your body. Last night you were in my room and now my bedsheets smell like you. Every day discovering something brand new; I’m in love with your body. I’m in love with your body; every day discovering something brand new. I’m in love with the shape of you!” Laughing, he took her hands and spun her around in an attempt to dance only to find the resistance of the water to make it much more difficult than expected. Thankfully, almost everyone had joined in with Harrison’s charade and (Y/N) was able to deny that he was doing any of this seriously rather than to be funny or because of the heat of the moment or the liquor in their systems. Harrison had definitely crossed her mind in the romantic way but she’s constantly debated with herself for and against taking their relationship from friendship to romantic. He was nice and kind and loving and she would love to be able to see where their relationship could go, but she was more than terrified of losing the friendship she had with him. It had been ages since she had someone like Harrison in her life and being friendless was something she was too horrified to return to that she couldn’t imagine risking what she has to have something else. She wasn’t greedy, she was thankful for how things were and didn’t see a need to try and have more.

“Get it, Haz!” Zendaya and Jacob laughed. (Y/N) let out a small chuckle as the faces and voices faded in and out of her buzzed analysis of her situation. She focused on their actions rather than the implications and hurried to take her turn, inevitably missing the cup and accidentally hitting Tom in the chest.

“(Y/N), quit staring at Harrison and get your head in the game,” Tom grumbled as he rubbed water over the stinging welt on his chest. Harrison rolled his eyes and gently put his hand on (Y/N)’s shoulder in a reassuring and also possessive manner. She partially melted in his touch, ready to surrender her opposing argument and be in favor of a romantic relationship, but the other half of her felt nothing more than a platonic protection. In hopes to drown her thoughts out, (Y/N) chugged one of the cups in front of her and felt a buzz return to her head.

“Come on, mate! Don’t take your anger out on her just because you suck at beer pong,” Harrison chuckled.

“She pegged me!” Tom protested.

“I’m sorry!” (Y/N) quickly interjected with a small laugh on her lips, assuming the back and forth between Harrison and Tom was playful, friendly banter.

“Let’s go Holland!” Harrison called while slipping his arms around (Y/N)’s waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. Hesitant, her heart started to flutter against her chest in both excitement and apprehension, not wanting to start a relationship with Harrison on account of alcohol. Tom rolled his eyes and tried to shoot at one of the four cups he and Sam had left. After missing, he huffed as Harrison leapt back, lifted (Y/N) and spun her around in the water–her back against his chest–in a drunken victorious jest. Tom walked to the edge of the pool, hoisted himself up, and grabbed his towel.

“Is he okay?” (Y/N) asked Harrison who shrugged in return. Her eyes then flashed toward Sam who also exchanged a look of confusion. Both of the guys she was trying to get information from were even more inebriated than she was so she swam to the edge of the pool, quickly got out, dried off, and then picked up her phone and followed Tom’s path into Harrison’s home. Slowly, she raised her hand to the bedroom door the boys used to change: Harrison’s room. Pushing the door out of it’s closed position, (Y/N) entered to see Tom hunched over on the side of the bed staring aimlessly at his phone as his thumb scrolled against the glass screen. “Tom, are you coming back out?”

“In a minute,” he stated. As (Y/N) closed the door and made her way closer toward him, she could see that he was staring at a now blank screen and the reflection of his face didn’t look very happy.

“Is something wrong?” she asked him. At her words, Tom rose and faced her.

“Yeah, I don’t need you to come and check up on me when I’m just trying to cool off.” (Y/N)’s nose scrunched at his words and she turned as he tried to pass her.

“Why do you try so hard to be an asshole to me?” she called him out. Biting his cheek, Tom turned to face (Y/N).

“For Harrison’s sake,” he stated. When (Y/N)’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Tom continued to explain in an exasperated voice. “I’m always acting like I don’t like you so Harrison doesn’t see that I actually do like you.”

“What’s the big deal with pretending not to be my friend? Harrison is your best friend and he’s one of my closet friends. He should be glad we get along!”

“Never mind,” Tom sighed while walking away. “You’re not getting it.”

“What am I not getting? You’r paranoid about Harrison knowing you’re my friend so you act like you can’t stand me! Just tell him you actually like me and don’t hate me and maybe he’ll stop trying to drown you in water rugby.”

“I can’t do that to him,” Tom stated.

“Why not?” (Y/N) asked as her frustration continued to soar. Tom let out an aggravated groan and cupped (Y/N)’s face in his hands before allowing his lips to crash onto hers. Stumbling backward from the force of their bodies colliding, the pair fell on the bed, Tom’s bare chest pressed against (Y/N)’s now chillingly wet bikini top. Subconsciously, her lips opened against his, asking for more. The fluttering in her chest that rose when Harrison put her arms around her was tenfold as Tom’s mouth latched to hers. The hesitation and confusion over Harrison disappeared and everything seemed not to exist except for the moment shared between her and Tom. 

She could smell the beer on his breath as it trailed her neck but didn’t protest his touch. Even when he tugged at the strings of her top to unlace them, it was as if the rest of the world was gone. The sloppy kisses, fluttering hearts and various other products of the moment swept her away into a realm where reality ceased to exist and what was to follow seemed like a dream.

anonymous asked:

Do you have cooking tips for a college student who's about to start living in an apartment and has zero cooking skills?

Oh man, I could write a book. 

I think there are a few important general words of advice I would give, since otherwise I actually will write a book. This got long, so I’m putting it under a readmore. Readers, feel free to add your own advice, but remember a) please don’t overwhelm our poor student and b) do it as a comment or a reblog, since I don’t post asks written in response to other asks. 

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made my night

same person who submitted about being kept working bc my employers don’t have a replacement for me, even tho they’ve had two months to look; but this is a good story!!

so where i work, we’re open for lunch monday through saturday, and then for dinner wednesday through friday. because wednesday and thursday nights are so slow, only one of us works at a time while the other’s on call if it gets busy. i usually work wednesday night but traded with the manager for thursday (tonight’s thursday the 16th) so i could spend more time with my girlfriend while she was in town. 

it’s generally even slower when i work by myself, no matter what day it is, because i don’t have a car, and customers are used to seeing the boss and manager’s cars parked outside when we’re open, so if there’s no cars outside they assume we’re closed??? even if all FOUR signs say open and all the lights are on and i’m by the window rolling silverware and i literally meet their eyes as they drive by??? and then they’ll come in for lunch the next day asking why we weren’t open?????? which that’s another thing i could rant all night about but anyway. because customers are either too stupid to read the open signs or all the customers hate me and try to avoid the nights i work, sometimes i’ll literally have no one come in for dinner. if i don’t have anyone i’m supposed to let the manager know that no one’s been in and i’ll close early. tonight was one of those nights, where it reached 7pm and no one had come in. i started cleaning up and i was almost done when someone called. UURGH. he wanted to know if we were open. i’m like “yup, we’re open until 8 :)))” like really stressing that so if he wanted to come in and eat he’d come in before closing time.

he turns up about 10 minutes later with a friend and his son. i go through the motions, take their order, etc. i’m kind of zoning out (for lack of a better word) because i was tired, and kind of miffed that i wouldn’t get to go home early, and really miffed that i had to re-dirty the cleaning utensils i’d just washed… i was expecting these guys to keep me there all night like our regulars do, so i was getting to be in a bad mood, but i was still polite. but all while i’m making their food, i can hear the little boy (maybe 2? i’m really bad with guessing child ages, but he knew how to say a few works and could feed himself for the most part) laughing and gurgling which is adorable. i’m not maternal or anything but i love the happy giggly sounds kids make. when i got their food out, each time i set something down the little guy would go “oooooh!” like he was so freaking impressed with the salads and the chopped up hamburger patty i made for him. just…precious boy

the two adults ate really quickly and got a doggy bag for the rest of the kid’s burger. all together they probably spent 20 minutes in the restaurant. while the two guys were finishing their beer they gave the little boy a few fries to munch on, and he ended up dropping one. i swear i heard angels sing when the friend picked it up. i’m sure my other food service workers know just how bad parents are at picking up their children’s messes, but this guy picked up everything the kid dropped.

the dad had a salad and gave the packet of crackers to the son. while he was up paying the little boy was pointing at all of us with the crackers, trying to say “crackers” (it came out sounding like “gecko” aaah!!!!!!) and then suddenly stopped saying it. then he pointed at the friend, the friend said “crackers” and the little boy smiled. then he pointed at me with the crackers, i said “crackers” and he started laughing. he did that a few times and he acted like it was the best thing ever, and it was the cutest thing i’ve seen a kid do since i started working food service. omg and then once when he pointed at me i mimicked the way he was saying crackers (like “gecko”) and he looked so confused like i’m sorry little man i meant crackers

oh, and the dad tipped me 25%!!!! that NEVER happens!! we’re lucky if people tip 10%. most leave 5%

🍖 Spell: Pound of Flesh 🍖

This spell is used to get something back that someone borrowed from you, or to get someone to pay back a debt. Be careful, though, as the energy can be harsh on the debtor.

Ingredients:

  • Meat (hamburger patty, hot dog, etc.), tofu, or something that is like meat. This is the metaphorical/slightly literal pound of flesh; it represents what the other person owes you.
  • A metal fork.
  • A piece of paper and a pen with red ink.

Optional ingredients:

  • A red candle

Directions:

  1. Make sure the meat item is cooked.
  2. Sit at a table at sunrise. Place the meat item on a plate and set it on the other side of the table.
  3. Light the candle, if you have it.
  4. Write the debtor’s name on the paper and put it under the meat item, but on the plate.
  5. Grit your teeth. Look stubborn and absolute. 
  6. Reach across the table and stab the meat item with the fork, then yank it over to your side of the table, leaving the plate. If the paper has stuck to the meat item, burn the paper over the red candle flame.
  7. Eat or dispose of the meat item, and clean up. 

I hope this was helpful! Have a magickal day! ✨

Kiss the Cook

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader 

Word Count: 795 

Prompt: based on this head-canon 

Warnings: just some fluff :)


Dating Jason Todd was always surprising. You thought you knew him like the back of your hand, but it turned out that he had many “secret talents” that he didn’t mention…ever. For example, it wasn’t until you were awoken one morning by music that you realized he could sing. Or that he knew how to juggle a soccer ball, hold his breath underwater for 2 minutes, and dance the Argentine Tango. Needless to say, Jason was a bag full of surprises.

One of these (many) talents popped up at a Barbecue cookout for the 4th of July at Wayne Manor. You were conversing with Tim and Dick about your job, their jobs, and life in general. In the middle of the conversation, you began smelling something incredible. Your mouth began watering; whatever it was must be really delicious, especially since you had only eaten a few of the hors d'oeuvres (appetizers) made by Alfred.

“Sorry guys, but do you smell that? It smells good, like really good,” you began sniffing the air like a puppy. Tim and Dick looked at each other in confusion.

“Uh, I did put on some cologne about half an hour ago. Is that what you’re talking about, Y/N?” Dick asked.

“No, no, it’s not like a fragrance. It’s food,” you waved your hand no. You gave Tim your glass of wine, “Here hold this.”

You left the two and began looking for the source of the food, but then you laid your eyes on Jason standing at Bruce’s grill. He had an apron on and seemed to be actually cooking.

You walked over to him and the smell became stronger. So it was the steak.

“Jay? Are you cooking?” You asked as you approached him. He looked up from the grill in surprise, his emerald eyes searching for whoever called his name.

You stood next to him, looking up, and arms crossed over your chest. When he looked down at you, he smirked.

“Yep. Barbecue is my specialty, babe,” he winked.

“Oh really? How come I never knew this?” You asked playfully. He shrugged and continued flipping over steaks and hamburger patties.

“Never came up,” he replied.

“You mean like the fact that you can sing, juggle a soccer ball, hold your breath for over 2 minutes and dance the Argentine Tango?” You brought up his other secret talents.

“Yup,” he said.

“Alright, Mr. Mysterious, well if you’re gonna cook, you should probably wear a hairnet,” you said.

“What? Alfred doesn’t wear a hairnet, Y/N,” he looked at you incredulously.

“No offense to Alfred, but he doesn’t have much hair to begin with,” you said. Jason gave you a look that said “don’t you dare”, but it was too late, you already shouted for Alfred to get a hairnet for him and ran off so Jason wouldn’t pick you up and put you over his shoulder. Unfortunately for Jason, he couldn’t leave the grill to run after you, otherwise he would burn the steaks.

You came back with the hairnet and placed it slowly on Jason’s head while humming a dramatic song for effect. He deadpanned at nothing while you placed the hairnet on his head, but he secretly enjoyed your amusement.

“DUN DUN DUN DUN NANANANANANANANA DUN…!” You began singing the main Star Wars theme as your victory song. You began parading around the backyard practically yelling the Star Wars theme, Dick soon joining in, then Damian, then Tim.

After finishing, you skipped back to Jason and showcased him.

“Presenting! Jason Todd wearing: a hairnet,” you announced. There was silence for 5 seconds, then Damian guffawed. Alfred and Bruce snickered, and Dick and Tim were holding back their laughter. The batgirls were too busy talking to notice.

“HAHAHA TODD, YOU LOOK LIKE A DORK,” Damian yelled. Jason angrily whipped around and raised his spatula to throw, but you held his arm back while silently giggling. He did kind of look like a dork.

“At least you don’t get hair in your food, Damian,” you pointed out. He stopped laughing and glared at you and Jason.

“Fine whatever,” he rolled his eyes and continued sipping his soda.

Jason lowered his spatula slowly, staring agitatedly at Damian.

“Hey, hey, heel, boy, just ignore him,” you calmed him down. It was then that you noticed the “Kiss The Cook” slogan embroidered on the chest-portion of the apron. Jason, was still staring in Damian’s general direction angrily, so you grabbed his face and kissed him passionately to get his attention.

Jason immediately caught on and put the spatula down to wrap his arms around your waist.

When you pulled away, he smirked at you and raised an eyebrow.

“Why’d you do that?” He asked lowly.

“The apron told me to.”


A/n Hi guys! This was my first attempt at a Jason Todd oneshot, and I hope you guys liked it! not taking requests right now but i will very soon! Thanks for reading :))))

-Lina