ham-on-everything

10 UNTRANSLATABLE NORWEGIAN TERMS

1. Skjerp deg

This phrase does not bode well for you. It usually means you’re making an idiot of yourself. “Skjerp deg” could be translated as “Sharpen yourself up,” and it’s used in all sorts of contexts.

Teachers use it to tell students to pay attention. I yell it at friends who are doing something ridiculous. Cops use it to tell off criminals who are obviously lying to them, parents say it when telling off their five-year old who has just drawn with crayons all over the new wallpaper.

2. Kos(elig)

This is a common feature of all the Scandinavian countries: We have a word to describe the feeling of warmth and friendliness that arises from sharing simple pleasures of life with people you like.

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anonymous asked:

Okay favorite andreil moments in the raven king ?

you didn’t specify how many moments so i went ham and looked through everything i highlighted in the book ghghjgjh

  1. neil figuring out why andrew killed tilda when no-one else could “andrew did care. that’s what went wrong” neil just understands andrew instinctively like rmr when he figured out how to get him off nicky in tfc he’d barely just met him
  2. the ringtone scene !! andrew playing himself with that gay ass song that ends up foreshadowing their entire relationship !!
  3. neil wanting to run after the banquet scene but then he remembers andrew’s key and his promise and it clears his head right away g od
  4. nicky talking to neil about what love means and neil thinks about how andrew sees so much of neil and doesn’t flinch in the face of him but then he snaps out of his reverie real quick like “but that didn’t count, because andrew was andrew, and this was definitely the last turn he needed his thoughts to take” LIKE !! BOY WHO ARE U FOOLING EXACTLY
  5. neil’s exy boner when he sees that andrew only missed 13 goals out of 150
  6. EXITES MAN. EXITES.
  7. neil putting andrew’s hand to his scars to get him to trust him god that moment kills me
  8. matt’s jaw dropping to the floor when neil tells him andrew lets him drive his car
  9. when that vixen flirts with him and calls him interesting and neil’s like “wow andrew called me interesting i wonder what andrew will think of me when he comes back i miss andrew”
  10. even when riko is torturing him, neil’s trust in andrew’s promise to keep him safe is unwavering like i bet knowing he had andrew by his side helped him to cope when he was at evermore 
End of Discourse: Death and Just Stay Dead - My thoughts on the Halo series as of 2017 Part 1

Okay so a couple weeks ago, @the-great-mighty-dick and our friendly Discord group got into a little hassle with some 343i fans over the present direction the Halo series is taking.

On their side, they believe all the new lore is fantastic and 343i are doing a great job at expanding the series.

On our side, we believe that 343i has no idea how to write a good story without ham-fistedly explaining everything in order to justify the lore.

Before we begin, let me say that I’m not going to solely just trash 343i, as I believe that if they actively gave a shit, we could actually have a good series that is a worthy follow up to Bungie’s legendary trilogy (including Reach cause GODDAMN is Reach a fucking amazing game).

So here we go, my two cents on why I believe that Halo should have ended after Reach.

Let’s jump back to the year 2001, Halo Combat Evolved has just been released and whew boy do people love it. I remember loving every moment of it (except the fucking Library), Looking back, I realize now that Halo CE is just Aliens but on a giant space donut, not that that’s a bad thing, Aliens is amazing. The story is concise and simple, but it leaves some mystery to the Forerunners and the rest of the Human/Covenant war.

Move to 2004, Halo 2 comes out and HOLY FUCK is it a broken unfinished mess of a beautiful game. Halo’s story becomes more than just Aliens! Now there’s monkeys and bugs trying to kill you, along with smelly space zombies. Again, and this is a point I stress, the story is concise and doesn’t require extended media knowledge to understand what the fuck is happening (though it does end on one bad cliffhanger).

3 years later, Halo 3 comes out and it’s the end: You’ve broken the covenant, the elites are your buds now, Gravemind is spouting some bullshit, and Truth is a bitch. Basically the best buddy-cop movie ever, Chief and Arbiter go on a rip-snorting adventure and wrap things up nicely, even if the game has one of the weakest character deaths in video game history (*COUGH*MIRANDA*COUGH*), it’s still a solid story with AN END. A DAMN GOOD END. Halo 3′s ending is like some nice frosting on a delicious green cake, it seals things together and leaves you with an upset stomach, but goddamn are you happy you had it. I’m not gonna lie, H3′s ending made me super sad to see Chief just drifting off in space, but it was a perfect circle for the trilogy: Start in a cryotube, end in a cryotube. For those who haven’t seen Halo 3′s final cutscene, take a fuckin look babe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5pdCUnM6GY

That’s how you do a powerful ending. The hero doesn’t always have to return. Not every question has to be answered. Mystery is OK!

I’ll skip over ODST, since it’s just a side story.

ANYWAY HERE COMES MOTHERFUCKIN HALO: REACH. GODDAMN DO I LOVE HALO REACH, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS GAME IS TOP-FUCKIN-TIER. THE TEXTURES LOOK INCREDIBLE, THE CHARACTERS ARE SO COOL AND FLESHED OUT, THE DEPRESSING STORY LEGITIMATELY MAKES ME CHOKE UP AT THE END SEEING NOBLE SIX MAKE HER FINAL STAND GODDAMN IT I WISH SIX HAD SURVIVED INSTEAD OF FUCKING JU-

I’m sorry I just really love Halo Reach, it just feels so much like Bungie’s final love letter to their fans and it’s nearly flawless. Reach started out as extended media over the course of Halo 1-3, and we finally got to see how it all went down, even though we knew how it had to end.

Okay going on a tangent here, but there are honest to god 343i fans that say Halo Reach is an emotionless game. Excuse me did you fucking play it at all? Each level gives you a glimmer of hope and then snatches it away at the last second, reminding you that no matter what, you’re going to die. George and Six destroy the Super Carrier and hooray, but uh-oh here comes the rest of the fleet which immediately begins bombarding the planet and destroying so much, making George’s sacrifice almost pointless. Oh look you finally regrouped with Noble Team after watching a bunch of civilians die, OOPS THERE GOES KAT. JUN RUNS OFF LIKE A BITCH (yes I know it was his job) AND CARTER DIES IN A BLAZE OF GLORY, AND THEN EMILE GETS SHANKED AND YOU’RE THE LAST ONE LEFT. YOU WATCH YOUR WHOLE TEAM DIE AND YOU’RE POWERLESS TO STOP THE COVENANT.  Then there’s the ending. Then there’s the fucking ending: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDqa9LxRNtw (i seriously don’t understand how some 343i fans can say Bungie’s Halos have forgettable music)

What do all these games have in common? They have stores that don’t require you to read 3 novels and 5 comics.

This is the problem our Discord group has with Halo 4 and 5: They require too much outside knowledge to understand what the fuck is going on. Novels and comics shouldn’t be required to know why one character is doing what they’re doing, or why one event is happening.

Bungie’s Halo’s were great because it left some mystery to Halo’s universe. Where did the Flood come from, what were the Forerunners like? Who fucking cares? If you’re so curious, come up with your own ideas! That’s the beauty of leaving some questions unanswered, it allows fans to be creative and imagine fantastical things.

One common arguement 343i fans constantly make is that 343i has expanded the Halo universe more than Bungie ever did. While this may be true, you must ask yourself: is taking away every secret and mystery in the series a good thing? Is it right to deprive fans of wonder of what could be? While that’s open to discussion, I firmly believe it isn’t a good thing, and that it stifles creativity.

Really, is the game going to be improved if there’s a lore justification for everything? Can’t somethings just be in the game cause they’re fun? Is your enjoyment of shooting evil robots or aliens going to be ruined if you don’t know just why the mancannon exists?

This whole thing feels really unfocused and messy, but that’s because I’m trying to to rag on 343i, they just make it really hard. Halo was my first video game and the state of what it’s like at the moment is really saddening. I will explain why in Part 2.

oh my god

the new Bill Nye show is 

real bad

REAL BAD.

It’s like what you would do as a parody of a show.  We had to go look up who wrote the show after we watched like, a 3rd of the first show?  A Jimmy Fallon Show writer.  And seriously, it’s like the cringiest Jimmy Fallon skit level cringe.  It reeks of over production- some REAL out of touch people behind this show with too much money and nobody with enough power or instinct to tell them “this is a horrible idea”.  It’s the worst kind of THIS IS WHAT THE KIDS THINK IS COOL THESE DAYS RIGHT?   I mean maybe it’s a case of Bill himself trying to do something cooler or different but it doesn’t feel like it, it feels like he’s sort of trying to be his old self and do his old shtick but with a bunch of new forced jokes 

all being forcefully fake laughed at by a 

LIVE. STUDIO. AUDIENCE.

Yes, straight outta 1995, this show is filmed with a live studio audience that apparently has been instructed to sound as fake as possible.

And one of the worst aspects is the fact that it is all sort of done with the attitude of a PSA tumblr post, or “Umm, did u know” meme.  Like, it has this super ham fisted slant to everything- basically the EXACT OPPOSITE of Bill Nye’s old show and really the opposite of like, any other time I’ve seen him speak.  It’s hard to properly describe the childishness of some of the stuff we watched.  Like example- I’m fully on board ‘climate change is real and govt needs to actually do shit about it even though shit might be really fucked already’- I even joked at the very beginning of the show that “it’ll go all silent now and zoom way into his face, while he yells CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL into the camera for 30 minutes” and dude, I wish that had been what happened.  I wish they had just gone full angry old man with it, like Penn and Teller style or something. That, or actually be super objective and actually try and convince and TEACH people things.  They do not try to do this.  It’s meant for adults apparently but it’s the most childish take on trying to ‘teach’ that I’ve seen in idk how long.    

The least bad part that we saw was when we flipped forward to the segment with the Veritasium guy on it, when he and Bill sort of do the talk show segment.. but the thing is like, they’re not teaching you anything then, they’re just talking about filming the previous segment, which was Veritasium guy interviewing some super farmers markety looking people at a farmer’s market and asking them what they think of GMO’s while a bunch of horror music plays… like, you know, “OHHH THEY THINK FOOD IS SCARY XD OHHH IT’S SOooOOOooOo SCARY XDD”.  Like, literally the easiest joke to make……. and clearly they make the Veritasium guy also do this sarcasticy shit like, different from his actual show.  It soooo reeks of over-direction. Like some fucking autuer is behind this shit.

I recommend watching just to maybe experience the slow dread that my bf and I experienced.  WHY BILL, WHYYYYYYYYYYYY

Hamilton's new glasses

(Hamilton’s new glasses changes everything)

Ham: *Goes to Eye Glass World, to get his new glasses*

Ham: Hey, guys! Guess who got new glasses? ME! *pulls out his glasses*

King George: *from the distance* Awesome! Wow!

Hamilsqaud:

Laurens: FUGDE OFF!

King George: *Walks away…slowly*

Laurens: Anyways…You should try them on!

Ham: okay…

Ham: *tries on his new glasses* So… how do I look- Naaahhh WTH…

Phillip: You look great, Pa!(Laurens: ~Daddy~)

Thomas: HA! He still looks like a nerdy jackass to me, Hahaha

Madison: *too sick to talk* eh..

Ham: *quickly takes off his glasses, and see Laurens, Mulligan, and French friend* Wait what…

Laurens: Wat…

Lafayette: Euh, I think he couldn’t hear us, mon ami.

Laurens: OH, I said it looks great on you..(~DADDY~)

Lafayette: I said, you still look the same, mon ami, but more intelligence and different!

Mulligan: And I said, uh… guys,  why does Hamilton look he saw a ghost…

Ham: *seen some shit*

Laurens and Lafayette: I don’t know…

*later, in the home of the Hamiltons and Angelica’s there…and Peggy*

Ham: *looking at his glasses* Eliza, there is something wrong with my glasses?

Eliza: What’s wrong with them?

Ham: Well…it’s hard to explain…

Eliza: Put them on…

*Ham puts them on*

Eliza: *looks at Hamilton’s glasses* mmm… ANGELICAAAA

Angelica: EEELLIIIZZAAAA!!

Ham:… The Schuyler Sis-

Peggy: *cuts off Hamilton from another(one, WE THE BEST MUSIC, YOU SMART…sorry) room* AND PEGGY!!!

Ham:….ooookay

Angelica: What do you want gurl?

Eliza: Can you check and see whats wrong with Alexander’s glasses?

Angelica: uh..They look perfectly find to me… AY! YO, PEGGY?

Peggy: *coming out the other room* WAT!

Angelica: Can you see what wrong with Alexander’s glasses, plz?

Ham: *sees Peggy, or is it* wat the in fffuuuuu…

Maria: Well, he looks mighty find to me…well, SEXY, to be honest!

Ham: *takes off his glasses* WHAT!?

Eliza: I think he couldn’t hear you?

Angelica: Yeah, speak louder?

Peggy: I said, they look kind of find, but a little too small, to be honest.

Ham:….ehh

___________
BONUS!!

Thomas: *Walks out the toilet stall, and goes to the sink to wash his hands*

Lafayette: *in the mirror* Bonjour, Jefferson!

Thomas: *looks up at the mirror* Oh, hey Lafayette.