ham-and-cheese

none of the white people i live with can cook i just had a casserole with butter cauliflower mashed potato ham and cheese. self evident it had no seasoning but it was disturbing

crimson-chains  asked:

Prompt: Poor, underpaid, overworked Chihoko Pizza Delivery employee has to deal with unreasonably angry Mafia boss Victor. This has happened on many occasions. This time he's had it. He fights back.

“For the last time, I don’t know anything about your b–”

“Stop lying to me, you worthless piece of rotten fish. I can see the call log history.”

The sigh at the other end of the line sounded beyond defeat. Victor could nearly taste the sweet, savory success. Generally, Victor did not consider himself to be the jealous type. Yuuri was perfectly entitled to having friends and connections outside their relationship, but something about Chihoko rubbed him the wrong way. Maybe because it was that unlike all of Yuuri’s other friends, Yuuri never brought up Chihoko in conversation. Unlike his journalist friend Phichit or the cadet Minami, who often cropped up when Yuuri was chatting to Victor about his day.

But there was radio silence on Chihoko. And it bugged Victor.

Since the day when Yuuri oh so trustingly handed Victor his phone to show him a few cute photos of puppies during a date that had the both of them melting. And Victor had really not meant to invade Yuuri’s privacy. He was just curious about how exactly Yuuri had saved his name amongst the contacts, only to be flattered to see that he was listed in Yuuri’s speed dial.

Except there was one problem.

This ‘Chihoko’ was ahead of him. And it wasn’t any of Yuuri’s friends, or relatives. Normally Victor wouldn’t have thought anything about it. But next to the name 'Chihoko’ was a little '♡’ symbol. And THAT Victor wasn’t all that okay with. Not when a quick and sneaky (and admittedly very very very guilty) check of Yuuri’s call log showed that he called this 'Chihoko ♡’ every week. Usually quite late in the evening. On days he told Victor he couldn’t meet for a date because he was “working late.”

So maybe, perhaps, it was possible, that Victor got a bit uncharacteristically jealous.

“Look, sir, if you’re not going to order–”

“I’m ordering you to keep your paws off my Yuuri!” Victor snapped, wondering if it would be too dramatic to track 'Chihoko ♡’ down and remind them that swimming with fishes was still as effective a technique as ever, despite it being a bit old fashioned. Probably too dramatic. Besides, Otabek had mentioned being out of town for the weekend…

“If you keep this up, I’m going to call the police–”

“You call him and it’s the last thing you’ll ever do, Chihoko. I will personally ensure it.” Victor growled out his warning, heard a choked-gasp from the other end of the line, and then pressed the 'end call’ button hard enough he could nearly feel the screen crack. He felt oddly satisfied with himself for the rest of the day.

That was until Yuuri called him later, apologizing and saying that he had to work late again and that he would probably not be able to make their scheduled date. The regret in Yuuri’s voice was genuine, but Victor still bristled just a little, until Yuuri continued and asked if Victor still wanted to come over to Yuuri’s place even if it would be later than originally planned, for an eat-in dinner.

Victor’s foot snagged on the carpet as he hastened to reply with a delighted, “Yes, yes, of course!”

“Cool. I don’t think I have anything at home I can cook quickly, would you mind if we ordered a pizza or something? It’s not great but… I thought it’d be nice just to relax on the couch with you and be a bit lazy after how crazy this week has been…”

There might have been another pang of guilt at the center of Victor’s chest, with the knowledge that the reason for Yuuri’s increased amounts of overtime had a direct relationship to the escalation of tension between Victor’s and JJ’s gangs. So of course his answer was, “Anything you want, darling.” He could practically hear the blush spreading across Yuuri’s beautiful face, still getting used to the sweetnames Victor dropped so frequently.

“Okay, ummm, I’ll see you at my place at nine then? Can you order from Chihoko’s Pizzeria? They’re my favorite, and they don’t charge delivery for a large.”

Victor froze. Choked on a bit of air. Shattered into a couple million pieces of embarrassment and then puzzled himself back together. “Uhh, yeah, sure, of course! Not a problem.”

Turned out to be a big problem.

Victor had to fumble through several dozen excuses and explanations when their Hawaiian arrived at the door with no pineapple, no ham, a sprinkling of cheese in the shape of a sad face, and several servings of anchovies.

Victor never called Chihoko ever again.

anonymous asked:

Jen don't publish this until louis is publicly seen in LA but my friend who i no from school delivered pizza 2 louis in new york city yesterday around 3pm. he recognized louis but doesn't like 1D so he didn't care. told me today evening as he's visiting philadelphia. said pizza was in the name of oliver but he didn't see anyone else dere, but maybe they were inside the home. he said, maybe its louis fake name (i think he uses oli's card). he ordered ham, jalapenoes and double cheese :) love u

Guess I can post this now! (Got it on 4/14)

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anonymous asked:

I saw you said avocado should be a condiment so NOW I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT AN AMAZING SANDWICH I MAKE. It's turkey-ham, muenster cheese, mustard, and peppered avocado paste (mashed up avocado with black pepper and a pinch of salt) on toast. It's the greatest thing I've ever made. In my list of My Best Creations, this sandwich ranks right up there with my kids.

Okay Anon that does sound like an awesome sandwich, and I’m gonna try making that avocado paste thing. 

But I gotta ask…when you say “turkey-ham”, do you mean turkey and ham (entirely acceptable) or some kind of meat like turkey bacon only it’s ham made from turkey? 

I mean the later would still be acceptable but I would also be a little afraid of it. 

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