“Where are we going mommy?” Makaio asked with confusion in his eyes.
“Tonight we are going to a nice hotel and tomorrow we will talk to aunt Katrina and see if she will let us stay with her for a bit.” You answered, trying hard to keep your eyes on the road.
“I wanna go home.” Makaio said quietly.
“Baby we can’t go home.” You said sadly.
“But Whyyyyy” He whined.
“We just can’t Makaio, okay? Please drop it.” You said a bit colder than you had intended.
Just as things got calm Halie started crying loudly.
“Shhhh Shhhh babygirl it’s okay” You tried to coo her.
She screamed louder.
“Shhh it’s okay Halie” , Makaio cood.
You felt every emotion well up inside of you. The noise, the ache in your heart, it was all too much.
“I can’t do this shit.” You said and pulled over.
You laid your head on the steering wheel and let go of every emotion you’d ever felt. You cried harder than you had ever cried before.
You felt a little head lay on your shoulder and you looked up through tear stained eyes.
Makaio had climbed into the front seat and rested his head on your shoulder, wrapping his little arms around your neck.
“I’m so sorry Makaio. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I’m so sorry I failed you.” You said, voice cracking from the tears.
“Shhh mommy it’ll be okay.” He said wiping your eyes.
You gave a small laugh and grabbed his hands, kissing them.
“You are the one thing I ever did right.” You said to him.
He moved a piece of hair from your face and booped your nose causing you to smile the way he always did for you. No matter how mad he was at you all you ever had to do was boop his nose and he had to grin.
“I’m sorry.” You said again, wiping your eyes. “Im sorry you had to see mommy like that.”
He shook his head to say “shh stop apologizing it’s okay” and for a second he looked just like Calum.
Let’s face it, he was his father made over in everything but personality. He was sweet and kind and caring and Calum was mean and selfish and unforgiving.
You opened your arms and Makaio held you and you held him.
“I love you so much son. We’ll come out of this stronger then ever before I promise.” You said squeezing him tight.
“I love you too momma.” He said holding you.
He let out a sigh and your heart broke into a million pieces. How could you do this to him? To breakdown like that?
You gave him another squeeze. “I’ll always protect you. Always. I’ll never let anyone hurt you, not if I can help it. You mean everything to me Makaio. You and Halie are my everything, please know that. I didnt want to leave, but we had to. Please don’t hate me.”
“We know.” He said giving you a faint smile.
You let go and wiped your eyes.
“Okay babyboy I’m okay now, thank you. You can get back in the backseat with your sister.” You said giving him a small smile.
He nodded and climbed back into the back.
“Seat belts on?” You asked.
“Yesmam” He replied.
You nodded and got back onto the road.
You drove until you spotted a little motel room.
“Yeah real nice” you thought to yourself as you mentally cursed yourself for relying on Calum all those years.
“Here we are kids.” You said as you stopped the car.
Makaio looked scared and you hoped your face didn’t show it too.
Calum would kick your ass into the next year if he knew that you were here.
You shook your head. Fuck him, he had no say in what you did anymore.