half female

the president of nigeria is about to fuck boko haram up and cut his own salary in half and criminalized female genital mutilation

the president of guinea built/is building infrastructure and school and wells all over the country and is decreasing youth unemployment exponentially

the president of cote d’ivoire made school mandatory of children ages 6-16 and banned plastic bags while also building ultra modern trasportation infrastructure

the future is for real in africa 

things you can do in the new Assassin’s Creed: 

  • RIDE A FUCKING CAMEL
  • SHOOT SEVERAL ARROWS AT THE SAME TIME
  • CONTROL A WHOLE EAGLE WHY DONT U
  • CLIMB EVERYTHING EVEN YOUR OWN GRANDMA
  • BE THE FOUNDER OF THE BROTHERHOOD BECAUSE THAT MAKES SENSE IN THE LORE. RIGHT????

things you can’t do in the new assassin’s creed: 

  • play a female assassin
  • be female and an assassin
  • play a woman who kills people

A lil context: our party (of around 5) had been captured by drow and abandoned a small island inhabited by humans, goblins, and orcs. We decided to approach the orcs to see if they would aid us in taking out the drow and get off the island. I play a female half-elf paladin, while my friend plays her twin brother. Our campaign has been run using milestone levelling, rather than XP for story reasons. 

Orc Leader: by our custom to gain our loyalty, you must compete to show your physical prowess! 

(DM tells us to roll Athletics or Performance to see which of us will be picked for the trial) 

Me: rolls nat20 Athletics

Twin: rolls nat20 performance

Orc Leader: you! The small double-elf persons! You shall compete in our physical challenge!

Twin: *leaning into the orc’s space* what kind of physical challenge, big boy? Surely we can bend the rules a little.  

Me: I wink flirtatiously.

DM: Make a persuasion roll, with advantage because of your sister 

Twin: rolls nat19

DM: Seriously? *rolls a nat1 for the orc’s saving throw* oh come on! 

Orc Leader: (nervously) Crekkar accepts your challenge!

DM: And so you both take Crekkar to his tent and show your …physical prowess. *rolls dice* You both tire him out easily while you remain almost unaffected. The orcs appreciate your strength and endurance and are now your allies. 

Me (ooc): *jokes* level up!

DM: … actually. I had planned for the milestone to be after you conquered the orc camp, either by killing them or proving yourself in combat. So, yeah. The entire party is now level 3. 

Monk: I can’t believe I can now catch arrows because the twins are sluts 

3

THIS IS WHAT I WANT FROM MYSTERY PERSON AAAAAA

me: i’m not gonna like lotor. i already don’t like the way fans are shipping him with paladins, and i bet he’s gonna be just like a gross creepy villain. i’m not looking forward to his introduction

lotor: is an interesting multi-dimensional villain, shows he doesn’t have the same tendency for cruelty and wanton violence that other galra generals have shown, has a crew of female half-galra generals that he isn’t creepy with at all, brilliant tactician, maybe some ulterior motives besides continuing his father’s legacy, nice face & voice

me:

I’ve been running a Pathfinder game for my dad, my 17 year old sister and her friend. I had them write backstories during character creation and tell me what they are.

Dad: “I play a Dwarf Paladin who was captain of the guard and exiled from his kingdom and can’t return to root out corruption because his family is being held hostage”

Sister: “I’m a female halfing rouge named Rufus who hates when people make fun of my name and I’m searching for my missing kidney”

Friend: “I’m a gnome sorcerer and I am friends with Rufus and have three kidneys because I took hers and forgot because I have bad memory”

8

female awesome meme: [7/10] characters who deserve better

He’s deserted me. He tried to stop this marriage, but offered nothing in return. He has taken what was not rightly his and walked away from his consequences. Why did he have to come? I hate him for it. — Elizabeth Poldark

Overhead while walking to the parking lot, on campus: an actual real-life college-student + sugar daddy AU in the making:

Male College Student: so I think my roommate’s older brother is, like, hitting on me.

Female College Student: really??

Male Student: yeah, well…like, he’s like helping us out with rent and stuff? And he, like, wants to hang out a lot…like, even with just me, like, Roommate isn’t even there…and then he bought Roommate’s books for next semester, except he asked if I wanted to come to the bookstore, and then he bought my books. Like, I didn’t let him buy all of them ‘cause I felt weird. But then he bought me dinner. So, like…

Female Student: (half-joking) is he hot?

Male Student: uhhh…I guess? Yeah. Maybe. I mean, I dunno.

Female Student: wait, though, is this like a creepy thing? Is he creepy?

Male Student: no! No, dude, he’s not like–like he’s actually a pretty cool guy, like he’s paying for Roommate to go to college and helping us out, and he’s all smart, like he’s a lawyer and shit, and he’s, like, chill, y'know, and–

Female Student: oh my god you like, LIKE him.

Male Student: (loudly enough that heads turn) I’M NOT GAY.

Female Student: you totally like him!

Male Student: BUT I’M NOT GAY.

Female Student: you’re, like, gay FOR HIM.

Male Student: (stops walking) BUT–FUCK.

Female Student: you could, like, be dating a lawyer!

…at which point, because they’d stopped walking, I had to maneuver around them and pretend I’d not been eavesdropping, and find my car.

We may never know the outcome, but I like to think that Sudden Epiphany College Student and Roommate’s Hot Lawyer Older Brother are now happily dating. (I also wonder what Roommate thinks of this–as a friend I imagine he is pleased–and whether he was secretly hoping for this outcome.)

Anyway, though: imagine your OTP. :D

  • <p> <b>ENTP :</b> You look like my first husband.<p/><b>INFP :</b> How many times have you been married ?<p/><b>ENTP :</b> None yet.<p/><b>INFP :</b> <p/><b>ENTP :</b> <p/><b>INFP :</b> Oh my God.<p/></p>
Dong of love

Context: i play a male dwarf barbarian in a party with a female gnome wizard, male elf ranger, female half orc fighter, and a male human cleric. My dwarf has no facial hair because of story reasons and long braided hair. The cleric grew up in a human-only town and had never seen a dwarf before. So he was convinced that no beard meant he was female, and has continued to hit on my dwarf every chance he got. My dwarf, after a whole in game year of this constant flirting (he barely began to take notice) decides he’s had enough.

The following takes place as we are shopping in a busy marketplace.

Cleric: Oh look love,*holds up a jewel necklace* i got a gift for you!

Dwarf: Dont want it.

Cleric: Whats wrong love? You usually like it when i buy you things.

Me(ooc): We’re in the middle of a marketplace right?

DM: Yup, middle of the day, tons of people around you.

Me(ooc): Cool.

Dwarf: IM NOT YOUR GODDAMN-UH *pulls down pants* I have a dong so there!

Party(ooc): Starts to loose their shit.

Dm: Make an intimidation check.

*nat 1*

Party: *Hysteria intensifies*

DM: (cleric) you find youself blushing at the sight of his dong. (Dwarf) Role for seduction.

Me: Oh shit, here we go.

*rolls a 18*

Cleric(ooc): Im a cleric having some very unholy thoughts!

Cleric: I dont care. *grabs my dwarf’s hands* My feelings for you will never change. *kisses dwarf*

Me(ooc): Im…I..I have nothing. I literally cant think of anything to do.

DM: As this beautiful display is happening, surrounded by dozens of civillians with various expressions, the light bouncing off of (dwarf)’s dwarven butt cheeks catches the eyes of a guard.

Guard: Hey pull up those pants your under arrest.

Half orc: Back off this has been months in the making!

*rolls a nat 20 intimidation*

Guard: S-sorry!

Wizard: I cast an illusion of (dwarf)’s dong ‘reacting’.

Me(ooc): Too late.

Long story short they are still together and my dwarf is ring hunting.