Being a righteous husband and father in the household? Of course this is the desire of every man, especially those who believe in Allah Almighty and the final day. And of course it is not easy except for the people who facilitated by Allah Ta'ala.
The figure of the head of household, Rasulullah Shallallahu’alaihi Wasallam
“The best of you is the best with his family and I am the nicest guy with family.”
(HR at-Tirmidhi (no. 3895) and Ibn Hibbaan (no. 4177), declared authentic by the Imam at-Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibbaan and Shaykh al-Albani.)
Imam al-Munawi said: “In this hadith there are arguments that indicate (obligatory) to along well with his wife and children, especially daughters, he should being patient to face mannerless and weakness of their intellect also (try to always) love them.”
A Righteous Husband in The Al-Qur’an
Allah Ta'ala describes the figure of the ideal husband in a few verses of the Qur'an, among them in His word:
“The men is a leader for women, because Allah has preferred some of them (men) from another (female), and because they (men) spend out of their wealth."
(QS an-Nisaa’: 34)
This is the figure of the ideal husband, he is a man who is able to become a leader in the true sense for his wife and children. Lead them means to arrange their affairs, providing a living for their needs, educating and guiding them in goodness, commanding them to fulfill the obligations of the religion and prohibits them from things that are forbidden in Islam, as well as straighten out irregularities that exist in themselves.
“And those who say: "Our Lord, grant us our wives and our offspring as conditioning the heart (us), and make us a priest (a role model) for those who fear Allah.”
(QS al-Furqaan: 74).
In this verse Allah Ta'ala praised His servants who believe because they always pray and seek the good of religion for children and their wives. This is the meaning of "qurratul ‘ain” (conditioning the heart) for those who believe in the world and the hereafter.
Characteristics Of A Righteous Husband
Salih and Worshipping
Piety of a servant is a measure of his glory in the sight of Allah Ta'ala, as in His word:
إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ
“Whoever who fear Allah, He will give him a way out (in all of his problems), and give him sustenance from unexpected directions.”
(QS. ath-Thalaaq: 2-3)
Meaning: Allah Ta'ala will ease (all) affairs, and make his way out and a solution soon (to solve the problem faced).
Even with the piety of a husband by maintaining His Sharia, Allah Ta'ala will ease preservation for himself and his family, just like Rasulullah Shallallahu’alaihi Wasallam said:
“Keep (Shari'a) Allah, He will take care of you, keep (Shari'a) of Allah and you will find Him in front of you.”
(HR at-Tirmidhi (no. 2516), Ahmad (1/293) and others, declared authentic by the priests at-Tirmidhi and Shaykh al-Albani in “Shahihul jaami'ish shagiir” (no. 7957).
Meaning: “Keep (Shari'a) of Allah” is fulfilling His rights to always serve Him, and to execute all His commands and avoid His prohibitions. And meaning of “you will find Him in front of you” is that He will always helps you and gives you hidayah, not just for himself but also for his family.
2. Responsible For Giving Livelihoods For Families
Giving livelihoods for his family properly is one of the primary obligations of the head in the family, just like Allah Ta’ala said:
“And the obligation of the father to feed and clothe the women in a way that ma'ruf.” (QS al-Baqarah: 233)
In the authentic hadith, the Prophet Shallallahu'alaihi Wasallam when asked about the rights of a wife on her husband, he said: “Let him give food for his wife as he ate, giving (for a living) as she wore her clothes, don’t hit her face, don’t pray evil for her (reproach), and don’t boycote her except in the house (only).”
(HR. Abu Dawud (no. 2142) and declared authentic by Shaykh al-Albani.)
Of course the purpose of providing a living here is sufficient and appropriate to the needs, not excessive and not less. Because it includes the nature of Allah’s servants who fear Allah Ta'ala is they always manage the expenditure. Allah Ta’ala said:
“And (servants of Allah that believers are) those who, when they spend (wealth), they are not exaggerated, and not (also) miserly, and are (their spending) in the middle between such.”
Meaning: they are not redundant (exaggerated) in spending wealth that exceeds the requirement, and (along with it) they also are not miserly towards their families so lacking in (performing) their rights and insufficient (needs), but they (being) fair (balanced) and moderate (in spending), and the best of cases is moderate (mid)
This is all they are doing is not because of excessive love of wealth, but because they are afraid they will be the wealth accountability before Allah Almighty on Judgment day later. Prophet Sallallahu’alaihi Wassalam said: ”There will be shifted two feet of a servant on the Day of Resurrection until he is asked (held accountable) where he spent on his age, about his knowledge of how he put it into practice, on his property; where obtained and where spent, as well as on his body for what it uses.”
(HR at-Tirmidhi (no. 2417), ad-Daarimi (no. 537), and Abu Ya'la (no. 7434), classed as authentic by at-Tirmidhi and al-Albani in “as-Shahiihah” (no. 946) because many tracks are mutually reinforcing.)
3. Caring For His Family’s Religion
It is the primary obligation of the head of household of the family members. Allah Ta’alla said:
“O you who believe, guard yourselves and your families from the fire whose fuel is men and stones.”
Ali ibn Abi Talib radhiyallahu'anhu, when interpreting the verse, he said: “(It means): Teach kindness to yourself and your family.
Shaykh Abdurrahman as-Sa'di said: "Maintaining yourself (from the fire) is to require for yourself to carry out the commands of Allah and avoid His prohibitions, and repent of all the acts that led to the wrath and retribution. As for maintaining his wife and children (from the fire) is to educate and teach them (Islamic law), as well as forcing them to (implement) the command of Allah. Then the servant would not have survived (the torments of hell) unless he is (totally) carry out the commands of Allah (in this verse) to himself and to those who he brought power and responsibility.”
There are so many ways to guard his family like these all:
1. He won’t allow his wife to leave the house alone because there are so many danger situations which can happen to his wife, including fitnah.
2. He forbids her to wear makeup when she about to go. Wearing make up and perfume is only allowed when at home, while in the room. Because according to him, all the jewelry, clothing, perfume he bought, in order to look beautiful just in his eyes, not to be enjoyed by others, including again, fitnah by her beauty.
3. He requireds his wife to wear syar’i hijab, because for him, her body is only for him, her husband and because Allah said so to protect her from fitnah if she doesn’t wear syar’i hijab.
4. Even the obligatory prayers too, which he won’t allow her to do it in the mosque. Quite at home, except if he accompany her to the mosque. That’s because the most greatest hijab for women is in her home.
5. He forbides her to use selfie in the social medias, not just his wife but also his children especially the daughters and his sisters, mothers, cousins etc in the family because it can raise fitnah also he loves his brothers out there and he won’t let his family to make them getting sins by fitnah because of the selfies.
6. Lead them in the right manhaj of salaf-us-saalih and the right aqidah by teaching them with syar’i knowledges.
7. Not just for others, he also protecting himself by lower his gaze from other women because somehow the husbands don’t realize how ‘high’ their gaze to other women can make their wives feel hurt.
Is this correct a possessive husband? Yes.
Is this a restraint? No.
If there is a husband like that, be grateful. Means he understands the religion of Allah.
He so wants to protect you from the eyes of the ignorant and the fires of hell.
He wants you to avoid fitnah out there.
He wants to take you to Jannah.
In a hadeeth, when a noble shahabah, Malik bin al-Huwairits radhiallahu'anhu and his people visited the Prophet SAW Shallallahu'alaihi for twenty days to study al-Qur'an and his sunnah, then the Prophet Sallallahu’alaihi Wassalam said to them, "go home to your family, stay with them and teach (the guidance of Allah Ta'ala) to them." (HR al-Bukhari no. 602)
4. A Mentor and Motivator A husband of the family is a leader in the household, this means that he is responsible for all the goodness and badness in his household, and he who has the power, with the permission of Allah Ta’ala to guide and motivate members of his family in goodness and obedience to Allah Ta 'ala. Prophet
Shallallahu'alaihi Wassalam said: "You know, you all are leader and you all will be questioned about what they lead … a husband is the leader (his family) and he will be questioned about his responsibilities.” Rasulullah Shallallahu'alaihi Wassalam exemplifies the best of the example as a mentor and motivator. In many authentic hadith, Rasulullah Shallallahu'alaihi Wasallam always give good guidance to those who do wrong even to the young children. Rasullulah Shallallahu'alaihi Wasallam ever saw a child who applied irreverent when eating, then Rasullullah Shallallahu'alaihi Wasallam guided the child, Rasulullah Shallallahu'alaihi Wasallam said: “O young children, say the name of Allah (when they want to eat), eat with your right hand and eat (food) that is in front of you.” (HR al-Bukhari (no. 5061) and Muslim (no. 2022). Motivating family members in goodness and invite family members working on the good deeds prescribed in Islam. Prophet Sallallahu’alaihi Wassalam said: ”May Allah have mercy on a man who wakes up and does prayer in the night, and then he wake up his wife, if she is reluctant then he will sprinkle water on her face …” Trying to be a good example from a husband to his family members after hidayah from Allah Ta'ala is to enable them to receive advice and guidance. Conversely, a bad example of the display is a major cause collapse of authority in their eyes. Imam Ibn Jauzi bring a greeting from the Salaf famous scholar, Ibrahim al-Harbi. From Muqatil bin Muhammad al-'Ataki, he said: “I’ve attended with my father and brother went to Abu Ishak Ibrahim al-Harbi, so he asked my father: “Are they your children?”. My father replied: “Yes”. (Then) he said (to my father): “Be careful! Don’t let them to see you disobey Allah, so that the (your authority) fell in their eyes.”
5. Be Good and Be Patient to Face His Family A wise husband is certainly able to understand the advantages and disadvantages that exist in the members of his family, and be patient in the face and straighten it. This includes both the family association instructed in the word of Allah Ta'ala:
“And hang out well with them. Then if you do not like them (be patient) because maybe you do not like something, but Allah made them have so much goodness.” (Surat an-Nisa ’: 19).
Prophet Shallallahu’alaihi Wassalam said: “Be kind to women, because actually the woman was created from the rib (crooked), and the most crooked portion of the rib is at the top, then if you straighten it (means) you break it and if you let her she will continue crooked, then be good to women."
(HR al-Bukhari (no. 3153) and Muslim (no. 1468).
A good wife however has original nature, still she is a woman who is weak and its origin is difficult to be straightened out, because it was created from a crooked rib, coupled with deficiencies in their minds. Prophet Sallallahu’alaihi Wassalam said:
ن المرأة خلقت من ضلع لن تستقيم لك على طريقة
“Indeed women are created from the rib (crooked), (so) they can not constantly (in a state) straight roads (of life).”
(HR Muslim (no. 1468)
Then the wife of such a situation is certainly very needs of guidance and direction of a man who has the intellect, strength, patience, and determination establishment larger than the women. Therefore, Allah Ta'ala make men as leaders and enforcement affairs of women.
A believer will always use considerations common sense when facing treatment less from others, and then he tries to advise and straighten it in a way that is good and wise, especially if that person is the person closest to him, his wife and children. Prophet Sallallahu’alaihi Wassalam said: “Don’t be a believer man who hates a believer woman, if he doesn’t like her behaviors, then he will be pleased with her other behaviours.”
6. Always Praying For Goodness For His Children and Wife
Including the nature of the servants of Allah Ta’ala that believers are always praying for the good of themselves and their family members. Allah Ta’ala said:
“And those who say: “Our Lord, grant us our wives and our offspring as conditioning the heart (us), and make us a priest (a role model) for those who fear Allah.” (QS al-Furqaan: 74).
Then ideal husband will always seek and pray for the good of his family, wife and children, and even that is the caused of his comfortable heart when watching people who always loved performing obedience to Allah.
Original in Indonesia Language, please forgive me if there are so many grammar error and incorrect vocabularies in this translation because English is my second language.