hair=destroyed

Eurovision 2017 semifinal
  • Sweden: Guardians of Galaxy dude with poker face "can't go on" windmill
  • Georgia: Witch from Tangles borrowed last year's dress from Armenia to sing James Bond song
  • Australia: (did they move to Europe?)
  • Albania: Bride tries to make hearts but microphone doesn't let her
  • Belgium: Po-po-poker face
  • Montenegro: ALL COMPETITORS WERE DESTROYED BY HAIR-WHIP AND SPARKLY PANTS
  • Finland: They found perfect song... for my funeral
  • Azerbaijan: Horse mask guy on ladder doing robodance... Edge is strong in this one
  • Portugal: I think somebody watched Amelie recently
  • Greece: Generic electro pop... I NEEDED IT. What were those guys doing? Playing mermen? Ducks?
  • Poland: ...eeee violinist in the background
  • Moldova: EPIC SAX GUY IS BACK. With Marcus Butler and his wedding party
  • Iceland: Emma Frost - space opera edition
  • Czech Republic: In which romantic comedy can I hear it?
  • Cyprus: Cyprus sent its Sergey Lazarev to teach us some physics
  • Armenia: Orient-like hypnotic trans
  • Slovenia: Robbie Williams sings Disney-like prince song
  • Latvia: It was a good trip... I guess

anonymous asked:

hey @anon talking about cutting their hair: the "wrong face shape for short hair" thing is utterly ridiculous. lots of guys have short hair, and no one tells them they have the wrong face shape bc its "normal" *intense eyeroll*. people just say that to girls or people they think are girls bc society says they need to have long hair to be pretty. its all a socially perpetuated lie. cut your hair! go forth and destroy stulid societal stereotypes!!

Preach

Karin:  Hmm I can’t find Sasuke…

Suigetsu:  I got this *puts hands over mouth*  Itachi sucks and has ugly hair!

Sasuke: *Destroys Konoha*  YOU DARE SPEAK OF ANIKI IN FRONT OF ME!

Suigetsu: Found hi-shit.

Naruto: *Bursts through ground* WHOEVER SAID THAT IS DEAD!  BELIEVE IT!

Suigetsu: Uhh-

Shisui: *Drags reanimated corpse from river*  Let me tell you something about my cousin…

Sakura: *Rips apart trees* HOW DARE YOU!?!?!!?!

Kisame: *Raises from the dead* ITACHI- SAN HAS BEAUTIFUL HAIR AND A WONDERFUL ASS!  I’LL KILL YOU!

Suigetsu: I was just-

Kakashi: *Bursts through wall*  I heard Itachi and ass.

Itachi: *Floats down from heaven*  Rude.

anonymous asked:

Can you do a drabble for Jily with number 23 or 29 I can't pick? Thank you!

“at it like bunnies”

#23: “The skirt is supposed to be short.”

modern muggle au <3

“The skirt is supposed to be this short.” Lily says, indignant.

Marlene just sniggers. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Your eyebrows did.” Lily inspects herself in the mirror one more time and then turns to face her friend and housemate.

“You look great, can we go now?” Marlene asks, finishing off the bottle of wine in her hand in one take.

“Is she ready?” Mary pops her head around the door, looking hopeful. Lily frowns at both of them. “Aw, don’t be like that Lils, you’ve been an hour.”

“We’re prinking!”

“No, you’re primping.” Marlene just manages to dodge the cushion Lily throws at her.

“Fine then, let’s go.” Lily grabs her bag and pulls Marlene up from the bed.

“She’s ready!” Mary yells as they head downstairs, and the responding cheer from the kitchen makes Lily frown again.

Marlene slings a comforting arm around her shoulder. “We love you really.”

If this was a normal night, Lily would have been ready a long time ago. As it stands though, it’s a fancy dress night and she has a plan. So she accepts the teasing from her friends as they do one last shot and then leave, heading towards the pub, because she knows it will all be worth it.

Except it’s not, not immediately anyway. The first pub, their usual, is packed full of other uni students in fancy dress, all in varying degrees of effort. A pack of boys have stretched their student budget to buy banana outfits whilst, next to them, two girls are wearing black dresses with wooden placards around their next, informing Lily they’ve been arrested for public disturbance. Tegan scowls when she sees them, because she too has opted for the jailbird look but, unlike them, has gone full out.

Mary, barely a ladybug with a red dress and some wings, orders the first round. It helps Lily ignore the fact that the reason she’s wearing her ridiculous get up isn’t in the pub. It does not help her ignore the two leering freshers, Thing 1 and Thing 2, who are clearly making bets about which one of them can get her number. Leering was to be expected though and, like the teasing, Lily takes it because it will be worth it, no one’s got the guts up yet to actually approach her and because in an outfit like hers, she can’t say she wouldn’t stare either.

It had been Marlene’s idea, and Lily had agreed both because she was desperate and because she’d known she’d look good. And she does. The skirt, as short as humanely possible without showing her arse, and the heels, too high for her own good, make her legs look endless. It’s a look that could kill.

It’s also a look, apparently, which boosts her alcohol tolerance and self assurance. So, by the time they reach a club, despite the several rounds of shots and jaeger bombs, she manages to get passed the bouncers without stumbling once. They dance for what feels like hours, Lily spinning with Mary and Tegan and almost breaking her ankle when she drops to the floor during Low with Gemma. Marlene vanishes and returns with a boy, yelling to the girls that he’s got a party at his house.

They go and Lily has almost forgotten why she is wearing what she’s wearing. Then she steps into the boy’s living room and she remembers.

He’s dancing on the other side of the room, with Sirius, of course, and he looks beautiful. Maybe it’s the disco lighting. Maybe it’s the leather jacket he’s wearing. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s in love with him. Whatever it is, he’s never looked fitter and Lily almost runs out of the room before he can get a chance to see her.

Keep reading

pidge headcanon power-hour
  • knows ASL, because her brother matt goes nonverbal sometimes
  • WILL lose her glasses when they’re sitting on top of her goddamn head
  • mashes together curse words to create what the rest of the team calls “pidgeisms”
    • “son of a rollicking motherfuck”, “shut up, assdick”, “you little hot pocket of ballshit”
    • normally hunk is the kind of person that scolds ppl for their language but his reaction to pidgeisms is always just “wait, what”
  • plays with hair ties & accidentally flings them across the room
    • hunk: [bends down to examine a hair tie in the hall] she’s been here…….
    • has defo hit shiro in the face with a hair tie when he was in the middle of explaining a mission
  • lance: [excited bouncing] pidge: [excited flapping]
  • can’t fucking spell for shit
  • her hair is a sentient beast, it just……… eats barrettes, and destroys hair ties, and breaks combs. no hair accessory is safe
    • one time one of the mice took a nap on her head while she was programming something, and it took coran, allura, and hunk’s combined efforts to wrestle the fucking thing out of her tangles later
  • uses science as a justification for pretty much everything
    • [draws on keith’s face as he naps in the common room] no hunk it’s fine, this is for a social experiment
    • [hogs the bathroom] excuse me i’m doing SCIENCE in here
    • [fucks up something on a mission] ……….ah, yes, my hypothesis was, um…… incorrect
  • pidge: god, lance never knows when to shut up and hunk’s anxious twittering drives me crazy. and i can’t stand how keith never thinks stuff through, he just actssomeone: wow that sounds awful, i’d hate to have to deal with that pidge: ………….now hold on what the fuck are you implying? deal with that? i’ll have you know my friends are some of the most incredible people in the world and if you ever say anything bad about them–

it-happened-one-starry-night  asked:

Hi, can you do a short piece where Betty finds Jughead after the dance and tells him that she loves him?

***

Her toes were bleeding and the bottom of her dress had come completely unhemmed, dragging behind her like a makeshift wedding veil. She was frantic, her silky blonde hair now had streaks of red caused by running her bloody palms through it in frustration and she was freezing, the soon to be winter chill seemed to pierce right through her bare arms as she searched the Southside Trailer park for her boyfriend.. or ex boyfriend? The thought made her heart instantly ache. How had it gone this far? How had she let it? Every time she tried to do the right thing she failed, it was inevitable at this point.

She had just come from Pops, her jaw was still tense at the memory of her friends betrayal. it was so wrong, so selfish and inconsiderate of Archie and Veronica, and like always she found herself pulled in, lumped into the same selfish category. Finally grabbing her heels from her feet, Betty slammed the pointed article at a wooden fence, angrily stabbing the rotted wood. She was angry, disappointed, hurt and at this point? Just tired. Where could he be? The town wasn’t that big, he wasn’t home, he wasn’t at Pops, his father wasn’t around he was in….
Oh my god.

Pulling her other shoe off, Betty raced through the quiet streets of Riverdale, it was way after midnight and she knew her mother would be anxiously waiting up, but she couldn’t care, not now. Squinting at Sheriff Kellers makeshift prison, Betty slammed through the doors, her eyes dragging around the room, he had to be here, there was no where else to go. She spotted F.P instantly, he was leaning against the bars and his eyes had gone wide when he saw the blonde standing in the doorway.

“Betty?” He asked confused, his face leaning further into the metal as he scanned her concerned, eyeing the bloody streaks in her hair and her absolutely destroyed hands.

“F.P” she whispered, wrapping her fingers around the bars, her eyes filled with tears “I’m so sorry, we’re going to get you out of here. I know you didn’t do this, there’s no way they can think you did. Just give me a minute.. let me think..” she mumbled as he slid a hand through the bars and touched her arm

“This isn’t your fault darlin, I know that someone’s out to get me, but you know how it looks, wrong side of the tracks and all that, you need to calm down.. you’re bleeding.”

Betty shook her head and opened her mouth to speak , when she was cut off suddenly by a very familiar voice from behind her

“Betty?”

Whipping around, Betty gasped slightly when she made eye contact with jughead, his eyes were red rimmed and his beanie was gone, he looked exhausted but by the look on his face, she assumed she looked worse.

“Elizabeth? What are you doing here?” Sheriff Keller asked the blonde as he brought forward a tissue to wipe her hands.

Betty’s face turned nasty and she threw the tissue dramatically
“Don’t try and be nice to me Sheriff Keller, I saw what you did to F.Ps trailer, I saw the way you wrecked it! You can’t do that, even if you think someone is guilty you can’t destroy their property!”

The older man had the decency to look ashamed, he had gotten caught up in the moment
“Elizabeth..”

“No!” She cut him off “this isn’t right, you can’t do this! You know that he’s not guilty, you know he’s being framed! Why can’t you do your job! You need to find the real killer, but you’re just here wasting everyone’s time!”

F.P shot a glance over the fighting pairs head at his son and nodded quickly, nudging his head towards the door and mouthing
“Go. I’ll see you tommorow”

Jughead took the cue and gently took Betty by the arm, pulling out the door as she continued her rant. When they finally hit the fresh air, Betty stopped and looked up at him

“Juggie.” She whispered “I am so sorry, I should have told you but I didn’t know for sure, I thought maybe just once my mother would let me have something, let me have something that makes me happy!” Her lips were quivering and jughead fought the urge to take her in his arms

“Why are you here Bets?” He asked exhaustedly, the day finally catching up to him, he felt a sense of calm in Betty’s presence and it was enough to allow him to breathe.

The gorgeous blonde sighed softly, dropping her hands limply to her sides
“I’m doing this because your father isnt guilty, I’m doing this because you don’t deserve this, any of this and.. and I’m doing this because.. because I love you.” She whispered so quiet he had to strain to hear, his entire body tightening at the words, his heart was pretty much out of his chest at this point and he could do nothing but look at her wide eyed, how long had it been since he had heard those words?

“I know that this is terrible timing and we can pretend it never happened, but I just had to tell you.. I just had too…” she was cut off instantly when Jugheads hungry lips attacked hers with a passion she had never seen before, pinning her up against the wall her took her scarred palms in his own and dropped his lips to her hands

“I love you too.” He whispered, eyes finally coming up to meet hers, Betty gasped quietly and rested her forehead against his.

This had been the longest night of her life and this was definitely not how she expected to hear those words for the first time, but standing here under the harsh street lamp with jughead hands in hers, she couldn’t imagine another way.

Kim cutting her hair symbolizes her turn in character. She realizes how shallow and terrible she has been and changes herself. Letting go of her hair is her destroying her past self and starting over as a new person. She still carries a lot of baggage with her and does not like the person she was.

This version of Kim is very independent, much like Kimberly in the MMPR TV show before she started dating Tommy. Before becoming a perpetual damsel in distress, she took on monsters by herself. In the movie, there was a deleted scene where Kim kisses Jason. The kiss was taken out because it did not advance her character arc. She had several subtle and not so subtle romantic moments with Jason. Yet, she remains a self-possessed woman as opposed to becoming another character’s means of glorification. Her romance with Jason is based on equality. A relationship where each person is allowed to be awesome is much healthier than a one-sided relationship.

everyday messages for women: make stains disappear from your teeth by eating charcoal…get rid of hair by laser destroying your hair follicles… lose weight by only eating milk powder… reduce wrinkles by injecting plastic into your face… taper your nose by cutting it off… minimise frizz by burning your hair… eliminate your pores so no one knows you have skin… narrow your waist by crushing your internal organs… erase yourself to be beautiful

anonymous asked:

coco oil disaster reporting: I'm okay! thank you all for the care! my hair is still kinda funny from all washing but it looks okay now. I'd ask for RFA+3 react @ MC messing up her hair (dyeing/haircut), maybe put this in your queue? thank you loves!

I’m actually really glad to hear that your hair is doing better and tbh I was talking to myself (don’t judge) about my hair and started to wonder about yours the other day (wow that’s probably creepy im sorry) so I’m glad I finally got to your request ^^;; ~Admin 404

*YOOSUNG:

-He’s probably the one who helps you mess up your hair?

-MC! He dyes his hair! He can totally help you dye yours!

-HE WAS WRONG. HE WAS SO WRONG.

-THE COLOUR WAS NOTHING LIKE ON THE BOX. NOT AT ALL.

-Cries with you when you see the results

-”I DON’T KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG, MC! I’M SO SORRY!”

-He finds a beauty club on campus and joins, hoping it’ll help him figure out how to fix your hair

-You won’t let him near your hair anymore, at all. He has to pat your back when he’s consoling you for weeks afterwards because you’re very serious about not letting him touch

-Begs to go with you to the beauty parlor to watch them fix it though!

-Literally praises your hair 27 times a day once it’s actually the colour you wanted, because you look so good!!! He tries to tell you that you were beautiful before but the glare you give him makes him hold his tongue

-You considered messing with his hair the next time he did it

-But realized that would be tERRIBLE and you weren’t sure you could deal with the poor baby’s crying poor bby ;A;

*ZEN:

-You were just… simply getting ready for a night out with your boyfriend

-You couldn’t just go out in some comfortable clothes, nnooo

-You decided you had to dress up- jewelry, makeup, hair, the works

-JUST WANTED TO BE MORE DAZZLING THAN USUAL

-So when you attempted to curl a piece of your hair and attempt to simultaneously talk to Zen, you thought ‘Hey, it’s easy, I can do this’

-You were wrong

-Did you know you could set the curling iron too high? No, of course you didn’t, because you didn’t read the instructions

-’Oh no,’ you thought, ‘I know how to curl my hair. I don’t need this. What’s it gonna say? Step one: curl your fucking hair?’

-YOU SHOULD HAVE READ THE DAMN INSTRUCTIONS

-Because that curl? Completely burnt off

-You now have a missing chunk of hair and the house smells like burning hair and no amount of candles can cover it

-Trust me, Zen tried. After over-reacting and practically dropping to the floor, mourning the lost chunk of hair

-Who’s more upset, you or Zen?

-You’re crying, he’s crying, everyone is crying up in this house

-He tries his best to try and help you hide it

-Luckily for you, it’s in a spot that it can be easily blended in until you decide what to do to fix it

-So he helps to style your hair in a different way until then!

-Always coming home with adorable hair accessories to mix up your hairstyle!

-And when you’re upset, he’s always there for hours at a time telling you how amazing and beautiful he thinks you are, and refuses to stop his speech until he knows you’ve forgotten all about your hair disaster (at least for the moment)

- seriously has to buy like 20 more candles to help the burnt smell in the house

*JAEHEE:

-You just wanted to do a nice, relaxing, hair mask while you took a hot bath

-Did you buy a premade one at the store? No no of course not

-Your Pintrest loving ass had to make a homemade one

-That dESTROYED YOUR HAIR

-YOU COULDN’T RINSE IT OUT??? IT WAS PRACTICALLY LIKE AN OIL SPILL??

-YOU EVEN WRAPPED YOUR HEAD IN PAPER TOWELS AND IT STILL DIDN’T COME OUT OF YOUR HAIR

-Hours upon hours you’ve spent washing your hair and you just. Couldn’t. Get. It. Out.

-So when Jaehee came home and heard the water running she was obviously concerned because??? You texted her like a million hours ago that you were going to take a bath

-Did something happen to you??? Were you hurt??? OR WORSE???

-*Judo kicks down the door*

-Sees you just sitting in the bathtub, running water over your head, quietly sobbing

-*Mother Jaehee instincts kicking in*

-You explain what happened and she just laughs at you??? Like stOP LAUGHING MY HAIR’S A MESS

-She spends the rest of the night helping you strip your hair of the terrible mask you attempted, doesn’t stop until she knows your hair is gonna be okay

- that and she doesnt want that gross oil feeling all up on the pillows mc, keep it away from her at all costs

*JUMIN:

-”Why in the world did you attempt to cut your bangs yourself?? I have a hairdresser. Why didn’t you just make an appointment”

-You sat in the middle of the bathroom floor in defeat, a large chunk missing from your bangs, where you’ve been sitting for hours, crying on and off

-He stares at your hair for a good while, without saying a word. He’s trying to assess the damage, not judging you, stop crying MC

- mc, he has money, JuJu can fix this for you

-Bang extensions? Bang extensions.

-At least until your actual bangs grow out and you can style them

-He always tells you how beautiful you look, no matter what

-If he could, he’d fix it himself, but he knows that he’d just make it worse so he let the professionals handle it

-But he is a little…mothering? Always hovering and running around both you and the hairdresser

-Loves showering you with compliments no matter what your hair looks like, but he hides all the scissors from you. No joke. You can’t do any crafts without someone having to get you scissors. They check up on you every now and then. juST LET ME CRAFT, JUMIN, PLEASE

-You once threatened to cut Elly’s fur if he didn’t stop hiding the scissors

-But all that did was make sure that you only got safety scissors and a designated scissor handler daMMIT JUMIN

*SAEYOUNG:

-You wanted to go for just a little trim of your split ends!

-The love of your life just wanted to scare you a little bit without realizing you were a little busy!

-Cue the fact that you now have a chunk of hair missing. What was once flowing, long hair is now as short as Jaehee’s. Only in one spot. Just one.

-HE FELT SO BAD????

-He told you he loved it, you can just be unique with one spot shorter than the rest!

-”It’s a fashion statement, MC! It’s fabulous!”

- im gonna shove this fucking “fabulous” pair of scissors up your aSS SAEYOUNG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

-Runs away from you and your fury, scissors in hand.

-He comes back later, plopping one of his wigs on top of your head, kissing your cheek in apology

-Promises to get you an appointment with one of the best hairdressers! He’s gonna get this fixed!

- news flash, the hairdresser is him in disguise. He actually did a fantastic job at fixing your hair

-He’s so cute though! After he gives you an adorable (and flattering) new hairstyle, he can’t stop taking pictures of you??

-The group chat is spammed with candids of you and everyone else thinks it’s absolutely adorable! They all love your haircut too <3

*V:

-Okay but he’s the one who fucked up your hair

-How was he supposed to know just how much coconut oil was supposed to go in your hair? He’s never done it

-’The more oil, the more it’ll smell like coconut, right?’ is what he thought to himself

-Smh this asshole was just thinking of himself- he wanted to spoon you and just lose himself in a sweet coconut scent

-”Here, you said you wanted to try a hair mask thing, right? I researched and found that coconut oil helps… I got you some! Let’s go shower”

-Like hell yeah I’ll go shower with you Jihyun, who would turn that down??

-But now you regret it. You regret it and you wanna pour the rest of the bottle over his head

-Obviously he’s apologizing like crazy

-Sounds like he’s on the verge of tears and you can see the guilt splattered across his face

-YOU CAN’T STAY MAD AT THE POOR GUY. HE JUST WANTED TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR THE BOTH OF YOU

-He’s calling everyone he knows, looking all over the internet, anything he can do to help your hair

-Even calling some famous hairdressers he’s met overseas

-*Lays napkin on your head* “Sit with this on MC, maybe it’ll soak some of it up”

-Like clockwork, he’s changing the napkins on your head

-Well he got what he wanted- your hair smells like coconut. So does your whole bathroom. And house. And everywhere you go. He can pick you out of a crowd by following the coconut smell

*SAERAN:

-Also does his own hair

-Refused to help you dye your own because??? He’s not taking responsibility if something goes wrong

-He should have knocked on wood because…. You fucked up. Real bad.

-YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU HAD TO GRADUALLY LIGHTEN YOUR HAIR??? YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD JUST BLEACH IT OVER A FEW DAYS AND GET COOL COLOURED HAIR???

-You MCFucked up(™)

-He walked into the room as you stared in disbelief that your hair was dry, coarse, and just all around dead

-What did he do? Stared blankly, finger-gunned, and walked out of the room. whAT THE FUCK SAERAN GET BACK HERE AND CONSOLE ME

-He sat in the bathroom while you dyed it *insert whatever colour you want here* hoping maybe the dye would bring it a little life?

-It Did Not.

-He bought you a few different hair masks and damage repair shampoos hoping it would help, and help stop your crying

-You made him promise to help you with your hair the next time you decide to do it. He agreed because jesus christ MC why would you do this to yourself okay but??? This whole part vof the hc is literally what i did when i first bleached my hair ;A;

-Seriously though, he helped no matter what you wanted to do from then on. You wanted to retouch the colour? He’s helping. You wanna change the colour? Also helping. You want it to go back to a normal colour? HelPING.

-Literally always on the internet looking at different articles on how to help repair hair damage, how to keep it healthy, different products you could use, he is not gonna let you do that again because??? He loves your hair and actually felt terrible when you cried about it

Dates and Deal Breakers- Coffee Shop AU

So, I promised @takemeawaytocamelot that this would be finished by the end of the week, and I always keep my promises!

This is a continuation of “Two Sugars, Extra Cream” which you can find here under Coffee Shop AU . Enjoy!


Chapter 2: Dates and Deal Breakers

           It was 6:30, and I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror contemplating what in God’s name I should do with my hair. Steaming milk for 6 hours did wonders for curls, and not in the good way. The only way to fix this was to shower, and I simply did not have time for that.

           “What do you think Adso?” I turned to the small pile of gray fur in the doorway. “Is it acceptable? Oh, gross!” He was licking his nether-parts. I wasn’t sure if he did that for business or pleasure, but it was disgusting either way.

           Adso turned at my exclamation, green eyes bright in his charcoal face. He stared unwaveringly, making me super uncomfortable after his previous activity.

           “I’m going to take that awkward stare as a yes, and assume I look all right,” I told him. He meowed happily, and rubbed himself in a figure-eight around my legs. “Okay, don’t trip me Addy. It’s one thing to have messy hair on a first date. It’s another to have a broken arm.”

           He continued his rubbing, anyway. Obviously, he didn’t care about my feelings whatsoever. But, what cat ever did?

           I pivoted to face the full length mirror on the door, and surveyed “The Outfit,” bottom to top. Black boots, black tights, black dress. Black on black on black.

           Classy, Beauchamp.

           My eyes made their way to my hair. Wild as ever, dark curls springing in every direction. There was no hope for it.

           Maybe I should put a headband or something in it…

           A headband? What are you, Beauchamp? Eight?

           I ran my hands through it, zooshing it up a bit.

           Shit, that made it worse.

           Before I could destroy my hair further, Adso startled me by yowling at the door.  

Shit. Is that him?

And then the doorbell rang.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

           Jamie drove an obnoxiously large, obnoxiously red truck.

“Compensating for something, my lad?” Jamie had my hand in his, carefully assisting me into his monstrosity vehicle. He gave me a pointed look and slammed the door, but otherwise did not acknowledge my hilarious joke. I watched the top of his red mane float across the windshield before he appeared fully on the other side.

“Nay, ‘twas my godfather’s. He sold it to me fer a guid price.” Jamie heaved into the truck using his grab handles. He wiggled a bit in his seat, before buckling up.

“And what did your godfather need a truck this large for?”

“I dinna ken. Tae hold his big balls, most like.”

“That’s foul.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jamie whipped his truck into the parking lot of a place called Iggy’s Steakhouse.

“Well, I suppose it’s a good thing I’m not a vegetarian…” I said, wrestling with the seatbelt. Jamie had already unbuckled and magically appeared at my side, opening the door for me. He held out his hand, and I used that as leverage to hop out of the truck.

“Aye… Perhaps I shoulda asked…”

“Perhaps. But you’re lucky. I eat meat like nobody’s business.”

“Good.” He placed a hand gently on the small of my back (!!!) and started leading me to the entrance. His hand was large, and probably took up half the space on my back. But it was warm, and his thumb was make tiny, almost imperceptible motions against my dress. I could melt, and would happily be the small English puddle in his life.

Despite the name (Seriously, what kind of name is Iggy? Is it short for something?), the inside was lovely and proper. Small tabled were arranged in rows, each with a candle and a white tablecloth. Small chandeliers littered the ceiling, creating a charming, dim ambiance. I heard, amongst the chattering of patrons, quiet orchestral music. This had to be the fanciest first date I’ve ever been on, and I told Jamie just as much.

“Wow. This place is wonderful! I’ve never heard of it before.”

“Well, it’s not a huge place, ken. My mate Angus owns the place. That’s how I knew about it,” Jamie responded, as we stepped to the hostess. “Two under Fraser, please.”

The woman guided us to our table. A table with a card on it that read “Reservation” in calligraphy. I suppose it pays to know the owner. Speaking of the owner…

“So,” I began, as I shimmied out of my coat. “Your friend’s name is Angus. And he owns a steak restaurant… I can taste the irony, and it tastes like cow.” Jamie chuckled, teeth sparkling in the candlelight.

“Aye. I dinna ken if he did that purposely.” He took a small sip of water. “But, he’s the type that would, so…”  He took another sip, this time including an ice cube. He bit down on the ice with a crunch, and munched on it happily, very much like a cow we were preparing to eat.

“Wow, Fraser. Hungry?”

“Bad habit. I’ve done it since I was a lad. Anytime I would get hot or nervous, I’d eat ice. Deal breaker?”

“No, my bad habits are much worse, just you wait,” I grinned. Jamie mirrored my grin.

“Nay, I doubt that. Ice crunching is probably the worst habit anyone could have. It’s irritatin’ and it’s bad for yer teeth.”

“You know what else is bad for your teeth? Smoking.”

“I dinna know you smoked.” I could hear the trepidation in his voice. Obviously, that was a deal breaker for him.

“I don’t. I’m just giving you a fun fact.” With that, he let out a breath.

“Yer always messin’ wi’ me, Sassenach.”

“I know. I think that’s just how I flirt.”

“Yer flirting wi’ me?”

“I’ve been flirting with you since we first met. Thanks for noticing.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Our dinners came out perfectly arranged on silvery plates. A medium rare steak took up one half, a small salad took up the other. It looked simply mouth-watering. And I, feeling more than a bit peckish, started cutting into it immediately. Jamie, I noticed, did not.

“Everything okay?”

“Oh, aye. Everything’s fine.” He waved over the server; a blond boy no more than 17. “Excuse me, sir? Could I maybe have a bottle of ketchup?”

“Umm, aye?” The boy answered, perplexed, before scampering off. I was confused as well.

“What in God’s name do you need ketchup for?”

“My steak, o’ course.” I stared at him blankly. Surely he was joking…

“I’m sorry?”

“What? Have ye no seen a man put ketchup on his steak before?” He seemed slightly miffed by my attitude.

“No! Never!” It was the truth. I had heard of such blasphemies, but never experienced them first-hand. “You mean to tell me that you took me this nice place, all to drown your delicious steak in ketchup. And your friend owns the place, no less!”

“Are ye mocking my food choice?” Was he truly hurt by this?

“No!” I assured. “I’m just…concerned. Donald Trump eats his steak with ketchup, and I just don’t want you to end up like that…” He rolled his eyes at me. At this time, the young server popped in to drop off Jamie’s desecration, before leaving again. Jamie squeezed the ketchup in his plate, cut into his meal, dipped it in said ketchup, and took an enormous bite. Even more disturbing was him staring at me with wide blue eyes the entire time.

“You’re killing me; you know that?”

“Aye. It’s why I’m doing it. Hope this isn’t a deal breaker either.” I thought for a second, eyes to the ceiling.

“No, but you’re pushing it.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dinner tasted as good as it looked, and I, thankfully, didn’t vomit while watching Jamie eat ketchup drenched steak.

“We’re ready fer the check, please,” Jamie told the boy-server.

“Aye, sir,” he responded.

“It was delicious Jamie,” I said once the boy was gone. “You’ll have to tell your friend that he has a wonderful restaurant.”

“Aye, I will, Sassenach,” Jamie replied as he took the check-holder from the server, and deftly slid his card into the designated pocket before handing it back to him. “He’ll be pleased.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

           Jamie wrapped his arm around me as we left the restaurant, which left me feeling all safe and warm. He carefully maneuvered me back into his firetruck, before floating over to his side.

           “Claire,” he said seriously. This caught my attention. Usually we were playful, and banter-y. This was different. He reached over, and tucked a stray curl behind my ear. “I forgot tae tell ye how lovely ye looked tonight. I should have when I picked ye up, but I was too busy staring, ken? Truly, ye are the loveliest woman, inside and out.”

           I blushed. No one had ever spoken to me like that, with such sweetness and sincerity. I wasn’t used to it, and I didn’t know how to respond.

           “Thank you, Jamie. You look very handsome yourself this evening.” It was the truth. He wore a green and blue plaid shirt that simultaneously brought out the red in his hair and the blue in his eyes. His jeans were dark, and hugged his hips lovingly. But it was more than that. It was the twinkle in his eyes. The deep laugh. The small bump in his nose. The ears that stuck out just a bit. The kindness and humour that came so effortlessly to him. I was infatuated. He smiled brightly, pulling at the dimple in his chin.

           “Thank ye, Claire. Not just for the compliment, but fer spending the evening wi’ me.”

           “It was my pleasure.”

           “Mine, as well.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

           “Shit.” I wasn’t sure if I had ever heard Jamie curse, but I suppose there was a first time for everything.

           “What? What’s wrong?” But I could already feel it. The truck was slowing down, with no assistance from Jamie. He veered over to the shoulder of the road. “Did your truck just die?”

           “Nay. Ran out of gas.” I also don’t think I’ve ever seen Jamie angry, but tonight was a night of firsts, I suppose. His eyes narrowed, and I saw him clenching and unclenching his jaw. He jumped out of the truck, and slammed the door, hard. I know he was trying to keep his voice down for me, but I still heard the muffled profanities. Some I wasn’t even sure were real words. He circled the truck a couple times, before opening the door again.

           “There’s a station, up over the hill. I’ll have to push it. You scoot over and make sure I dinna push it into traffic.”

           “Jamie…” But he had already closed the door again, and positioned himself at the back. I felt the truck start to move forward, so I moved over to the driver’s side, and steered.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

           And that was how we spent the next hour: trying to get the truck up the hill. I offered to push while he steered for a bit, but he was having none of it. So, I sat there steering when I needed to, pushing the brakes when I needed to, but altogether feeling quite useless.

           When we made it to the station, Jamie was red-faced with hair sticking to his forehead and neck. I wouldn’t tell him this, but it was kind of sexy.

           “Thank the Lord!” He exclaimed after filling his truck up. I could tell he was worn. He was breathing harder than usual. Gone was the alive twinkle in his eyes. It was replaced by glassy exhaustion.

           “Do you need me to drive? You’re about to pass out.”

           “Nay, I’ll be fine.”

           “Just let me help, Jamie.”

           “That’s verra kind, but I’m completely awake. My muscles just ache.”

           “Jamie…”

           “Claire…”

           I could be as stubborn as any Scot, and he could see it too. I had my jaw set and my eyes narrowed, ready to be a mule.

           We ended up performing an odd sort of dance across the bench seat, so that we switched places. If this vehicle seemed big as a passenger, it was completely enormous as the driver. I carefully backed out of the space, and sped to a racing crawl all the way back to my flat.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

           To Jamie’s credit, he did not fall asleep as a drove. He was, however, staring unseeingly at the street lamps passing by. When I parked at my flat, his reverie broke.

           “Can you make it back okay?” I asked as he walked me to my door.

           “Aye, I dinna live too far. Besides, I told ye, my body’s jus’ tired, no my brain.”

           “Well, if you’re sure…”

           “I am. Dinna worry. I’ll text ye when I get home, okay?”

           “Okay, that’ll make me feel better.” Now here came the awkward part. The part I was never good at: the goodbye after the first date. Do we kiss? Do we hug? Do we shake hands? High five? Fist bump? Jamie placed a hand on my shoulder.

“I had a wonderful time, Sassenach. Shall we do it again sometime?”

“You have my number.” I winked at him. He blinked owlishly back. And then wrapped me in his arms in a crushing hug.

No, that won’t do.

I pulled away from him, and pecked him lightly on the corner of his mouth.

“Be safe, Jamie.”


Iggy’s Restaurant is a fake restaurant. Any resemblance to other restaurants past or present is complete coincidental. 

Also, I did have the steakhouse written before today, but I just had to put the ketchup part in after ECCC panel. :) 

Which Character Should You Fight: Starmyu Edition (2.0?)
  • Hoshitani Yuuta: Why would you fight him? ... Then again, try it. He'll make you reconsider your decision and you'll become best buddies and sing a duet together. That's Miracle Hoshitani for you.
  • Nayuki Tooru: Why, though? He's so sweet! Then again, he's not exactly sane and could stab you with a kitchen knife if he feels threatened. Don't.
  • Tsukigami Kaito: You'd probably have a good chance against this nerd, but then all of his brother's friends and fans would skin you alive. Better not.
  • Tengenji Kakeru: The thing about friends and fans is still valid, except the guy can kick your ass himself. But do it. It'll be fun, you boor.
  • Kuga Shuu: Dude was a delinquent in middle school and won bloody fights against groups of people of unspecified numbers. Do you value your life? If so, don't fight Kuga Shuu.
  • Tatsumi Rui: If you're thinking about fighting Princess Rui, you're a terrible person and I hope the rest of Ayanagi Academy kicks your ass. Don't fight him. He's a sweet child.
  • Sawatari Eigo: Yeah, you could win a fight against him. But if he's without his glasses, it's an unfair advantage you got, and if he's with his glasses, you're an uneducated prick for hitting someone with glasses. Either way, you lose the moral ground here.
  • Ugawa Akira: Go ahead. He has grown as a character, but it'll still be fun to see you having your ass kicked by a 160cm guy.
  • Toraishi Izumi: He survived years of being Kuga Shuu's best friend. it means he'll either kick your ass, or you'll end up making out. Well, try it out. Unless you ain't into guys, that is.
  • Inumine Seishirou: That would be like kicking a literal puppy. Don't. (Also, both Ugawa and Toraishi would kick your ass.)
  • Ageha Riku: Only fight this nerd if he's in his pre-"got told by Tsukigami Haruto" phase. After that phase, though, please leave him alone. He has suffered enough.
  • Hachiya Sou: Remember the glasses thing? Besides, you don't need to fight him. He'll trip on his own step and punch himself on the face. Poor thing. Please let him be. He's already fighting hard fights.
  • Kitahara Ren: PLEASE FOR EVERYTHING THAT'S SACRED FIGHT HIM. He deserves a punch. Maybe ten. He'll probably destroy you and call you "guilty" afterwards, but well damn worth a try. Of course, it could bckfire and he could fall in love with you, but you'd feel a cathartic release for having beaten the guy. "Yuuzai janai" or whatever.
  • Nanjou Kouki: You can go ahead, but I'll have to warn you he'll get off on being beaten and you two will probably end this fight on his bed, with his sleeping satisfied smile and your very confused look as to what the heck just happened.
  • Ootori Itsuki: Please fight him. Dude needs some fun in his life and maybe that's just what he needs to have fun. Give the guy some fun. He'll probably thank you later.
  • Hiiragi Tsubasa: What have I said about hitting people who use glasses? Besides, he could get you suspended or expelled, even if you don't study at Ayanagi. Don't.
  • Akatsuki Kyouji: Please do it. He still kinda deserves it. Okay, just a little bit, but...
  • Christian Lion Yuzuriha: Dunno, man. Dude looks dangerous. You know, never trust the girly dudes to be bad at fighting. Last time someone underestimated a girly guy, he punched a nerd square on the face. Dude got knocked out cold.
  • Sazanami Sakuya: I know dude has a girly name and all, BUT HE THROWS PEOPLE AROUND IN HIS DOJO FOR FUN. HE'S A SKILLED MARTIAL ARTIST. DO NOT FIGHT HIM UNLESS YOU'RE A BLACK BELT YOURSELF.
  • Tsukigami Haruto: Unless you want to be eaten alive by his fans, better not. Even if he kinda deserves it.
  • Uozumi Asaki: He's gonna accept the challenge. And even if he loses, he'll be thankful that at least he got to blow away some steam. You'd be doing him a favor.
  • Futaba Taiga: He's a ray of sunshine! Why would you? But sure! You know he'll probably give you a swift beating all while smiling, but go for it!
  • Saotome Ritsu: What did I say about trying to fight pretty boys? Even more if they have pink hair! He's gonna destroy you so hard, not even your parents will remember your existence. You'll be erased from reality by a pink haired pretty boy.
  • Nayuki Yuki: Nope. Better not. She's gonna kick your butt. And if you're a grown-up, you don't wanna lose to a 13 years old girl now, do you?
  • Nayuki Tsumugi: Beware the quiet ones. Even worse than her twin. Better leave her alone, too.
  • Tavian: She's a cute little cat. You monster. I hope she scratches your face and Tengenji kicks your unmentionables for even thinking about fighting this precious angel.
The Hand That Feeds - NSFW Negan Fic

This is my contribution for @grab-my-boner‘s 1k Writing Challenge. The song I chose was U + Ur Hand by P!nk.

This ties in with my fic “Through The Valley”, but can be read as a stand-alone. Obviously, Lilly and the wives except for Sherry and Amber are OCs. The events of this little story take place between Chapters 6 and 7.

Category: Shameless smut! And some angst I suppose?

Word Count: 2027

Warnings: Negan being a HUGE dick / Negan having a huge dick, heh / Negan’s filthy mouth / Smut (Oral with a sprinkle of objectophilia) / Mention of BDSM themes

Forever taglist: @rickdixonandthefandomlifeposts @kinkozan @redisunamused @lupienne @embracetheapocalypsewithme @lovingzombiechaos


The door to the empty penthouse swung open and Negan waltzed in with his wives following, albeit less enthusiastically. He made a mental note of the clothes, books and dishes cluttering the room before he was swarmed by hands, tits and various other body parts, dutifully rubbing against him and he braced himself for what was coming. Sure enough, the five women started bombarding him with a stream of “What did you get us, Negan?” and several variations thereof and it took all of his mental strength not to roll his eyes and just flee into his room.

“A whole lot of food, water and warm clothes that are going to benefit ALL of Sanctuary.”

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