hair-loss

youtube

For trans folk seeking hair loss prevention options - - here is a new video  that I did covering topical, supplemental, medicinal and medical options for hair loss prevention. 

2

These photos are from about 3 weeks ago.

I kept thinking things like “I’ll wait ‘till the New Year to post them” or “I’ll make a video with these photos instead,” but all these thoughts were just deterring me from posting them.  

I like to post photos of myself without a wig on my blog at least once a year or so.  It’s important to me to make myself visible to others with alopecia that might feel alone, and also important in helping me remember I don’t have to hide it or treat it like a secret.  (It’s a little scarier with my rebooted blog because this is a more public blog, and I know that more people I actually know may see it, not just online strangers!)

I don’t ever go out without a wig on, and there are only a handful of people that I feel comfortable to take my wig off in front of.  But my goal is to get past that.  I miss the carefree feeling of being able to take off my wig to go swimming without thinking about how others might be viewing me.  I’m not proud that I’m so afraid to take off my wig to go swimming, even with only my closest friends around.  

Having alopecia doesn’t define me.  I used to be afraid that opening up about alopecia would cause people to see me as “the girl with alopecia” or “that girl that wears wigs,” but now I know that I am so much more than my appearance.  I’m so proud of how far I’ve come in speaking about alopecia, but now it’s time to take the final leap forward– starting to build my confidence without the protection of a wig.

Don’t get me wrong, I love wigs, changing up my wigs, playing with different hairstyles, and I’m so proud that I can finally change wigs regularly without putting myself on the brink of an anxiety attack when people ask me questions about it.  Sure, some of that anxiety still comes back now and then, but it’s not debilitating anymore, and it gets easier each time I face it.  But sometimes I fear that I use the wig as a crutch.  I’m stronger than that.  It’ll take time, but I’m constantly working towards improving my confidence, bit by bit.  How do I expect to encourage others to be alopecia-body-positive if I’m not even 100% there myself?  If I want to have any chance of inspiring others with alopecia to love themselves, I gotta start with myself.

(..I keep getting nervous to post this, thinking, “what if no one even likes it” but then I’m like yo who cares this is something I gotta do for me, the point is not to care how others react, isn’t it? ^-^)

Like the leaves on a tree.
My body shakes with the wind.
Some days it aches from the pressures going on outside and in.
But like a leaves on a tree sometimes my hair falls
I try not to be in despair.
Like a tree.
I try and have faith.

My hair I see as leaves.
Forever changing,.
Growing.
And falling.

Like a leaves on a tree .
I know when I’m ill .
When I’m stressed .
When I’m unbalanced.
When I need help .

Like a leaves on a tree they shed .
From stress.
From illness.
From fear.
From anxiety.
From pain.

Like leaves on a tree we all know they will grow back .
Like a tree it has faith in its branches to create new growth .
Like leaves on a tree they know when it’s time to let go .
Like leaves on a tree they know they don’t have control, whether they stay or if they go.

Alopecia teachers the art of letting go .
Teachers patients.
Teaches understanding and empathy.
But most of all it teaches us to have faith and hope in ourselves,
And others.
To be a tree is,
to have faith in its growth .
To have faith in its strengths, and its weaknesses.
Like a leaves on a tree .
It’s teachers me to Learn to let go.
It teaches me to know what it’s like to have faith.
It teaches me the magic I have to let new leaves grow and to let go once more.
But most of all it teaches me about the greatest things in life.
Like a leaves on a tree it’s the smallest things that create the beauty we see in this world.
By. Priscilla Feleppa

Well, taking a shower is a lot faster now

I’m nearing the end of Round 1 of chemo and I noticed every time I touched my head, hairs were falling out. 

It got pretty bad so I decided yesterday morning I would go get it shaved. I was too nervous to shave myself and didn’t want to end up cutting my head or something. 

So I went where I normally get my hair cut, to the Headquarters in Crocker Park. 

I was the first time I really felt like “a cancer patient.” So far the only people I’ve told have been friends, family, and medical professionals. This was the first time I had to tell a stranger. 

I just walked in and went up to the receptionist and said basically that I didn’t have an appointment, but I normally see Allison, and I was wondering if anyone was free right now because I have cancer and can someone please shave my head. I was stumbling over my words and talking really fast. You can see peoples’ faces change as soon as you say “cancer,” and its awkward and sad and I didn’t want to feel awkward or sad I want to be able to embrace this new haircut and be badass about it. 

They were so nice, Brooke took me back and talked to me. We cut off a bunch of my hair. I told her I had already cut it myself which is why it might look crazy. And she started buzzing my hair. I’ve never had a hair cut like that. It’s kind of nice, almost like a massage and I can see why guys with short hair like to get hair cuts often. I was kind of emotional, I got through almost the entire thing without crying. It wasn’t til the very end, when we had gotten it the right length and were finishing up when this song came on the radio that was one of those super inspirational songs and it was saying things like girl you’re beautiful cause you glow from the inside and all about being strong and crap and I couldn’t help it. 

It’s not just the hair, although I guess that is a big part of it. I loved my hair, probably more than most people like their hair. At my worst, when I felt the fattest, grossest, and most disgusting, I could always say “at least I have nice hair.” I just got lucky with my genes, and lucky enough to meet amazing hair dressers. I had thick gorgeous hair. I could dye it without destroying it. I would literally wash my hair, let it air dry, and it looked wonderful. People would say, “I wasn’t sure it was you, then I saw the hair and knew.” It definitely was a part of my identity. 

But its also just the symbol. Like I look more like what people expect a cancer patient to look like. This is really happening. I’m really putting poison in my body to kill this cancer. I really have to be careful about the smallest things, because patients have died from little colds or a little bacteria. People are going to look at me and feel bad for me. I want that but I don’t want that. 

But it is what it is. 

Female hair loss

Male hair loss is discussed in the media far more frequently than female hair loss. They are both pretty traumatic, but for some reason female hair loss is forgotten about. I personally have struggled with rapid hair loss over the span of a year or so and have gotten professional treatment and advice, so I feel I’m pretty qualified to give my own advice!

1. Diet, make sure you’re getting enough nutrients (especially iron, that is a big one for healthy hair)

2. Silica treatment, it comes in tablets and gel form (you mix it in water and drink) and will DRAMATICALLY change your hair (and nail!!) strength and thickness, and grow lots lots more.

3. Use really good hair products and use them in the correct way but also the best way for you. Obviously not everyone is in a position to buy super fancy expensive hair products, but try and make sure they have keratin in them, but without silicone. Try doing a hair mask every week (I do one every time I wash my hair and my hair is so silky).

4. Heat. I know its hard, but really try not to use heat products on your hair, this makes a huge difference. Make sure if you really need to use heat to use a good heat protectant product, but the thing is, most of them do not work at all. To test if your heat protectant works spray it on your wrist and then blow dry your wrist. Does it hurt? Well then it doesn’t work.

5. For the love of all that is holy, DO NOT USE HAIRSPRAY EVER OH JESUS. It’s not the hairspray that does that damage, its the getting rid of it that does, no matter how you do it it’s detrimental to your hairs health. Try using a dry shampoo or something lighter for volume.

6. If you’re going through a period of extreme hair loss you may deal with mental health/self esteem problems. For me its been about a year and a half since I started rapidly losing my hair, and most of its grown back but will never be the same. It sucks I know. For me the thing that gave me back my confidence hair wise were extensions and this magical thing called hair luxe. Hair luxe is basically makeup for your hair, it attaches to the hair folicles and beefs up every single strand of hair, its honestly life changing.
it’s coming out

its definitely coming out guys

since last night when i run my hands through my hair, hairs come out :(

that’s happened to me all my life but it seems like way more than usual and that it is happening every time…

i have SO MUCH HAIR it’s so thick that i think this could be a slow process

ive read other people having huge chunks come out like in the shower

so im not one hundred percent….

but i think its coming out :(

im trying not to cry

i think its time to go get shaved :(((((