These photos are from about 3 weeks ago.
I kept thinking things like “I’ll wait ‘till the New Year to post them” or “I’ll make a video with these photos instead,” but all these thoughts were just deterring me from posting them.
I like to post photos of myself without a wig on my blog at least once a year or so. It’s important to me to make myself visible to others with alopecia that might feel alone, and also important in helping me remember I don’t have to hide it or treat it like a secret. (It’s a little scarier with my rebooted blog because this is a more public blog, and I know that more people I actually know may see it, not just online strangers!)
I don’t ever go out without a wig on, and there are only a handful of people that I feel comfortable to take my wig off in front of. But my goal is to get past that. I miss the carefree feeling of being able to take off my wig to go swimming without thinking about how others might be viewing me. I’m not proud that I’m so afraid to take off my wig to go swimming, even with only my closest friends around.
Having alopecia doesn’t define me. I used to be afraid that opening up about alopecia would cause people to see me as “the girl with alopecia” or “that girl that wears wigs,” but now I know that I am so much more than my appearance. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come in speaking about alopecia, but now it’s time to take the final leap forward– starting to build my confidence without the protection of a wig.
Don’t get me wrong, I love wigs, changing up my wigs, playing with different hairstyles, and I’m so proud that I can finally change wigs regularly without putting myself on the brink of an anxiety attack when people ask me questions about it. Sure, some of that anxiety still comes back now and then, but it’s not debilitating anymore, and it gets easier each time I face it. But sometimes I fear that I use the wig as a crutch. I’m stronger than that. It’ll take time, but I’m constantly working towards improving my confidence, bit by bit. How do I expect to encourage others to be alopecia-body-positive if I’m not even 100% there myself? If I want to have any chance of inspiring others with alopecia to love themselves, I gotta start with myself.
(..I keep getting nervous to post this, thinking, “what if no one even likes it” but then I’m like yo who cares this is something I gotta do for me, the point is not to care how others react, isn’t it? ^-^)