my mental health is seriously on such a downward spiral these last few weeks. my BDD has been on a downward spiral for the last couple of months bc of my hair and skin issues, but suddenly my anxiety is getting hit hard. It started with panic attacks outside of my house which isn’t that bad because I have always had some agoraphobia but I would get a panic attack like every couple of months tops… but now I’m getting them at ryan’s and in my own home. I got a really bad one yesterday at ryan’s house where I was like GO TO YOUR NEIGHBORS HOUSE AND CALL THE AMBULANCE because I didn’t have my phone or xanax so i couldn’t call my mom to save me or have access to xanax so basically i had no access to something that would calm me down from a panic attack, which gave me the panic attack. not having an exit from a potential panic attack is what gives me a panic attack. today I had one at home and one in my car with my mom and ryan while watching fireworks because my mom said “we cant leave for now, there are cars surrounding us” which sent me into ‘theres no exit, no way to have reprieve from a panic attack’ mode which is what causes a panic attack. so mid fireworks we had to leave because I was screaming from the anxiety and I was literally shitting my pants (I had diarrhea I think from how bad my anxiety is, tmi but just a good illustration of how bad it is). and that was after I almost didn’t go out because of how ugly I feel, even though I stayed in the car the whole time + it was night time. basically I don’t feel safe unless I’m at home. this is a new twist to my fucked up life. why. why.
needles to say I upped my lexapro from 10 mg back to 20 mg (I had quit for a couple of months and had to disappointingly go back on 10 mg but was hoping on remaining on that lower dose)