My self esteem has taken a huge hit since I cut off all my hair and I’m honestly so glad. I have been shattered. I got rid of something I was known for to an extent. I used my hair as a safety net. I let it define me. I relied on it a lot and I got a ton of attention for it. All the people flipping out over it telling me to grow it back just proves what a big deal it was and still is. I am forced to look at myself as a human being and decide who I am. I’m redefining myself. Some people are saying I’m being dramatic and it’s just hair or that I talk about it too much but I think it just shows how much people don’t understand. My appearance is such a huge part of my identity and it’s wrong. It’s harmful to me. I feel so much pressure to look perfect every day and if I don’t I feel like I don’t matter or I’m letting everyone down. Obviously that is so dramatic and not true at all but it’s such a weak spot for me. When people say things like “sorry you look better with long hair” or “you were prettier before” it can hurt me so bad if it’s at the wrong moment. I am so detached most of the time it really doesn’t affect me but if someone catches me in a weak moment it can get to me and bring me down. I’m tired of seeing myself for my outer shell. I’m tired of feeling scared people don’t love me anymore. As if the entire world loved me before anyway omg 🙄😑 the people who are telling me I’m not pretty anymore never loved me to begin with and I don’t want their approval or anything from them really. I need to stop caring about people who don’t know me. Everyone close to me has been SO supportive and encouraging and it’s been so fun. When I’m calm and comfortable and I look at my hair, my natural reaction is pure happiness. There is no fear, no doubt, no questions. I love my hair! If I wanna grow it out later I will but right now I do love it and want to keep it for a while. I only think about growing it out when the desire to please people starts to creep back in. Thoughts of growing it out come from a place of fear and that sucks. This entire new chapter has been about ditching fear and it genuinely has been so positive. There is the negative undercurrent of fear, yes, but it doesn’t negate the good. I want this to stop. People can and will say whatever they want but I’m doing my part to cut off all negativity. My self esteem is more important than random insensitive strangers on the internet who prefer long-haired women. There are so many accounts you can look at if you want some rapunzel chick. I can’t live for other people. Again, it’s not that they don’t love me anymore, it’s that they never did. The people that know me are so supportive because they know it’s not that big of a deal and that I am SO MUCH MORE THAN MY HAIR. But I need to remind myself of that!!!! And it’s time I show that to the world too. I have so much to share, so much I’ve created and so much that I think about and I intend to put that into the world this year. I am actually finding myself for the first time outside of my appearance. I’m seeing myself in a new light. Of course I’ve always been aware of the fact that I’m more than my looks, I consciously understand that but I can actually FEEL it now. I didn’t truly believe it before. I guess what I hope you guys can take away from this is that if people are defining you by something superficial or if YOU are, challenge that. You are more than what people say about you, what you look like, your circumstances, really anything external. You’re so much more. We have to get in touch with our value as humans, feel it, believe it, live it and SHARE it with the world. Confidence comes from knowing you are full of light and goodness and that no one can change that. I’m only sharing myself with safe people, people who know and understand me. I’m going to continue to be myself to the fullest and put myself out there but I’m no longer giving weight to what people think of my appearance. Of course it’s hard but I welcome the challenge. If I like it, that’s all that matters. My happiness is important and so is yours. So anyway I just wanted to update you guys on my life and let you know that recently I’ve been struggling with this but I’m working through it. If it seems like I’m always dealing with something, it’s because I am hahaha. That’s life when you’re in touch with your feelings, it’s not bad! It’s more challenging but WAY more fulfilling at the end of the day. I love feeling my feelings and acknowledging them and dealing with them, I didn’t always do that and my life was nowhere near as good as it is now. Overall I’m happy and very optimistic, I’m working on myself, my relationships, my music and my health and this year is already turning out to be one of the best yet, despite some bumps. Love you guys and hope this helps you understand me a little more 💜

EDIT: I wanna add on to the first thought that I’m glad my self esteem has been shattered. I wrote this in between takes while shooting a cover today and I forgot to finish that idea. I’m glad I’ve been shattered because I was building myself on a flimsy foundation. My infrastructure was so shaky and flawed, I was doing okay but I needed to be rebuilt. Those pieces of me that were clinging to other people’s opinions and approval needed to crumble so I could rebuild into a better, stronger version of myself. This is a theme in my life. Every few years, whatever pieces of me start to go in a bad direction are eventually destroyed and then I rebuild into a better version of myself haha