hahahaha... what am i doing

OKAY SIT DOWN EVERYONE IMMA TELL THE STORY OF TONIGHT (an incidental Hamilton reference) ANYWAYS YEAH

RECENTLY I started watching Thomas Sanders ( @thatsthat24 ) and tonight I was just really stressing out about life because I have this really important thing due in like 3 days and I haven’t even started it ahhhh but let’s not talk about that ANYWAYS I was feeling really anxious and I knew I was about to have an anxiety attack so I tried to think about ways that I could calm myself down and because I had just started watching Thomas my first through went to the character/personification Anxiety and decided - I don’t know /why/ I decided this - to try to make myself look like Anxiety. And it just gets cringier from here on out.

So I ran into my mom’s room and just like tore up the place and just pulled out some eyeshadow/eyeliner/eye makeup stuff whatever you call it and I just ran into the bathroom and shut the door and was just like “I can’t breathe I’m about to have an anxiety attack what a great time to finally figure out how to use makeup.” Now might be a good time to mention I have never done makeup in my entire life. Not on myself, not on others, and I never really thought I would ever actually wear makeup but like whatever . Anyways so I’m just like really new to the world of any sort of makeup related thing but I didn’t have any sort of clothing items that could remind me of Anxiety so I just decided “Okay I’m going to do the eye thing that Anxiety has” and so I just did that. 

Half way through it I realized I was grinning ear to ear and I wasn’t panicking anymore. I have never actually been able to successfully escape an anxiety attack before. I just want to send a thanks to Thomas for making this personification of Anxiety so I could put my own mind into perspective and it gave me the chance to get out of the way of an attack I’ve never been able to avoid before. Also, this me looking cringy as all hell after finally finishing it because I can’t makeup to save my life hahaha :

Thanks again, Thomas! And thanks to @bbg100 for actually getting me into Thomas Sanders (yes I started watching him after you mentioned him). This has actually been something really important to me. : ) To anyone who doesn’t think that YouTubers can help people, I am proof that you are wrong. 

Its so strange that in a world full of people in multiple relations i choose to be alone. I cannot describe it. It is horrible to feel alone and to have nobody to share your feelings with. But its my own choice. I myself chose to live alone away from everyone else and to cut off my good friends and never talk to them again. Hhmmmm i think i am trying to keep myself pure for my spouse but what if i couldn’t adjust with them either. I have mental health issues,trust issues, i am not stable most of the times and need medication to sleep. How will someone ever accept me. Everything looks perfect from above the surface but deep inside everything is broken and ruined. And lately i have developed this habit of running away from people and cutting them off my life. I am afraid of people now. I think i have become like Mrs. Dubose from to kill a mockingbird, its so difficult to fight my own demons.

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♩ ♫ What is this feeling, so sudden and new…  ♩ ♫

Person: You run an MBTI blog? Ha, you really believe in that crap?

Me: hahahaha nooo, what do you think I am, some kind of hardcore personality theorist who attempts to overly analyze their every cognitive process, thought, and preference, and attribute it to either some form of cognitive function or core motivation? Hahahahakillmepleaseimalreadydeadinside

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Ellie Goulding performing @ Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 

anonymous asked:

Omg who are you? You are everywhere and seem so cool??? HOW??? EXPLAIN ME THE SECRET

HAHAHAHA What do you mean by I am everywhere? And AH GASH OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH. LIKE HONESTLY. THANK YOU. <3