hahahaha why do i hate happiness

where stiles and derek get their freak on after a life threatening situation (as YOU DO), and they’re are all urgent and quick and snarky, and derek just wants to fuck but stiles is being too gentle or something, which leads them to pause and stiles is like “wow i’m gonna have sex with derek hale what the fuck” which means he won’t be able to ignore that fact later on and claim it was a sudden impulse and unpredictable URGE. he thinks “fuck it” and dives back it, even slower and sweeter, and derek closes his eyes and enjoys it for a while like yeaaaaah, but then!!! he flips a kiss-drunk stiles on his back, to speed up the proceedings, and stiles is all like “wowowowow i was trying to romance you fuck u” and derek is all “i don’t need romance i need your dick” which makes stiles smirk and ramble on like a true bro about his dick (“well…… i mean it’s a pretty nice dick i have to admit, no need to get all NEEDY derek god, you’re embarrassing yourself dude hahaHAHA–ha–omg”), and derek jerks him off to make him falter and stammer (it works), it works so much in fact that stiles starts cursing and breathing heavily and calling god or whatever. derek is all “would you calm down? we haven’t even started yet” and the only thing keeping stiles from coming is the fear of actually coming too soon and embarrassing himself. it’s the sheer will of not giving derek the satisfaction that makes him hold off.  he bemoans the fact that the snarkier and meaner derek gets, the more turned on he is. like a fucked up pavlov response.

also maybe!!!! one of them calls the other baby or honey and they’re thoroughly weirded out like wtf was that? they’re just fucking NOTHING MORE NUH UH. and it keeps happening and whoever does it curses themselves like “whyyyyy why is this happening ew ew ewwwww” while the other is like “ummmm O_O” because they don’t really own up to the relationship, keep having quick fucks here and there but refuse to see the obviouuuuuuuuuus, which is that they’re in love and should be together 6ever. so it’s supremely awkward to hang out with someone you’re supposed to barely tolerate when the words “don’t worry baby, i’ll make you feel good” have left your mouth. it’s like going to a party all fancy and classy and pretend you’re casually dressed like, come on bro. NO. it’s weird, it’s awkward why would you do this. BUT THE NEXT STEP would be the “oops fuck i fucked up i’m actually super into you hahahaha please let’s date but don’t think i’m HAPPY about it” step.

and like, i imagine they’d CONFESS to each other dramatically and angrily (because it’s my favorite way of seeing it happen). stiles would spit something like, “i hate your sorry ass and i hope you stumble in front of a car and they actually run you over!” and derek would fake outrage, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “damn, i would hurt for a whole two minutes before healing, it’d be so awful. you always know just what to say to hurt my feelings.” and stiles would like, mentally roll up his sleeves like “oh BOY I’M GONNA WRECK U you asked for it” except he suddenly doesn’t remember what they’re arguing about and he deflates like a sad and confused balloon, and he just gives up, because it dawns on him that he’s FEELING things of THE IMPORTANT KIND. derek is kind of unsettled by the lack of response and they just stare at each other and he snaps, “WHAT” a little warily, like he’s expecting retribution at some point, but stiles just shrugs, like “i hate you so much i went way too far with it and fell in love?” and derek takes a step back like, hoooooooooooooooly shit what do you do in the face of absolute earnestness??? it just takes the wind right out of his sails and he furiously defends himself with the only thing he’s got left which is not much, lemme tell you, so he’s forced to tell THE TRUTH: “well me fucking too, you happy now???? now what.”

WELL I’LL TELL YOU WHAT, when they do acknowledge their feelings, the pet names naturally, but abruptly stop, like their brain is over trying to embarrass them. cause instead of muttering an awkward “sweetheart” in stiles’s ear, derek will just nuzzle up under his chin and settle down to sleep, instead of a whispered “baby” in a dirty voice, stiles will just press both hands on derek’s ass to urge him to go faster, instead of the bizarre “honey” that they sometimes used to tack on the end of a sentence, they just angle their face just so and the other will drop a small, sweet kiss on their lips automatically. sometimes derek is like “let’s fuck” and some other time stiles is like “let’s make love!!!” and sometimes they just fool around and stiles makes derek laugh so hard when he bumps his head on the headboard that they forget about having sex??? 

i honestly don’t remember where i was going with this????   tl;dr: STEREK