Summary- Jeremy and Michael are married and have two kids Roux (pronounced Roo) and Miles Jeremy is on the PTA at their school. Jeremy is home sick with the flu and can’t make it to the weekly PTA meeting. Michael volunteers to go for Jeremy despite the fact Jeremy says he wont like it. Michael goes anyway and has to deal with the homophobic and slightly racist suburban soccer moms that make up the PTA.
warnings- mild cursing, homophobic talk and slurs. (nothing too bad though)
word count - 1751
“Oh please Jeremy, I’ll be fine its just one meeting” Michael said confidently. “ I don’t know man the moms over there can be, judgey. I don’t think you will like it. I’ll just go it will be fine.” Jeremy said. “ No you’re sick and you need to rest. I’ll go to the meeting for you.” Michael reassured him. “ But if you want me to rest who’s gonna watch the kids” Jeremy asked. “ Roux is upstairs playing videogames and Miles is at Will’s house working on their school project. The kids are fine. You just sit here and rest I will go to the meeting and I will take notes for you and fill you in on what you miss ok.” Michael says with a smile. “ Fine.” sighed Jeremy. “ Get some rest. I love you.” said Michael. “ I love you to” Michael kissed Jeremy on the forehead and left.
Michael parked his car in a parking lot filled with mini vans and walked in to the school gym. In side was a few folding tables pushed together to make one larger table and off to the side where two more tables filled with home made and store bought goodies. Michael quickly saw he was the only dad there. He awkwardly shuffled over to the table of treats and grabbed a cookie. It was disgusting. “ Like the cookies, I made them. Their gluten free you know”. A blonde lady stood behind him with a chilling smile. “ I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before. I’m Gale.” she beamed. “ Oh, I’m Michael and I’m filling in for Jeremy for the day, he’s home with the flu.” he said. “Aw the poor dear. How do you know Jeremy are you his brother in law or friend or,” Gale questioned. “ Oh no I’m Jeremy’s husband.” Michael stated with pride. The color in Gales face drained away. “ I see. Well then, lets start this meeting and not waste anymore time. Shall we.” she hissed. She marched over to the table and sat down the rest of the moms followed soon after. “ Good morning ladies. And guest.” Gale said with a glare towards Michael. “Now before we start we have someone … new with us today.” she said threw gritted teeth. All of the mothers turned to face Michael. “ Please introduce yourself.” Gale stared at him with cold dead eyes. “ Hello my name is Michael and I’m filling in for my husband Jeremy today because he’s home sick.” The room was eerily silent. The mother to his left scooted her chair away from Michael and clung on to a cross neckless she wore. “ Now,” Gale started, “lets-” “Wait umm before we start, where is the bathroom.” Michael interrupted. “ Down the hall and to the left.” Gale said with a fake smile. Michael quickly got up and walked to the restroom.
Once they thought Michael was out of ear shot the chatter begain. “ I always knew something was off about Jeremy , but being gay.” said Gale. “ I would have guessed he was a Liberal or one of those crazy parents who gives his kids vaccines, but never gay. He seemed so normal, well not normal but you know what I mean.” said a redheaded woman. “ I know what you mean Helen.” said Gale. “ I knew he was crazy from the beginning. Even before I knew he was gay. I knew he wasn’t right In the head, I mean Jeremy all ready admitted to marrying someone who wasn’t white. But now this. Unbelievable!” exclaimed a burnet mother at the end of the table. “ We should have listened to you sooner Lindsey.” stated Helen. The woman clutching on to her cross necklace let go, sat up straight ,and spoke up. “ It’s no wonder poor Roux and Miles are so screwed up.” said Mary.
“Excuse me?” said Michael from the door way. “ What did you just say about my children?” Mary shuttered in fear and grabbed back on to her necklace. “ Y-you heard u-us?” stammered Mary. “ Yes, or at least I think you did so can you please repeat what you just said. Because I think I just heard you insult my kids so can you please repeat your self so I can make sure I’m not going crazy and I really just heard that.” demanded Michael. “ I think you need to calm down.” said Gale. “We don’t need any more angry gays.” mumbled Helen to herself. Michael’s eyes widened with anger and he walked over to the tables full of sweets. He then looked her right in the eyes and flipped a 10 x 12 pan of sugar free brownies. “ My brownies!” cried out Helen. “ Fight me Helen.” Michael said with a straight face. Helen shot out from her chair reeling and slammed her fists on the table. “ How dare you!” she screamed. “Helen please! We are civilized people, you do not need to go to violence. We have morals, unlike someone.” Gale said with a sharp glare in Michaels direction. “ Insulting my family, is that what we call morals now?” said Michael sternly. “ No, but following the lords will and not corrupting the minds of young children is.” hissed Lindsey. “ Corrupting? Really?” Michael sarcastically. “ You heard me.” Said Lindsey puffing her chest. “ Just look at Miles. Just the other day he said his favorite color was pink. That’s a girl color, and Roux the poor thing. She refuses to wear dresses and skirts and spends all her time talking about zombies and video games. Things are they way they are for boys and girls for a reason and we don’t need people like you and Jeremy raising kids incorrectly.” she stated mater of factly. “ Look you can insult me all you want but you do not get to speak about my children or Jeremy like that. Got it.” said Michael his voice low all most a growl. “ Fine, now lets get on with the meeting ok.” said Gale. Michael walked back to the table and sat down. Mary whispered a prayer as he took his seat next to her. “ Now the first thing we need to discuss is the drama department. The auditions for Romeo and Juliet are coming to a close and the drama teacher is considering having a boy play the role of the nurse. She is receiving complaints from parents, some saying the role should go to a girl and others saying if the kid can play the part he should have it. She would like our opinions on the matter.” Gale read off of a clip board in front of her. “ I think that if the boy can play the role better then a girl he should have it. Who cares if it was written for a girl.” Michael said with a smile. “ Of course you would think that, damn fag.” muttered Helen. “ What was that?” said Michael anger bubbling inside him again. “ You heard what I said. What are you going to do about it?” mocked Helen. “Oh I’ll show you what I’m gonna do bitch!” Michael shouted as he shot out of his seat and flung the papers in front of him at Helen. Soon all the mothers and Michael where standing and shouting at each other papers and baked goods where flying. Gale stood on top of a table and shouted above all the commotion, “ ENOUGH! I SAID ENOUGH!” ,the room fell silent as she continued, “ THIS MEETING IS OFFICALY OVER! AND YOU” , she pointed at Michael, “ I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU OR YOUR DISGUSTING HUSBAND AT ONE OF THESE MEETINGS EVER AGAIN! I REFUSE TO HAVE SUCH LOW LIFE AND SINFUL PARENTS REPERSENTING US! MEETING ADJOURNED!’ she screeched. The room was quite. “ Well I will see you lovely ladies at parent teacher night. And Gale, your cookies are disgusting.” Michael said with a smile as Gale gasped. He walked out of the room avoiding stepping on the various cakes and cookies on the floor.
“ I’m back!” Michael announced as he walked threw the front door. “ How was it?” asked Jeremy on the couch sniffling. “ Oh it was great!” Michael said beaming. “ Wait, what, really, it went good. N-nothing went wrong.” Jeremy said shocked. “ Yeah it was awesome.” Michael said. “ Wow I’m impressed.” Jeremy looked at Michael. “ What went wrong.” asked Jeremy. Michael glanced to the side “ Wha- nothing went wrong Jer bear ” “ Don’t Jer bear me. I know your lying, I’ve known you for nineteen years I can tell when your lying Michael.” Jeremy said staring at his husband. “ Michael.” he said sternly. “ Guess who got us banned from the PTA haha ha…” Michael said bashfully. “ Oh my God Michael.” Jeremy said burying his face in to his hands. “ You ok Jeremy, uh Jeremy are you ok? Jer bear? You ok?” Michael asked concerned. Jeremy was quite. “ I’m really sorry. But they where talking bad about the kids, and about you and us being married and then I got all defensive and-” Jeremy erupted in to laughter “ Jeremy?” “ H-Holy shit dude! hahaha You- you actually got us banned! hahahahahaha Oh my god! You fought the soccer moms! ahahahahahaha this is too funny!” laughed Jeremy. “So your not mad?” asked Michael. “ No I’m not mad this is hilarious dude. I cant believe this. Dude you got-you got us banned for being gay hahahahahaha I can’t breath! ” Jeremy wheezed. “ So your not mad that I yelled at Gale, or flipped Helens brownies?” Michael asked. “ No dude I hate Gale and Helen their stuck up bitches. And Gales cookies are awful.” Jeremy smiled. “ Bro her baking is so bad man!” Michael laughed. “ Wait, did you say you flipped Helens brownies?” asked Jeremy. “… Yes…” said Michael hesitantly. “ I love you so much.” chuckled Jeremy as he kissed Michael on the cheek. They both laughed as they sat down on the couch. “ Man, Gale really is a bitch.” stated Michael. “ Dude tell me about it.” said Jeremy rolling his eyes as they snuggled together on the couch still laughing about all that happened at this weeks PTA meeting.