Sometimes I hear myself say shit my abuser said and it makes me so scared
I dont wanna turn into him, i dont want to be that horrible towards people i care about??
It has me questioning and backtracking stuff, trying to make sure what i’m saying isnt thinly veiled manipulation. Trying to make sure i dont back anyone against a wall with my words or force them to say shit they dont mean
But also finding that balance between being honest about how i feel because i shouldnt have to hide what im feeling to spare someone else the knowledge that I feel uncomfortable or bad because of them.
I don’t want my personal relationships to mirror anything like the one i had and if something starts to feel reminiscent of that then something is surely wrong.
Sorry, not sorry. :’D This happens between the crushing KanaMari hug and the recruitment of Dia.
(Explanation: You can’t tell me they won’t need this talk. Not after all these feels. This needs to be adressed. :’) )
The both of
them had calmed down a while ago. Yet, they were still clinging to each other
as if their life depended on it. If Kanan and Mari were both honest, they did.
Somehow. They had sat down, Kanan’s back leaning against the shelves opposite
to the door and Mari in her lap, face buried in the other girl’s shoulder.
of thoughts were running through Kanan’s mind. All of them connected to Mari or
them, including Dia. She had meant well. When she hadn’t sung in Tokyo, what
would become somewhat like a trap to their relationship and yet a key to it as
well. All the times she had denied the blonde, two years ago or now. Everything
she had done had never been done with an ill intent.
one memory in particular lingered in her mind. Had been for a couple of days,
if she would be honest. When she had called Mari down to the docks, flashlight in
hand like it used to be, just to turn her down.
half expected the blonde to be asleep, seeing that she didn’t move. But she was
wrong, as she felt Mari shifting in her arms slightly and tugging her head
right under Kanan’s chin.
sorry.”, she began. “For making you feel abandoned. For the docks… when I just…
hurt. When Kanan, the one person who had always looked after her and who she
would always look after, had walked right past her, not turning back. Mari had
locked herself up in her room the whole night. She had cried, couldn’t even
remember when she had fallen asleep.
this seemed like a distant memory, at least to Mari. “Don’t sweat it. It’s all
alright now, isn’t it?”
her hold a little. “I suppose it is.”
back into a comfortable silence, each of them cherishing the moment they had
waited for for two long years.
probably learn to communicate a little better. Else something like this will
happen again. And I don’t think Dia can handle as this drama a second time.”
The blonde started to chuckle but was interrupted when she had to sneeze.
“I have a
better idea.” Kanan loosened her hold around Mari under small protest. When
Mari looked up, pouting, she felt another forehead touching hers. Seeing the
bluch creeping on her features, Kanan giggled. “Let’s get you dried up first.”
nodded, but neither of them moved.
you.” The blonde said, lazily falling into Kanan’s frame to get carried away later.
Dia, on the
other hand, pushed herself away from the wall beside the door, walking towards
the student council office with a serene smile and a single tear rolling down
do you ever just think about the people you used to have a crush on and just wanna go back in time and swat yourself with a newspaper like “ no !! bad !! have some fucking self respect you’re better than that!! ”