had to go and ruin my life

anonymous asked:

that elderly man who would call us and once he got help with his "problem" he'd keep us on the phone for 30+ minutes to talk about his life story, and wouldn't let us end the call and we couldn't hang up. You had to do a "okay good day bye" and hang up FAST or he'd keep going. He was infamous. WE HAVE TIME GOALS if I go over my goals that is bad for me. I get that you're lonely but if you ruin my numbers by talking about race cars? fuck you.

My phone would suddenly suffer a random disconnect issue. I would just keep talking till the next call started. Whoopsie…

-Rodney

Stuff My Dad Said During Hamilton (Act 2)
  • What'd I Miss: This guy sounds like a pompous asshole.
  • Cabinet Battle #1: That's that line you like. The shoe fitting one. You've said that too much...
  • Take A Break: Where's the third sister? Did she die? Is she okay?
  • Say No To This: ...damn...just...damn...
  • The Room Where It Happens: I want to feel bad for Burr but he's reminding me of those 'try too hard' kids. Like you.
  • Schuyler Defeated: I knew he was gonna turn into a huge dick.
  • Cabinet Battle #2: He sounds like you did in kindergarten. "He was my friend first!" I think you said that word for word.
  • Washington On Your Side: LANGUAGE!
  • One Last Time: If only he had known what was going to happen to our country...
  • I Know Him: And here comes the other George.
  • The Adams Administration: Spiteful little dude...
  • We Know: Snitches get stitches.
  • Hurricane: This guy's life kinda sucks...
  • The Reynolds Pamphlet: No one ruining your life? Don't worry! Ruin your own...apparently.
  • Burn: If only she had actually burned him. Like. Revenge bitch.
  • Blow Us All Away: Oh yeah mini Hamiltons.
  • Stay Alive (Reprise): Does...Does everyone die? (Me: Eventually) Okay there's no need for smart ass comments.
  • It's Quiet Uptown: I'm now in like...a state of hurt and anger and...how?
  • Election Of 1800: That first note actually scared me...
  • Your Obedient Servant: Hamilton's disrespect? Doesn't Burr call his mom a whore every five songs?
  • Best Of Wives And Best Of Women: I've never been more emotionally hurt by a musical...
  • The World Was Wide Enough: Ah yes. I shall call this Act, "Stab You In The Heart Repeatedly".
  • Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: ...who the fuck is telling Peggy's story?
  • Me: ok ok i'm not going to become obsessed with any more things that could ruin my life
  • Me, being introduced to three podcasts, seven musicals, four TV shows, nine movies, two bands and twelve books: well shit
10

花樣年華: THE NOTES [4/x]

석진 - PART 2
13 June YEAR 22

It has been two years since Hoseok’s name appeared on my phone screen.

“Hyung, Jungkook got into a car accident.” 

I cannot recall how long I had sat at the foot of my bed back then, staring at my phone until the screen dimmed before it eventually turned black. Even in the haze of guilt, my thoughts had been all over the place and I remember grabbing the one that meant the most to me.

What had I done?

Two solid years have passed without a single phone call from my friends. I deserve it. I had taken their trust and crushed it with my bare hands. I hadn’t realized what I had, what I would not have given up if I had the chance to live my life all over again. Somehow, the world has its funny way of holding up your happiness and dangling it above you like a dog treat. Merciless. Ruthless. And I fell for it, like a gullible fool who only knew how to be selfish.

I am sorry. I really am. If I had a chance, I would want to go back into time, to tell my present that his future was ruined all because he hadn’t realised, that the world had already given him all the love he could get in the form of six best friends. Once upon a time, Fate had looked at me with sadness in her eyes and said, “be content,” and I had replied with “I can’t.”

She must have been offended, because this is the harshest punishment one can ever get.

storyline and gifs © dearmyjimin 

Paranoia | M

“Does it look like I want to be stuck with you for the rest of my life?”

[gif cr]

Précis; Because waking up beside the one you have always despised isn’t something that you thought would ever actually happen.

Note: Since this post was eaten awhile back, I had to rewrite it..good thing my memory is A1 lol. *whispers* this is hella revamped so if you read it before..it’s 85% different | Words ➳ 11k

Genre & Warnings: Fluff, humor and minor angst. O h, & light smut. ((: {ft. Jungkook} | enemies to lovers au

➳ paranoia ; suspicion and mistrust of people or their actions without evidence and justification.


It was the tinkling of ice that rummaged within your glass of liquor that you debated whether to drink the contents and regret it the day after or to deny the free offer the bartender had given you; to try their new bottle they had promptly started to sell within the specific bar. Your eyes narrowed towards the softly fizzing contents inside your glass, scrutinizing the bubbles as they dispersed after floating about the liquid for more than a few seconds — having wasted their purpose as they popped small amounts of gas within the air. You were so entranced, giving yourself thousands of reasons why drinking at that moment shouldn’t even be debatable to notice the bartender laugh under his breath.

“It’s not going to kill you, you know.” He said, shaking a blender cup before he started to pour someone else a glass of alcohol.

You pursed your lips, glancing to your phone hoping you would receive a text back but to your dismay, you had received nothing. “It may not kill me,” you started while you softly flicked the glass with your finger as the crushed ice began to dance with one another, “but it will ruin my life.”

He hummed, resting his elbow on the counter and towards your sober state of mind, sliding the cup a little closer to you. “But it may also give you something to live for.”

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he really laid out the fact that he had around 70 song ideas… 70… and then he only picked 10 to go on his album which means it’s literally hand picked to fuck me up? it’s carefully chosen to ruin my life? it’s meticulously organized to send all my organs flying into my throat? they’re the most important ones to him that he wants to show people and I’m seconds from death already?

inspired by this video (sfw, but a sex toy is being used as car repair, so take that as you will)

“Laura’s gonna flip,” Derek says in dismay, looking at the huge dent in the driver’s side door of the Camaro. Her most precious possession, the car she’d been saving up for forever, the car she waxes and washes every weekend, the car that she let Derek borrow to go to the Mathletes competition in San Francisco because Derek had a basketball game on Friday and couldn’t make the official school bus, the car that Laura made him swear his life on, is now forever ruined.

“Damn, if there ever was a good place to curse, that would have been it,” Stiles says, crossing his arms and looking far more attractive than he had the right to. “C’mon, Derek. Just say it. Fuck.”

Derek blushes, watching the word tumble out of Stiles’ pink mouth. “No, I… there’s gotta be a way to fix it. But if I call her insurance people she’s gonna know…”

“It’s totally my fault,” Stiles says. “I was the one who wanted to go to Tastee Freeze on the way back, and let some dingbat hit you in the parking lot. Actually, it’s their fault, whoever can’t drive.”

Derek shakes his head. It’s his fault. He’d been having too much fun this weekend; he’d spent practically all of it with Stiles. He’d had a crush on him forever— in fact, joined Mathletes at his request, and the whole year of practice, of spending afternoons with Stiles poring over math problems, watching Stiles lick Cheeto dust off his fingers— it’s been too much. Coupled with the fact that Stiles actually just plain forgot to catch the bus on Friday, and then caught a ride with Derek, meant hours in the car listening to him sing along to Hamilton and muddle through the rap bits, and sleeping next to him in the four-to-a-room motel Saturday night, and waking up with Stiles’ face smashed into his shoulder.

Derek had been too overwhelmed by it all, too overwhelmed by Stiles. Getting the chance to spend time with his friend this weekend had just intensified his feelings, and he knows there’s no chance that Stiles will ever feel the same, so he’s just drinking it all in, savoring these moments when he can.

It had been a terrible parking job, the Camaro was at a weird angle, that’s why the person rounding the turn had hit him. Derek sighs. He guesses it’s for the best. He’ll just have to pay Laura back. For forever.

Stiles is studying the door, eyes narrowed in concentration. “Actually, it’s not that bad. They didn’t even scratch it. It’s just a dent. With the right amount of leverage…”

“I’m sorry, do you happen to have a magical car-door fixer in your overnight bag?”

Somehow, this causes Stiles to turn bright red. “Okay. I have an idea. But you have to promise not to laugh.”

“Okay…?”

Derek watches, perplexed, as Stiles pulls his duffle bag out of the back seat, and then rummages around in it.

“Promise not to laugh,” Stiles repeats.

“I promise.” Derek is confused, but sincere.

Stiles pulls a bright blue dildo out of the bag. It’s springy, and jiggles a little with the movement. There’s a thick vein running along the side, and the base even has… balls.

Derek’s brain short circuits, an image of Stiles, naked, working himself on the girth of the toy, his mouth open, panting, as he tries to get the right angle, skin flushed pink from pleasure…

“Fuck,” Derek says.

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Here’s the thing.

I am a transgender man (see photo of my mug for context).

I love all trans people and I love non binary people. But lately some of my trans spaces (both on the web and irl) that are mainly non binary have started to feel a little hostile.

I want to make something perfectly clear before I continue - I love and respect non binary people, I think their genders are valid and I am in no way suggesting they are any less important that myself or any other binary trans person. I also need you to understand that this isn’t meant to be a post calling out non binary people at all, it is just me talking about my personal experiences in the hope that it can get people to be a little more considerate sometimes?

In university spaces, it seems that there is a growing population of non binary people that tends to dominate trans groups. Which is good in lots of ways, especially since it shows how this generation has become much more relaxed and aware that gender is a construct and fluidity is key. However, amongst people I know there is a lot of ‘ew gross men’, or 'ew gross trans men that are masculine’, while at the same time being predominantly DFAB populations.

Now trust me, I very much understand the dislike a lot of dfab trans people have of men. A lot of us are survivors and I think that does play a big part in how we feel about the gender overall. Not to mention it is not uncommon for men to be, for lack of a better word- wankers. However, I don’t think people consider trans men when we are talking about this.

Making a comment like 'ew men are so fucking gross’ to a room of trans people means that to a trans man you are saying one of two things - 1) you are gross, or 2) you aren’t gross because you’re not a Real Man, and you are excluded from this statement because you are and always will be, partly a woman. Even now I feel uncomfortable 'complaining’ about this. I have to remind myself that just as suggesting that a trans woman is somehow different to other women would be considered incredibly offensive, so is it for trans men.

I didn’t realise how much this stuff affected me until it did. Constantly being around people that talk about, how body hair on men is gross, masculinity is by default toxic, making jokes about my masculinity being toxic when I excitedly tell people that I’ve started going to the gym and its making me feel better about my body. No, it’s not funny. It’s MY dysphoria I’m trying to ease. I as a trans person want to feel supported and loved when I do things that have a chance of making me feel good about my body.

It hit me like a brick wall when I realised how much it had affected me. I was with my partner, and was trying to have sex, but I just broke down. I felt so incredibly disgusted with my body and myself. So much hair, so masculine. The noises I made, gross. The way I touched him, creepy. I couldn’t get out of my head the idea that later in life he would talk to people about how gross and unshaven I was, just like I had heard friends describe ex boyfriends so many times before.

I felt cheated because these were the changes I WANTED my body to make. But now they felt ruined. Spoiled.
It was after that realisation that I decided I had to get out. I stopped going to some of student socials and instead started attending a group for older trans people. It was so refreshing to meet other trans men for once (just because I rarely meet them at uni, and it was nice to talk to someone similar.) It was awesome to be around people who weren’t shitty about trans people being stealth (as I remember I once was.)

There are some important things to take away from all of this:

1) Telling trans boys and men that they are disgusting for wanting to be like men will only destroy self esteem and feed into the toxic environment that a lot of cis boys grow up in.

2) Non binary people are extremely valid and awesome, but also must accept they have a responsibility to cultivate a supportive and friendly atmosphere in spaces where they are dominant (I put this in here for university spaces especially)

3) Laughing at a trans man/woman for being excessively masc/fem presenting if you are a dfab nb person who mainly presents as fem or androgynous is facetious and not respecting that they may have to present that way to stay safe, (especially in the case of trans women that may be more 'obviously trans’) and that despite suffering prejudice in many ways, the one thing you are not realistically facing is street violence and such because you inevitably are not going to be clocked as trans. (which yes, does NOT make your transness invalid but we have to respect the different struggles people in our community face.)

4) Someone being stealth does not mean they are adhering to 'toxic gender roles’. It means they are either 1) trying to be safe or 2) surprise surprise they want to live their life as the gender they identify with. Trans people are not less legitimately trans because you think they are 'acting cis’.

5) Being a binary trans person does not give you privilege over nb people. Like seriously, trans women are literally the most likely to be murdered. Don’t be a dick. Erasure is a problem yes but it’s not the same. I read names out at the TDOR vigil and pretty much all of them were trans women of colour. Respect that. Help the community. This isn’t about scoring points over who has it the shittiest.

6) The idea that the only good kinda of trans men are 'soft sensitive kinda trans masc guys that don’t have surgeries and shave all their body hair’ is shitty and offensive (tho that kind of trans man is totally valid, that not what i mean). Its shitty because one you’re sexualising them either as more childlike or more feminine (both is rude, former is creepy), but its perpetuating the idea that trans men aren’t really men and the best ones are the ones that YOU think still kinda look suitably enough like women.

Killing a toxic co-workers hopes, dreams, and future.

Names changed for anonymity, happened a few years back. This is a long one so TL;DR at the bottom.

Background: I got a job working for a small hardware company. 4 people in the office, a few in the warehouse, and a delivery driver. Nothing fancy, but it got me off the night shift and onto a desk. The owner was a pretty nice guy, let’s call him Ray. Ray took over the family business in the early 2000s. Like most small business owners he was pretty frugal. The job came with absolutely zero perks. 10 vacation days that doubled as sick days, no insurance, everyone was hourly and Ray hated paying OT. He had one large customer that accounted for about half his business and everything after that was profit. He had gotten to the point where the business was doing well enough to support his comfortable life (10-3 schedule, 4 weeks vacation, season baseball tickets) and had zero interest in growing it beyond that point. But my problem was not with Ray, it was with the absolute b*tch in the purchasing department.

The players: Four people in the office meant that every part of this business fell to one of us. Ray was the owner, he negotiated large scale orders both with customers and suppliers. Sarah was our admin/receptionist, sweet as pie. I was in charge of order processing and logistics, and I did quite a bit of work revamping the company website. Ingrid (aka B*tch Supreme) handled small scale purchasing and most of the other customers.

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Stop what you’re doing‼️

She’s never had to ask if she could write about her man before

She never needed to care if they liked it or not, because they weren’t in her life for her to care about anymore. They either ruined it or didn’t stay, so she never had ask them how they felt about it. She wrote after they left

She actually asked Joe because he didn’t leave and she knew he wasn’t going to, so she wanted to know how he’d feel about being her muse because she’s never written WHILE BEING IN LOVE

She cared what his response would be because he’s her MAN. She has never done this before


My heart

married part 8- h.s imagine

you can read the previous part here

you can find all my writing here

You held your cheek in shock as you stared at Kimberly in front of you. You watched as her chest was breathing hard. You noticed how her eyes that were once filled with anger and frustration faded into sadness.

The security guard that worked on your office floor quickly ran up to the commotion. Your coworker, Olivia, was quick to yell at him for “Not coming fast enough” and motioned for him to take Kimberly away.

As the guard placed his hand on Kimberly, asking her to come with him, Kimberly looked at you and whispered, “I’m sorry” before she followed him to the elevators. As you watched Kimberly leave, Olivia and the rest of your coworkers were quick to check up on you. Olivia inspected your cheek while she exclaimed, “Crazy bitch! What the fuck was that? Are you okay?”


As soon as the elevator doors opened, you ran out, hoping Kimberly was still in the building. You instantly saw her walking out the doors. “Kimberly!” You shouted before you ran after her. Kimberly turned around at the calling of her name. When you finally caught up to her, she sighed. She wrapped her arms around herself. For the first time since you’ve known Kimberly, this was the fist time she ever looked vulnerable. She always walked around with such confidence and a “No shits given” attitude but as you were staring at her, all of that was gone.

Kimberly instantly saw your red cheek from where she slapped you. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to slap you like that. Especially in front of your coworkers.” Kimberly softly said as she stared at ground. You quickly shook your head. “It’s okay” You assured her before you placed your hand on her arm. “Is everything alright?”

Kimberly looked at your hand before she looked up at you. Suddenly she let out a small cry before she wrapped her arms around you, pulling you in for a hug as she cried into your shoulder. Your eyes went wide before you slowly returned the hug. You noticed the people walking by the two of you were staring and probably wondering why a girl was sobbing in another girl’s arms in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Shh. Shh. Come on. Let’s talk.” You said.


You gave Kimberly a couple of tissues before you sat down on the couch next to her. You lead Kimberly back into your office building. As the two of you were sitting down in the lobby, her sobbing stopped but her tears continued to spill. Kimberly was grabbing the ends of her hair while you mentally debated what you should say.

Kimberly was the first to break the silence. “Harry told me that you guys rekindled last night in our meeting today.”

Your cheeks went red as your mouth opened in shock. You couldn’t believe Harry would tell her something happened when you didn’t even know for yourself what was going on between the two of you. Kimberly glanced at you before looking away. “He told me how you guys reconnected at Niall’s wedding last night.”

Harry walked into the conference room with a smile on his face as he read your latest text to him. Not only was he happy he had his best friend back, he could finally tell you all the things he wanted to tell you but couldn’t because of his feelings for you. Kimberly was sitting one one side of the table her lawyer while his lawyer was sitting on the other side. Harry looked over at Kimberly with a lopsided grin as he took his seat. “Kimberly, how are you, love?”

Kimberly was staring at Harry with her eyebrows raised. Out of all the meetings they’ve had so far with their lawyers, Harry was never this happy. This was always a serious matter and here he was acting like he was walking on cloud nine. “What’s wrong with you?” she asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Harry sent one last text to you before he put his phone away. “Nothing. Let’s start.”

After the meeting, both lawyers stepped aside to go over last minute decisions and details. Kimberly was picking up her purse, getting ready to leave when Harry gently placed his hand on her shoulder. Kimberly turned around to her almost ex-husband. Harry scratched the back of his neck while he thought carefully how to word what he was about to say.

“Kimberly, love, I know these meetings have been hard. It’s been tough for the both of us.” Harry said as he looked at someone he once thought he was going to spend forever with.

Kimberly nodded as she clutched on to her purse tighter against her body. Harry continued, “I just wanted to tell you that I recently got back in touch with Y/N. We were at Niall’s wedding together last night.” Harry smiled as he thought about the night you guys spent together last night. “And I just want you to know that she’s not the reason we’re getting a divorce. I just feel like we both rushed into things by getting married. We weren’t ready-”

When Kimberly heard your name, she couldn’t hear anything else. She didn’t listen to Harry’s excuse on why he asked for a divorce. She didn’t care. All she could see was red. She knew telling Y/N to stay away from Harry was a good idea. Now look what happened when Y/N didn’t listen. Harry was asking for a divorce because of Y/N. This was all Y/N’s fault.

Kimberly stared at her ring finger that once had the most beautiful ring could ever ask for. She sighed as she wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her sweater. “Harry and I…we were so happy. I only agreed to the divorce because I was hoping that Harry would somehow come to his senses and realize he was making a mistake. I was hoping that he would realize he loved me.”

You looked into Kimberly’s tearing eyes, beginning to feel nothing but guilt. Kimberly continued, “But when he told me about you coming back? I thought this was it. Harry’s going to get a divorce and be with you.” Kimberly placed her face into her hands and let out a sob. “I just feel like such a failure.”

Hesitatingly you scooted closer to Kimberly and placed your arms around her, pulling her in for a hug. Kimberly returned the hug as she continued into your shoulder.

You rubbed her back soothingly as you closed your eyes and sighed. You remembered clearly to the day that Kimberly told you to stay away from Harry. You remembered feeling so angry at her for even thinking about saying such of a thing to you. Now, as you were looking at the girl afraid she was losing her husband, you realized it wasn’t a threat; it was Kimberly’s way of crying for help.

You pulled away from the hug and held her at arm’s length. “I’m going to fix this, okay?” You pulled her in again and sighed as you hugged her. “I’m going to fix everything…”


Harry wrapped his arms from behind you as you were taking the takeout boxes out of the bag. He sighed contently as he buried his face into the crook of your shoulder.

Having Harry holding you like this should’ve made you smile. You should’ve felt butterflies in your stomach but for now all you felt was guilt and a bitter taste in your mouth. You gently shrugged Harry off as you grabbed two plates from the cabinet.

Harry proceeded to bring the boxes of food to the dining room table. “How was your day, love?” You sighed as you took your seat across from him. You stared at Harry as he began to put food on his plate. You bit your lip before you asked, “What are we doing, Harry?”

Harry paused as he was taking some rice out of the box before he continued. “We’re having dinner.” Harry said as he gave you a playful look.

You shook your head as you leaned in closer. “No. What are we doing, Harry? You’re married.” Harry stuck his finger at you as he corrected you, “Getting a divorce.”

“Yes. But still married.” You shot back. Harry sighed as he put his plate down. You glanced between his eyes and his plate. “Kimberly stopped by my office today.”

Harry’s eyes went wide before you continued, “She was in tears, Harry.” Harry sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. You whispered, “She told me she thought you guys might still have a chance.”

Harry reached over and placed his hand on top of yours. “Love, I’m sorry that you’re in the middle of this. I’m sorry that she came and talked to you. I’ll bring that up the next meeting we have but please believe me when I say I want to pursue a relationship with you.”

You took your hand out of Harry’s hold as you got up from the table. “Is that fair when you haven’t even pursued your marriage with Kimberly?”

Harry stood up as well and began walking towards you. “Marrying Kimberly was mistake. It was stupid on my part when I knew I had feelings for you. I should’ve been all in it if I was marrying someone.”

You looked down at the floor as you wrapped your arms around yourself. “Before you knew about my feelings for you, you were all in it. You believed that you were going to be with Kimberly for the rest of your life.”

Harry opened his mouth but you were quick to say, “Because of me, I ruined someone’s marriage. I hurt Kimberly. I ruined everything for her. I’m a home wrecker.”

Harry shook his head quickly as he placed his hands on your arms. “Love, you didn’t ruin anything. Our marriage was going to end eventually.”

You shook your head. “You don’t know that.”

Harry closed his eyes momentarily. “I do know it! Because throughout my whole marriage, all I could think about was you! All I could see when I was looking at Kimberly was you! Kimberly was a distraction from you!”

As you listened to Harry’s words you couldn’t help but tear up. You have loved Harry for so long and hearing him say the words you’ve always wanted to hear; you couldn’t enjoy it. Instead your mind drifted to the girl that was crying in your arms today. You couldn’t help but think what if it was you on the other side? What if you were in Kimberly’s shoes? What if you were marrying Harry and you truly, truly thought you guys were going to be together for the rest of your life? What if deep down, Harry wasn’t happy and wanted to be with someone else?

How could you do that to someone?

Harry was staring into your tear filled eyes, trying to get an idea of what was going on in that beautiful min of yours. You looked at Harry and shook your head. “I can’t do this.”

Harry’s mouth fell open. He could hear his heart physically breaking at the thought of losing you again. “Whatever is going on between us, I can’t do it. I can’t do that to someone.”

Harry’s eyes began to fill with his own tears. “So we’re back to where we started? We’re going to go back to not talking for a whole fucking year?”

You placed your hands on Harry’s cheeks in hopes of calming him down. “I can’t go back to that. Not having you in my life was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

Harry placed his hand on top of yours as he let out a sniff. You wrapped your arms around Harry, pulling in for a hug. He let out a shaky sigh as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “So what does this mean for us?”

You let out a chuckle as a very tanned Emma and Niall took a seat across from you. “You guys look great!” You laughed.

Emma smiled. “Hawaii was awesome! Everyone is so nice there and the food-”

“So how are things going between you and Harry?” Niall said with a smile on his face. When Niall and Emma got back from their honeymoon, they immediately wanted to catch up. You sighed as you thought about what happened a couple nights ago. After telling Harry you couldn’t be with him romantically, the two of you vowed to be what you guys knew best; best friends.

It was definitely hard. There were times when you looked at Harry and just wanted to feel of his lips on yours again. There were times where the two of you were cuddling while watching a movie and you just wanted to tell him how much you loved him but you couldn’t.

You proceeded to tell Niall and Emma everything that happened. You told them how Kimberly came into your office and slapped you, you told them how she cried in your arms in the lobby, and most importantly you told them your decision to remain friends with Harry.

When you finished talking you noticed how both Niall and Emma were quiet. Niall had his arms crossed as he stared away from you while Emma had her mouth closed. Emma shrugged her shoulders and let out a sigh, “I suppose. If this is what you want, Y/N.”

You were about to respond before Niall interrupted abruptly. “No. No Y/N. You’ve wanted Harry for years. And once you finally have the chance to be with him, you throw it away to spare someone you don’t even like? Kimberly has always been awful to you! She’s threatened you, she’s horrible to you and you respond by letting her walk all over you? No. This isn’t fair. Why does her feelings trump yours?”

You were staring at your lap as Emma softly placed her hand on top of Niall’s. “Honey, calm down.” Emma said softly.

Niall shook his head. “Y/N. You’re one of my best friends. I’ve seen you hurt for so long and I’ve seen you put others before yourself. You’re a good person, Y/N. I can’t just stand back and watch you throw your happiness away. I know, Emma knows, everyone with eyes knows that you and Harry belong together. What’s stopping you?”

You let out a sigh as you finally looked up at Niall. “I’m scared of being with Harry.”


i love hearing from you guys! let me know what you guys thought/ want to see what happens! do you feel any sympathy for kimberly? let me know!

how to be a minimalist student

a lot of minimalism blogs/youtube channels are directed at older people with houses and jobs, rather than students living with their parents going to and from school; but that doesn’t mean minimalism can’t be for students/teenagers too!

I thought I would write some tips and tricks for being a student minimalist and why it’s worth a shot:

how to:

1. cook with friends rather than buying takeaways or go for walks instead of sitting inside watching films. make the most of the time you spend with friends (and spend less money while you’re at it)

2. stop scrolling and turn off notifications. I’ve switch off all notifications on my lock screen (except for essentials like text) and have muted all non-essential chats so I only have to know about them if I have chosen to go on my phone for that purpose. this is a really easy way to get rid of distractions

3. practicality > aesthetic. I agree that colourful beautiful notes are lovely but they aren’t necessarily worth your time. use your time effectively and don’t rewrite pages of notes just because you had to cross something out and now it’s ‘ruined’. 

3. trade your busy life for a full one by doing one thing at once. learn to focus on one task at a time and give it your full attention. this isn’t just about studying, but also about social events. if you’re meeting a friend, spend the time with your friend, not on your phone. devote yourself to each thing you’re doing and plan your time

4. remember: just because its on sale doesn’t mean you need to buy it. just because you have money doesn’t mean you need to spend it. 

5. say no. its easier to take back a no than it is to take back a yes. don’t feel obliged to sign up for everything and do everything for everyone. put yourself first and don’t feel guilty

6. try the hanger trick. hang all your clothes on hangers facing the same direction. twist the hanger around after you wear something. after a month, donate everything that hasn’t been twisted round to charity 

7. cleanse your social media: unfriend people you don’t know anymore. unfriend people who are negative. delete the apps you don’t use. unsubscribe from channels/newsletters that no longer interest you. declutter your online life

8. cleanse your real life relationships: stop spending time with people who put you down. end your unhealthy relationships. be honest with people you care about. put yourself first

9. record your favourite show or watch netflix. avoiding adverts frees you from the endless cycle of always wanting to have the next big thing

why it’s worth a try:

1. teaching yourself to switch off from social media and learning to spend more quality time with people face-to-face is liberating

2. everything is easier when you have a clear(er) head. having less means you have less to worry about

3. you’ll save money surprisingly easily. the money you spent on takeaways or shoes you thought you needed because everyone else had them can be put towards bigger things that will make you happier e.g. travelling or can be saved for the future

4. you can focus on your mental and physical health more when you aren’t distracted by your phone buzzing all the time and aren’t basing your happiness on keeping up with the latest trends

N.B. don’t expect to ‘get’ minimalism overnight. I definitely still haven’t cracked it. start small and slowly implement minimalism into different areas of your life. figure out what works and what doesn’t. minimalism is personal so there is no ‘right’ way of doing things.

just because minimalism can be about having less, doesn’t mean you have to throw away your beloved book collection. if it makes you happy, keep it; if it doesn’t, let it go.

Okayy so I recently ruined my life by watching like 14 years of a tv show in less than a month. So now, yes, I sold my soul to the one and only supernatural fandom (courtesy of @downworlderss)

I just got a couple of remarks for this show and none of it had any structure or order so here we go.

*MASSIVE SPOILER WARNING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ALL THE SEASONS*

  • This show fucking ruined me, binge-watched seasons 1-12 in about 4 weeks, my pinterest board had over 700 pins in like a week afterwards
  • It started off genuinely creepy and then kinda digressed and idk if I just got desensitised or what
  • John Winchester is a terrible father
  • Bobby Singer is an amazing father
  • I was really confused when season 5 ended because I still had 6 more dvds (and season 12 on amazon prime cause I couldn’t get the freaking dvd because being British sucks sometimes) and I thought it was ending at season 5 because DEAN WAS FINALLY HAPPY DAMNIT
  • It was about season 7 when I got a new pair of glasses ‘cause my eyesight got worse and made the realisation that JENSEN ACKLES HAS FRECKLES WHAT
  • Called it that Chuck was God from the moment I saw him- he literally fucking told them he was a god come onnn
  • Dean’s contact name for Castiel in season 11 or 12 or whatever better be a fucking joke because it’s Cas not Cass
  • I thought I couldn’t hate Metatron more and then he goes and spells his name with a double S and I decided he needed to die
  • The subtitles also say Cass (on amazon anyway) and.. just no, okay? It’s CAS
  • Cried when Cas killed Balthazar
  • Kevin’s life went to absolute shit and idk if it was terrifying or hilarious
  • THE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN J2 AND MISH IRL YES
  • Naomi is actually the worst, why do more people not hate on her? She tortured Cas and I am not okay with that I was happier when she died than when Metatron did I’m not joking
  • Sam kinda breaks my heart
  • THE WINCHESTER RELATIONSHIP SAM AND DEAN HAVE SUCH BROTHERLY COMPASSION DIE FOR EACH OTHER ALWAYS
  • Gadreel was decent, okay? I think I genuinely liked him and I don’t care.
  • I mean I know he killed Kevin but still
  • CROWLEY OWNS THE FREAKING MOON
  • Cas, honey, you’re a wonderful person/angel but mannn do you fuck up sometimes, I mean seriously
  • Misha Collins is a fucking incredible human being and his acting skills give me goosebumps I’m deadly serious. What with Cas and Crazy!Cas and Castifer and Godstiel and Levi!Cas and MetaMisha I have so much respect for this man and he is a national treasure.. of America.. damnit
  • I threw something when Charlie died
  • Lucifer is actually really cute (mainly just when he’s in Sam’s head though) but yeah, I think I love satan is this an issue
  • Okay but sometimes it hits me that Jared and Jensen and Misha are just three middle-aged dads running around pretending to stab things and smite demons I think that’s beautiful
  • I think I cried when the angels fell I can’t remember
  • Fuck Adam, I don’t care about him honestly- if he comes back he’s gonna be a crazy bitch- we should all just forget about him like the boys did
  • I’m pretty sure Mary Winchester is actually a terrible mother
  • Jody Mills is a fucking incredible mother, she’s like mum bobby
  • Season 12 made me hate my own nationality because THE BRITISH MEN OF LETTERS CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES OKAY I was so happy when the freedomsquad rolled in with their whiskey and flannel and UGHH it was so good to see Britain fall, okay?
  • Apart from Mick, he was okay… before he died
  • Okay, but the season 12 finale
  • I WAS SOBBING FOR A SOLID 14 MINTUES
  • I HAD TO LEAVE MY HOUSE I WALKED UNTIL I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE I WAS
  • TURNED OUT I WALKED 6 MILES FROM MY HOUSE SO I HAD TO WALK 6 MILES BACK
  • 12 MILES BECAUSE OF CAST-FUCKING-IEL
  • Dean’s reaction made me wanna throw myself off a bridge
  • I didn’t even care about the Nephilim by that point
  • Just Cas’s relationship w/ Dean (I am neutral ground between platonic and destiel atm) but whatever you think you cannot deny that these two fucking love each other and it’s just so damn beautiful
  • JIMMY NOVAK IS THE BEST FATHER IN THIS THING
  • The Novak storyline just makes me cry
  • Lucifer Cas was genuinely disturbing at times but this fucking line is now my life

  • Actually so many things Castifer says and just the way Misha portrays all of the alter egos. It’s just amazing.
  • When we’re introduced to Levi!Cas Misha freaking Collins wtf how do you do that crazy thing with your eyes that makes you look like a completely different person
  • When Dean calls Cas his brother and says ‘i want you to know that’ is so fucking important to me because this wonderful being has been hunted by his angel brothers and sisters and Dean Winchester does not idly throw around a word like brother this scene was so special
  • Assbutt
  • Castiel’s wings scorched onto the ground just hit me so fucking hard and goddamnit it I can’t deal with that because he’s actually dead
  • Just… Castiel

-I’ll probably think of a load more this show man…


UPDATE:

  • HOW THE FRICKATY FRACK DID I FORGET GABRIEL
  • The car scene with Gabe and Cas and the parallels between them and the Winchester boys
  • BITCH PLEASE YOU’VE BEEN GOD MORE OFTEN THAN DAD HAS
  • I don’t think I stressed Balthazar enough because his death and the fact that Cas did it killed me.. and him
  • Crowley crowley crowley crowley
  • These boys are frustrating as fuck sometimes get your damn feelings sorted out you are brothers for fucks sake love each other always
  • It’s just when they’re like ‘oh we can’t be brothers anymore how could you do that to me’ and I’m sat there thinking ‘YOU LITERALLY DID THE SAME EXACT THING TO HIM LAST FUCKING SEASON COME ON’
  • Alsooo when Cas is Castifer everyone just seems to forget that, hello, CAS IS BEING POSSESSED BY LUCFIER DO YOU WANNA KEEP HIM SAFE IS HE YOUR FRIEND OR WHAT. And then Dean goes ‘what about Cas’ and I’m marginally satisfied
  • This scene
  • LOVED THIS SCENE
  • I always love Lucifer until he goes after Cas and then I hate Lucifer and when he’s doing something else I love him again
  • This is not devil worship
  • Sam’s exasperation and the bitch face is honestly so funny to me I have no idea
  • SASSTIEL
  • The fact that Cas thinks so little of himself that the only way he believes he can be ‘of use’ to the boys is BY ENDLESSLY SACRIFICING HIMSELF
  • STOP CAS
  • YOU’RE FUCKING LOVED
  • Also the way Dean screams Cas’s name and how Sam has to drag him back through the portal to their side in the season 12 finale PFFFH don’t even get me started
  • So is Gabe alive or what?
  • So is Cas alive or what?
  • SO AM I ALIVE OR WHAT

UPDATEUPDATE

  • The storyline with Hannah and Cas was SO uncomfortable
  • Like, they’re literally siblings and the whole weird half-romantic subplot was just… ergh
  • I’m so fucking hyped for season 13, give me scooby-doo spn and I sure hope it’s Gabriel because, honestly, who else would put them in scooby-doo, pleaseeee give me richard speight jr
  • I’ve been reading a ton of fanfic, this has ruined me. There’s this wonderful author on fanfic.net called 29pieces who does amazing fics and they’re my life now
  • Cas’s eyes yes please give me the sky
  • Spn is creepy ass monsters and traumatizing characters and heartbreaking scenes
  • But sometimes they just throw in a crack episode and they keep me sane, honestly. I would be in a limitless pool of tears if not for the crack eps and the gag reels
  • THE GAG REELS
  • THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES HE GOES FROM CAS TO MISHA IN LIKE A SINGLE SECOND
  • Back to sadness
  • CAS’S FACE AFTER METATRON SAYS ‘he’s dead too’
  • And he sees dean’s blood on the angel blade
  • HEARTBREAKING NO THANK YOU
  • SEASON 9. MAKES. ME. SO ANGRY. HOW DARE SAM AND DEAN HUNT WHILE CAS IS HOMELESS AND COLD AND A L O N E
  • I’m so sad about Cas being homeless because Misha and oh my god
  • Future!Cas also makes me sad because I know it’s funny and all to see Cas high but thinking about the road that led him there is not
  • Thinking about Cas’s depression that led him to drug abuse keeps me up at night
  • I NEED CHUCK TO TELL CAS HE’S HIS FAVOURITE BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY PLEASE
  • My angel feels inadequate and I cannot handle that today 
  • Everything about Cas just makes me sad

So, my employee literally stopped playing Final Fantasy XV because of his own homophobia.

If you ask this man about FFXV, he will go into a frothing rage about Prompto. About how he was so sick of the bromance, how he was just waiting on the blonde dude to ‘come out to Noctis’, and how annoying it was that Prompto was obviously in love with Noctis.

He gets legitimately angry over this. He blames it for ruining his gaming experience. He says that “if the cooking dude cooked hot dogs once”, he was going to burn the disc.

On the one hand, I feel bad that he couldn’t see past his own ridiculous homophobia long enough to enjoy the amazing characters and storyline.

On the other hand, I’m sort of smug watching his frustration when all my life I’ve had to deal with legitimate gaming frustrations like shoehorned romances and women being used for manpain, and his bigoted tears fuel my glee at his suffering.

On the third hand because fuck logic, I make sure to pitch FFXV to customers extra enthusiastically while said employee is present, just to see the rage start to simmer anew.

If Square Enix paid me on commission for the amount of Final Fantasy games I sell, I could afford a yacht. And I would call it the Recipeh and emblazon the side of it with Promptis fanart and then invite my employee for a ride on it, because fuck homophobia.

Bodyguard || Jeon Jungkook

Originally posted by chimneytaels

AN: This entire imagine Jungkook is called Jeon, just so nobody gets confused

Word Count: 2.3k

Genre: Angst


Your arms were crossed over your chest as you stared the man across the room down. His eyes were focused anywhere but you, not because he was shy or embarrassed to be around you, but because he didn’t think any of it would be worth his time. The only thing you were to him was another paycheck, and as long as the bills were paid, he had no reason to complain.

On the other hand, you had every right. Ever since your father had hired the Jeon man to watch over you, your life had come to a halt. You were used to going out late at night and partying with strangers, but with him looking after you, you barely got out of the house without a follower. No matter where you went, he was there following after you.

The reason for the meeting now, one between your father and the Jeon man, was because of your latest escape attempts. Jeon had gone to lay down, thinking you had taken a nap and he had let his guard down. You left within seconds of him falling asleep and you thought that you had finally out smarted him, that you were finally going to be able to have a night to yourself.

Keep reading

break the chain

happy birthday @carryonsimoncarryon!!

length: 3.7k

genre(s): angst+fluff

triggers/warnings: none

simon and baz get in a fight during 7th year and end up magically handcuffed together 

a/n: thank you @cherryonsimon for ur beta skills and brutal honesty :p AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAILEY!!!! ENJOY BEING OLD 💜💜

(if the readmore doesn’t work then just click the url and it will take you to the post ^__^)



Simon

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

My jaw drops and I stare at Agatha. She doesn’t look like she’s joking, and I start to feel sick.

“What?”

“I want to break up.”

“But–but why?”

“I just don’t think we’re good together,” she says, like her words aren’t devastating. Like she hasn’t just unraveled all of my plans for our future together.

“But…but I love you…” I say, a bit pathetically, and her face hardens.

“I’m not doing this because I don’t love you, Simon. I just don’t want to be with you anymore.”

I don’t know what to say to that, and she’s not listening anyway. She’s looking at something over my shoulder and I turn around quickly to see what it is.

It’s Baz.

He gives her a lazy wave and a wink, and when I face her again she’s gone pink.

“Him?” I say incredulously. “You’re breaking up with me for him?”

“What if I am?” she says, and I feel my magic starting to rise. She takes a step back, looking scared. I curse and try to force it back down.

“Agatha,” I say, but she’s still moving. “Agatha! I didn’t mean it!”

She spins on her heel and walks off, leaving me behind in the hall.

I’m sure I look like a fish out of water; students are leaving the classrooms and everyone’s giving me a funny look. I’m still fighting to keep my magic under control and I only have one thought on my mind: this is Baz’s fault.

* * *

Baz had somehow disappeared after my confrontation with Agatha, so I go looking for him. I eventually find him lurking in an unused corridor–the one with the room where the Crucible is stored. Surely Baz isn’t daft enough to try and mess with it. He must have some other scheme planned.

I don’t care what it is, I don’t care about anything else right now other than the fact that Baz has once again ruined my life.

I’m attempting to sneak up on him when the sole of my shoe squeaks, and he whips around.

“What do you want, Snow?” Baz spits, and I rush forward without thinking.

“This is all your fault!” I yell as I shove him, “if you’d just left Agatha well alone she wouldn’t have broken up with me!”

He looks confused for a second and then smirks. That makes me angrier, so I shove him again. Harder. This time his head makes a satisfying crack as it hits the wall. I rush forward with my arm pulled back, ready to punch him. He moves to block me and our hands collide in mid-air.

I feel a shimmer of magic around my wrist and my stomach drops. Baz must have cast something too low for me to hear, and now…well, I’m not really sure what he did until I look at my hand and see the shiny metal bracelet. I don’t realize what’s happened at first; Baz tugs his wrist and mine comes with it.

Merlin’s tits, I’m fucking handcuffed to Baz. What is he planning to do to me? This must be one of his schemes! He’s going to…he’s going to…

Well, I’m not sure what he’s going to do, but it probably involves me and a pair of handcuffs.

“What the hell, Baz!” I growl, “let me go!”

He looks indignant. “I didn’t do this!”

“Of course you did!”

“Crowley, Snow, do you really think I’d attach myself to you on purpose?”

Baz

The air starts to fill with smoke, and I realize it’s Snow. Shit, I should have known this would happen. He’s going to bloody go off. I’m tempted to poke him as I usually do–because I know he’ll just shield me–but I finally give into my urge to just…help him.

“Deep breaths now, Snow,” I say, and his head snaps up. He narrows his eyes at me, but I keep going; keep holding his gaze. “Let it go. Some of it. Before you start another fire. Whatever–fuck!”

Snow shoves me into the wall for the second time today, only this time he comes with me and I’m hit from both sides.

“What was that for? I was helping you, you numpty!”

“I don’t need your help,” he snarls.

“Fine!” I spit, “let’s go find you someone else then!”

Keep reading

If EXO members had a youtube channel
  • LeaderSuhoEXO1: Confessions of the leader/mother/dad of eleven crazy boys.
  • ChenChenPrince: How to reach high notes and be funny at the same time.
  • SehunIsSoHot: "Welcome to my world, I'm about to change your whole life and ruin your bias list" ;))))
  • LuLuLuCats: Hundreds of funny videos of his cats and how much Luhan loves them
  • KyungsooDO12: "Today I'm going to show you how to make Nachos" *uploads a new cooking video every week*
  • LayUnicornLove: "Channel dedicated to all my fans, to show and spread all my love. You are the best, all angels I love you! We are one!" (Also some videos of him finally going to Baek's grandma's house)
  • Real_PYC: Music videos. Music videos. Some video without a shirt. Music videos. Music videos. ChanBaek. Music Videos. Music videos. Trips with Sehun. Oh look that's Kyungsoo Sleeping.
  • TaoGucci123: "Fashion tutorial: 10 ways to wear that Gucci jacket and look flawless like me" *Perfection*
  • BaekhyunnieLOL2: Videos of him playing LOL alone, with Xiumin, with Kai, with everyone. Videos of him playing LOL singing, and eating. Videos of him just teasing exo-ls and melting their hearts.
  • XiuminMinnieforYou: Lots of everything. Funny moments with EXO, me singing here and there, helping Kyungsoo in the kitchen, helping Suho with the laundry, videos to our EXO-Ls... Lots of Minnie for you all!
  • KimKaiJongin: Probably would look like a dance studio youtube channel. Tutorials of how to dance EXO's choreos.
  • Galaxy88KrisWu: "This is not my style" videos and loving everything he says he doesn't. "I'm a cool person, gotta maintain my cool image... But I love chicken"

thenworld  asked:

may I ask why your relationship with the pride & prejudice (2005) is complex? I love hearing people's opinions about the movie

Now, I do not hold any sort of beef or dislike anyone who prefers the 2005 adaptation over any other adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. Partly because everyone’s preference is unique, and mostly because I’m not a massive head of a dick.

My relationship with the 2005 film is complex because there are three parts of me whenever I watch a film.

The director and the writer and the fan.

The director likes the film very much. She adores the editing, how the scenes are lit, how Marianelli’s music so perfectly moves the scenes along and evokes the feelings of the characters, the costumes, the acting. The little touches and production details, she is particularly fond of.

The writer finds the film to be rather middle-of-the-road. There’s good writing in there, wit and some good ideas. (Whoever came up with the idea of Elizabeth and Darcy’s first touch coming through him helping her into the carriage needs to get an award, because so much subtext and the writer lurves subtext.) But she finds that sometimes, the writing is a bit too modern and it doesn’t really properly evoke the Regency era for her as other adaptations have done in the past.

The fan hates some of the changes. The alternative ending shall not be spoken of, for one. Another severely dislikes the overly giggly nature of Elizabeth Bennet. Kiera Knightley is a very good actress, but Elizabeth was always meant to be, for the fan, a bit more serious. Inclined to laugh, obviously, but grounded. Lydia is flighty, flirting without thought for the effect it has on the rest of her family. Elizabeth however, is proud and therefore, pragmatic. By making Lizzy more giggly, zipping about making sarcastic comments, it just makes the film lack a bit of gravitas.

Putting all that together, basically I find that though a beautifully made film, the 2005 adaptation is just too fluffy and too on the nose. I understand that it’s a film and therefore changes have to be made to fit everything into 2 hours, but it misses the mark on a lot, and that makes it, as I said, fluffy. I want some sharpness to my P&P, you know?

Take the 1995 adaptation. I know it’s talky, a bit stagey and a bit stiff in some places but it lies deep in my heart, embedded there for always. Everyone talks about Darcy and Elizabeth being in the thundering rain in the 2005 film and I’ll be honest, that is a fantastic scene with that almost kiss but 1995, HOLY HELL. THIS REQUIRES EXTENDED CAPSLOCK BECAUSE ELIZABETH BENNET LIT UP BY SUNSHINE AS SHE TEARS FITZWILLIAM DARCY, OWNER OF THE PEMBERLEY ESTATE AND EARNER OF 10 GRAND A YEAR,  A NEW ONE.

LOOK AT DARCY.

HE’S REHEARSED THAT SPEECH. YOU KNOW HE HAS. TEN TIMES, OVER AND OVER, IN FRONT OF HIS BATHROOM MIRROR. HIS VALET’S ALL, ‘THE GREEN WAISTCOAT OR THE WHITE, SIR?’ AND DARCY’S JUST LIKE, ‘YOU MUST ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU HOW ARDENTLY I ADMIRE AND LOVE YOU’ AND THE VALET’S ALL ‘UMMMM THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR’ (and yes that is a Blackadder Goes Forth reference, what)

ANYWAY. HE SAYS THIS SHIT TO ELIZABETH.

‘YEP, I’LL IMPLY THAT SHE’S SHIT POOR AND IT’LL BE EMBARRASSING FOR ME TO MARRY HER, SHE’S SO GONNA SAY YES RIGHT NOW, GOOD ONE DARCY.’

MEANWHILE LIZZY’S RAGE IS GENTLY SIMMERING IN A POT OF ‘I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS.’

THEN, WHEN DARCY’S ALL TALKED OUT, THIS LOOK AND THESE WORDS. AS LIZZY PREPARES TO GIVE THIS FUCKSTICK THE BURN OF HIS LIFE. 

THAT IS A LOOK WHICH TELLS YOU SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.

AND DARCY. HE KNOWS HE’S ABSOLUTELY FUCKED. LOOK AT THIS, AND DON’T TELL ME THAT ISN’T THE FACE OF A MAN WHO’S JUST PROCESSED THE WORDS HE’S JUST HEARD AND KNOWS DEEP DOWN HE’S ABOUT TO GET KICKED OUT OF THE BACK DOOR ONTO HIS FACE.

IN FACT, DARCY’S REACTIONS AS SHE TEARS INTO HIM IS A THING OF BEAUTY.

‘THIS IS… NOT GOING THE WAY I PLANNED’

‘THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT GOING THE WAY I PLANNED’

‘OKAY BUT SHE HASN’T TECHNICALLY SAID NO YET, I MAY BE IN WITH A CHANCE’ 

BUT THEN

‘OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE SISTER’

‘WAIT HOW DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT BINGLEY’

‘DAMN YOU FITZWILLIAM’

‘ALRIGHT FUCK IT, I DID FUCK UP YOUR SISTER’S HAPPINESS SO WHAT’

THEN LIZZY BRINGS UP WICKHAM

‘UGH FUCKING WICKHAM WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THAT DUDE’

BUT LIZZY CONTINUES AND DARCY REALISES THIS IS ABOUT MORE THAN BASTARD WICKHAM

‘OKAY NO, I HAVE ACTUALLY SEVERELY FUCKED UP’

SO HE TURNS ON HER

‘WELL YOU’RE POOR AND YOUR FAMILY IS SHIT SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO THAT HUH

THEN LIZZY TURNS BACK TO HIM WITH THIS LOOK.

AND DARCY’S REACTION.

THAT NIGGLING THOUGHT HE HAD DEEP DOWN THAT HE WAS FUCKED – THAT HAS JUST COME LOOMING UP TO THE FOREGROUND, WAVING A FLAG WHICH HAS THE WORDS ‘WE ARE DOOMED’ SPLAYED ACROSS IT IN ELEGANT REGENCY FONT

BUT LIZZY AIN’T FINISHED YET

BEAUTIFUL SUMMER SHINESHINE IS POURING THROUGH THOSE WINDOWS, BIRDS ARE MOST LIKELY TWEETING, THE LEAVES ON THE TREES ARE BURSTING GREEN AND LIZZY IS THROWING EVERY WORD OF HER REJECTION OF DARCY AT HIM LIKE THEY’RE NINJA THROWING STARS OR SOME SUCH SHIT

LOOK AT THAT LOOK. THAT IS THE LOOK THAT PUTS FLESH ON MY BONES, BEATS IN MY HEART, AIR IN MY LUNGS AND FOOD IN MY BELLY.

AND WHAT’S HIS REACTION? WHAT’S THIS FUCKER’S REACTION TO THE MOST SAVAGE REJECTION HE’S POSSIBLY EVER HAD IN HIS LIFE? AS A WOMAN, LIZZY HAS VERY FEW OPTIONS IN THIS ERA. HE COULD RUIN ALL OF THOSE OPTIONS, RUIN HER, BY HEADING OUT OF THERE AND TELLING EVERYONE HE MEETS ‘DON’T GO FOR THAT ELIZABETH BENNET SHE’S RUDE AND UNGRATEFUL AND THE WORST KIND OF WOMAN’ BUT—

HE LEAVES. THIS UTTER WANKER APOLOGISES FOR TAKING UP HER TIME AND NOBLY, QUIETLY, LEAVES, NOT FORGETTING TO WISH HER WELL BEFORE HE GOES.

And suddenly, that’s a glimmer of the good behind the pompous arsehole. He listens to Lizzy’s rejection, savage and filled with truth, and he writes a letter to her in response. 

How very fucking British.

And precisely why my relationship with the 2005 film is so complex.

What they said

 “You don’t need equal rights, you already have more rights than everyone,” said my father, after he openly said he wouldn’t hire a gay worker, not even me, his daughter.

“You don’t deserve to have kids,” said my mother, who couldn’t understand why the words she said made me cry. “A child deserves a mother and a father, and two queers like you could never raise a child.”

“But she doesn’t look like a lesbian,” said my aunt, the one family member I thought might defend me.

“Where did we go wrong,” asked my parents, as if there was something wrong with me. “We thought we raised you better than this.”

“You’re just confused,” said my father. “Therapy can help you figure out your feelings.”

“She goes to the University of Minnesota,” said my relatives, “what did they expect, her to come out normal?”

“Do you know where people like you go when you die?” asked my brother, who wouldn’t look me in the eye. “Do you want to go to hell?”

“You should be careful,” said my mother, when I told her I was going out. “Because do you know where you’ll go if you die today?”

“All transgender people should just be shot,” said my mother, “just like the queer people they are.”

“You need a mental examination,” was the reaction of my parents, after they first found out. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”

“I’ve met a lot of lesbians,” said my cousin, the girl I once considered my best  friend, “but she just doesn’t give off the vibe.”

“She’s going to regret this when she’s older,” said another relative, after I came out on facebook. “She is ruining hope of having a normal life.”

“I love you,” said my good friend, crying like I had told her something bad. “But you know I can’t accept that lifestyle.”

“We’re praying for you,” said everyone, as if I had said I was sick.

“I am so glad you’re over that,” said my mother as I was finding out what heartbreak meant. “Now you need to date a nice boy.”

“I think she’s over that stage,” my mother told my aunt after.

“You are messed up,” was a text I got from my mother while I was attending the Women’s March.

“All that is is a march of a bunch of queers.” She spit out the last word, said it like it tasted as bad as I felt when I heard it.

“I just thought you had better morals than that,” said my mom. “You really have no morals to be doing that.”

“It’s just gross,” they said. “How can a woman love another woman? Something is wrong in your head if you think that’s okay.”

Gross, disgusting, immoral, unspeakable, sickening, shameful, horrid, dyke, queer.

“Don’t tell anyone, ever,” said my mother, ashamed of her daughter.

“We can never accept or condone your behavior,” said my father. “Having this around will influence everyone in the family.”

“You’re heading down a slippery slope,” said my mother. “If that’s how you want to live your life, go ahead. But the only thing that waits for you is drugs and alcohol, because you’ll need it to live with yourself.”

“I just can’t stand her,” said my mother to my sister.

“The last the we want to do is push you away, but we have other kids to think about,” said my mother, because obviously the other kids are more important than me.

“You are nothing but a queer,” said my mother, to my face.

“And we will never,” said my mother, “accept you or your lifestyle choice.”