had to go and ruin my life

Stuff My Dad Said During Hamilton (Act 2)
  • What'd I Miss: This guy sounds like a pompous asshole.
  • Cabinet Battle #1: That's that line you like. The shoe fitting one. You've said that too much...
  • Take A Break: Where's the third sister? Did she die? Is she okay?
  • Say No To This: ...damn...just...damn...
  • The Room Where It Happens: I want to feel bad for Burr but he's reminding me of those 'try too hard' kids. Like you.
  • Schuyler Defeated: I knew he was gonna turn into a huge dick.
  • Cabinet Battle #2: He sounds like you did in kindergarten. "He was my friend first!" I think you said that word for word.
  • Washington On Your Side: LANGUAGE!
  • One Last Time: If only he had known what was going to happen to our country...
  • I Know Him: And here comes the other George.
  • The Adams Administration: Spiteful little dude...
  • We Know: Snitches get stitches.
  • Hurricane: This guy's life kinda sucks...
  • The Reynolds Pamphlet: No one ruining your life? Don't worry! Ruin your own...apparently.
  • Burn: If only she had actually burned him. Like. Revenge bitch.
  • Blow Us All Away: Oh yeah mini Hamiltons.
  • Stay Alive (Reprise): Does...Does everyone die? (Me: Eventually) Okay there's no need for smart ass comments.
  • It's Quiet Uptown: I'm now in like...a state of hurt and anger and...how?
  • Election Of 1800: That first note actually scared me...
  • Your Obedient Servant: Hamilton's disrespect? Doesn't Burr call his mom a whore every five songs?
  • Best Of Wives And Best Of Women: I've never been more emotionally hurt by a musical...
  • The World Was Wide Enough: Ah yes. I shall call this Act, "Stab You In The Heart Repeatedly".
  • Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: ...who the fuck is telling Peggy's story?
  • Me: ok ok i'm not going to become obsessed with any more things that could ruin my life
  • Me, being introduced to three podcasts, seven musicals, four TV shows, nine movies, two bands and twelve books: well shit

inspired by this video (sfw, but a sex toy is being used as car repair, so take that as you will)

“Laura’s gonna flip,” Derek says in dismay, looking at the huge dent in the driver’s side door of the Camaro. Her most precious possession, the car she’d been saving up for forever, the car she waxes and washes every weekend, the car that she let Derek borrow to go to the Mathletes competition in San Francisco because Derek had a basketball game on Friday and couldn’t make the official school bus, the car that Laura made him swear his life on, is now forever ruined.

“Damn, if there ever was a good place to curse, that would have been it,” Stiles says, crossing his arms and looking far more attractive than he had the right to. “C’mon, Derek. Just say it. Fuck.”

Derek blushes, watching the word tumble out of Stiles’ pink mouth. “No, I… there’s gotta be a way to fix it. But if I call her insurance people she’s gonna know…”

“It’s totally my fault,” Stiles says. “I was the one who wanted to go to Tastee Freeze on the way back, and let some dingbat hit you in the parking lot. Actually, it’s their fault, whoever can’t drive.”

Derek shakes his head. It’s his fault. He’d been having too much fun this weekend; he’d spent practically all of it with Stiles. He’d had a crush on him forever— in fact, joined Mathletes at his request, and the whole year of practice, of spending afternoons with Stiles poring over math problems, watching Stiles lick Cheeto dust off his fingers— it’s been too much. Coupled with the fact that Stiles actually just plain forgot to catch the bus on Friday, and then caught a ride with Derek, meant hours in the car listening to him sing along to Hamilton and muddle through the rap bits, and sleeping next to him in the four-to-a-room motel Saturday night, and waking up with Stiles’ face smashed into his shoulder.

Derek had been too overwhelmed by it all, too overwhelmed by Stiles. Getting the chance to spend time with his friend this weekend had just intensified his feelings, and he knows there’s no chance that Stiles will ever feel the same, so he’s just drinking it all in, savoring these moments when he can.

It had been a terrible parking job, the Camaro was at a weird angle, that’s why the person rounding the turn had hit him. Derek sighs. He guesses it’s for the best. He’ll just have to pay Laura back. For forever.

Stiles is studying the door, eyes narrowed in concentration. “Actually, it’s not that bad. They didn’t even scratch it. It’s just a dent. With the right amount of leverage…”

“I’m sorry, do you happen to have a magical car-door fixer in your overnight bag?”

Somehow, this causes Stiles to turn bright red. “Okay. I have an idea. But you have to promise not to laugh.”

“Okay…?”

Derek watches, perplexed, as Stiles pulls his duffle bag out of the back seat, and then rummages around in it.

“Promise not to laugh,” Stiles repeats.

“I promise.” Derek is confused, but sincere.

Stiles pulls a bright blue dildo out of the bag. It’s springy, and jiggles a little with the movement. There’s a thick vein running along the side, and the base even has… balls.

Derek’s brain short circuits, an image of Stiles, naked, working himself on the girth of the toy, his mouth open, panting, as he tries to get the right angle, skin flushed pink from pleasure…

“Fuck,” Derek says.

Keep reading

Here’s the thing.

I am a transgender man (see photo of my mug for context).

I love all trans people and I love non binary people. But lately some of my trans spaces (both on the web and irl) that are mainly non binary have started to feel a little hostile.

I want to make something perfectly clear before I continue - I love and respect non binary people, I think their genders are valid and I am in no way suggesting they are any less important that myself or any other binary trans person. I also need you to understand that this isn’t meant to be a post calling out non binary people at all, it is just me talking about my personal experiences in the hope that it can get people to be a little more considerate sometimes?

In university spaces, it seems that there is a growing population of non binary people that tends to dominate trans groups. Which is good in lots of ways, especially since it shows how this generation has become much more relaxed and aware that gender is a construct and fluidity is key. However, amongst people I know there is a lot of ‘ew gross men’, or 'ew gross trans men that are masculine’, while at the same time being predominantly DFAB populations.

Now trust me, I very much understand the dislike a lot of dfab trans people have of men. A lot of us are survivors and I think that does play a big part in how we feel about the gender overall. Not to mention it is not uncommon for men to be, for lack of a better word- wankers. However, I don’t think people consider trans men when we are talking about this.

Making a comment like 'ew men are so fucking gross’ to a room of trans people means that to a trans man you are saying one of two things - 1) you are gross, or 2) you aren’t gross because you’re not a Real Man, and you are excluded from this statement because you are and always will be, partly a woman. Even now I feel uncomfortable 'complaining’ about this. I have to remind myself that just as suggesting that a trans woman is somehow different to other women would be considered incredibly offensive, so is it for trans men.

I didn’t realise how much this stuff affected me until it did. Constantly being around people that talk about, how body hair on men is gross, masculinity is by default toxic, making jokes about my masculinity being toxic when I excitedly tell people that I’ve started going to the gym and its making me feel better about my body. No, it’s not funny. It’s MY dysphoria I’m trying to ease. I as a trans person want to feel supported and loved when I do things that have a chance of making me feel good about my body.

It hit me like a brick wall when I realised how much it had affected me. I was with my partner, and was trying to have sex, but I just broke down. I felt so incredibly disgusted with my body and myself. So much hair, so masculine. The noises I made, gross. The way I touched him, creepy. I couldn’t get out of my head the idea that later in life he would talk to people about how gross and unshaven I was, just like I had heard friends describe ex boyfriends so many times before.

I felt cheated because these were the changes I WANTED my body to make. But now they felt ruined. Spoiled.
It was after that realisation that I decided I had to get out. I stopped going to some of student socials and instead started attending a group for older trans people. It was so refreshing to meet other trans men for once (just because I rarely meet them at uni, and it was nice to talk to someone similar.) It was awesome to be around people who weren’t shitty about trans people being stealth (as I remember I once was.)

There are some important things to take away from all of this:

1) Telling trans boys and men that they are disgusting for wanting to be like men will only destroy self esteem and feed into the toxic environment that a lot of cis boys grow up in.

2) Non binary people are extremely valid and awesome, but also must accept they have a responsibility to cultivate a supportive and friendly atmosphere in spaces where they are dominant (I put this in here for university spaces especially)

3) Laughing at a trans man/woman for being excessively masc/fem presenting if you are a dfab nb person who mainly presents as fem or androgynous is facetious and not respecting that they may have to present that way to stay safe, (especially in the case of trans women that may be more 'obviously trans’) and that despite suffering prejudice in many ways, the one thing you are not realistically facing is street violence and such because you inevitably are not going to be clocked as trans. (which yes, does NOT make your transness invalid but we have to respect the different struggles people in our community face.)

4) Someone being stealth does not mean they are adhering to 'toxic gender roles’. It means they are either 1) trying to be safe or 2) surprise surprise they want to live their life as the gender they identify with. Trans people are not less legitimately trans because you think they are 'acting cis’.

5) Being a binary trans person does not give you privilege over nb people. Like seriously, trans women are literally the most likely to be murdered. Don’t be a dick. Erasure is a problem yes but it’s not the same. I read names out at the TDOR vigil and pretty much all of them were trans women of colour. Respect that. Help the community. This isn’t about scoring points over who has it the shittiest.

6) The idea that the only good kinda of trans men are 'soft sensitive kinda trans masc guys that don’t have surgeries and shave all their body hair’ is shitty and offensive (tho that kind of trans man is totally valid, that not what i mean). Its shitty because one you’re sexualising them either as more childlike or more feminine (both is rude, former is creepy), but its perpetuating the idea that trans men aren’t really men and the best ones are the ones that YOU think still kinda look suitably enough like women.

Bodyguard || Jeon Jungkook

Originally posted by chimneytaels

AN: This entire imagine Jungkook is called Jeon, just so nobody gets confused

Word Count: 2.3k

Genre: Angst


Your arms were crossed over your chest as you stared the man across the room down. His eyes were focused anywhere but you, not because he was shy or embarrassed to be around you, but because he didn’t think any of it would be worth his time. The only thing you were to him was another paycheck, and as long as the bills were paid, he had no reason to complain.

On the other hand, you had every right. Ever since your father had hired the Jeon man to watch over you, your life had come to a halt. You were used to going out late at night and partying with strangers, but with him looking after you, you barely got out of the house without a follower. No matter where you went, he was there following after you.

The reason for the meeting now, one between your father and the Jeon man, was because of your latest escape attempts. Jeon had gone to lay down, thinking you had taken a nap and he had let his guard down. You left within seconds of him falling asleep and you thought that you had finally out smarted him, that you were finally going to be able to have a night to yourself.

Keep reading

how to be a minimalist student

a lot of minimalism blogs/youtube channels are directed at older people with houses and jobs, rather than students living with their parents going to and from school; but that doesn’t mean minimalism can’t be for students/teenagers too!

I thought I would write some tips and tricks for being a student minimalist and why it’s worth a shot:

how to:

1. cook with friends rather than buying takeaways or go for walks instead of sitting inside watching films. make the most of the time you spend with friends (and spend less money while you’re at it)

2. stop scrolling and turn off notifications. I’ve switch off all notifications on my lock screen (except for essentials like text) and have muted all non-essential chats so I only have to know about them if I have chosen to go on my phone for that purpose. this is a really easy way to get rid of distractions

3. practicality > aesthetic. I agree that colourful beautiful notes are lovely but they aren’t necessarily worth your time. use your time effectively and don’t rewrite pages of notes just because you had to cross something out and now it’s ‘ruined’. 

3. trade your busy life for a full one by doing one thing at once. learn to focus on one task at a time and give it your full attention. this isn’t just about studying, but also about social events. if you’re meeting a friend, spend the time with your friend, not on your phone. devote yourself to each thing you’re doing and plan your time

4. remember: just because its on sale doesn’t mean you need to buy it. just because you have money doesn’t mean you need to spend it. 

5. say no. its easier to take back a no than it is to take back a yes. don’t feel obliged to sign up for everything and do everything for everyone. put yourself first and don’t feel guilty

6. try the hanger trick. hang all your clothes on hangers facing the same direction. twist the hanger around after you wear something. after a month, donate everything that hasn’t been twisted round to charity 

7. cleanse your social media: unfriend people you don’t know anymore. unfriend people who are negative. delete the apps you don’t use. unsubscribe from channels/newsletters that no longer interest you. declutter your online life

8. cleanse your real life relationships: stop spending time with people who put you down. end your unhealthy relationships. be honest with people you care about. put yourself first

9. record your favourite show or watch netflix. avoiding adverts frees you from the endless cycle of always wanting to have the next big thing

why it’s worth a try:

1. teaching yourself to switch off from social media and learning to spend more quality time with people face-to-face is liberating

2. everything is easier when you have a clear(er) head. having less means you have less to worry about

3. you’ll save money surprisingly easily. the money you spent on takeaways or shoes you thought you needed because everyone else had them can be put towards bigger things that will make you happier e.g. travelling or can be saved for the future

4. you can focus on your mental and physical health more when you aren’t distracted by your phone buzzing all the time and aren’t basing your happiness on keeping up with the latest trends

N.B. don’t expect to ‘get’ minimalism overnight. I definitely still haven’t cracked it. start small and slowly implement minimalism into different areas of your life. figure out what works and what doesn’t. minimalism is personal so there is no ‘right’ way of doing things.

just because minimalism can be about having less, doesn’t mean you have to throw away your beloved book collection. if it makes you happy, keep it; if it doesn’t, let it go.

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

There’s always going to be someone who has “had it worse” than you. 

My mom’s first reaction to my coming-out was, i’d say, pretty pretty bad. Her words hurt me. I felt unloved, lonely, dirty, like something was wrong with me, like i ruined her life just by being myself. 

And yet i feel almost guilty when i say “Her reaction was pretty bad”. There are kids who get beaten up or kicked out of their home or even get murdered after a coming-out - My mom just said a few mean things. Who am i to complain? Shouldn’t I feel thankful that it wasn’t worse? Other lgbt+ kids have had it worse. 

Now that i’m older and spent more time with other lgbt+ people, i realized some important things and I want to share them with you: 

1. I’m not the only one who feels that way. Many of us do. So, if you relate to my words, please know: You’re not alone. 

2.  There’s always going to be someone who has “had it worse” than you.If you got insulted, there’s someone who got insulted worse. If you got bullied by five people, there’s someone who got bullied by ten. And so on. That doesn’t mean that you are not allowed to hurt. Someone else’s pain doesn’t diminish your own. 

3. Your pain is not what makes you lgbt+. Your identity is. How valid your identity is not determined by how much pain others make you go through. 

4. We don’t have to feel thankful for not getting murdered or kicked out. We don’t have to feel thankful for “only getting a bit insulted”. That feeling is based on the horrifying idea that it is normal to get abused after a coming-out. It’s not. 

If someone makes you feel bad for being lgbt+, you are allowed to feel pain - even when others “have had it worse”.  

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom 

Paranoia | M

“Does it look like I want to be stuck with you for the rest of my life?”

Précis; Because waking up beside the one you have always despised isn’t something that you thought would ever actually happen.

Note: Since this post was eaten awhile back, I had to rewrite it..good thing my memory is A1 lol. *whispers* this is hella revamped so if you read it before..it’s 85% different | Words ➳ 11k

Genre & Warnings: Fluff, humor and minor angst. O h, & light smut. ((: {ft. Jungkook} | enemies to lovers au

➳ paranoia ; suspicion and mistrust of people or their actions without evidence and justification.


It was the tinkling of ice that rummaged within your glass of liquor that you debated whether to drink the contents and regret it the day after or to deny the free offer the bartender had given you; to try their new bottle they had promptly started to sell within the specific bar. Your eyes narrowed towards the softly fizzing contents inside your glass, scrutinizing the bubbles as they dispersed after floating about the liquid for more than a few seconds — having wasted their purpose as they popped small amounts of gas within the air. You were so entranced, giving yourself thousands of reasons why drinking at that moment shouldn’t even be debatable to notice the bartender laugh under his breath.

“It’s not going to kill you, you know.” He said, shaking a blender cup before he started to pour someone else a glass of alcohol.

You pursed your lips, glancing to your phone hoping you would receive a text back but to your dismay, you had received nothing. “It may not kill me,” you started while you softly flicked the glass with your finger as the crushed ice began to dance with one another, “but it will ruin my life.”

He hummed, resting his elbow on the counter and towards your sober state of mind, sliding the cup a little closer to you. “But it may also give you something to live for.”

Keep reading

If EXO members had a youtube channel
  • LeaderSuhoEXO1: Confessions of the leader/mother/dad of eleven crazy boys.
  • ChenChenPrince: How to reach high notes and be funny at the same time.
  • SehunIsSoHot: "Welcome to my world, I'm about to change your whole life and ruin your bias list" ;))))
  • LuLuLuCats: Hundreds of funny videos of his cats and how much Luhan loves them
  • KyungsooDO12: "Today I'm going to show you how to make Nachos" *uploads a new cooking video every week*
  • LayUnicornLove: "Channel dedicated to all my fans, to show and spread all my love. You are the best, all angels I love you! We are one!" (Also some videos of him finally going to Baek's grandma's house)
  • Real_PYC: Music videos. Music videos. Some video without a shirt. Music videos. Music videos. ChanBaek. Music Videos. Music videos. Trips with Sehun. Oh look that's Kyungsoo Sleeping.
  • TaoGucci123: "Fashion tutorial: 10 ways to wear that Gucci jacket and look flawless like me" *Perfection*
  • BaekhyunnieLOL2: Videos of him playing LOL alone, with Xiumin, with Kai, with everyone. Videos of him playing LOL singing, and eating. Videos of him just teasing exo-ls and melting their hearts.
  • XiuminMinnieforYou: Lots of everything. Funny moments with EXO, me singing here and there, helping Kyungsoo in the kitchen, helping Suho with the laundry, videos to our EXO-Ls... Lots of Minnie for you all!
  • KimKaiJongin: Probably would look like a dance studio youtube channel. Tutorials of how to dance EXO's choreos.
  • Galaxy88KrisWu: "This is not my style" videos and loving everything he says he doesn't. "I'm a cool person, gotta maintain my cool image... But I love chicken"

listen, it’s not about being “fandom trash” anymore

I’ve watched an absurd amount of videos about them, I’ve fantasize about how being their friend would be like, I’ve procrastinated from all the work I have to do just to go on youtube and re-watch all of their videos, I’ve read and written fanfiction about them.

I’ve had enough, okay?

I’ve crossed a line I didn’t even knew existed

Their presence has ruined my life to an extent and i am putting my foot down.

I don’t want to be addressed as “fandom trash” anymore

I shall be named

Zealot detritus

thenworld  asked:

may I ask why your relationship with the pride & prejudice (2005) is complex? I love hearing people's opinions about the movie

Now, I do not hold any sort of beef or dislike anyone who prefers the 2005 adaptation over any other adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. Partly because everyone’s preference is unique, and mostly because I’m not a massive head of a dick.

My relationship with the 2005 film is complex because there are three parts of me whenever I watch a film.

The director and the writer and the fan.

The director likes the film very much. She adores the editing, how the scenes are lit, how Marianelli’s music so perfectly moves the scenes along and evokes the feelings of the characters, the costumes, the acting. The little touches and production details, she is particularly fond of.

The writer finds the film to be rather middle-of-the-road. There’s good writing in there, wit and some good ideas. (Whoever came up with the idea of Elizabeth and Darcy’s first touch coming through him helping her into the carriage needs to get an award, because so much subtext and the writer lurves subtext.) But she finds that sometimes, the writing is a bit too modern and it doesn’t really properly evoke the Regency era for her as other adaptations have done in the past.

The fan hates some of the changes. The alternative ending shall not be spoken of, for one. Another severely dislikes the overly giggly nature of Elizabeth Bennet. Kiera Knightley is a very good actress, but Elizabeth was always meant to be, for the fan, a bit more serious. Inclined to laugh, obviously, but grounded. Lydia is flighty, flirting without thought for the effect it has on the rest of her family. Elizabeth however, is proud and therefore, pragmatic. By making Lizzy more giggly, zipping about making sarcastic comments, it just makes the film lack a bit of gravitas.

Putting all that together, basically I find that though a beautifully made film, the 2005 adaptation is just too fluffy and too on the nose. I understand that it’s a film and therefore changes have to be made to fit everything into 2 hours, but it misses the mark on a lot, and that makes it, as I said, fluffy. I want some sharpness to my P&P, you know?

Take the 1995 adaptation. I know it’s talky, a bit stagey and a bit stiff in some places but it lies deep in my heart, embedded there for always. Everyone talks about Darcy and Elizabeth being in the thundering rain in the 2005 film and I’ll be honest, that is a fantastic scene with that almost kiss but 1995, HOLY HELL. THIS REQUIRES EXTENDED CAPSLOCK BECAUSE ELIZABETH BENNET LIT UP BY SUNSHINE AS SHE TEARS FITZWILLIAM DARCY, OWNER OF THE PEMBERLEY ESTATE AND EARNER OF 10 GRAND A YEAR,  A NEW ONE.

LOOK AT DARCY.

HE’S REHEARSED THAT SPEECH. YOU KNOW HE HAS. TEN TIMES, OVER AND OVER, IN FRONT OF HIS BATHROOM MIRROR. HIS VALET’S ALL, ‘THE GREEN WAISTCOAT OR THE WHITE, SIR?’ AND DARCY’S JUST LIKE, ‘YOU MUST ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU HOW ARDENTLY I ADMIRE AND LOVE YOU’ AND THE VALET’S ALL ‘UMMMM THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR’ (and yes that is a Blackadder Goes Forth reference, what)

ANYWAY. HE SAYS THIS SHIT TO ELIZABETH.

‘YEP, I’LL IMPLY THAT SHE’S SHIT POOR AND IT’LL BE EMBARRASSING FOR ME TO MARRY HER, SHE’S SO GONNA SAY YES RIGHT NOW, GOOD ONE DARCY.’

MEANWHILE LIZZY’S RAGE IS GENTLY SIMMERING IN A POT OF ‘I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS.’

THEN, WHEN DARCY’S ALL TALKED OUT, THIS LOOK AND THESE WORDS. AS LIZZY PREPARES TO GIVE THIS FUCKSTICK THE BURN OF HIS LIFE. 

THAT IS A LOOK WHICH TELLS YOU SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.

AND DARCY. HE KNOWS HE’S ABSOLUTELY FUCKED. LOOK AT THIS, AND DON’T TELL ME THAT ISN’T THE FACE OF A MAN WHO’S JUST PROCESSED THE WORDS HE’S JUST HEARD AND KNOWS DEEP DOWN HE’S ABOUT TO GET KICKED OUT OF THE BACK DOOR ONTO HIS FACE.

IN FACT, DARCY’S REACTIONS AS SHE TEARS INTO HIM IS A THING OF BEAUTY.

‘THIS IS… NOT GOING THE WAY I PLANNED’

‘THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT GOING THE WAY I PLANNED’

‘OKAY BUT SHE HASN’T TECHNICALLY SAID NO YET, I MAY BE IN WITH A CHANCE’ 

BUT THEN

‘OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE SISTER’

‘WAIT HOW DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT BINGLEY’

‘DAMN YOU FITZWILLIAM’

‘ALRIGHT FUCK IT, I DID FUCK UP YOUR SISTER’S HAPPINESS SO WHAT’

THEN LIZZY BRINGS UP WICKHAM

‘UGH FUCKING WICKHAM WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THAT DUDE’

BUT LIZZY CONTINUES AND DARCY REALISES THIS IS ABOUT MORE THAN BASTARD WICKHAM

‘OKAY NO, I HAVE ACTUALLY SEVERELY FUCKED UP’

SO HE TURNS ON HER

‘WELL YOU’RE POOR AND YOUR FAMILY IS SHIT SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO THAT HUH

THEN LIZZY TURNS BACK TO HIM WITH THIS LOOK.

AND DARCY’S REACTION.

THAT NIGGLING THOUGHT HE HAD DEEP DOWN THAT HE WAS FUCKED – THAT HAS JUST COME LOOMING UP TO THE FOREGROUND, WAVING A FLAG WHICH HAS THE WORDS ‘WE ARE DOOMED’ SPLAYED ACROSS IT IN ELEGANT REGENCY FONT

BUT LIZZY AIN’T FINISHED YET

BEAUTIFUL SUMMER SHINESHINE IS POURING THROUGH THOSE WINDOWS, BIRDS ARE MOST LIKELY TWEETING, THE LEAVES ON THE TREES ARE BURSTING GREEN AND LIZZY IS THROWING EVERY WORD OF HER REJECTION OF DARCY AT HIM LIKE THEY’RE NINJA THROWING STARS OR SOME SUCH SHIT

LOOK AT THAT LOOK. THAT IS THE LOOK THAT PUTS FLESH ON MY BONES, BEATS IN MY HEART, AIR IN MY LUNGS AND FOOD IN MY BELLY.

AND WHAT’S HIS REACTION? WHAT’S THIS FUCKER’S REACTION TO THE MOST SAVAGE REJECTION HE’S POSSIBLY EVER HAD IN HIS LIFE? AS A WOMAN, LIZZY HAS VERY FEW OPTIONS IN THIS ERA. HE COULD RUIN ALL OF THOSE OPTIONS, RUIN HER, BY HEADING OUT OF THERE AND TELLING EVERYONE HE MEETS ‘DON’T GO FOR THAT ELIZABETH BENNET SHE’S RUDE AND UNGRATEFUL AND THE WORST KIND OF WOMAN’ BUT—

HE LEAVES. THIS UTTER WANKER APOLOGISES FOR TAKING UP HER TIME AND NOBLY, QUIETLY, LEAVES, NOT FORGETTING TO WISH HER WELL BEFORE HE GOES.

And suddenly, that’s a glimmer of the good behind the pompous arsehole. He listens to Lizzy’s rejection, savage and filled with truth, and he writes a letter to her in response. 

How very fucking British.

And precisely why my relationship with the 2005 film is so complex.

break the chain

happy birthday @carryonsimoncarryon!!

length: 3.7k

genre(s): angst+fluff

triggers/warnings: none

simon and baz get in a fight during 7th year and end up magically handcuffed together 

a/n: thank you @cherryonsimon for ur beta skills and brutal honesty :p AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAILEY!!!! ENJOY BEING OLD 💜💜

(if the readmore doesn’t work then just click the url and it will take you to the post ^__^)



Simon

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

My jaw drops and I stare at Agatha. She doesn’t look like she’s joking, and I start to feel sick.

“What?”

“I want to break up.”

“But–but why?”

“I just don’t think we’re good together,” she says, like her words aren’t devastating. Like she hasn’t just unraveled all of my plans for our future together.

“But…but I love you…” I say, a bit pathetically, and her face hardens.

“I’m not doing this because I don’t love you, Simon. I just don’t want to be with you anymore.”

I don’t know what to say to that, and she’s not listening anyway. She’s looking at something over my shoulder and I turn around quickly to see what it is.

It’s Baz.

He gives her a lazy wave and a wink, and when I face her again she’s gone pink.

“Him?” I say incredulously. “You’re breaking up with me for him?”

“What if I am?” she says, and I feel my magic starting to rise. She takes a step back, looking scared. I curse and try to force it back down.

“Agatha,” I say, but she’s still moving. “Agatha! I didn’t mean it!”

She spins on her heel and walks off, leaving me behind in the hall.

I’m sure I look like a fish out of water; students are leaving the classrooms and everyone’s giving me a funny look. I’m still fighting to keep my magic under control and I only have one thought on my mind: this is Baz’s fault.

* * *

Baz had somehow disappeared after my confrontation with Agatha, so I go looking for him. I eventually find him lurking in an unused corridor–the one with the room where the Crucible is stored. Surely Baz isn’t daft enough to try and mess with it. He must have some other scheme planned.

I don’t care what it is, I don’t care about anything else right now other than the fact that Baz has once again ruined my life.

I’m attempting to sneak up on him when the sole of my shoe squeaks, and he whips around.

“What do you want, Snow?” Baz spits, and I rush forward without thinking.

“This is all your fault!” I yell as I shove him, “if you’d just left Agatha well alone she wouldn’t have broken up with me!”

He looks confused for a second and then smirks. That makes me angrier, so I shove him again. Harder. This time his head makes a satisfying crack as it hits the wall. I rush forward with my arm pulled back, ready to punch him. He moves to block me and our hands collide in mid-air.

I feel a shimmer of magic around my wrist and my stomach drops. Baz must have cast something too low for me to hear, and now…well, I’m not really sure what he did until I look at my hand and see the shiny metal bracelet. I don’t realize what’s happened at first; Baz tugs his wrist and mine comes with it.

Merlin’s tits, I’m fucking handcuffed to Baz. What is he planning to do to me? This must be one of his schemes! He’s going to…he’s going to…

Well, I’m not sure what he’s going to do, but it probably involves me and a pair of handcuffs.

“What the hell, Baz!” I growl, “let me go!”

He looks indignant. “I didn’t do this!”

“Of course you did!”

“Crowley, Snow, do you really think I’d attach myself to you on purpose?”

Baz

The air starts to fill with smoke, and I realize it’s Snow. Shit, I should have known this would happen. He’s going to bloody go off. I’m tempted to poke him as I usually do–because I know he’ll just shield me–but I finally give into my urge to just…help him.

“Deep breaths now, Snow,” I say, and his head snaps up. He narrows his eyes at me, but I keep going; keep holding his gaze. “Let it go. Some of it. Before you start another fire. Whatever–fuck!”

Snow shoves me into the wall for the second time today, only this time he comes with me and I’m hit from both sides.

“What was that for? I was helping you, you numpty!”

“I don’t need your help,” he snarls.

“Fine!” I spit, “let’s go find you someone else then!”

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°• ♢ ———— LEGALLY BLONDE SENTENCE STARTERS.

’ The rules of hair care are simple and finite. ’
’ Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. ’
’ Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands/wives, they just don’t. ’
’ Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed. ’
’ There’s nothing I love better than a dumb blonde with Daddy’s plastic. ’
’ My cousin had that once. Apparently you get a really bad rash on your… ’
’ I don’t need back-ups. I’m going to Harvard. ’
’ Well then, you’ll need excellent recommendations from your professors. ’
’ Trust me, I can handle anything. ’
’ Why are you going to throw that all away? ’
’ Oh, sweetheart, you don’t need law school. ’
’ I’m going to get the love of my life back. ’
’ I just liked to watch him/her change the filter. ’
’ Did you see him/her? He’s/she’s probably still scratching his/her head. ’
’ I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. ’
’ I can’t believe you just called me a butthead.  ’
’ I don’t think anybody has called me a butthead since the 9th grade. ’
’ Why didn’t you call me? ’
’ Uh. I’m sorry. I just hallucinated. ’
’ Excuse me. ’
’ I’m sorry? ’
’ You got into Harvard Law? ’
’ What? Like it’s hard? ’
’ Pooh bear, just get in the car. ’
’ You’re gonna ruin your shoes. ’
’ Sorry for what? ’
’ Well this is so much better than that! ’
’ Excuse me, I have some shopping to do. ’
’ So, when did you wanna go out? ’
’ We spent a beautiful night together and I haven’t heard from you since. ’
’ Well, forget it. I’ve spent too much time crying over you. ’
’ Because I’m not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I’m white trash? ’
’ You’re breaking up with me because I’m too… blonde? ’
’ I’m a middle aged, high school drop out with stretch marks and a fat ass. ’
’ Well, no. That’s not entirely true… ’
’ Then what? My boobs are too big? ’
’ So what’s a girl/boy to do? ’
’ What? Practically deformed? ’
’ This is what I need to become. ’
’ Don’t stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey. ’
’ I got up. Got a latte. Went to the gym. Got a perm and came home. ’
’ We all tried to talk her out of it. Curls weren’t a good look for her.  ’
’ Objection, why is this relevant? ’
’ I have a point, I promise. ’
’ I suspect you weren’t because your curls are still intact. ’
’ How would you feel if your father married someone who was your age? ’
’ If you’re going to let one stupid prick ruin your life… you’re not the girl I thought you were. ’
’ Oh, my God, the bend and snap works every time! ’
’ All those opposed to chafing, please say “Aye”. ’
’ How was your first class? ’
’ All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs. ’
’ So, if you don’t know an answer they’re just gonna kick you out. ’
’ Hey, well, don’t you look like a walking felony. ’
’ There’s like a judge and everything… and jury people. ’
’ Is that the only interaction you two have ever had? ’
’ No! Sometimes I say “okay” instead of “fine.” ’
’ Excuse me, I’m sorry… are you here to see me? ’
’ I promised her, and I can’t break the bonds of sisterhood. ’
’ This is a murder investigation! Not some scandal at the sorority house! ’
’ Geez! Could I be any more goddamn spastic? ’
’ Are you one of my lawyers? ’
’ You’ve just won your case. ’
’ Well thank God one of you has a brain. ’
’ If anyone found out about this, I would be ruined! ’
’ I would rather go to jail than to lose my reputation! ’
’ Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me. ’
’ No more boring suits or pantyhose, I’m trying to be somebody I’m not. ’
’ I think it gives it a little something extra, don’t you think? ’
’ I know, I thought that was very… classy of you. ’
’ This is gonna be just like senior year, except for funner! ’
’ I’m never going to be good enough for you, am I? ’
The Only Exception (Part 3)

Summary: AU. Reader is given the task of running a popular love advice internet show when her coworker is fired. Her cynical attitude toward love makes her offer some harsh advice, and more than a few hearts are caught in the aftermath. Will hers be one of them?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 3,523

Warnings: language, fluff, wishful thinking, hot firemen, sarcasm, cynicism, bad jokes, drinking, sad story retelling (mentions of death and loss)

A/N: Moving right along…and yes, I used a Keep Reading line. Also, shout out to @redgillan for making my day brighter.

Part - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4

Originally posted by kittyseb

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anonymous asked:

any fics with unresolved sexual tension? x thanks a bunch!

Hey :)

I feel like almost everything sterek qualifies as UST :p  But here are some that are maybe a little more UST than pining. Maybe. Also you can look here and here for more fics like these.

Every Step You Take by  Nokomis | 49.3K

Stiles accidentally ends up magically bound to Derek. It’s super.

wishing to be the friction in your jeans by  thatworldinverted | 3.3K

Stiles is just trying to go to work every day and earn a paycheck. It’s not his fault he keeps getting distracted by six feet of muscle and the angriest scowl this side of the Cascades.

(not so) Pure Imagination by  theroguesgambit | 33.1K

“There is a world where whenever someone fantasizes about you, you can physically feel it, but you have no idea who is thinking it about you.”

Stiles knows it’s wrong, but he’s been Fantasizing about Derek and he can’t bring himself to stop. Derek doesn’t know who’s taken an interest in him, but he’s enjoying it way more than he probably should.

UST (An Unfortunate Series of Tropes) by  ureshiiichigo | 54.2K

Stiles thought he and Derek were finally getting to be bros, and then Deaton had to go and ruin everything with his stupid spell.

You put a Hallmark on my Heart by  giantteenwolforgy | 3.3K

Stiles is funny and smart and kind and is also his daughter’s teacher and his boss’s son. On the list of people who are off-limits, Stiles has held the top spot for as long as Derek has known him.

Since Derek is Derek, Stiles also happens to rank number one on the list of people Derek is in love with. Seriously. His life is like a bad Hallmark movie.

Possibly I Like The Thrill Of Under Me You by  stilinskisparkles | 12.2K

It’s not that the idea of Stiles talking about him doesn’t make his stomach wrap itself in knots, it’s that it does just that. It makes him unbelievably uncomfortable and he doesn’t quite know why. He’s twenty seven years old, he pays taxes, he takes his mother out for lunch on Sundays; he is a grown up. But he’s getting weird butterflies when he glances over his shoulder to look at Stiles and a heat in his chest that feels something like what he supposes want must feel like.

Let’s Start A War (A Nuclear War) by  Saucery | 5.4K

The obligatory gay bar story. Stiles gets hit on and Derek goes berserk. Meanwhile, Scott is all-knowing and Danny is awesome.

sing a new song, Chiquitita by  HalfFizzbin | 2.7K

Derek is scheduled to work a double shift at Hale or High Water on the night of his 30th birthday, which is an excellent encapsulation of how his life is going so far.

LUST (Love & Unresolved Sexual Tension) by  theroguesgambit | 8.2K

The pack has to deal with an incubus.

Just A Nightmare

Request: Omg could you please do something Where what happened in tonight’s episode with Cas happens, but it’s the reader’s dream and she wakes up and Cas is right there and completely fine and he comforts and cuddles her?? I need this so much rn

Pairing: Castiel x reader

Word Count: a little less than 1k. I know it’s short, but I think it gets the job done.

Warnings: *SPOILERS FROM 12X23!* angst, but it gets resolved bc WE ALL NEED THIS FLUFF RIGHT NOW

x

You sat on the opposite side of Mary on the bed, squeezing Kelly’s hand as she got through another contraction. It was then that you heard Sam and Dean speaking in rushed, frantic tones outside, and you looked at Mary with worry in your eyes.

“Do you mind if I—“

“Go check on them,” she nodded. “I’ll stay here.”

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What they said

 “You don’t need equal rights, you already have more rights than everyone,” said my father, after he openly said he wouldn’t hire a gay worker, not even me, his daughter.

“You don’t deserve to have kids,” said my mother, who couldn’t understand why the words she said made me cry. “A child deserves a mother and a father, and two queers like you could never raise a child.”

“But she doesn’t look like a lesbian,” said my aunt, the one family member I thought might defend me.

“Where did we go wrong,” asked my parents, as if there was something wrong with me. “We thought we raised you better than this.”

“You’re just confused,” said my father. “Therapy can help you figure out your feelings.”

“She goes to the University of Minnesota,” said my relatives, “what did they expect, her to come out normal?”

“Do you know where people like you go when you die?” asked my brother, who wouldn’t look me in the eye. “Do you want to go to hell?”

“You should be careful,” said my mother, when I told her I was going out. “Because do you know where you’ll go if you die today?”

“All transgender people should just be shot,” said my mother, “just like the queer people they are.”

“You need a mental examination,” was the reaction of my parents, after they first found out. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”

“I’ve met a lot of lesbians,” said my cousin, the girl I once considered my best  friend, “but she just doesn’t give off the vibe.”

“She’s going to regret this when she’s older,” said another relative, after I came out on facebook. “She is ruining hope of having a normal life.”

“I love you,” said my good friend, crying like I had told her something bad. “But you know I can’t accept that lifestyle.”

“We’re praying for you,” said everyone, as if I had said I was sick.

“I am so glad you’re over that,” said my mother as I was finding out what heartbreak meant. “Now you need to date a nice boy.”

“I think she’s over that stage,” my mother told my aunt after.

“You are messed up,” was a text I got from my mother while I was attending the Women’s March.

“All that is is a march of a bunch of queers.” She spit out the last word, said it like it tasted as bad as I felt when I heard it.

“I just thought you had better morals than that,” said my mom. “You really have no morals to be doing that.”

“It’s just gross,” they said. “How can a woman love another woman? Something is wrong in your head if you think that’s okay.”

Gross, disgusting, immoral, unspeakable, sickening, shameful, horrid, dyke, queer.

“Don’t tell anyone, ever,” said my mother, ashamed of her daughter.

“We can never accept or condone your behavior,” said my father. “Having this around will influence everyone in the family.”

“You’re heading down a slippery slope,” said my mother. “If that’s how you want to live your life, go ahead. But the only thing that waits for you is drugs and alcohol, because you’ll need it to live with yourself.”

“I just can’t stand her,” said my mother to my sister.

“The last the we want to do is push you away, but we have other kids to think about,” said my mother, because obviously the other kids are more important than me.

“You are nothing but a queer,” said my mother, to my face.

“And we will never,” said my mother, “accept you or your lifestyle choice.”

For the short time we’ve known each other, you’ve become such an important person in my life. I value you more than you could ever imagine and I cannot express how sorry I am. I never meant for this to happen and if I could change the situation, I would do it in a heartbeat. I never ever wanted to hurt you and it brings me much pain to know that I have. When we first met, I felt a spark between us but I backed away believing you were already with someone else. I should’ve asked you, but you looked happy with him and I didn’t want to ruin anything. I tried setting my feelings aside and pretended they were nonexistent so that we could continue to be friends. I wanted to be with you and if it could only be as friends, then I had to go with it. As long as you were in my life, our relationship mattered little to me. I know things will never go back to the way they once were but a person can hope, right? I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I didn’t try to repair our friendship so here I am. Sorry won’t ever be enough to fix anything no matter how many times I say it, but I’m afraid I don’t know what else to do. This is hurting me just as much as it is hurting you and I hate it. Please talk to me, I don’t care how much pain I have to endure so as long as I can hear from you again. I would walk the entire earth for you, I would do anything for you to stay with me.
—  Please // S.T.
Rockabye (pt.6)

genre: fluff and just a little angst / stripper!au

pairing: you x jimin 

word count: 3.3k 

You still couldn’t believe Jae-Eun called Jimin dad. That was his first word. Yeah, he’s mumbled words here and there but never once called you mom. He normally just screamed to get your attention and that seemed to work pretty well.  The fact that Jae-Eun called Jimin dad shocked you. It was so unexpected and crazy because the two haven’t even been together much and even when they were, it was for only a couple of minutes.

Jimin felt so bad, not because Jae-Eun called him dad but because he still hasn’t called you mom. You understood, though. He was only around 7 months old and you figured his brain hasn’t quite figured everything out yet. As much as it hurt your feelings, you knew Jae-Eun would never understand, let alone do anything on purpose considering his age.

Your phone buzzed you out of your thoughts and you looked down to smile at who it was that was texting you.

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