With respect, and all honestly, I feel that it is only the right of any fan out there to know why I left Blood on the Dance Floor a few months ago.
As an artist who has changed not only how they look physically, but how they think, write, and create, I began to feel constricted and creatively limited by the other half of the group. It’s started around 2014 after we had made some progression of having a real message for the young people who made up 80% of the fan base, the music sales started to go down because streaming had become the new way of listening to music instead of iTunes downloads. He panicked and insisted in writing material that was based around the older concept of the group. ( unnecessarily offensive and overly sexual ) when your fan base is made of teens, these are usually subjects you’d want to avoid. When I joined at 18, I didn’t feel that inappropriate about it, until I became older, and felt like a pervert singing these songs to kids.
I went a few years touring and working for the band, but Dahvie insisted not paying me. Instead, he wanted to be somewhat of a caretaker and played that role from the beginning. I allowed it, because I was young, and overwhelmed by the glory of being 18, and touring the nation to meet people that enjoyed the same things I did. I was too timid, and with Dahvie’s short temper that he had displayed on many occasions by firing his employees with absolutely no reasoning, I feared that I would be next. I didn’t want to push his buttons, and be left with nothing. He paid my phone bill, payed my car insurance, my half of the rent, as well as my medical insurance. Instead of just paying me how an employee should be, but I had enough of this weird “daddy” relationship. My mother would always ask why I never had any money, or why I couldn’t afford to go see her in my hometown in Florida. It’s ruined relationships for me with not just boyfriends, but people that worked for him, and other bands we toured with. I was manipulated to dislike anyone who tried to call him out.
At some point a few years into the band’s career, I had a long talk with him about maybe just paying me so he didn’t have to take care of me all the time. He gave in, and put me on retainer that was mostly late or incomplete to our agreement. Instead, he kept me under his thumb so as to make sure I couldn’t leave and was co-dependent on our relationship. When the band had a manager, He became responsible for paying me, and it lasted for almost a year. Until the manager was fired
There were times when I literally had nothing yet Dahvie was spending lavishly on ridiculous novelties, custom made clothing, and flying random girls in to stay/live with us.
I finally started to work independently, after “getting permission” from Dahvie in late 2014, and that’s how I stayed alive.
About a year ago, I had gotten very sick, for a while, and then shortly after was diagnosed HIV+ and I needed to get medication and medical help started. Yet, there was a tour that was booked for the band. As I saw it, there won’t be a tour if I’m physically not up to it, but Dahvie saw it differently. He just kept pushing it in my face that we couldn’t afford to cancel the tour, and that any medical help that I need would just have to wait until we came back for my treatment. He couldn’t afford tour because the extreme $60,000 debt Dahvie had put himself in (despite having just bought himself a new car.) So, I reluctantly agreed against my better judgment to go out on tour and was dragged all through the country, sick as a dog, and waited it out. The tour ended up being a total bust, the attendance was lower than ever before, the fans were being charged an arm and a leg for a VIP meet and greet that either was late, and rushed because Dahvie was the hotel with a girl. Or was cancelled completely because the shows weren’t happening. Dates were cancelled left and right by promoters, and venue owners that had heard about Dahvie’s reputation. When we finally got home, I immediately got treatment, and after a few months had passed and a new health routine, I was back to myself. I am now undetectable and healthy, according to my doctors. I am very lucky and especially thankful to everyone who had been there with me along the way.
In October we released “Scissors” the last album we did together. I wrote every song on the deluxe version with the exception of 2. Dahvie paid me $1,000 to write all of that material in less than 2 week period. It was just too much work for too little money and after what happened with the last tour and just a general feeling of being taken advantage of by Dahvie for a long time, I left the band.
I needed a new life. I couldn’t live in that situation anymore. Yet, I had no where to go, and he knew that, so he took advantage of what he could until I couldn’t take it any longer. So I left. Dahvie ended up abruptly moving to Ohio to be with his then girlfriend and I was left essentially homeless. So I ended up moving back to Arizona with my friend and am living a quiet desert farm life in Tucson while I rebuild my life and start a new career.
Recently, Dahvie opted to continue to tour as Blood on the Dance Floor, still selling merch with my name and face on it, signing my name onto posters I’ve never seen or touched and, obviously, still playing music I wrote for him. On top of not being paid for any of these merch sales using my likeness, he’s now saying that he’s out on stage performing in my honor, obviously trying to capitalize on my “illness”, as he has referred to it to fans.
I feel his statement about me, was insensitive, and unnecessary. I have been through hell and back, and still fighting, and I feel like I’m being mocked by him as some kind of cruel joke.
I’ve always told fans to not be afraid to speak your mind and embrace your true self, so I’m taking my own advice. My peace is now said I’m closing the book of on it. I still love music and will continue to create. I love all the people who have stood by me all these years and who will still continue to stand with me during these times of new growth.
You’re all the only reason I exist. Thank you all.