With respect, and all honestly, I feel that it is only the right of any fan out there to know why I left Blood on the Dance Floor a few months ago.
As an artist who has changed not only how they look physically, but how they think, write, and create, I began to feel constricted and creatively limited by the other half of the group. It’s started around 2014 after we had made some progression of having a real message for the young people who made up 80% of the fan base, the music sales started to go down because streaming had become the new way of listening to music instead of iTunes downloads. He panicked and insisted in writing material that was based around the older concept of the group. ( unnecessarily offensive and overly sexual ) when your fan base is made of teens, these are usually subjects you’d want to avoid. When I joined at 18, I didn’t feel that inappropriate about it, until I became older, and felt like a pervert singing these songs to kids.
I went a few years touring and working for the band, but Dahvie insisted not paying me. Instead, he wanted to be somewhat of a caretaker and played that role from the beginning. I allowed it, because I was young, and overwhelmed by the glory of being 18, and touring the nation to meet people that enjoyed the same things I did. I was too timid, and with Dahvie’s short temper that he had displayed on many occasions by firing his employees with absolutely no reasoning, I feared that I would be next. I didn’t want to push his buttons, and be left with nothing. He paid my phone bill, payed my car insurance, my half of the rent, as well as my medical insurance. Instead of just paying me how an employee should be, but I had enough of this weird “daddy” relationship. My mother would always ask why I never had any money, or why I couldn’t afford to go see her in my hometown in Florida. It’s ruined relationships for me with not just boyfriends, but people that worked for him, and other bands we toured with. I was manipulated to dislike anyone who tried to call him out.
At some point a few years into the band’s career, I had a long talk with him about maybe just paying me so he didn’t have to take care of me all the time. He gave in, and put me on retainer that was mostly late or incomplete to our agreement. Instead, he kept me under his thumb so as to make sure I couldn’t leave and was co-dependent on our relationship. When the band had a manager, He became responsible for paying me, and it lasted for almost a year. Until the manager was fired
There were times when I literally had nothing yet Dahvie was spending lavishly on ridiculous novelties, custom made clothing, and flying random girls in to stay/live with us.
I finally started to work independently, after “getting permission” from Dahvie in late 2014, and that’s how I stayed alive.
About a year ago, I had gotten very sick, for a while, and then shortly after was diagnosed HIV+ and I needed to get medication and medical help started. Yet, there was a tour that was booked for the band. As I saw it, there won’t be a tour if I’m physically not up to it, but Dahvie saw it differently. He just kept pushing it in my face that we couldn’t afford to cancel the tour, and that any medical help that I need would just have to wait until we came back for my treatment. He couldn’t afford tour because the extreme $60,000 debt Dahvie had put himself in (despite having just bought himself a new car.) So, I reluctantly agreed against my better judgment to go out on tour and was dragged all through the country, sick as a dog, and waited it out. The tour ended up being a total bust, the attendance was lower than ever before, the fans were being charged an arm and a leg for a VIP meet and greet that either was late, and rushed because Dahvie was the hotel with a girl. Or was cancelled completely because the shows weren’t happening. Dates were cancelled left and right by promoters, and venue owners that had heard about Dahvie’s reputation. When we finally got home, I immediately got treatment, and after a few months had passed and a new health routine, I was back to myself. I am now undetectable and healthy, according to my doctors. I am very lucky and especially thankful to everyone who had been there with me along the way.
In October we released “Scissors” the last album we did together. I wrote every song on the deluxe version with the exception of 2. Dahvie paid me $1,000 to write all of that material in less than 2 week period. It was just too much work for too little money and after what happened with the last tour and just a general feeling of being taken advantage of by Dahvie for a long time, I left the band.
I needed a new life. I couldn’t live in that situation anymore. Yet, I had no where to go, and he knew that, so he took advantage of what he could until I couldn’t take it any longer. So I left. Dahvie ended up abruptly moving to Ohio to be with his then girlfriend and I was left essentially homeless. So I ended up moving back to Arizona with my friend and am living a quiet desert farm life in Tucson while I rebuild my life and start a new career.
Recently, Dahvie opted to continue to tour as Blood on the Dance Floor, still selling merch with my name and face on it, signing my name onto posters I’ve never seen or touched and, obviously, still playing music I wrote for him. On top of not being paid for any of these merch sales using my likeness, he’s now saying that he’s out on stage performing in my honor, obviously trying to capitalize on my “illness”, as he has referred to it to fans.
I feel his statement about me, was insensitive, and unnecessary. I have been through hell and back, and still fighting, and I feel like I’m being mocked by him as some kind of cruel joke.
I’ve always told fans to not be afraid to speak your mind and embrace your true self, so I’m taking my own advice. My peace is now said I’m closing the book of on it. I still love music and will continue to create. I love all the people who have stood by me all these years and who will still continue to stand with me during these times of new growth.
You’re all the only reason I exist. Thank you all.
Since people have such vibrant imaginations and love to call Dahvie a rapist, I thought I would make a statement of my own to clarify why I feel like he isn’t one and you all are full of shit. First off, if he’s a rapist, why is no one going to the police with these allegations? What is writing a tumblr statement going to do? Does this ever cross anyone’s mind? And if you say rape is hard to prove, yeah, in some cases it is, but most of these “statements” I see are stating that there’s multiple witnesses around when said actions happened. Big red flag. I wasn’t going to say anything because yes I used to be a crazy fan and I did go through a year of being in the anti botdf community so I know what it’s like on both ends. I’ve been through both communities. The reason I crossed back over after hating them was because I realized a lot of what I was being told was bullshit. Also, because a situation happened where a girl got banned from their shows and she was blaming their team for it when she put herself in that predicament. Since I defended them in that situation and spoke up for them, I’ve become friends with multiple people who are part of their team. All of which I absolutely KNOW for a FACT are good people, because one of them I’ve known for about 3 or 4 years. If Dahvie was a rapist, this person wouldn’t be part of his life whatsoever. People can talk about their horror stories all they want, but has anyone made a good statement about their experience? Because I’m about to. I met Blood On The Dancefloor in July of 2012 on the Vans Warped Tour. At the time, I was friends with this girl who was in a wheelchair and we met up at the show along with a few of my other friends. Fast forward to that afternoon. We were waiting in line for the botdf signing and Jayy walked to the tent so he could start meeting fans and he saw us in line and he had asked one of his crew members to come get us and they brought us to the front of the line. He hung out with us until Dahvie showed up. When Dahvie came out like 20 minutes after the signing started, he met his VIP group first which was only like 5-10 people and then he met us. He didn’t only meet us, he brought us in their merch tent, gave us free water, and invited us backstage for the show. He brought the girl in the wheelchair onstage and sang to her. He had some fans backstage but he put us in our own area and made sure we were comfortable and taken care of. He spent extra time talking to us before the show while we were backstage and afterwards when it was over. Never once did I see him be inappropriate towards a younger girl. There were people at that show that told me that he was inappropriate but I later found out they were lying to me. The interaction didn’t end there. A group of my friends are actually in their official music video for “Damaged”. Dahvie invited them to be on set and film it with them so they could be in it. I wasn’t able to make arrangements for that because I have a job and I would’ve needed to know way ahead of time, but from what I had heard, their experience there went really well. And once again, Dahvie made sure they were taken care of. He was never once inappropriate to any of my friends and all of us have gotten treated with the upmost respect every time we’ve seen them in person. Fast forward to 2014. I had started a blog where I promote drag queens. I had tweeted Jayy on Twitter and had asked him if he would be interested in letting me interview him and he was more than excited to do it. When our interview was posted, he shared it on every social media outlet he had and it got my page a ton of views. He added me on his personal Facebook, followed me on instagram and he’s been nothing but absolutely sweet to me. The fact that people would even think for a second that Jayy would stick around and defend Dahvie if Dahvie was a rapist absolutely blows my mind. I’m so glad I got over my “I hate botdf” phase because I’ve grown up so much since that incident. I’m not a crazy fan by any means, but I do look out for them. After I hated them for a year, I had apologized to Dahvie and he forgave me with no issues and since then I’ve let it go and forgotten about it. And I haven’t really had any problems with being disrespected or judged for whatever reason. I’ve actually become friends with a bunch of their friends and I’ve gained a whole different perspective on who they are as people. I’m not going to deny that sometimes they make mistakes and say mean things, because they have defended themselves. But don’t all of us act a little childish at times? If you say you have never swore at someone or said something mean to them, you’re a damn liar. I’m not saying everyone has to love them and buy all their music, but at least be respectful and stop spreading malicious rumors about how Dahvie rapes kids. He’s a very respectful man and he’s kind and if anything, I think he lets people walk all over him too much because he wants people to be comfortable and taken care of. He literally opens his house to people that need a place to stay. Knock it off.