h: bo burnham

Despite Everything//A Valentine's Day Bo Burnham Imagine

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE FAMED VALENTINE’S DAY ONE-SHOT (even though it’s almost two weeks late…) I am so sorry it took so long.

By the way, if I accidentally go from “you”s to “I”s, I apologize. I tried to fix all of them.

Title: Despite Everything

Character/Celebrity: Bo Burnham

Rating: T

Word Count: 1727

//

“It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow.” Bo said. You nodded, not even looking at the computer screen as you made yourself dinner.

Ever since he’d left for his latest tour, you had skyped with him every night. But it wasn’t the same, touching his face on a computer screen instead of feeling his skin under your fingertips. You never knew how painful missing someone could be.

“Baby, look at me.” He said. You set down the spoon you were using and turned to face your laptop. “I know you’re upset I won’t be there.”

“I’m okay, Bo, honestly.” You were lying, and you knew he knew it. “I get to see you next week.”

“Yeah, but next week isn’t Valentine’s Day.” It was like he pulled the thought right out of your head. Still, you put a smile on your face.

“It’s just a day, Bo.” His face drooped at your words, but he nodded.

“You’re right.” He said. “Listen, baby, I gotta go. Show starts in twenty minutes.” You bit your lip. You hated saying goodbye to that man.

“Alright.” You said, “Good luck, baby. Make the girls swoon and the guys laugh their dicks off.” It was something you told him before every show. Sort of a long-running joke.

“Always.” He said before his face turned completely serious. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Bo.” You said without hesitation. He smiled again and blew you a kiss before disconnecting the call.

Once you were positive he couldn’t see you, you sat down at the small kitchen table and sighed, putting your face in your hands.

You loved him so much, lived for him, but it was hard for you to only be able to see him on a computer screen a lot of the time. You guys had only started dating a few months ago, but you already knew he was it for you. He was the one you wanted to spend forever with.

Even still, those few months ago had been right before his tour started. He’d asked you to move in after a week, because he didn’t want to waste any time and he wanted you to be there when he got back.

You didn’t mind. You loved the apartment that you two shared. It was cozy and it felt like home. Bo had let you go crazy with some of the decorating, adding little elements of things you loved all over the place. A birdcage here, a throw pillow there turned into whole halves of rooms being of your own design.

But you didn’t know how long you would be able to do this. Sure, he came back in a week and afterwards you would have a few months with him, but then he would leave to be on tour again. It was beginning to put a serious strain on your, basically new, relationship and you could feel it.

But what could you do, right? You chose to love him despite everything, and that’s what you were going to do.

//

When you woke up the next morning, your fingers were still wrapped around the cool glass of an empty bottle of wine. Luckily it’d only been half full when you’d gone to town on it the night before.

You reached for your phone to check the time, (2:00 p.m., Jesus.) and discovered a couple of missed calls from Bo, and a text that told you to call him when you got the chance. You sighed. You guessed you had the chance right then.

You hit ‘return call’ and waited while it rang. After a couple of times, you wondered vaguely if you had missed your chance to talk to him for the day… on Valentine’s Day. Surely he would answer.

“Well look who’s finally awake.” His voice said. No ‘hello.’ You loved that.

“Sorry, I guess my alarm didn’t go off.”

“Don’t act like you set an alarm on a Saturday.” He told you, reading your lie even through the phone. You giggled.

“Alright alright, so I stayed up all night drinking and watching Sons of Anarchy.” You admitted.

“That sounds more like you.” He said. You laughed and nodded even though he couldn’t see you. “Now. I called you for a specific purpose.”

“Oh, you did?” You asked, a little intrigued.

“Mhm. Now, I want you to go to your closet and get dressed. Something cute, not too casual, but comfortable.” Your eyebrows met in confusion.

“Why?”

“Just do it, okay?” You sighed and pulled yourself from the warmth of your bed to the closet.

“What time is it there?” You asked, trying to make conversation as you changed into jeans and a v-neck that was a little fancier than most of the clothes you owned.

“Around noon.” He told you.

“It’s two in the afternoon here.” You informed him, even though he most likely already knew that.

“Yeah.” He said. “Now, are you dressed?”

“Yep.” You said.

“Alright. Now I want you to get your purse and walk outside the apartment building.” You grabbed your purse from the desk and slipped on your shoes before leaving and locking the apartment and descending the stairs.

“Bo, what’s going on?”

“Shh.” He stopped you. “Now, when you get outside, there should be a cab waiting for you.” Sure enough, parked right on the street was a yellow cab.

“Uh, yeah…”

“I want you to get into the cab. It’s already paid for, and I know the guy driving it.”

“Bo-”

“No questions. Get in.” I sighed and opened the yellow door.

“Are you (y/n)?” The man driving the cab was in his thirties with dark hair and bright eyes. You nodded and he smiled warmly as you slid into the back seat.

“Put me on speaker.” Bo said. You pulled the phone away from your face and did as he asked. “Start driving, Jackson.” he said and the cabby nodded, pulling away from the curb and beginning to drive down the street.

//

Bo was silent for the whole car ride, and you felt too awkward to say anything to fill the silence.

“Tell me when you get to the place.” Bo said and Jackson nodded.

After a little while, Jackson pulled the cab into the parking lot that belonged to the park you and Bo’d had your first date. You smiled softly. Bo must’ve had something good planned.

“We’re here.” Jackson said.

“Give her the thing.” Bo said through the phone. Jackson turned around and handed me grinned and took them from him. “Remember our first date, babe? When I’d had the issues with getting paid and I could only afford to get you three roses?” You smiled.

“Of course I remember.” You told him. Jackson was grinning.

“Okay, well… we’re going to relive that day, if that’s okay with you.” He said. You covered your face with your hand and blushed, grinning like an idiot.

“That sounds perfect.”

“Alright, now, get out of the car.” he told me. You nodded and then opened the door.

“Thank you, Jackson.” You told him before closing the door. He honked twice before driving away.

“Alright, here we go. Head down the pathway, (y/n).”

“Okay.”

//

“Alright. Are you near the oak tree?” He asked.

“Yeah.” you told him.

“Do you remember the tree?” he asked. You moved to the back of the large oak tree and ran your fingers over where he’d decided to be cliche and carve your initials into the wood.

“It’s still here, Bo.” You told him.

“Good.” he said.

//

Bo led you through different parts of the park, bringing up memories and telling stories. However, the sun would be setting soon, which meant that this would be coming to a close.

“Now. The last place. The bench.” he said. You knew exactly what he was talking about. There was a small path around the back of the park where there was an old wooden bench that had been there longer than the park itself. You sat down on your side of the bench and crossed your legs. “Do you see the sunset?” He asked. You nodded, then remembered that he couldn’t see you.

“Yeah.” you said, a little dreamily.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

The three high beeps in your ear made your heart sink. Your phone battery was dying.

“Shit. My battery’s dying.” You said.

“That’s okay.” Bo said, but you didn’t hear him through the phone. No, his voice was much louder and clearer… and behind you. You stood up quickly and turned around. “I don’t think you’ll be needing it anymore.”

“Bo!” You yelled and ran to him, jumping up and into his arms. Bo laughed and spun around, holding onto your thighs. “What the hell are you doing here?” You asked as he put you down.

“Well I couldn’t let the love of my life be alone on Valentine’s Day.” he told you like it was the most obvious thing in the world. You could feel yourself crying, but you didn’t care.

“I love you so much.” You told him, throwing your arms around his neck and kissing him. His hand curled around your back and he pulled you close. Your hand searched for his and when you found it, you felt velvet against your skin. You pulled away and looked up at him, then down at his hand.

“You kind of ruined the surprise.” He whispered before dropping down onto one knee. You gasped, covering your mouth with your hands.

“Jesus Christ, Bo.” You said, looking down at him.

“(Y/N), you are the love of my life.” He told you. “And, for that reason, I want nothing more than to have a life filled with you. I flew here today because I can’t stand another moment away from you. I want you to marry me and come with me on tour. So, (y/n), my everything, my always, how would you feel about being the inspiration for my jokes for the rest of my life?” You giggled. Of course Bo would ask you in the most unconventional way he could imagine.

You loved it. You loved him.

“Of course, Bo, yes. A million times yes.” You told him. He slid the ring onto your finger before standing up again and pulling you back into his arms.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

//

requests are open

Always You // Bo Oneshot

Idea // You and Bo are both comedians, and during one of your shows, you make jokes about him. The audience loves it, but Bo doesn’t. Once you get back to the hotel, Bo blows up on you. You and him have a huge fight, which leads to you and him breaking up. But soon you and him get back together because you can’t live without each other.

Rating  // R (profanity and smut)

Disclaimer // I had to change one thing: instead of going back to their hotel, they go back to their house. It’s nothing personal; it was just the way I envisioned it, it was their house and it made it more sensual that way. Also, another anon requested to add smut, so I added that.

He didn’t speak to me the entire drive home. I felt the tension dripping off of him from the moment I walked off the stage tonight, and he hasn’t said a word to me since. I stared blankly ahead at the road, afraid to meddle with his sudden resentful mood, though I did have an idea where he got it from.

It did occur to me I had gone too far tonight, but when I’m on stage the words just seem to flow out without consulting with me first. And once I get the reaction I want from the audience, I try to take it as far as I can, which is something Bo is very familiar with. The crowd loved my stories and jokes, but he, on the other hand, did not.

On any other night, Bo would greet me back in my dressing room with a kiss, telling me what a great job I did. Tonight, he stood outside the doors, car keys in hand and eyes plastered to the ground. It was clear to me then that I had gone too far this time.

Maybe I shouldn’t have joked about his height, yes. Maybe I shouldn’t have made fun of the fact Zach Stone got cancelled, probably. But it wasn’t like he didn’t poke jokes at me when he performed. Just a month before, he told the audience a story of me wobbling around everywhere when I had to wear a boot after I broke my ankle. He even demonstrated it to the audience, but did I say anything? Yeah, I told him he’ll end up breaking his ankle and have to wobble around in a boot and be made fun of, but I at least didn’t ignore him like he was with me now.

I figured once he went to bed, slept it off, he’d be back to his old self in the morning. I also knew he was tired and stressed due to his upcoming tour, so I could understand why he’d take tonight a little personal. We all have those days where nothing is funny.

We pulled into the driveway and he immediately turned off the ignition and exited the car before I could say a word. I followed him inside and once I shut the door behind me, he harshly spun around and I was greeted by a pair of piercing blue eyes.

“What the fuck was that?” He snapped, throwing a hand in the air for dramatic effect.

I took a step back, surprised by his sudden outburst. I went to open my mouth but nothing came out. At this point I had no idea what to say other than I was sorry.

“I, uh—” I stammered, fiddling with my hands. I couldn’t form the words I wanted, and the only thing I could think of was how stupid I was for hurting him to get the audience to laugh for five seconds. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you—”

“You don’t see me belittling you when I’m on stage.”

“Last week you made fun of me for looking like Sasha Grey.” I crossed my arms, narrowing my eyes at him. He couldn’t get mad at me for what I said when he does the same thing to me, but I try to not take it personal because I know he doesn’t truly mean it.

“It wasn’t making fun—” He demanded, lowering his voice.

“When you start to make sex jokes and get the audience in on it, yeah, it’s not going to make me feel great.”

“I wasn’t the one making the sex jokes—”

“You always tell them to shut up, but the one time I’m actually embarrassed and you talk about our sex life with them, in front of hundreds of people, you provoke them more! That’s not something that should be discussed—”

“I’m done,” he muttered as I watched him grab his keys from the coffee table. I reached my arm out to him but he shrugged me off, and began to walk to the door.

“Bo, don’t—” I cried out, chasing after him. My heart pounded and I felt like my legs were going to give out.

He was halfway out the door before he turned to me, and without even looking at me, he said, “I knew this wouldn’t work out,” and he closed the door behind him.

I expected him to come back, to waltz back in like he had been fucking with me the entire time but the longer I stood there in the entryway I knew he wasn’t coming back. I grabbed the vase that sat on our end table and chucked it at the door, watching as the pieces scattered across the linoleum tiling.

An hour passed, and the sudden realization that this could possibly be the end finally entered my mind. This didn’t feel like a stupid fight that we would pretend never happened. He actually left.

I pulled out my phone and dialed his number—voicemail each time. I left him several messages, most of which were incoherent through my heavy sobbing. I finally gave up after the ninth call, and decided I should just go to bed.

I walked into our closet, pulling out one of his hoodies and quickly threw it on, taking in his scent. I felt my eyes well up again, but I ignored it as I laid on his side of the bed, checking my phone once more before going to sleep. I knew I was going to do everything in my power to win him back.

//

The next morning I woke up to an aroma of bacon wafting in the air. My hand grazed Bo’s side of the bed that went untouched overnight. I shot my eyes open, remembering the night before and him walking out. All the memories flooded back and I was left with a crushing amount of guilt.

The smell became more pungent and quickly sat up, realizing that he might have come back while I was sleeping. Still in his hoodie, I rushed down the stairs to find Bo, still in the clothes from the night before, huddled over the stove, flipping bacon. I admired him from afar—his hair a mess but somehow it always seemed to work for him. That’s something I was always envious about him; he didn’t have to try to look good. He always told me the same thing but I never believed him. Maybe he never believed me when I told him the same thing.

I choked back tears, wanting to walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his stomach and just hold him for the rest of the day. But I didn’t know if I was in the clear just yet.

I looked over at the foyer to see the broken vase had been cleaned up as well.

He turned around setting two plates down on the breakfast bar and finally caught sight of me standing on the bottom step.

“Good morning,” he said, giving me a weary smile before turning back around to grab two cups from the cabinet. “I made breakfast—hope you don’t mind.”

Why would I mind? I thought to myself. I took a seat down at the bar and watched as he poured orange juice into the glasses and set them in front of me. Bo was a good cook; not the best but if he followed instructions and didn’t experiment, his food was edible.

“I’m really sorry about last night,” he muttered, his back still turned to me. I could hear the anguish in his voice as he shot around and pulled me up from my seat, pressing me hard against his chest. “I didn’t mean it, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too,” I whispered back, pulling my arms around his waist to hold him tighter.

“And I’m sorry I compared you to a porn star, because we both know who would be better in bed.” I could feel the smile that was forming on his face. I rolled my eyes. Yeah, Bo is back to his old self.

“Bo, she’s a porn star; it would be her.”

“You don’t know that,” he whispered back, kissing the top of my head before squeezing my butt, and walking back over to the stove.

“Yeah, I do. Porn stars are like the trained athletes of sex.”

Bo shot around and gave me a provocative look, spatula in hand. I wonder what it would be like if he spanked me with that. Fuck, Y/N, stop.

“Y/N, do not make me come over there and spank you with this…” God dammit.

I tried my hardest to keep a straight face as I folded my arms across my stomach, cocking my head slightly, and narrowing my eyes to him I said, “Well fucking do it.”

In a swift motion, he stopped everything he was doing and chased after me, spatula still in his hand. I booked it to the living room, screaming, as I felt him close in on me. Once I knew I couldn’t run any farther, he grabbed my hand, pulling me around to face him, and kissed me hard. I had missed this so much.

He deepened the kiss, dropping the spatula on the ground and began tugging at the bottom of my shirt. I did the same to him, biting his lip. I could feel his growing erection against me, so I knew he wanted this as much as I did.

I removed his shirt, kissing up and down his chest as he began to unbutton my jeans. I sucked on his flesh, which I knew was a weak spot for him. He quickly removed his hoodie from me, leaving me exposed in only my bra and jeans.

“You look beautiful,” he said, gracing his hand on my cheek. He removed a piece of stray hair from my eye and casually started to back me up until I felt the couch on the back of my thighs. I fell back over the armrest and he joined himself on top of me, removing the rest of my jeans and underwear.  

He didn’t skip a beat by removing his jeans, leaving us both exposed.

Bo crawled back on top, grinding against me, rubbing his already rock hard member against my spot. He smiled, knowing what he was putting me through. I bit my lip, raising me hips up at him.

“I want you so much,” I said at almost a whisper, rubbing my hands up and down his arms. Bo leaned down to kiss me, slowly entering him inside me. I let out a moan, digging my nails into his forearm. I had missed this so much.

“You feel so good,” he muttered, picking up his pace. Our moans grew louder in unison with every thrust. He slid one hand down in between my legs and began to rub my clit, which sent me over the edge. I started to feel my face grow numb and lips get tingly. That’s when I knew I had hit my limit.

He continued to push me farther and farther, until I screamed out his name, reaching my orgasm. Bo smiled down at me, seeming pleased with himself. He finished not long after me, releasing his orgasm on my stomach.

I laid there breathless, as he began to retrieve our clothes. I sat up on my elbows, watching him put his boxers back on. He turned to me with a half-smile and said, “I think breakfast got cold.”

Oh Bo. [A Bo Burnham Smutfic.]

[This is my first smutfic so feedback would be greatly appreciated!]

Oh Bo.

The wedding went as every other wedding would go. The actual getting married part and the reception afterwards. You and Bo have been the ceremony for about two hours. By the time you two had left, the frustration that surrounded Bo was at a maximum. He seemed to be in some type of stress the entire evening. He had paid less attention to his newly wedded cousin and more attention to you. Which you didn’t mind of course. You had chosen a dress that you had worn only once. A white lacy dress with flats and a cardigan over it. Bo was wearing a grey button up with black pants and dress shoes. It was near nine o’clock at night when you two had arrived back at your apartment. Bo, being the gentleman that he was to you, opened the door. You dropped your cardigan on the nearest chair. “That was really fun. You’re cousins a really nice girl.” You said. Bo leaned up against a wall in the living room that you too shared. He didn’t say a word. His silence started to worry you. “Bo?” You said as your body started to turn around. Before you could even look at him, you were pushed up against another wall. Bo leaned into your body to the point where you could feel the growing erection under his pants. To be honest, it turned you on. “This entire evening since we left and i’ve seen you in this short dress, i’ve been having thoughts. Are you trying to get me all hot and flustered, Y/N?”

Yes. You thought to yourself. You nodded slightly towards him. Bo’s right hand moved down to your leg. His cold hands sent shivers down your entire body as he touched your bare skin. Without any warning, Bo brought your legs up and wrapped them around your waist. He dropped his arms and brought his hands towards his belt. They were undone and dropped to the floor around his ankles, along with his boxers. You were still pushed up against the wall. Bo’s hands moved up your dress and found your already wet underwear. He chuckled. “Already?” He said with a small grin. His hands were now rubbing you through the underwear. You bit your lip and let out a small moan from the feeling of his fingers up against your sex. Bo moved his hand away which caused a small whine to escape from your lips. His hands returned to pull down your underwear. Once they were off your legs, Bo threw them across the room. He positioned his member in front of your entrance. His hands moved to your hips and he slammed into you. Bo’s mouth had attached his to yours as he let you adjust to his size. Then he started to thrust, slow and hard. “God, Bo.” You moaned against his mouth. He took it as a sign to go faster, which he did. His pace increased to a maximum. “Jeez, Y/N. You feel so great.” Bo said as he pulled away from your mouth. After a couple of minutes or so, you felt your stomach start to turn and your legs start to go numb. “I can’t hold on much longer.” You heard Bo say, practically taking the words out of your mouth. “Me neither you said.” A few more thrusts from the comedian is all it took to push you over the edge. You had came undone. Bo rode his out only moments later. You were both out of breath. “Maybe I should where this more often.” You said with a grin. “I would love that.”

Me watching bo burnham's what.
  • Sad comes on: this is my favorite part
  • Left brain vs right brain comes on: this is my favorite part
  • #deep comes on: this is my favorite part
  • From the perspective of god comes on: this is my favorite part
  • Repeat stuff comes on: this is my favor--