I was tagged by @amandajuly81 and @mymycorrhizae 💙💜 to list five celebrity crushes I don’t get to talk about often and tag 5 others to do the same.
I chose the people on this list based on the rare (for me) criteria that I would actually physically make out with them if given the opportunity (in a fantasy world where none of them are in committed, monogamous relationships and that’s a thing that could ever happen). This only really happens when a celebrity is both 1. objectively fine, sure, and 2. seems to be a Good Bean™ of a human that I might get along with as well. So anyway, without further ado, and in no particular order…
Look, when it comes to The Goose, I used to be like, “sure he’s cuter than the average white guy, but meh.” That is, until he turned out to be a feminist and is also a hilarious comedic actor, as well as being an amazing dramatic actor. He’s so intensely attractive in Blade Runner to me, with all the face emoting and the fEELinGs and the hot jacket, that I was suffering A LOT throughout that movie and not just because it’s sad af. And apparently, he rewrote the baseline test to make it more psychologically damaging for K because he’s the bestworst. Damn you, Goose! [whispers intensely]: I love you. Never stop.
4. Ezra Miller
I cry. (ಥ‿ಥ)♡
5. LEE BYUNG-HUN
Okay, so I don’t actually know THAT much about him. He seems like a nice guy and I haven’t heard about him being terrible in any way, but honestly, he’s like the exception to my rule. I would make out with him any day just based on his stupid face alone. THE BASTARD.
T H E • 1 2 T H • H O U S E :: Heaven’s burden weighs ::
Sun in the 12th: Feels guilty when given praise or attention, so the identity is dispersed when in active environments to avoid recognition. The individual is recharged through creative expression when no one is looking, perhaps by means of daydreaming or vibrant creations of music, art, writing etc. They become self-directing and more conscious of their wants when separating themselves from the outside world.
Moon in the 12th: Feels undeserving of nurture and emotional comfort, so often functions as a psychic sponge for others. During solitude the individual distances themselves from the emotions they have absorbed throughout the day such as through nurturing themselves like sleeping, imagining, releasing tears in privacy or indulging. In this way, they gain awareness of their own emotional needs.
Mercury in the 12th: Reticent about matters of their mind so many things are left unsaid and the mind grows disorderly, restless and tired from communicating and listening to others. Coordinates chaotic and boundless thought stream in privacy such as through talking to themselves, journaling, online interaction or through organizing (e.g. cleaning, studying, participating in routine).
Venus in the 12th: Ashamed of their “guilty pleasures” so indulges when no one is looking, such as through overeating or overspending. Feels undeserving of receiving love and devalues their beauty, extending their affections outwards to others instead of themselves and causing the individual to dissolve into their interpersonal relationships. Aesthetic sense, harmonizing, self-appreciation and the loving nature blossoms in secret, perhaps through decorating, artistic expression or various other methods that bring them pleasure such as through art, fashion, scenery, film, private social groups, music, etc.
Mars in the 12th: Ashamed of asserting themselves and their strengths, uncertain of their passions and ambitions, and repressive of their aggressive urges. They remain publicly static as a result, creating lethargy and excessive dreaming of fulfilling goals instead of actively achieving them. They are self-governing and energizing when no one is looking however, and therefore more comfortable with exercising, performing busy tasks, reaching for aspirations or engaging in sexual activity privately / by themselves.
Jupiter in the 12th: Not outwardly jovial or enthusiastic due to feeling guilty when expressing jubilance in front of others, especially in front of those who are dispirited. Privately charitable and benevolent towards people who need saving, revealing an empathetically
moral character. When alone their inner world is rich with high spirits and joy. They access higher states of consciousness from methods like traveling, meditation, daydreaming and various forms of mental stimulation like writing, reading or interacting with different kinds of people.
Saturn in the 12th: The individual feels an immense amount of pressure to exhibit responsibility, dignity and maturity yet feels embarrassed or ashamed when doing so. Experiences reprimand from authority figures for appearing immature, lazy or naive, causing more shame and in addition, fear. When free from the watchful eyes of the public however, the individual is structured, reliable and grounded, does well with getting things done when not being intimidated, and serves as a mentor of guidance to others.
Uranus in the 12th: Being involved with the world provokes feelings of confinement and suffocation, so the individual appears withdrawn from others and therefore uninventive, unexciting. The inner world of solitude however, is electrified and filled with unconventionality and eccentric intuition. They are most inspired, liberated,
individualistic and advocating of universal love when hidden from the imprisoning eyes of society.
Neptune in the 12th: The individual holds irrational fears of participating with others and actively seeks sanctuary from the world to retreat into safety. There are strong unconscious feelings of lostness, tiredness of social activity and self-victimization making them appear self-involved and severely reclusive. Their souls are poured into the collective however, and they are psychically receptive and understanding to the pain, suffering and sorrows of other people and therefore serve as a type of spiritual guidance to those who need saving.
Pluto in the 12th: Paranoia is rooted from secrets the individual wishes to keep veiled and never released for fear of exposure which they equate to weakness. Unexplained survival instinct and repulsion is hyper-activated unconsciously and they can approach people and situations with extreme skepticism and an urge to stay hidden while drawing negativity to them, causing a power imbalance between their feelings of emotional guilt & grief and desires of emotional soul-cleansing. Their psychic intuition is powerful however, so the individual serves by means of empowering themselves and others spiritually and emotionally. They are intuitively resourceful and are able to summon inner strength to guide others and themselves from despair to excellence through transformation, a genuine guardian angel.
Hey I want to preface this by saying I’m a good person and I don’t deserve this
Yesterday I made chicken tortilla soup because I thought that would be fun and I cut up a jalapeno for it
BY THE BY I’ve been eating jalapenos my whole life I guess I’ve just never??? Cut up a raw jalapeno before????
The whole story occurred after midnight on a fucking Tuesday (I guess Wednesday morning)
My left thumb and pointer finger started stinging like all hell like at first I thought I could ignore it but it just kept on burning. My first instinct was to dunk my hand in a cup of milk and that is exactly what I did
But when I took my hand out of the milk it was still on fire so I googled my situation and LET ME TELL YOU GUYS this is a WELL KNOWN mistake known as “hot pepper hands” and it is exactly what it sounds like
Things that are supposedly remedies for hot pepper hands:
(I say supposedly because, spoiler, none of them worked for me)
Make baking soda/water paste, put on hands, let dry,
Wash with Dawn or other dishsoap that is better at cutting through oils
Scrub with olive oil and THEN Dawn
This one actually managed to spread the pain to most of the rest of my left hand, leaving only my pinky finger safe from the burning fires of hell
and THEN there is one “SOLUTION” which says you should put your hand in hot water to “open your pores” to “let the poison out” or whatever and THEN scrub with olive oil and wash
everyone that gave this as a solution noted that putting your hand in hot water while it’s being eaten away with acid is super painful but they’re all just like “it’s for the greater good, good luck!”
so I’m like…
AND THEN I DUNK MY HAND IN A BOWL OF HOT WATER AND I SCREEEEEEEEEEAM
and i hold it in the hot water for a full minute
IT DOESN’T WORK
I DO IT A SECOND TIME
S C R E E E E A M
(my roommate was very concerned at the scream and at being asked to pour olive oil on my hand since it’s hard to maneuver around the kitchen one-handed, trying not to poison any surface with the poison of a thousand suns)
literally it was like that scene in fight club with the lye and ed norton just having to watch his hand sizzle
Another “solution” to the problem was phrased like this:
wear gloves, idiot
My hands are still burning but I’m like jesus h motherfuck it is 2 AM i will just try to sleep and suffer but 10 minutes later I think I am about to just die like this is it, a single jalapeno is going to consume my flesh, starting with my left hand and eventually reaching my heart
gotta give it to the jalapenos they are fighters
didn’t think they were dangerous! but they are
wear gloves idiot
So I went to the fridge and put a bunch of ice cubes in a bag and I just held it in my hand and fell asleep like that, like with a little ice pack teddy bear giving me blissful relieving numbness
Ice is a fucking blessing and don’t you forget it, humankind’s greatest achievement is inventing a machine that will allow us, with some foresight, to have ice on hand whenever the fuck we need it I mean do you realize how amazing that is???? To have a freezer???? To have air conditioning!!!!!
So the icepack melted and my hand was still burning at 4am which is when I woke up from the pain and went to make myself another ice pack. Hours later the ice pack had melted again and my hand felt way WAY better but my pillow was soaked. Doesn’t matter it was a fucking relief to wake up and realize my hand had not been melted by acid.
tldr: never cut a hot pepper with your bare hands!!!!
“Tell me this is some kind of sick joke,” You remarked, staring at the two boys in front of you. Jay and Carlos exchanged an uneasy look.
“You’re telling me you took Ben, King Ben of Auradon, to the Isle where most people want nothing more than to see him strung up by his thumbs!?” You exclaimed, suddenly ashamed to be an acquaintance of the two boys. “And you thought that he wouldn’t be kidnapped!?”
“I never said we thought it was a good idea,” Carlos mumbled, looking down at the sharp look given by you.
“And now you want me to come with you on some sort of rescue mission to get him back from Uma of all people?” You quizzed, hoping it all was just some sick joke.
“On the bright side, you can go see your dad!” Jay tried to throw in before making a grimace. “Never mind, that’s not a good thing…”
Carlos worried his lip before his face lit up. “You could rub in their faces how good you’re doing.”
Your hands were shaking by the time you reached Pirate’s Bay and laid your eyes on Uma’s ship. The crew still looked as raggedy as you remembered in their war paint. They looked like a kindergartener’s finger-painting project gone wrong.
“Hey guys! They’re here!” A pirate you could easily place as being Gil, the loveable son of Gaston, called out to the crew below him.
You could practically feel your blood pressure rising when Harry’s voice filled your head.
“Welcome!” He called, pushing a terrified Ben to the Plank. Oh how you wanted to knock that grin off his pretty little face. Without thinking your hand came to grasp at the handle of the sword tucked into your belt. Jay gave you a concerned look, as if asking if you were gonna be alright fighting against the pirate if worse came to worse.
You just gave a nod before turning to train your eyes on the blue-haired sea witch, tensing slightly from your spot beside Carlos when she mentioned the killer sharks. Dumb witch, you thought to yourself. Sharks only attacked when provoked or threatened. Auradon taught you that.
Carlos nudged you slightly, motioning with his eyes to the hook-wielding pirate that was slowly but surely making his ways towards Uma and Mal. You may not particularly like the daughter of Maleficent, but you knew how unpredictable Harry could be, so you hopped onto the wooden railing of the docks, crouching down beside Mal with a hand on your sword.
You could tell he was pretending to not notice you, anyone could see that. But you could also see that your presence was unnerving the young brunet from the way he quickly started to fly off the handle. You could only grit your teeth at Uma as she gripped his hook and pulled him away from the two of you. Though, of course the flirt couldn’t without winking and blowing a mocking kiss in your direction.
It seems time didn’t change him at all.
As he made his way back to Ben, you followed his moves, not stopping until you were directly across from the pirate. You didn’t trust him to not shove Ben off the plank for no reason. Frankly, you didn’t trust him to not hook the poor King. The thought alone put you on edge. And from the devilish grin worn by the pirate as he caught your eye, you knew that he knew exactly what was going through your mind.
You could see the grin drop when Mal moved to give Uma the wand, before being stopped by the king. You could practically smell the smoke coming from the use his rarely-operated brain. Either he was dumbfounded that his captain’s plan actually worked… or he knew something was off, he knew there was no way Mal would give up the wand that easily.
You really hoped it was the first option.
You were relieved when he dropped the look, replaced by a grin at Ben trying to bargain with Uma. Maybe he was dumber than he looked. You knew it was a lie, but the thought made you feel better about your breakup all those months ago. Because, as much as you didn’t want to admit it, you’re a petty ex.
Panic began to set in once Uma demanded Mal prove the wand worked. You guys were screwed. But, like usual, Mal prevailed, using Dude-the-now-talking-dog to fake a spell.
“Give me the wand!” Uma demanded seconds later, holding her hand out. Was she always this demanding?
“Give me Ben!” Mal shot back. Uma gave her a grin before calling Harry over. Once again, you followed his movements to be by Mal’s side. You may not have been the strongest, but you knew Harry’s weak spots if Uma were to try and trick you.
You gave a slight laugh as you heard Gil inform Ben about how Gaston wishes he had finished off Ben’s dad when he had a chance. You knew it was true as it was the only thing Gaston ever spoke about. Well, that and Belle. And how incredibly thick his neck is…..You made sure to not come across him often.
Harry pushed Ben to the ground in front of Mal before drawing his sword, you made sure to do the same. You raised your gaze to meet his when he spoke.
“Aw, what’s the matter? Don’t ya trust me, lass?” He asked softly, a mocking pout forming on his face. But, it didn’t match the wickedness in his eyes.
“Cut him loose, Harry,” Uma instructed, eyes trained on Mal and the wand. Harry gave a huff, “I never get to have any fun.”
“Yeah, Harry, listen to your Master,” You remarked, smirking at the evil glare you received in return. Like you said before, you’re a petty ex.
Mal pulled Ben away from the two pirates as Uma rushed to the deck of her ship. Harry lingered, eyes not leaving yours before slowly following his Captain. You had to help Mal pull Ben away from the ship. He wasn’t the brightest King if he didn’t see through the plan. You suddenly worried if your life was in the right hands if he couldn’t tell it was a fake wand.
Uma quickly snapped the plastic wand in two upon realizing it was a fake. And then all hell broke loose. Smoke bombs and pirates alike were flying through the air as you suddenly regretted not practicing sword fighting since you left the Isle.
“Please don’t let me get my hand cut off. I don’t wanna look like Harry’s dad,” you whined before joining in on the fight.
Your eyes widened as you spotted Harry jumping into the water after his father’s hook. Though, you didn’t miss the opportunity to snatch his hat up from the dock. You placed it on your head with a smirk, “Mine now!”
Turning around and quickly ducking, you narrowly avoided getting your head cut off by an overly salty pirate. Pausing to giggle quickly at your own joke, you swiped the sword out of his hand, followed by a swift kick to the crotch that knocked him onto his knees. “Honestly, does she not train you guys at all? It’s almost sad,” You tsked, pushing him off the dock and into the water.
You cussed under your breath when you noticed Ben going against Harry, but then paused. Harry Hook, the son of a pirate, whom would try to behead anyone that dared look at his sisters wrong, was undoubtedly… getting his ass handed to him by a King that had never been in an actual sword fight in his life, literally with one hand behind his back. And it. Was. Hilarious.
“Y/N, come on!” Carlos called out, grabbing your wrist and pulling you to the tunnel after Evie threw a smoke bomb right in front of the pirates.
Pausing by the disoriented son of Hook, you placed his hat on top of his head before running to join the others. You spared the drenched pirate one last glance before disappearing into the tunnel.
Leaving him alone. Again.
“I know he’s on your mind, Y/N,” the voice of the daughter of Mulan filled your ears as you stared over the side of the boat to the Isle.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lonnie,” You replied quietly, even though you both knew it was a lie. You knew exactly who she was talking about.
“I’m sure Harry did miss you. He just couldn’t show it with that Uma girl there,” She soothed, rubbing your back gently. You shook your head, turning to lean your back against the rails. she had just been informed on the situation on the ride from Auradon to the Isle, when you had to explain it was the Captain of your ex boyfriend that had taken the king hostage.
“That’s the problem. Even when we were together he was always Uma this, Uma that, Uma- Uma!?”
You failed to hide your surprise (and rage) at seeing the sea witch as she made her way down the stairs to where King Ben stood. You and Lonnie shared a look before rushing over to Mal’s side. You were no expert on relationships- but even you knew that you definitely did not bring your girlfriend’s worst enemy on a date to a dance you’re supposed to be with your girlfriend at.
And the worst thing was, as she stood before you, dressed in a beautiful gown that matched the blue of her hair you could see exactly why Harry would want her instead of you.
“Harry, the cotillion’s on!” The blonde boy yelled to his friend, whom was busy brooding by the window of Ursula’s fish and Chips. Gil sighed, walking over to the brunet. “Staring at Auradon won’t make you any closer to her, you know. But you can see her on TV.”
The pirate stared at him silently before walking to the table in front of the television. He could feel tears well up in his eyes at the sight of you. He missed you a lot, and it took all of his willpower to not show it when you came to the ship. But, he was scared you would try to stay if you knew how pitiful he was without you. He loved you, and there was no doubt about that. But he couldn’t give you everything you deserved if you came back to the Isle. He wanted you to be happy, even if it meant being away from him.
He took a shaky breath, wiping his eyes.
“You look beautiful, lass.”
A few days after the Cotillion Disaster, you were called into the King’s office. From what the letter you received said (though you didn’t see why he just didn’t tell you in one of your many classes together) it was urgent business, not to be discussed with anyone else. You never thought a two minute conversation could have such an impact on your way of breathing.
“After seeing how harsh the conditions are on the Isle, I have decided to bring a few more kids to Auradon,” Ben stated, standing up from his seat behind his desk.
You raised an eyebrow, watching him carefully, “And what does that have to do with me?” You asked.
Ben cleared his throat, awkwardly coming to stand in front of you. This can’t be good.
“Y/N, there’s no easy way to say this after you risked your life to rescue me from the Isle so I’m just going to say it,” He began, arm sliding around your shoulders to give you a friendly, and suspicious, squeeze.
“Harry Hook is coming to Auradon.”
A/N: So, what do you guys think? Is it good enough to have a part three?