h u m o u r

John: “Hey, remember in 2017 when McDonald’s nearly ruined Rick and Morty? They incited a fandom civil war after corporatizing a meme about an old promo sauce. That was pretty fucked up.”
Bob: “…YOUR APP IS MALFUNCTIONING, BROTHER.”
John: “Huh, what?”
*Bob takes John’s smart screen and restarts the app that regulates his mandated neural implant.*
John: “AH. MUCH BETTER. THANK YOU, BROTHER.”
Bob: “YOU ARE VERY WELCOME, BROTHER. I LOVE THE 【ⓈⓉⒶⓉⒺ】.”
John: “I, TOO, LOVE THE 【ⓈⓉⒶⓉⒺ】. SAY, ARE YOU HUNGRY? WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET SOME  ᗰ ᑕ ᗪ O ᑎ ᗩ ᒪ ᗪ ’ ᔕ ™?”
Bob: “YES. I WOULD ENJOY A BIG MAC™. B U Y   O N E  BIG MAC™ ,   G E T   S E V E N   M O R E   F O R   J U S T   $ 1 ,   W I T H   A   D I F F E R E N T   M E N U   I T E M   D E A L   E A C H   D A Y .   L I M I T E D   T I M E   O N L Y   A T   P A R T I C I P A T I N G   ᗰ ᑕ ᗪ O ᑎ ᗩ ᒪ ᗪ ’ ᔕ ™ .   M A Y   N O T   B E   C O M B I N E D   W I T H   A N Y   O T H E R   O F F E R   O R   A N Y   C O M B O   M E A L .   W E   L O V E   T H E   【 Ⓢ Ⓣ Ⓐ Ⓣ Ⓔ 】 . ”

anonymous asked:

(ithinkialreadyaskedthisbutwhoops) can u do a fic where dnp are both toddlers in daycare in like the early 90s (they the same age) and dan is the new shy kid playing by himself so phil goes over and plays with him/becomes friends with?? (obvi not sexual bc they like 3 and like can u make it super cute and fluffy??) OH! and at one point can u have them sleep near each other at nap time? T H A N K Y O U S O M U C H

!!!!!!THIS IS RLY CUTE AND I WILL GET ON IT SOMETIME NEXT WEEK!!!!! (i have a chem test on monday and im shitting myself so once that’s over and done with i’m all for writing e v e r y t h i n g)

Send me a letter to my inbox.

A- are you single?
B- birthday?
C- crush?
D- did u get ur first kiss?
E- easiest person to talk to?
F- favorite song?
G- good at?
H- hair color?
I- in love?
J- jealous of?
K- known as?
L- longest relationship?
M- middle name?
N- number?
O- one wish?
P- person last texted?
Q- question always asked?
R- reason to smile?
S- song last listened to
T- time you woke up?
U- 3 biggest wishes?
V- violent moment?
W- worst fear?
X- ex you still liked after it was ended?
Y- your last hug?
Z- zodiac sign?

J I M 🔥Y O U R E 🔥6'11 🔥A N D 🔥Y O U 🔥 W E I G H 🔥9 0 🔥P O U N D S 🔥G U M B Y 🔥 H A S 🔥 A 🔥B E T T E R 🔥 B O D Y 🔥 T H A N 🔥Y O U 🔥 B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 D W I G H T 🔥 Y O U R E🔥 A 🔥 K I S S 🔥A S S 🔥B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 P A M 🔥Y O U 🔥F A I L E D 🔥A R T 🔥 S C H O O L 🔥 B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 M E R E D I T H 🔥Y O U V E 🔥 S L E P T 🔥W I T H 🔥 S O 🔥M A N Y 🔥G U Y S 🔥Y O U R E 🔥 S T A R T I N G🔥T O 🔥 L O O K 🔥 L I K E 🔥 O N E 🔥 B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥K E V I N 🔥 I 🔥C A N T 🔥D E C I D E 🔥 B E T W E E N 🔥 A 🔥 F A T 🔥J O K E 🔥A N D 🔥 A 🔥 D U M B 🔥 J O K E 🔥 B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 C R E E D 🔥 Y O U R 🔥 T E E T H 🔥 C A L L E D 🔥Y O U R 🔥 B R E A T H 🔥 S T I N K S 🔥B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 A N G E L A 🔥 W H E R E S 🔥 A N G E L A 🔥 W H O A 🔥 T H E R E 🔥 Y O U 🔥 A R E 🔥 I 🔥 D I D N T 🔥 S E E 🔥 Y O U 🔥 T H E R E 🔥 B E H I N D 🔥 T H A T 🔥 G R A I N 🔥O F 🔥 R I C E 🔥B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 S T A N L E Y 🔥 Y O U 🔥 C R U S H 🔥 Y O U R 🔥 W I F E 🔥 D U R I N G 🔥 S E X 🔥 A N D 🔥 Y O U R 🔥 H E A R T 🔥 S U C K S 🔥B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 O S C A R 🔥 Y O U 🔥 A R E 🔥 O S C A R 🔥 Y O U R E 🔥 G A Y 🔥 A N D Y 🔥 C O R N E L L 🔥 C A L L E D 🔥 T H E Y 🔥 T H I N K 🔥 Y O U 🔥 S U C K 🔥 A N D 🔥 Y O U R E 🔥 G A Y E R 🔥 T H A N 🔥 O S C A R 🔥 B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 A L R I G H T 🔥 A L R I G H T 🔥 E V E R Y B O D Y 🔥 Y O U 🔥 K N O W 🔥 I 🔥 K I D 🔥 Y O U 🔥 K N O W 🔥 I 🔥 K I D 🔥 Y O U 🔥 G U Y S 🔥 A R E 🔥T H E 🔥 R E A S O N 🔥 I 🔥 W E N T 🔥 I N T O 🔥 T H E 🔥 P A P E R 🔥 B U S I N U E S S 🔥 S O 🔥 U H 🔥 G O O D N I G H T 🔥G O D 🔥 B L E S S 🔥 G O D 🔥 B L E S S 🔥 A M E R I C A 🔥 A N D 🔥 G E T 🔥 H O M E 🔥 S A F E 🔥

PLANNING YOUR MONTH

The early bird gets organized

  • Start 2 days before the beginning of the next month . If you’re scrambling to organize everything you have to do for that month the day the month starts, you’re already behind.

PICK A LOCATION

  • It can be your planner, your bullet journal, or your bedroom/ dorm room wall. But pick a location where you will use your monthly plan, and see it often so that you’re acclimated with it.

COPIES???

  • What if the only monthly plan you made suffers severe water damage? Then you’re screwed for an entire month. I i m p l o r e you to please PLEASE make a copy of your plan. Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days. Don’t let that DAY ruin your MONTH.

Start with your academics

  • Starting with academics not only keeps your priorities in line with where they should be, but it permits you to get all your ducks in a row for your classes. Find out when they are, if you don’t have the same courses every day, so you know what to be prepared for on which day

Follow up with assessments

  • Academics and assessments go hand in hand. Now that you know what day everything is for this month, and when you will be having your classes, find out what assignments you have in those classes. Knowing your assignments in advance allows for more preparation, and more consequent success

Prioritize those assessments!

  • If one assessment is your final grade for a mandatory course, and one assessment is a vocabulary quiz, the final grade assessment needs to be prioritized over the vocabulary quiz. Make sure you are highlighting the more important assessments, so you know their value!

Do the same with homework!!!

  • Homework is often seen as less important that assessments, but you still need to get it done. If you know in advance what assignments you will have, put those in!

Got projects?

  • Projects are the bane of every individual’s existence because you think you have all the time in the world to get it done, and then they due date sneaks up on you like the plague. Not only should you WRITE IN THAT DUE DATE but separate the tasks that you have to do for that assignment and assign it to yourself as homework.

Make your appointments!

  • Figure out what appointments you have that entire month, and preferably before the month starts. That way, you can ensure there are no conflicts and go in with ease.

Extracurricular obligations!

  • Find out what obligations you have for your extracurriculars before they sneak up on you. No one wants to be out of compliance for an extracurricular, but you don’t want it to conflict with your life either.

Fit in some F U N.

  • Don’t make your monthly plan just boring this, and plain old that. Incorporate some hang-out sessions with friends, or a personal day (maybe two). Everyone needs that R & R.

DO IT AGAIN

  • Repeat it the next month. Soon, you’ll be in a habit of planning. I promise, this will make your life s o m u c h e a s i e r.

S T U D Y  P A C K  # 1

B Y  E I N T S E I N

Hey guys, my week has been pretty hectic but I made time to create a few printables that will hopefully help you with your school life. Click on the titles (links to the file on my Study Drive) to download them!


T A S K  T R A C K E R

To help you keep track of all your assignments, homework, projects, etc. Includes a progress bar that you can shade in according to how much of the assignment you’ve completed. You can also set a goal or expected score and compare it to your final score. I included fields for “date given” and “date due” so that you can prioritize and plan your tasks accordingly.
I wanted to include a box to check when you’ve submitted the assignment because sometimes I complete the assignment but forget to submit it, or I’ve already submitted the assignment but panic because I thought I hadn’t done it yet. I couldn’t squeeze this into the sheet, but I think you could just put a tick beside the due date or something.

F O R M U L A  L I S T

For subjects that require you to memorize formulas, like physics, economics, math, etc. The left column is for the formula, while the right is for variables and their units, e.g. “v = u + at” would go on the left, while the right column would have something like “v: final velocity/ms-1; u: initial velocity/ms-1; a: acceleration/ms-2; t: time/s”.

H A B I T  T R A C K E R

31 columns and 16 rows to help you maintain your habits, e.g. drinking 8 glasses of water a day, exercising, journaling, etc.

 T E S T  T R A C K E R

Similar to what I have in my bullet journal in this post. I use it mainly to see the relationship between how much I study and how high I score on tests, but you can also use it to maintain your grades.


That’s all for now. Hope these printables help, and may the rest of your school year be well-organized! Oh, and feedback would be rad; I always appreciate it when I find out how I can improve my content. Have a great week :)

Updated Masterlist | 4.23.17

{Every time I update, I will change the date }

T O M  H O L L A N D 

Dating Tom Holland Would Include
You and Me
A Total Mess
More Like Her
Hands to Myself
Honest  |||  Part Two 
Tom & OFC
Prank Imagine 
Ex-Girlfriend Interview Imagine
Lovey Dovey Interview Imagine
Celebrity Crush Interview Imagine
Dressing Formal Imagine 
Thanking Tom Imagine
Facetiming Tom Imagine

P E T E R  P A R K E R 

Let it Grow 
Atoms
Just Smile
Secrets
Stay Away
Savior
Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman
Closed Door
Rain-Check
Finding You Outside Imagine
Finding Out Imagine
Finding Out (shorter version) Imagine
Project Help Imagine ||| Part Two 

J U G H E A D  J O N E S 

What Do You Feel ||| Part Two 
Black Sheep 

A R C H I E   A N D R E W S 

Misplaced Trust
Never Alone

C H R I S  E V A N S 

Stolen
Stone Cold Sober
Far From Boring 
Fatherhood Interview Imagine
Father Chris Imagine
Spilling The Beans Imagine
Taking Off Shirt Imagine
Giving In Imagine
Meeting New Boyfriend Imagine
Laughing Game Imagine
Divorcing Chris Imagine
That Look Imagine

S T E V E  R O G E R S 

Age Of Ultron Imagine
Asking For Permission Imagine
Disagreeing Sokovia Accords Imagine

S E B A S T I A N  S T A N 

Drunken Nights
Simple Hello  ||| Part Two
First We Had  ||| Part Two
Parting Ways
Annoyed Imagine
Don’t You Do That Interview Imagine

B U C K Y  B A R N E S 

Doll
Ghost 
Flawed
Brain Scrambled Imagine
Steve Telling Bucky Imagine
Afraid To Leave Imagine
Finding Out He Killed Imagine
Sent To Kill Imagine

T J  H A M M O N D 

She’ll Be The Death ||| Part Two 

J E F F E R S O N 

Wildflower

S H A W N  M E N D E S 

Roses

H A R R Y  S T Y L E S 

War Is Love |||  Part Two
Reaction Imagine
Caught In Interview Imagine

E D D I E  R E D M A Y N E 

Three Words
Panicked Interview Imagine
Platonic Interview Imagine
Platonic Interview Part Two Imagine
Costar Imagine

N E W T  S C A M A N D E R 

Newt Dating a Muggle / No-Maj
The Greatest Creation |||  Part Two
Yer A Wizard
I Wouldn’t Mind / OFC
Talking About You Imagine
Amazed By You Imagine
Dramatic & Sick You Imagine

E Z R A  M I L L E R 

Low-Cut

C R E D E N C E  B A R E B O N E

My Credence Plea
Under The Mistletoe
Monsters Lyrics
Helping Him Imagine
Helping You Imagine

D R A C O  M A L F O Y 

Bite The Hand That Feeds
Last Straw
Change Of Heart

H E R M I O N E  G R A N G E R 

Flustered Times
Good Advice
Crush Imagine

F R E D  W E A S L E Y 

Sentimental Gift Ft. George Weasley
Lost & Found
Take Care Imagine

S I R I U S  B L A C K 

The Return Of The Jackal
Son Imagine
All This Time Imagine
Getting Killed Imagine

R E M U S  L U P I N 

Sneaking In Late Imagine

H A R R Y  P O T T E R 

A Nervous Wreck
Dumbledore’s Army Imagine

H P  A E S T H E T I C S / M O O D B O A R D S 

Slytherin 
Slytherin 2
Herbology

S C O T T  M C C A L L 

Innocently Deadly
Finding Out Imagine

S T I L E S  S T I L I N S K I 

Denying You Imagine

P E T E R  H A L E 

Being The Reason Imagine
Leave Me Alone Imagine

S P E N C E R  R E I D 

Being Late Imagine
Your Voice Imagine

A A R O N  H O T C H N E R 

Jack’s Favorite Babysitter Imagine
Jack’s Favorite Part Two Imagine

1 | Tomorrow

BTS MAKNAE LINE X READER AU
WORD COUNT: 3,568 ?

WARNINGS: SWEARING, FEELS, ANGST, SMUT 

masterlist | ask | next


Looking up at the man you loved with all of your heart, you found yourself smiling like an idiot as he spoke, his deep alluring voice as smooth as ever, captivating you entirely,
“I’m so proud of you Y/N. I can’t think of anybody else who deserves this more than you do.”
Taehyung said as he smiled lovingly in your direction.

Taehyung was your boyfriend of 5 years, the two of you met in law school and fell in love almost instantly. He was everything you’d ever hoped for in a significant other, he was funny, incredibly smart and attentive, and the fact he was chiselled perfection and handsome as hell didn’t go a miss either. Tonight you were celebrating your new job, after years of bending over backwards and trying your god damn hardest you were finally a lawyer. Taehyung was the reason you even managed to get an interview at the Jeon law firm, he was a specialist lawyer at the firm mentioned how you had just graduated and were looking for a job, after a successful interview low and behold you’d made it.

“Stop it,” you whined “The only reason I got this job was because of you… Thank you.” You placed a firm hand on his shoulder as you leaned in, over the table to kiss him, the two of you had drank maybe a little too much wine considering your first day in the office was only hours away.
Taehyungs lips gently pressed against yours, he cupped your face in his large hands as he deepened the kiss, your tongues danced together in perfect harmony. There was no denying you were in love with him.

“Shit, don’t kiss me,” Taehyung whispered with wide, offended eyes as he pulled away from you, his chocolate brown hair swishing from side to side with his movements,
“My girlfriend is a big time lawyer now, she works for Jeon law firm, you might even know her? You know she will kill-” Your amused mouth crashing against his stopped him mid sentence, he was always cracking funny jokes and making you belly laugh into hysterics, it was one of your favourite things about him.

Suddenly his strong arms pulled you onto his lap, almost knocking over the empty bottle of wine that sat quietly on the dining table. His hands roamed your body from your hips to your collarbones, never missing a single inch. The moment the skin of his smooth fingers made contact with your shoulders and ultimately unclasped your red bra strap you knew exactly where the night would be taking you.

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asexual-not-asexual-detective  asked:

Can we get a list of reasons why you love Coran?

Sure thing, here you go!! :D

  • used to make informational videos about Weblums grade-school style
  • is a trained soldier
  • rambles a lot; most stuff seems nonsensical and irrelevant but sometimes things actually appear later in the show again
  • has impeccable posture *:・゚✧
  • loves Allura a lot and is incredibly protective of her
  • seriously he was ready to take on Zarkon’s entire fleet by himself when the paladins were on their mission to get Allura back 
  • despite his quirky and almost carefree behavior he looks out for the paladins
  • knows how the castle ship works
  • was an emo teen
  • got the slipperies and, despite repeated protests, adapted pretty well to that
  • really wants to kick Zarkon’s ass
  • M O U S T A C H E
  • has the paladins ranked by height 
  • somehow?? knew that Pidge was a girl?????
  • was ready to pilot Red and got himself a fancy suit for it
  • CORAN CORAN THE G O R G E O U S  M A N
  • is overly dramatic at times  ALL TIMES  most times
  • but can actually act/pretend to be someone else pretty well if it really counts 
  • probably repeatedly cleans the healing pods
  • thinks he can cook
  • respected Allura’s wish to heal the Balmera despite knowing that she might not survive it
  • is responsible for giving us the space pirates outfits (bless him)
  • his pride makes him do/say stupid stuff sometimes
  • sometimes gets this really sad look in his eyes
  • likes to drink nunvil
  • befriended that one Arusian :’)
  • *wakes up after 10000 years of sleep* *is immediately ready for battle*
  • did the airplane thing on Shiro
  • tried to get the mice to make him a sandwich?? which apparently exists in Altean culture
  • was good friends with king Alfor
  • makes… interesting faces sometimes,,,,

[keith] [keith with meta improvement] [lance] [pidge] [shiro] [hunk] [allura]

Psychic: *reads my mind*

My mind: take the bullets out your gun WHAT the bullets out your gun WHAT we move undercover and we move as one through the NIGHT we ONE SHOT to LIVE ANOTHER DAY we cannOT let a stray gunsHOT GIVE US AWAY we will fight up close seize the moment and stay in it it’s either that or meet the business END of a bayonET the code word is rochambeau dig me R O C H A M B E A U you have your orders now go man go and SO THE AMerican experiment beGINS with my FRIENDS all scattered to the WINDS laurens is in SOUTH CAROLINA redefining bravery WE'LL👏NEVER👏BE👏FREE👏UNTIL👏WE👏END👏SLAVERY👏 when we finally Drive the British away LAFAYETTE is there waiting in CHESAPEAKE BAY how did we know that this plan would work? we had a spy on the inside that’s right H E R C U L E S M U L L I G A N a tailor spyin on the British government I take their MEASUREMENTS, INFORMATION and then I smuggle it UP to my brother’s revolutionary covenant I’m running with the sons of libERTY and I am LOVIN IT oOh-OOOH!

Psychic: what the fuck

2 | Tomorrow

BTS MAKNAE LINE X READER AU

WORD COUNT: 4,444 AESTHETIC AF NUMBER

WARNINGS: SWEARING, FEELS, ANGST, 

masterlist | ask | prev | next


Monday mornings were always a drag, but the fact your bosses office sat only feet away from the erosion of yours and Taehyung’s relationship made the usual painfully slow morning drag agonisingly slower.

Sat in Mr Jeon’s office your mind reflected on the events of the weekend. Jimin had driven you to your friend and old flat mate Belle’s small two bedroomed apartment, where you’d stayed in your old room and ate your feelings for two days. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell Jimin about Yumi and Taehyung, you were a total wreck and couldn’t even forge a coherent sentence whilst you were in his car.

Scrolling through your phone you saw almost 400 missed calls from Tae, and 3 calls from your parents. You hadn’t told anybody other than Belle about what happened on Friday night, you didn’t know how. Everything you knew and loved and wanted, was a lie.

As the birds aimlessly flew by the big glass windows of the office you inhaled deeply and composed yourself into a calm mindset, ready to finalise exactly what you came into the office to do.

Quit.

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