i cannot believe this. i cannot believe i didn’t see these earlier. i love you all so so much. i almost cried when i saw a letter addressed to a grace on here. then there was another. and another and another and another. and then i did cry. you are all beautiful beautiful people and my heart swells with every letter i read. i love you all, and i promise that i’ll try to write back. you may not know it, but each one of you is picking up a little bit of my loneliness and taking it away. some of the letters say that i saved them. but the truth is, you saved me.
i love love love you all,
(oh and i’m not sure who that other grace was that said she was me? but hello other grace)
Necesito tus labios, que muerdas mis hombros, mi cuello y los labios. Marcame la espalda, los brazos, la piel. Que extrañe ese dolor de tu boca todos los días hasta que regreses. Que me duelan los labios al hablar, al comer, que me duelan al cerrarlos y cuando te hable de tanto extrañarte. Que mi espalda arda al dormir, que me duela la piel cada que te piense. Que al querer verte y estar en ti me duela y al mismo tiempo te desee más. Que tema cada vez que me tienes. Dueleme, hiereme, incendiame y al mismo tiempo curame con tus labios. Matame y devuélveme la vida, solo tú me haces renacer dentro de ti.
I don’t know what I did wrong. I really don’t. I’ve spent over two months trying to think of what I could’ve done. I’ve thought of everything I ever said to you, everything I meant to say to you. I know it’s stupid, especially since I was never sure if you reciprocated the feelings I had; we were never dating or anything. Yeah, we went to coffee and a movie and studied together at the library once, but that was it. I just want to know that I once really liked you. I liked you so darn much. You were so easy to talk to, so open and funny and kind and everything I could dream of. You made me so incredibly happy, and even something as simple as your crooked smile or the sparkle in your beautiful big blue eyes were able to brighten my entire day. We became so close so fast. We were texting each other almost constantly, sitting next to each other in all our classes and at lunch, even parking next to each other in the school lot. We were always together, going to the same school clubs and coffee shops. We shared our favorite books and movies and songs with each other, something I’d never done with anyone else, something so personal that made me feel like I knew you so well. Everything was great, and then it just wasn’t.
I still don’t know what happened with us. Maybe it was my friends. You never liked them, and I can’t get mad at you for that since they can be pretty awful sometimes. They’re loud and obnoxious and everything you’re not. Maybe it was that we were too close. We became super close in a super short time span, so maybe it was just too much for you, maybe there wasn’t enough space. Maybe it was me. I can’t help but blame myself a little. I was moody and closed off, and it always frustrated you that I never fully let you in. But despite all those possibilities, I hate that you just stopped talking to me. You randomly iced me out for no reason at all. At first, you just stopped texting me. But then you stopped sitting with me in class and at lunch, then you stopped parking by me. You’d leave if you saw me come into the Starbucks we both always go to. You stopped sharing movies and music and books with me. You won’t acknowledge my existence now; you treat me with total disregard. A couple weeks ago, I slipped on some spilled water in front of you, and you just walked away.
Even though you won’t talk to me now, you haven’t even uttered a single word to me in over two months now, I can’t help but care about you. Somehow you were special to me, and I’ll always treasure what we had, before it became bad. But even though I care, I still resent you. I won’t deny that I don’t like being around you even though I miss you. Even the smallest whisper of your voice makes me cringe a little. I know we can never be good again, and frankly, I’m okay with that. The fact that you were able to drop me so quickly makes me realize that maybe you weren’t as great as I thought you were. I just want to know what happened to us so I can finally get the closure I deserve. You at least owe me that much.
-Your cute hobo
P.S. I know you probably won’t see this even though you follow this blog. You haven’t been on in over three months, but I thought I’d get my thoughts out here anyway in case you ever became active on this site again.