Ho shit look out guys I’m barreling in with some goddamn EFFORT. Knew it was there somewhere. Also hello. I know I’ve been most inconsistent and unappreciative of your attention. Hello newcomers and faithful oldies. I have missed you all a great deal. Thank you for those who left me notes you kept me alive during the christmas retail season.
And thank you DSOD. Thank you for most of that, and for at the very least confirming one headcanon of mine that shadow magic can indeed function exactly how I think it can. Which opens up a whole other refrigerator of questions and ‘what?’ But for now let me just soak in the animation and breathe my gasp of air because I held in alot of spoiled knowledge about this movie for the better part of a year. I’m still gonna tag this for the few that haven’t had the privilege of seeing ‘Kaiba does Dallas’ but for the rest of you. Enjoy.
I like Ryou being able to use shadow magic. I have no other backstory to this. That is a lie I have at least half a fan fic worths stuffed in my head but too much ADHD to plan and write it.
Totty often lets his heart and kidness get in the way of his goals, shown ESPECIALLY well in Star of Hope where he takes the most selfless route possible just to not hurt his brothers. And even that was used against him by fandom
I don’t agree with the common interpretation that Totty chose Atsushi specifically to sabotage himself, that seems a bit too selfless even for him (my headcanon is that he got so stressed and fed up with everything that he just said ‘screw it’ and went with Atsushi because he was the least horrible alternative and he was no longer in a mixer mood), but regardless of that, he was still freaking selfless and patient with his stupid brothers who wanted to go to the mixer so bad but refused to improve themselves in order for that to work. Seriously, guys, at least put some effort in looking presentable, you sonovabitches.
Anyway, Matsuno Todomatsu will always be in my fave Matsus ranking and I’ll always defend him from idiots who can only comprehend stereotypes and wouldn’t know a multidimensional character if it bit them on the nose.
A little crestfallen, not necessarily sad, but I hope you like it all the same :)
People always call me obsessively sentimental and memory hoarder like its some disease that I have no control over. They always see it as some weird habit that needs to be fixed, and always link it back to Igneel as something to help me cope with losing him for so long. Maybe that was so, he did always tell me cherish the memories I made with the people that I love, and honestly, nothing has made me happier than doing just that.
I liked memories. They made me happy, and it made me happy to remember back on the times to when I was also, very happy. I liked pinning up pictures and holding onto knick knacks from missions and being surrounded by the ‘junk’ that I’ve collected all throughout my life. It reminds me that no matter when or where I am, a good memory is bound to come out of whatever messy situation I find myself in.
And so, that being said, I also find myself remembering the exact moments when I knew I wanted someone to stay by my side for the rest of my life.
May 14th, X792, was the date that I fell in deep love with Lucy. It was also the date that I had asked her to be my first partner in the entirety of my time at Fairy Tail. I had slowly begun to realize how much she meant to me, and I’ll admit that I don’t ever think there was a specific date to when I just snapped and loved her, but May 14th…that’s just when I knew for sure. I had no doubt ever since that day, and she gave nothing but more reasons to sink even deeper in love with her.
She probably doesn’t remember this date, or even what its for, but I did. Hell, she never remembered any special dates that I found important, but it was okay. I didn’t expect her too. Just another one of my ‘crazy obsessions’ I guess.
That didn’t stop me from wanting to cherish this day though. I had avoided her all day because I honestly didn’t know what I was doing, I had gotten her this present and whenever I tried mustering up the courage to come and give it to her, the timing just didn’t seem right. I…I didn’t know what I was doing. I suppose, I wanted to ask her out, if that was the right way to put it, but…that just didn’t seem right either.
I didn’t want this to just be like a whole, usual date like how she had with other guys. It was supposed to be special, and I just wanted to spend time with her. I didn’t even know if I wanted to call this a date, I mean it was so much more than that. There wasn’t a word that explained what I wanted and it nearly drove me insane. She was just so much better than some date.
And it wasn’t like I was just doing this to kiss her or anything, I mean, if she wanted that it’d be totally cool, but that just wasn’t the point. When I say I love her, I just mean that I can’t really imagine life without her, ya know? Any day without her is boring and not worth my time, and that actually seems like a pretty good summary of what today has been like so far.
But not for long, because I was finally going to head over to her house and do whatever the hell I was planning on doing today, much much earlier.
So…why I was just stopped in the middle of the street? I was wearing this god awful outfit, scarf tightened, teeth brushed, and a freaking bouquet of flowers in my hand, and…I couldn’t move. I couldn’t.
I was so close. Lucy’s front steps were only meters away, and I just felt all of that bubbling excitement within me slowly drain away. She was standing there, under the dim light of her porch, looking adorable and shy in a way that I would normally admire if what had caused it was something else–anything else.
She was kissing some guy. She looked nearly frozen, but she made no effort whatsoever to pull away as he brought her in closer, his arms wounding around her tightly. I couldn’t help but stare. And I could help the weak breath that fell from my lips.
It was when she begun to kiss him back that I had to look away. I let my eyes drift to the ground, a sick thumping in my chest that made it really hard to stand here right now. I mean…look at me. Wearing this ridiculous outfit, a stupid assortment of flowers, like…how cliche was that? After going on about making this special, making it better than just some date she had? She always had dates, she always had guys go after her, why would I be any different? Just because I remembered some stupid date of a day she saw of as any other one? Because I just had to remember every tiny little thing?
Stupid. That’s all this was, stupid. All of this, me, this idea, this sentiment I had, all of it just so so stupid. Why did I–what could–?
I turned away from her then, a dry laughing bubbling up my throat at myself. What…was I thinking? People call me stupid all the time, but here, this, this was when I actually started to believe them. Stupid stupid stupid. My flowers drooped in my hand, and the soft echo of her lips pressing against his drifted into my ears, as if mocking me for thinking this was a good idea.
I found myself walking away, a grin plastered to my face and the stems curled within my fist. I was laughing now, because wow. How pathetic could I get? Dumb, more like, how dumb could I get?
I was whispering that to myself now, “Stupid stupid stupid,” and I found myself sitting at home, hours after I decided to leave Lucy’s place. What happened between then will forever be a mystery. A mystery that had me covered in dirt, sitting up on my roof with the stars above me, and crumbled flowers sitting in a stone vase, right by my side.
Lucy introduced the guy that kissed her last night to the guild. His name was Jacob and he was probably the nicest guy that I had ever witnessed before. I didn’t meet him eye to eye, but I could see from the crowd gushing over him that he must have to be quite a person.
That was how the day went. The sun rose and set again, and I had barely spoken a word to her again, and nothing made me feel more crappy than having a day when her face didn’t fill of most of it. I saw her though, when she was with him. She seemed happy. She was smiling and laughing and I remember distinctly how much warmth spread through just at that sight. This guy…he made her that way. He made her happier than before, and I don’t think I could be mad at him for doing just that. That was low. I couldn’t just dislike a person for making someone I care about happier than what I could’ve, and I wasn’t about to sacrifice Lucy’s happiness for my own comfort.
I loved her way too much to do something like that.
I sat now, on the back steps of the guild, and my gaze drawn to the stars in the sky. I toyed with the present I was supposed to give to Lucy, buried deep in my pocket, and it all just seemed like a waste of time and energy to get her this now. I mean, I knew she would like it but, I was hoping for some other gestures that would make sure she would love it, ya know?
Too late for that, I guess.
I heard the door crack open behind me and I nearly jumped, snapping out of my thoughts.
“There you are,” Lucy laughed, her body suddenly right beside me.
She looked down to me, that sunshine smile ever so present on her face, and I couldn’t help with all my might but to smile back.
“God, it feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.” She joked, sitting down right beside me.
“Yeah, it’s been busy,” I shrugged, leaning back onto a step.
She sighed out, the air warm and crisp, and copied my movements, leaning back on her elbows. She crossed her ankles and let her gaze travel up to the stars ahead, a tired pout on her lips.
I fisted the box in my pocket, deciding it was probably now or never that I could give this to her. I probably wouldn’t have much alone time with her anyways, and lets face it, this is probably the closest that we’ll get to my little dumb fantasy.
“So you met Jacob huh?” she asked, looking back to me.
She had a little hope in her eyes that wished for me to like him, and I couldn’t help but give her the satisfaction.
“Yeah,” I grinned, “He seems pretty cool. Kinda wimpy lookin’, like Gray, but I think we can toughen him out.”
She laughed, bumping my shoulder with hers, “Oh say whatever you like, he’s great. A total gentlemen and respectful, and he’s just like…” she hesitated at that, musing it over a bit, “My knight in shining armor, you know?”
I gave a weak nod to that, offering a smile, “Whatever you say, weirdo.”
She laughed despite that, bumping me again, and I realized then how much I missed her laugh.
It fell silent between us then, comfortably, and she sighed out, gazing back up to the stars. I sat up then, slowly, and cleared my throat. She turned back to me then, a curious light in her eyes, and I struggled with finding the right words.
“You know…the fourteenth was yesterday.” I began, fiddling my fingers in my lap.
She giggled a bit, nodding, “Yeah?”
“May fourteenth?” I looked back to her, watching her smile fade out a bit.
“What, is this another one of your special dates?” she prodded, joking, “What happened on May fourteenth?”
I realized I loved you.
“It was the day you and me became partners.”
She hesitated a bit at that, the humor that flashed in her eyes slowly dying out. “Oh.”
I gazed back to my lap then, licking my lips. “Yeah, you know, it’s just another date, right? But uh, I got you something for it.”
I handed her the box from my pocket, and she let it hang in the air. She stared at it, or most likely, the size of it, and slowly took it. I gave it my all to let this seem casual and not like I wanted to tell her like I love her and everything about her, but in all honesty, I did. I still did.
She sat up then, looking from the box to me, “You got me something?”
I nodded down to my lap, scrunching up my lips to the side and really really hoped she would just open it and let it be at that.
“You know I didn’t see you all that day,” she continued, a weak laugh leaving her lips, “I even looked for you. Why uh, why didn’t you come by?”
I hesitated on answering that. I didn’t want to. I looked back to her then, and I couldn’t really muster up any smile right now.
“I did.” Her expression creased at that, “I mean, at night at least. I came by, but…you know. You were busy. And it was just, bad timing, you know? The day didn’t go as planned and…”
I waved a hand around, wrinkling my nose and just shook off my ramblings. She stared at me then, and even turned towards me more. “You had a plan?”
No. Just say no. It was stupid remember? Stupid stupid stupid. Even this, now, was stupid. You’re being stupid, just stop. Stop stop stop.
“Not really.” I shrugged, “Just had that.”
I nodded towards the present, and she fiddled with it, before brushing a lock behind her ear. She gazed from it up to me again, and gave me a confused look, “So…you came by at night?”
I bit down on my tongue, nodding a bit.
“You were with Jacob, and…I didn’t really wanna interrupt, so.” I shrugged.
“Oh,” she blushed, her cheeks turning pink, “You saw that?”
“Yeah.” I laughed dryly again, swallowing thickly.
She stared at me then and I forced myself to compose, a casual light in my eyes. I could tell she seemed sad at that, and I really didn’t want her feeling that way because of me. I looked back to her, smiling a bit in reassurance, and nodded down to her lap.
“Gonna open it?”
She blinked at that, laughing a bit, “Oh! Yeah, yeah.”
She slowly cracked it open, feeling the velvet under her fingers and continued to laugh, “You know I feel bad becau-”
Her words died out as her eyes fell on her gift, her smile fading and body freezing. She blinked, her hands going down inside the box and I saw the way she looked absolutely speechless at what she saw. Nothing made me happier.
“This…” she breathed in a breath then, her eyes finding mine, “You remembered?”
Lucy held up the musicbox from her lap, her fingers nervously fiddling with the engravings on it, and I couldn’t help a small smile. I nodded at her, not wanting to break my silence, and saw her go back to staring at.
We passed by that same musicbox on a mission over a year ago. She went on and on about how her mother used to have one like that, engraved and etched, and played a melody her mother said came from the stars themselves. I don’t think she realized I was listening, I was busy eating with Happy, but she was more than happy than to keep on talking to herself. I remembered though, and I don’t think anything else quite like this would put such a befuddled expression on her face.
“And it’s…covered..?” She looked back up to me for an answer, and I nodded again.
She exhaled heavily at, running her fingers across it again and I could honestly say, I think I got my moneys worth. It was expensive, extremely so to be painted over in real gold, but I splurged. It was worth it, Lucy was worth it.
“Oh my god Natsu.” She laughed a bit, her voice watery. I saw tears prick her eyes then, and she looked back down to the musicbox to open it up.
A soft little tune came from it, metal stars bouncing around gently inside as she brought a hand to her mouth, sniffling her nose.
“It’s just like hers,” she laughed a bit.
The melody died out and she closed it gently, a smile finally finding its way on her lips. She gazed up to me, her eyes soft in a way that I wished I could see for the rest of my life.
“Thank you.” Her voice quivered, and I felt her arms wrap around me tightly.
I hugged her. I buried myself in her hair and her scent and I never wanted to let go. It wasn’t what I was expecting, it wasn’t my fantasy, but I didn’t care anymore. I hadn’t seen her look so happy in years, and knowing that I was possible of making her like that made my heart swell.
“And you know, I feel bad,” she sniffed, pulling away with a laugh, “I didn’t get you anything.”
She swung around, pressing her legs together and looked down to her lap modestly. I nearly laughed along with her. That hug was enough.
“I don’t need anything else.” I told her.
She looked back to me then and I realized my mistake, but she didn’t comment on it. I cleared my throat after that, forcing my eyes away from her and sighed out loudly.
I patted my legs and stood up, scratching my hair, “So yeah, I was just gonna give you that yesterday, and maybe do some other stuff, but you know.” I shrugged, “Whatever.”
I stood in front of her now, swallowing a bit and headed down the last few steps, before I heard a watery laugh behind me.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
I turned back to her, stopping on my feet, and saw her eyes creased in a way of concern.
I blew up my cheeks, pointing behind me, “Home..?”
She rolled her eyes at me, laughing weakly and twiddled with her box, “So you’re just gonna leave me here? After you give me this…amazing present, and I completely ditch you on our anniversary?”
She stared at me then, and I felt my heart sink at the hurt starting to flood her eyes. “Natsu–”
She cut herself off, eyes wandering and let a scoff leave her lips, looking back up to me.
“Why do you always do this?” she asked me, “All these dates, and mementos, and pictures, and…why? Why do you insist on remembering these so much?”
I answered her with the only explanation I knew. “They make me happy.”
She seemed taken aback by my simple answer, but really…that’s all it was. It was just that simple.
“Those days Lucy, when you joined the guild, or when I met you, or when we went on our first mission together, they’re really important to me. They’re important to me because it was like a whole new chapter in my life, and all these new experiences were something that I got to share with someone really important to me.”
Lucy stared at me, and that word pulsed in my head again, stupid stupid stupid, but I couldn’t help but ignore it because god did it feel so good to be saying all of this to her.
“Seeing you happy Lucy, is more than a lot of other things that I could want in my life.” I said to her.
“And you know I lied,” I blurted, keeping my eyes to my feet as she looked at me. “I did have a plan.” I scratched the hair on the back of my head, swallowing again, “I was gonna ask you to come with me back to that cliff, you know? Outside of town, by the ocean? You always say how great the stars look there, so I thought that you might really like that.”
Tears welled up in her eyes then, and I felt awkward telling her this. My mind told me to shut up already, but I couldn’t. All of this just flowed out of me and it was like a dam I couldn’t plug up.
“And you know, I really am glad you found Jacob.” she flinched a bit at his name, blinking heavily, and I just shook my head, “You seem really happy with him, and I’m just glad you’re glad. I mean, you know, I don’t know much about relationships or anything, but I’m sure he’ll be a good boyfriend.”
Her lips parted in an attempt to say something, but nothing came out. She just stared at me, helplessly, and I felt something weigh down on my chest that made it hard for me to breathe.
“I just want you to know that, I think it’s really good that you found someone that you love, you know, like that? And I don’t know, if he loves you back like that, but I can promise you that someday he will. I can’t imagine anyone out there who doesn’t end up loving you.” I laughed a bit, my vision starting to blur, “I just don’t want you to feel like…you’re…”
I shook my head, tapping my foot vigorously and snapped my fingers, “What’s the word, uh, restricted? Now, because, you know that I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. And I just want you to know that…”
Shut up, shut up.
“There might be days, when you doubt that the people you love, love you back? But you just gotta know Lucy, that I’ll always love you.” I sighed out. She stared at me, her eyes wide and watery, and I couldn’t help but just laugh.
“You don’t ever have to doubt that I’ll love you Lucy, because I always will. And I have. And you can always count on me to come save you.” I told her, “And I know that you don’t always need saving, but just in case, you know? I know I’m not your knight in shining armor, and I’m not a gentlemen, and sometimes I don’t respect you just as a joke, but I really do. You’re the bravest person I know, and–and…”
I cut myself off then, biting down on my tongue and sighing out. I shook my head to the ground, too much, you’re saying too much. Shut up, shut up.
I laughed a bit, weakly, “Yeah…I don’t know where all of that came from.” I shuffled on my feet, pulling at my hair, “I’m just…really grateful to have you, Lucy.”
I turned on my heel then, wanting to just dart away and rip my tongue out before I spouted anymore rambling nonsense, and she finally, after what seemed like hours, spoke up.
“How do you love me?”
I stopped at that, a lurch in my stomach, and a lump in my throat. What did she mean by that? I turned back to her, seeing her staring at me in a way that nearly had me to my knees.
“Like, you’re my best friend and we’ll always be together, kind of way?” she whispered, her voice dying out weakly, “Or…I want to marry you, and love you like no one else has before, kind of way?”
I smiled a bit, crookedly, and gave a little shrug. “Can’t it be both?” I asked.
She inhaled at that, deeply, and I watched as she slowly picked herself up, setting the box aside gently. She strolled over, agonizingly slow, and she came up to me, a light in her eyes that had my fingers shaking. She approached me closely, switching her eyes between mine, and I felt her chest press up against mine. I swallowed. She had that same soft look she always gave me when we won our battles, beaten and raw and tortured, she always looked at me in a way that kept me going for years.
She nodded. A smile slipped onto her lips, and she sniffed her nose again, pressing her way into my arms. I felt a shiver run through me at that, and now, as her fingers went up to my face and brushed them along my skin, along my cheek, and I could barely keep her gaze. I swallowed and looked away from her, yet I couldn’t help the warmth that spread through me as she simply touched me in such a way that was more intimate than we’ve ever experienced before.
She brought me back up to her, her nails against my skin still, and I found myself lost in her eyes again, practically frozen. Her nail went down to my lip then, tracing it softly, and I saw her gaze follow without a second thought. She stared at me in such admiration that I couldn’t help but feel giddy.
She brushed her nail against my lip again, gently gliding it against my skin, before she leaned forward, and replaced that with her own. I felt paralyzed. Her lips were soft and smooth and I couldn’t focus on anything but how her eyes fluttered shut in such a sweet way when she kissed me. I forgot to close my own meanwhile.
She pulled away, hovering closely against me, and looked up to me through her lashes. She blushed then, smiling sweetly at me, and I felt her hand fall down to my shirt to grasp.
“You know you’re supposed to kiss me back now.” She laughed, softly.
“Yeah, I uh, I…forgot.” I blurted, blinking heavily. I stared at her in a way that had her rolling her eyes, her cheeks darkening with every second.
She laughed out again, gripping my scarf, and I felt her pull me back onto her lips again. She pressed hers in between mine, and I raised my hovering arms from around her and held her, tightly.
I kissed her back on that night, May 15th, X795, and it was a night that I would never ever, forget in my entire life. And it would surely be a day worth remembering, and celebrating.