guys im not ready for this

PYRO CHANGES LIVE REACTION

GET READY FOR YELLING

HI EVERYONE I AM A PYRO MAIN AND I AM NOT FUCKING READY

FIREBALL LAUNCHER!!!! PYROMANCER IS FUCKING HERE GUYS

ALL HAIL THE FLYRO! MAY ALL OF THEIR ENEMIES BE SWIFTLY CRUSHED

OFFENSIVE SUPPORT PYRO IS HERE AND IT SOUNDS SUPER FUN

I HIGHLY APPRECIATE THE GOOFINESS VALVE!!

GUYS…GUYS I COULD FUCKING CRY…..THEY ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ALL OF THE SUGGESTIONS THE COMMUNITY HAS BEEN MAKING…RIP FLAMETHROWER MOJO AND RIP FRUSTRATING AIRBLAST!!!!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!

LOL ME TOO HEAVY

u kno my initial reaction to this taunt was very….lukewarm u could say but now that im seeing it and giving it more thought its INCREDIBLY silly just like tf2 should be!!!

SAME!!!!!! I CANT BELIEVE THIS UPDATE IS REAL AND!!!! IM ACTUALLY SEEING IT!!

Anyone got some hot advice on how to friendzone a guy i lead on, but realise now im not into him?….he really likes me and is starting to open up to me when im ready to tell him im not feeling ‘it’….im seeing him in 14hrs

The Time I Took On the Military (And Won)

Considering the staggering amount of votes this one got, here you go!

ok so it’s my sweet sixteen and i took two of my closest friends paintballing. We started off alone with just the three of us. Me and this girl formed a truce so we could take out her brother. He found a building with a roof to shoot from so i was criss crossing and sliding behind shelters.

Long story short with this guy i snuck up behind his building and shot him point blank in the ass while he was climbing a ladder.

Except now his sister is my enemy and a much larger threat.

I criss cross my way back narrowly avoiding being shot. I skid to a stop behind this bush with a really gappy fence and go GOOD ENOUGH BRING IT ON and poke my muzzle through. I cant particularly see but I remembered seeing her in a little chapel window. I aim that general direction and open fire. I immediately hear HIT. When she comes out i see where i hit her. Right between the eyes like I couldnt do that again if I tried. Ill take it.

We’re back at the base ops and these massive dudes come over like “yo wanna join us we need more players” and we’re like “oh ya bud the more the merrier” so we go over and everyone is freaking massive and there’s us three tiny lil teenagers. I over hear they’re a military team and just sigh because i know im dead this is just my luck

Apparently they wanted us so that they could simulate having civilian to protect, who were also armed. (They did a piss poor job of this seriously wtf)

So the game starts and im seperated from my friends. They’re on the opposite team.

Im sticking near the leader and just generally trying not to die. He’s giving me orders as softly and nicely as he can, thinking Im scared. I mean really who wouldnt be?

I wasnt. I was ready to kick butt. When I am silent, be afraid, im planning something.

Next thing i know he’s gone. Shot, running, hiding i dont know and i dont care i gotta move there are way too many heavily armed men in these woods for me to be comfortable

Im trekking through this woodsy area keeping as low as possible because the other team has a freaking sniper and im not dealing with that no thanks im just a tiny teenager leave me alone ok

Im doing my thing and trying to find people to shoot because everyone is mia when i see people ahead.

Not my people.

And they havent seen me yet. Im looking around looking for some decent cover or somewhere to take them by surprise and there is nothing. The entire area is just thistle bushes with massive thorns. And then my idea hits. A wicked, mischievous idea. I grin behind my mask and get ready to lay my trap.

I plop myself down right in the middle of these thistles and army crawl to the path their taking and just lay still.

These guys dont see me.

They’re not expecting someone to be in these bushes cause who is that dumb.

The one dudes boot is an inch from my hand and i spring up and yell SURPRISE before shooting him right in the chest and then the two behind him. Three down, way too many to go. I ran away cackling like a witch

Dont die dont die dont die

I head out again and meet up with some more of my group. They stick me at the back to keep me out of harms way. A valiant, if ineffective effort

Enter enemy attack.

We get split up into two groups to flank them and i end up alone again. I moving slowly, spinning in a slow circled because I am EFFED

I’m a tiny lil sixteen year old girl, all alone, with about 15 guns pointed at me. I was completely surrounded. My comrades who had fled to live and fight another day are now making haste towards me like WHO LEFT THE KID BEHIND HELP HER and im like

hell no i got this

I went absolutely ape shit on their asses.

Shots are flying around me like crazy and everyone is screaming. One of the enemies shouts FALL BACK WHAT THE FU–

I hear one if my partners like HOLY SHIT SHE’S ALIVE

I barrel over one of the attackers and side arm his gun away. I break out from the Circle of Doom and make a mad dash for cover.

I leap into the air and spin to fave them. Im not getting shot in the back I an a WARRIOR

I just start spraying with a battle cry to rattle the heavens

I smack back down to earth and land in a crouch

Every single one of the attackers were shot, usually multiple times, and i didnt get shot once. Frankly no clue how i managed but I am NOT questioning it. Luck or skill I dont care

Eventually it was down to two people. Me and the other teams captain.

He’s a big, scary dude. He had a custom gun that could pop off a frankly alarming amount of shots per second.

The odds arent exactly in my favour.

We find each other right in the middle with trenches and tiny little metal fences for cover. Im walking through like plz dont shoot me i am small be nice

The dude pops up from a trench and starts firing. No mercy here.

Fine then.

I duck behind a fence and it is the most pathetic thing i have ever seen.

I have barely enough room to crouch behind it because it’s so small. The other dude finds a nice big trench and big fence the lucky lil jerk.

So we’re poppin up like weasels trying to get a shot in. I cant hit him, he cant hit me. Up and down and up and down. My fence angles down ever so slightly so im tucked in as tightly as I could. My fence is rattling as shot after shot after shot hits. The shots stop, i poke my muzzle over the edge amd lay down some fire.

And the cycle repeats

I get tired of this little exchange so the next time he goes down i lay on some cover fire and sprint like hell for a near by trench like i am just bookin it thinking dont shoot me dont shoot me imma kill you

i slide in and pop up just as he rises to take a shot. Except im not where he thought id be.

I shot him right in the side of his bald lil head.

So i won. My team legit carried me on their shoulders back to base ops

And that’s the time I, a sixteen year old girl, beat a team of militarily trained behemoths

two rotten apples [m] | pt. 3

credit: x.

❛❛we’re next-door neighbors and have hated each other since middle school but now we’re going to the same university how can we avoid the other person like the plague so there isn’t a crime scene— what do you mean you promised my mom you would keep an eye on me???? you fucking planned this❜❜ AU

COUNT → 21.489

GENRE → smut | angst

PAIRING → jungkook | reader

WARNINGS → dom and sub tones | threesome | oral sex | explicit language | penetration | public sex | grinding | graphic dirty talk | slight female masturbation | overstimulation

LINKS → 1 | 2 | 3COMING SOON


As the back of Jungkook’s head rested against the driver seat’s headrest, catching his breath, your glare hardened.

Once again, he’d fucked you and not cared whether you came or not. In fact, for the duration of his penis being in your vagina, he’d barely even touched you. And sadly, it hadn’t even occurred to you he’d used you once again until it was too late. Your clit didn’t matter to him apparently; your pleasure didn’t matter to him either. All that mattered was his dick. That’s all that ever fucking mattered.

After that weekend at the camping grounds where you actually came for once, you were expecting something better than whatever the fuck he called this performance. Your horny brain had quickly forgotten that it’d been your own fingers that got yourself off—not him—and those nights you spent in his tent were no exception. Why were you so surprised? This was Jungkook you were talking about—he would never fucking care about you or any part of you.

And that’s why this was the final fucking straw.

Keep reading

thank you so much for ready player 3. i hope you guys like my bracelets, and talking about my depression was a scary thing but you gave me confidence. thank you again 💓

im sorry i didn’t even say hi, i was so nervous and i made it all up as i went along. 😕

also, jack, i hope you like the artwork, notes and story i have you. my friend cried when i showed her this video of you telling me to say hi to her

@therealjacksepticeye @gamegrumps

this.
this was the best part of the night by far.
here i am, stood in front of not only thousands of people (which is one of my biggest fears), but asking my IDOLS: the dumbest fucking question of my life.
i was so nervous i didn’t even know what to say.
you know what?
screw it.
i know i’m cringey, and i don’t even care.
this was one of the best moments of my entire life.
thank you guys for being so nice to me, it really helped my confidence.
(LoOK HOW MUCH IM SHAKING. I THINK ITS PRETTY OBVIOUS THAT I WAS NERVOUS.)
so thanks.

@therealjacksepticeye