guys i keep making things i actually like it's worrying me

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 2

We did it amigos. Another list! I am so grateful that you all are sharing your ideas to help inspire others (faith in humanity restored)

  1. “Where is my fucking pudding?!”
  2. “I thought we agreed to never use butter for that reason again…”
  3. “Well if it’s the guy who never shuts up about toilet paper!”
  4. “Honey, did you see my sniper rifle?”
  5. “Oops…”
  6. “God damn it he died. Whatever. Just leave him there.”
  7. “Listen, I know you’re upset, but please put down the baking soda before someone gets hurt.”
  8. “Look, about the monkey…”
  9. “I don’t understand! I only used a finger.”
  10. “It’s not as hard as you think, I promise.”
  11. “well this is what i call hell of a night”
  12. “How could an entire school disappear?”
  13. “What do you mean the brownies are "not quite brownies”?“
  14. "Yes, I understand that its cool, but why does your toaster have wings?” “Well its alive of course. It flies.”
  15. “Don’t turn that on!”
  16. “Wait…I’m also- technically- underage and you’re a stranger…should I be screaming also?”
  17. “I though you meant "literally” metaphorically. “
  18. "Ok so don’t get mad but I might have started a war.”
  19. “Good morning… I see the assassins failed again.”
  20. “You’re a murderer, how are you working at a hospital?”
  21. “That cat just stole my cereal!”
  22. “Did you see that? Please tell me you saw it.”
  23. “Hey, can you stop shooting people right now? We’re trying to sleep.”
  24. “THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS KEITH!”
  25. “If you think I’m leaving you and your demon eyes and evil horns you’re wrong.”
  26. “What do you mean, this isn’t Earth?”
  27. “Damn it, ____! Not peanuts again!”
  28. “Why did I just press the big red button?”
  29. “So tell me again why this dead body is being sent to Goodwill?”
  30. “Lucifer, I know that we said we would share rent but you never said anything about your brother living with us.”
  31. “God dammit, I’m supposed to be a bat! Why the hell am I a possum, Karen?!”
  32. “Sarah, where’s the dog?” “Up in space?”
  33. “You had only one job and it wasn’t even a difficult task, but seriously, how did you end up like this!?”
  34. “Well I never said I WASN’T going to kill the bartender …”
  35. “I mean, it was only a small eldritch being, so it wasn’t that bad…”
  36. “Hold me back bro!”
  37. “I think there’s a new lifeform evolving in my fridge.”
  38. “WHAT THE FUCK?!”
  39. “Can we have lunch now, or do you still want to continue looking at dead people?”
  40. “I can’t believe you ate my cheese…we’re over”
  41. “Sometimes I wonder why we’re still friends.” “Because I turned you into a cyborg after being shredded by an explosion and you owe me.” “…Fair enough.”
  42. “Well, I didn’t quite expect to wake up pregnant either and yet… here we are, so can you please pass me that can of bread?”
  43. “Ok, I know I said ‘You can throw a hairbrush at them’, but I didn’t actually mean it!”
  44. “When I told you to feed the dog I didn’t expect you to feed him the neighbors cat.”
  45. “Clearly, you’ve never gotten rid of a body before…”
  46. “This sort of thing never happened when I was dating your brother.”
  47. Sometimes, I wonder about you. And then I worry.“
  48. ” Wait, wait, wait, start from the very beginning. how did you manage to set the house on fire with that??“
  49. "For fucks sake, dude, how many times do I have to tell you that that’s not what penises are for?”
  50. “One woman’s terrorist is another woman’s freedom fighter.”
  51. “This isn’t right… the humans shouldn’t be able to move on their own.”
  52. “Why is unicorn blood on our shopping list?”
  53. “Must you unhinge your jaw like that when you eat? It’s disgusting.”
  54. “You’ve violated the law, my trust, and your friend. Tell me, why should I believe anything you say?”
  55. “No, no don’t open the fridge, I need to keep they eyeballs cold.”
  56. “did he break his jaw again by falling down a flight of stairs?” “Passive aggressive much?”
  57. “For the last time, put the declaration of independence back!”
  58. "That isn’t permanent, right?”
  59. “You know, ripping someone’s beating heart right out of their chest with your bare hand looks cool in anime, but irl it’s just unsanitary…”
  60. “She didn’t tell you” “Tell me what” “He’s dead”
  61. “But his dad is an asshole–” “HIS AUTHOR IS AN ASSHOLE”
  62. “You are here and you haven’t tried to kill me yet. You must want something from me.”
  63. “The salesperson made a flying tentacle monster sound a lot more alluring, I swear!”
  64. “Okay…the radiator just growled at me”
  65. “Dude, were you listening to me? Why are you barking?” “I’m not barking. I thought YOU were barking!”
  66. “How did you get that bump on your lip”
  67. “Buddy. You need to chill, and put that knife away before I get out my gun.”
  68. “ ” I dare you to take your shirt off" “ no” “ I doubledare you” “No” “I tripledare you” “ god dammit Steve , im not wearing a Shirt!”“
  69. "Why the fuck are there founding fathers in our living room”
  70. “Girls only say 'I will not dignify that with a response.’ when they’ve done the thing you’ve just accused them of.” “Do you know this, because you’ve done it?” “I will not dignify that with a response.”
  71. “They think we’re terrible but really we’re only mediocre”
  72. “You’d think by now we’d stop bringing death into these things. Look at them, they have anxiety!”
  73. “Ok, first of all asshat, stop touching me. Second, that is never going to work out! Third, stop TOUCHING me.”
  74. “So if I do understand, you’re telling me that you created insects robots. The same one that destroyed the city. ”
  75. “Why is THIS in your fridge? This is some serious contraband.”
  76. “Please tell me you’re joking about marrying the bastard’s son we call Satan.” “ Don’t talk about your mother like that!!”
  77. “Did you explode the microwave again?!”
  78. "Honey where’s the dog?” “Like I said, I’m making a smoothie.”
  79. “Fifteen bucks you can’t hook up with Satan.” “Make it twenty.”
  80. “I don’t know, maybe because he has some semblance of taste?
  81. "What could possibly make you think eating three tons of cheese for the mice in radiation-test labs was okay?!”
  82. “Who actually let the dogs out?”
  83. “Hey, you don’t know how many bodies are buried in my backyard.”
  84. “I told you to kill me.” “I did. Just this morning.” “Well, shit!”
  85. “So… This isn’t the end, is it? I mean I still want to hang out with you at least. Maybe go for another space adventure, hm?”
  86. “I’m sorry, it was the HEAT OF THE MOMENT,”
  87. "Hey, wanna go out for a romantic moonlight killing spree?”
  88. “So, you’re into …..? Huh, I never would’ve known.”
  89. “Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed”
  90. “What are you doing?”
  91. “But really, why would anyone need two dozen armadillos?”
  92. “You can’t keep 'solving’ your problems by going to another dimension!”
  93. “I still can’t believe you assassinated a unicorn.”
  94. “Wait, you have FOUR knives?” “No, no. I have four knives ON me.”
  95. “I’ve killed a man using only a copy of Hamlet and a computer mouse. I am NOT afraid of you!" 
  96. "What the hell are those?”
  97. “Are you sure you’re not an arsonist?”
  98. “I know, right? You’d suspect any of them of secretly being an alien, but not…”
  99. “Why didn’t you stop?”
  100. “So, start explaining why there are dozens of puppies in my guest room.”

Let’s make another list. Part 3! Leave a reply and don’t forget the double quotes “”. I want to give everyone a chance to contribute to our community. So as always, one prompt per amigo. Dankje! 

history of the entire world, i guess; a transcript

hi. you’re on a rock, floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it’s water. fuck it, actually most of it’s water. i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you. how did this happen? a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn’t happen. nothing was never anywhere. that’s why its been everywhere. it’s been so everywhere, you don’t need a “where”. you don’t even need a “when”. that’s how “every” it gets. (pause). forget this. i wanna be something, go somewhere, do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it’s possible because everything is here and it probably already happened. i just don’t know when to start. and that’s exactly where it started. (background noise) woah. i… paused it. i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that’s a thing, in a place. don’t like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it’s not empty yet. it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees. (about no seconds later). great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three called a “proton” or a “neutron”. and there’s something else flying around too that wants to join in but can’t cause it’s still to (HOT). (about ten minutes later). great news! the protons and the neutrons are now happily married to each other (some of them even doubled up). (about 380,000 years later). great news, the electrons have now joined in. congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space. but it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together. it’s a staaaar. new shit just got made. some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. space dust! which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into even crazier space dust. so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example. holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks, and it kinda made a mess. which is now the moon. weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space. weather update: those rocks might’ve had water inside them and now there’s Hot Steam in the sky. weather update: cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava. weather update: its raining. severe flooding alert: the entire world is now an ocean. volcano alert: that’s land. there’slifeintheocean. what? something’s alive in the ocean. oh cool, like a plant or an animal? no. a microscopic speck! it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever. oh yeah, and it can do that. it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that’s pretty nifty, i would say. tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? now you can eat sunlight. using a revolutionary technique you can convert sunlight into food. taste the sun. side effect: now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky’s blue. then the earth might’ve been a snowball for a while, maybe even a coupla times. it’s a sponge, it’s a plant, it’s a worm and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish. it’s the Cambrian explosion. “wow, that’s animals and stuff.” but we’re still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land? NoO. why? the sun is a deadly lazer. oh okay. not anymore there’s a blanket. now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land! “nope, can’t walk yet. and there’s no food yet so i don’t care.” (100 million years later) ok, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here? “maybe,” said some bugs, and fish. “uh. uh. uh.” (five million years later) “ok so i can go on land but i have to go back in the water to have babies.” (idea) learn to use an egg. “i was already doing that.” use a stronger egg, and put water in it, have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg, baby, in the water, in the egg. works for me. bye bye ocean. aaand now everything is huge. including bugs. wanna see a map of the land? sure. ah fuck, now everything’s dead. just kidding here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one because its about to become the dinosaurs. here’s another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart, don’t worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor. and the dinosaurs are gone. its mammal time! here come the mammals. look at those breasts. now they’re gonna dominate the world, and one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like ‘that’. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make… pointed rocks. “ouch.” and set things on fire. “yeouch.” and make crazy sounds with their voice (“gneurshk.”) which can mean different things. that’s a human person. and now they’re everywhere, almost. ice age. what? you can walk over here? cool. not anymore. i guess we’re stuck here now.

let’s review. there’s people on the planet. and they’re chasing their food. fuck it, time to plant some grass. look at this, i control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let’s all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food. this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this. tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it’s underground. better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. guess what happens next. more food, and more people who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in, and people to make the houses. and now there’s more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come. and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people. and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power. sociiiety. coming soon to a dank river valley near you. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing bronze, made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land. i don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it. also, guess what - egypt. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we’re getting somewhere. also, china. and did i mention indusrivervalleycivilization. norte chico. the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it’s in the middle of the east. knock knock- er, clop clop, it’s the people with the horses? and they made an empire! and then everyone else copied their horses. greeks! ah look, it must be the greeks, or a beta version of the greeks. let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization. they’re gone. guess who’s not gone? china. new arrivals in india. maybe it’s thosehorsepeopleiwastalkingabout or theircousinsorsomething. and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff. you could make a religion out of this. there’s the bronze age collapse. now the phoenicians can get down to business. also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find? thanks. look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel. and they believe in god. just one though, he’s got like a ten step program. here’s some huge heads, must be the olmec. the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. here comes the assyrian empire. nevermind it’s the babylonian- median- it’s the persian empire. “wow, that’s big.” ah, the buddha was just enlightened! who’s the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying. you could make a religion out of this. oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff. and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it’s a great idea, he was…great. and now he’s dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. knock knock, it’s chandragupta, he says, “get the hell out of here, will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? ok thanks bye; time to conquer all of india- or most of india”. but what about this part? that’s the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they’ve got spices. who would like to buy the spices? “me,” said the arabians, swiftly buying them and selling them to the rest of the world. hey, china put itself back together again with good morals as their main philosophy. actually they have three main philosophies. out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload! “bye,” said the parthians, “bye,” said the jews. “hi,” said the parthians, taking over the entire place. “heyyyyyyyy,” said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. “thanks for invading our homeland,” said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. “hi, everything’s great,” said some guy who seems to be getting very popular, and then gets arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this. want silk? now you can buy it from china! they just made a brand new road to the world…or you can get there on water. “sick, new trade routes,” said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom. there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again. “remember the persian empire? yup,” said the persians, making a new one. axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick. has anyone populated madagascar yet? let’s do it together. china is whole again…then it broke again. still can’t cross the sahara desert? try camels. “hell yeah, now we’ve got business,” said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves. “hi i live in the roman empire and i was wondering, is loving jesus legal yet?” “no” “actually ok sure,” said constantine, moving the capitol way over here to be closer to his main rival. don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall. it’s the golden age of india. there’s the gupta empire. not chandragupta, just gupta, first name chandra, the first. guess who’s in rome? barbarians. what’s a barbarian? “non-romans,” said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. or actually, just half is just fine. but it’s not in rome anymore so let’s give it a new name. the mayans have figured out the staaars. oh, and here’s a huge city, population everyone. the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks. how’s india? broken. how’s china? back together. how’s those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there’s more of them. korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.

deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad’s ear, so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods, and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this. and maybe conquer the world as well. the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus there’s new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there’s room for moors. here’s all the wisdom, in a house. it’s the baghdad house of wisdom, just in time for the islamic golden age. “let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast,” said the swahili on the swahili coast. remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now. wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. “surprise, you’re the new roman emperor,” said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france. the northerners, or just norse if you don’t have that much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north, and they find some land. two types of land, and they name them accordingly. they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as vikings. there’s the rus, the kievan rus. are they vikings? “i don’t think so,” said the kievan rus. ok, fair enough. the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire, the holy roman empire. it’s actually germany but don’t worry about it. new kingdoms! christianizeallthekingdoms. which brand would you like? “mine’s better,” “mine’s better,” “mine’s better”. “time to conquer england,” said william. it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the seljuk turks. “ahh!” said the byzantine empire, who’s getting so small it almost doesn’t exist anymore, “we need help!” they need help, so they call the pope. “hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you wanna take back the holy land.” “yes, i do actually want to do that. let’s do a crusade.” crusade. they did many crusades, some of which almost didn’t fail, but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals. goodbye mayans. hello toltecs, goodbye toltecs, hello mississippi. look at those mounds. there’s the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff. guess who’s here? khmer. where? here, and pagan is there, and vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis. i bet that will last a long time! some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india. is it tonga time? i think it’s tonga time. i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold. look at this chad (means lake), there’s an empire there, right in the middle of africa. the king of mali is so rich he’s going on tour to let everyone know. “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said. the christians are doing a great job of conquering iberia which will soon be called spain and not spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you are still christian when you least expect. whoops, half of europe just died. ming. china’s back, yay. hey khmer, time to share, new kingdoms here and there. oh look who controls all the islands, its the mahajapit. majahapit, mapajahit, mahapajit, mapajahit, majapahit? oh, italy’s really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it’s kinda like a rebirth. here’s a printer, lets make books. so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? “yep,” said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. whoops, you missed a spot; don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade. “what? that’s bullshit,” said portugal, spiceless. well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india. “wait,” said christopher colombus, probably smoking crack, “if the world is round, lets go this way to india!” “nah, don’t worry we already got this,” said portugal. so chris goes to spain. “hey spain, wanna hire me to go find india by going around back of the world?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.” “please?” “ok.” so he sails into the ocean, and discovers more ocean, and then discovers ‘the indies’ and ‘japan’. let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent. the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other. move over lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again. move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again. let’s make it the other kind of islam, the one where we thought the first guy should’ve been the other guy. hey christians, do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell. “that’s bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that’s a scam, fuck the church, here’s 95 reasons why,” said martin luther, in his book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation. “you know what would be magnificent?” said suleiman, wearing an onion hat, “what if the ottoman empire was really big, which it is now.”  “what if russia was big,” said ivan, trying not to be terrible. portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade, and then that dream was real. and spain realised that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. “damn,” said england and france, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam. “damn,” said amsterdam, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” question one: can you get to india through north america? no, but at least there’s beaver. question two: steal the spice trade. that’s not a question but the dutch did it anyway. sugar. guess where all the sugar’s made? in brazil. stolen! in the carribean, and it’s so goddamn profitable you might forget to not do slavery. the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger. britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world, more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss? yes they did, it’s britain. guess who’s broke? also britain. so they start taxing the hell out of america.

“fuck you,” says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it. france helps them win, now france is broke. and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. wait if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? “let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. you could make a reli- no don’t. haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. “why didn’t we think of this before?” wait, who’s in charge of france now? “me,” said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back. luckily, they banished him to another island. there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin america wars of independence. britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains, and conquer india and maybe put some trains there. “hey china,” said britain, “buy stuff from us.” “nah, dude we already got everything,” says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked actually, but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy-fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afganistan. also the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now, that’s just where he lives. india had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. “nope,” said britain, governing them even harder than before. technology is about to go crazy. the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. “it’s bad,” they decided. and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land, and maybe kick out the mexicans too. “i know, let’s rape africa,” said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia.  britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand. the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more. hawaii. cuba. wait spain controls cuba. “well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on them? let’s blame the maine on spain!” so they blame the maine on spain. now we’re in business. to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go. china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government. europe hasn’t had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns. it’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one. after it’s over, they blame germany. russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government. now everyone’s paycheck is the same. communism, in the soviet union. the arabs revolt, and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won’t mind. “let’s cut the cake,” said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire. except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey. and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do. hello? yes, it’s the 1920s calling. let’s get in a car and drive to a party and listen to the jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy’s great and it’ll probably be great forever. just kidding. germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model. he’s mad at the jews for existing. japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it. hitler’s out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all the jews is a bad idea, but he kills himself before they could explain it to him. that’s world war two. bonus round: pacific showdown, united states versus japan. fight! finish him. let’s unite all the nations and have some world peace. seems legit. “hi i’m gandhi and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india i’m going to starve myself in public. wow, that worked?” bonus: now there’s pakistan. actually two pakistans. one of them can be bangladesh later. the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. “me”, they both said at the same time. “let’s divide up the land so everyone’s happy.” sike! they both get angrier. look out china, there’s a new china in china. what’s on the menu? communism! “no thanks,” said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china. there’s the korean war, korea versus korea, nobody wins, then it’s on pause forever. let’s meet the sponsors. oh, it’s the two global superpowers. they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. fight! wait no that would be the end of the world. let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs. “i’ll race you to space. now let’s make some more countries fight themselves.” europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here’s a new map, with new countries. now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by. the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it. let’s check the world population. woah. okay. technology’s better too, that might keep happening. the soviet union decides to relax a little and accidentally falls apart. europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money; except britain because they don’t feel like it. let’s check the mail. surprise! it’s on the computer! whoops, someone just attacked america, i bet they’ll remember that. phone call, surprise, it’s in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise, it’s on the computer! now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket. whoops, the economy just crashed. don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail, because they’re not supposed to. surprise, flying robots! with bombs. wanna print a brain? some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic. “let’s save the planet,” said everybody, not knowing how. “let’s invent a thing inventor,” said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor. that’s pretty cool. by the way, where the hell are we?

Darkiplier and Antisepticeye

Ok first of all, holy mother of fucks, @markiplier ‘s valentine’s day video was absolutely the best thing ever! (along with @therealjacksepticeye ‘s halloween video).

if you haven’t watch Mark’s video, I suggest you you go now before reading this post (if you actually even read it xD) because it might contain spoilers.

Ok so we now have physical proof of Darkiplier’s existence, just like Anti’s. I love how they both act alike with the glitches and all, but they’re still so different from each other. from what I saw with Jack and Anti, it seems like Anti fights Jack for control of the physical body. Anti was restless, he’d do anything and everything to take full control of Jack’s body, including killing Jack which is kinda what he did in the halloween video when he cut his throat. He just wanted freedom, and he has no problem in blaming us (the fans) for his actions towards Jack (“you all said my name”, “YOU” “its all your fault” “you all made this happen” “you could’ve stopped me… but you just watched as this happened” “now he’s gone forever”). He knows exactly what to say to make us feel guilty. that sounds an awful lot like a sociopath. I might be wrong but I just did some research (I wouldn’t be writing this without doing my homework ahah) and some of the traits are:

  • Repeated violations of the law
  • Pervasive lying and deception
  • Physical aggressiveness
  • Reckless disregard for safety of self or others
  • Consistent irresponsibility in work and family environments
  • Lack of remorse

you can see most of these behaviors in Anti. Antisepticeye is a sociopath.


now Darkiplier on the other hand…


from what I saw in mark’s valentine’s day video, Dark looked like he had more self control. he seemed awfully calm. he wasn’t trying to fight Mark for a chance of controling the body. he was waiting for Mark to actually let him in (”I’ve been waiting patiently” “he promised he would let me in again”) and this makes me think… Dark is strong enough to take over Mark’s body without actually attacking Mark the way Anti did with Jack. and Mark knows it. so he made a deal. he would let Dark get in from time to time, if he promised not to hurt anyone. obviously Dark wouldn’t keep that promise like we see in the 14 million subs video for example. now lets take a look at some of the psychopath traits:

  • Lack of guilt/remorse
  • Lack of empathy
  • Lack of deep emotional attachments
  • Narcissism
  • Superficial charm
  • Dishonesty
  • Manipulativeness
  • Reckless risk-taking

I don’t know about you but these scream Darkiplier to me. you can see how emotionally detached he is from us. he just wants to toy with our emotions. this is all but a game to him. and he doesn’t care about the consequences (”take your pick. anything of four different choices”, “and lets see how far down this rabbit hole really goes” “so take your pick. show me what you got”, “and maybe we’ll have a good date after all”). he gives us a sense of security and happiness(?) (”if dinner is what you want, then I can provide”, “and I can take you to wherever you’d like to go”), only to be crushed by a statement that makes us fear for our own life (”I can specially take you to places where you DON’T want to go”), leaving us on the edge. he makes us think he actually cares about us (”I’ve been waiting a long time to get some personal space between us”), when he actually just wants to hurt us (”THERE’S NOTHING YOU OR HE CAN DO TO STOP ME”, “youre never, ever going to escape me”).

and if you notice, after you’ve chosen who to kill, you’ll see that if you choose the left option, Mark looks so worried and empathetic over us, trying to reassure us… after all we just killed someone and he’s worried about us (compared to the Mark we’re left with, if you choose the right option). at the end, it turns out we killed the wrong Mark, and we’re left with Dark in front of us. for a second we believed we killed the right Mark, seeing how calm and not evil M(D)ark was acting towards us. that is manipulation. Dark made us believe we were safe now, that we made the right choice, only to crush that sense of safeness right when we were starting to get confortable and at peace (”oops… looks like you made the wrong choice”, “but now we’re going to be together…. forever”)

I strongly believe Darkiplier is a psychopath and Antisepticeye is a sociopath. they both act differently towards Jack and Mark and their fans, but at the same time, in a very similar way. I believe the reason Anti is so glitchy and Dark is so “HD quality” (xD) is because Anti forced his way into Jack and obviously thats gonna leave some damage, while Dark waited (im)patiently for his turn to take over the body.


I just want to congratulate @therealjacksepticeye and @markiplier for portraying these characters, made up by the fans, so unbelievably well, and thank them for taking their time to make something, created by the community, come true like this. you guys are amazing.


this is just my theory, if you disagree or have something to say, I’d be more than happy to hear your theories, but don’t be rude or anything.

also, if you read this giant post till the end, thank you so much for taking your time to do so :) sorry if this was a bit confusing xD 

________

edit: if you want a bit more input on their disorders, take a look at this post

please, I would love to hear your opinions on it

kicking you out

for the anon who asked for a groupchat celebrity au with twitter. ik this isn’t exactly what you asked for, but i will do a proper celebrity au one day. probably. dedicated to my wife @jiilys bc she deserves all this and more


James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: thanks for tuning in last night! check us out next week when we’ll be discussing whether sand dollars should be a viable form of currency

Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: james no one cares about ur stupid fuckign radio show

James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted: ur the co-host

Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: i dont see how thats a relevant piece of information


Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) tweeted: @jimsradio why do you have pine trees listed as your topic for next week

James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted: why not

James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted: theyr an important part of our capitalist, consumer-driven society

Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted: is this just because you couldn’t come up with a better topic

James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted: r u insinuating that i had no ideas and decided on pine trees bc there happens to be one outside peters bedroom window

Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted: yes

James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted: fair


James Potter to radioheads: how about we have remus as our special guest next week

Sirius Black: i have legitimately never heard of a worse idea

Remus Lupin: good luck driving yourself to the lido next week then dickhead

Sirius Black: i already lost that job

Remus Lupin: why am i not surprised

Sirius Black: jokes on u lupin, ur the one who’s been driving me 40 minutes out of your way every morning for nothing

Remus Lupin: fucker


Remus Lupin to James Potter: we need more advertising

James Potter: ?? we have plenty of advertising

Remus Lupin: we have the same ad for your dad’s hair gel playing every break on a ten minute loop

James Potter: ?? what’s ur point


Peter Pettigrew to james you know i love monty but we need more advertising: guys 2, 141 people listened in last week

Remus Lupin: are you kidding

James Potter: result!!!!

Sirius Black: was that the one where we talked about freaks & geeks conspiracy theories

Remus Lupin: no that was the one where you talked about crunchy chips vs squishies

Remus Lupin: do you even listen to the show

Sirius Black: im the co-host thank you very much

Remus Lupin: could’ve fooled me

Sirius Black has removed Remus Lupin from the chat.


Sirius Black (@blacksheep) tweeted: @petepettigrew i still cant believe u prefer squishies to crunchies

Peter Pettigrew (@petepettigrew) retweeted: what?? theyr more flavoursome


James Potter to Sirius Black: remus has been our special guest for the past five episodes i think we need someone new

Sirius Black: what about pete

James Potter: pete does sound

Sirius Black: then get someone else to do sound

James Potter: u, my friend, are a genius


James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: we need someone with tech experience to do our sound booth pls and thank


Peter Pettigrew to fifa plays would make a shitty topic: I thought I was sound technician??

James Potter: u can still be sound technician we’re just having u as our special guest

Sirius Black: im not sure i can handle having a special guest who thinks squishies r better than crunchies

James Potter: ??? u were the one who suggested pete in the first place

Sirius Black: i was?? funny that

Peter Pettigrew: i hate u all


Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted: @jimsradio i have two years worth of tech experience and can do friday evenings if ur still looking for a sound technician


James Potter to shitdick central™: holy shit check out the chick who just applied for techie

Peter Pettigrew: who is she

Remus Lupin: lily evans

Remus Lupin: she had her own radio show a couple of years back with this really awful guy

Remus Lupin: it was really popular

Peter Pettigrew: the radio show or the guy

Remus Lupin: ?? the radio show

Remus Lupin: the guy turned out to be a massive racist

Remus Lupin: in her last interview she called him ‘an abusive fuckface’

Sirius Black: i say we hire her

James Potter: seconded


Remus Lupin to James Potter: is the only reason you want to hire her is because you think she’s hot

James Potter: do you really think i’m that shallow

Remus Lupin: yes


James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: @liljane you’re hired. i’ll dm you the details


Sirius Black to i’m not shallow remus i just have an appreciation for the finer things in life: i cant believe that you both literally and figuratively slid into her dm’s

James Potter: im blocking u


James Potter to what the fuck is an aardvark anyway: that went rather well if you ask me

Sirius Black: ?? it was a fucking atrocity

Sirius Black: you were staring at her the whole time

James Potter: no i wasn’t

Remus Lupin: you missed five of your queues

James Potter: ok, so maybe i was a little off

Sirius Black: there were more awkward silences than that one time peter tried to pick up rosmerta at the three broomsticks

Peter Pettigrew: you promised you wouldn’t bring that up again!!

Sirius Black: sry pete, desperate times call for desperate measures


James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: make sure to check us out at our new time of 7:00pm fridays!!

Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: you do realise no-one actually watches this show

Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted: he’s right you know

James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted: i hate both of u


Lily Evans to James Potter: can u stop making jokes about lamps

James Potter: i don’t know what u filamean


Peter Pettigrew to wes anderson is better than quentin taratino and you know it james: ALMOST 10K PEOPLE LISTENED IN LAST NIGHT

James Potter: HOLY SHIT

Lily Evans: james u owe me $50 and your 1st edition copy of the great gatsby

James Potter: i’d rather die

Lily Evans: then die, jim

Remus Lupin: christ

Sirius Black: u called??

Peter Pettigrew: what even is this group chat


James Potter to Lily Evans: was that u tearing up i saw in the sound booth when i was reading out my piece about foreshadowing in the simpsons

Lily Evans: i was tearing up over how bad it was

Lily Evans: there was something in my eye

Lily Evans: i think it was your complete lack of a writing style

James Potter: stop it


Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted: petition to kick sirius out of the group chat bc he won’t stop talking about scooby doo conspiracy theories at 3am

Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: i can scooby do what i want

Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted: blocked


James Potter to Sirius Black: WHERE ARE YOU WE’RE ON IN 5

James Potter: sirs

James Potter: where r you

Sirius Black: ran in tp regulus at the cineplex

James Potter: where are you now

Sirius Black: field next to cneplex

James Potter: don’t move


James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: sorry that there was no show this week folks!! sirius got mauled by a bear and i had to drive up to toronto to help amputate his right arm

Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted: @jimsradio who’s going to wank you off now

Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: @remuslupout bitch im left-handed


Sirius Black to velma, daphne and fred: i’m sure evans would do it for you james

Lily Evans: you want to lose the other arm black


Peter Pettigrew to cry me a river lupin: maybe we should make our group chats accessible to the public to get more hits

James Potter: i would but no one wants to see screenshots of sirius in a bra

Sirius Black: by no-one do you mean everyone


James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: thank you guys so much for 20k hits the other night!! more content coming


Sirius Black to bitches bitchin: GRAHAM NORTON TONIGHT BITCHES

Lily Evans: are you sober

Sirius Black: am i ever sober

Lily Evans: good point


James Potter to sirius stop changing the group chat name while graham is in the middle of asking you questions: i think that went well

Lily Evans: james im leaving you for graham norton

Sirius Black: not if i leave him first


Severus Snape (@halfbloodprince) tweeted: @jimsradio feel like keeping your hands off my co-host you wanker??


James Potter to i haven’t been able to listen to eyes on fire by blue foundation since they played it over bella and ryan’s scene in eyewitness: how are we gonna handle this

James Potter: my vote is firmly rooted in manslaughter

Lily Evans: leave it to me

Lily Evans: but keep manslaughter as a backup


Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted: @halfbloodprince i wonder what it’d be like to not be so ridiculously self-involved as to impose yourself where you’re strictly not wanted?

Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted: @halfbloodprince stay out of my life or you’ll be receiving numerous calls from my lawyer


Lily Evans to manslaughter: yes or no: its sorted

Sirius Black: you don’t even have a lawyer

Lily Evans: he doesn’t know that


James Potter to Lily Evans: whats a rlly interesting and extensive subject we could cover this week

Lily Evans: milk

James Potter: excellent


Lily Evans to tangled is so much better than frozen: im at the studio and i have liquor

Sirius Black: be there in 5

Peter Pettigrew: can u pick me up

Sirius Black: McNo™

Remus Lupin: i regret the day i gave u that keyboard shortcut

Sirius Black: i dont


James Potter to Lily Evans: r u ok

Lily Evans: fine just sistet stuff

James Potter: u sound trashed

Lily Evans: thsts bc i Am

James Potter: where r u

Lily Evans: blcony

Lily Evans: jim

Lily Evans: can u tak e me hpme

Lily Evans: jaems

Lily Evans: i love you


Lily Evans to James Potter: what did i say last night

James Potter: nothing its fine

James Potter: don’t worry about it

Lily Evans: i am worried about it

James Potter: don’t be

James Potter: see you at work


Remus Lupin to James Potter: whats goin on between u two

James Potter: ???

Remus Lupin: you know what i mean

Remus Lupin: you keep looking at her and looking away

Remus Lupin: she keeps forgetting to give you your queues

James Potter: probably distracted by that hickey on your neck

Remus Lupin: i TOLD you i FELL OVER


Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted: thank you guys so much for 100k! i’ve made @jimsradio promise to change his username if we make it to 1mil in the next two months

Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: he should change it to @wanker

Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted: i checked its already taken by @halfbloodprince


Sirius Black to james potter and co: can you and evans stop eye-fucking during the sets

James Potter changed the chat name to i dont know what you’re talking about.

Sirius Black changed the chat name to yes u do.

James Potter changed the chat name to do not.

Sirius Black changed the chat name to do too.

James Potter changed the chat name to do not.

Remus Lupin: you guys know she’s getting all of these right

James Potter: shit


Lily Evans to James Potter: u have something u want to tell me

James Potter: i’d rather do it in person,,,,,if thats ok

Lily Evans: only if we announce our engagement during a set

James Potter: deal


James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted: we hit 1mil! also @liljane and i are fucking

Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted: about time

Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted: you don’t say

Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted: i do say

Peter Pettigrew (@petepettigrew) retweeted: im blocking both of u

Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted: r u gonna hold up your end of the bargain @jimsradio

James Potter changed his username to @lilandjimsradio.

Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted: nice

@thunderboltsortofapenny said: No no let’s do this! Why would steve need to be fake married. Or why would bucky need to be fake married to Steve. We need a reason. #Viper do the thing #It’ll be fun!

So I did the thing, and it’s stupid and terrible, but here, have it:


Bucky’s an EMT. Normal guy, just living his life, trying to help where he can. And then one day, all of a sudden, the aliens are invading NYC, and Bucky’s out there helping, right in the middle of the danger zone because of course he is.

There’s a fight going on, and a bunch of freaks in weird suits seem to be fighting the aliens, but Bucky doesn’t have much time to focus on anything other than all the people in dire need of medical attention. He does what he can to help, grabs the first metal bar he can find and fights only the aliens getting in his way, and works himself to exhaustion. Then there’s a blast, and it sends a man flying right into the wall next to him.

“Hey, you okay?” Bucky asks, rushing to help him, and though Bucky could’ve sworn the blow was hard enough to crush anyone’s ribs, he’s surprised to see the man–who must’ve been on his way to a costume party–stand up practically unscathed.

He’s got broad shoulders and a strong jaw and eyes of the prettiest shade of blue Bucky’s ever seen, and even with his face covered in soot and grime and blood, Bucky’s heart skips a beat.

For a few seconds the man seems a bit disoriented, then he finally registers Bucky’s presence. “What are you doing here?? Get out of the streets!”

“I was–” Bucky starts, and is cut off by an explosion right above their heads and a bunch of debris raining down on them, and a hand shoving him aside.

When he comes to, which is a surprise in itself, the dust has started to clear, and the man who’s clearly saved his life is carrying him as if he weighed nothing, concern in those beautiful eyes and a big, warm hand pressed tenderly against Bucky’s neck, checking for a pulse.

He locks eyes with Bucky and sighs in relief, the hint of a smile on his plush lips, but the hand remains where it is. “Hi,” he says. “You all right?”

“Y-yeah… Thank you,” Bucky replies, but he doesn’t move to free himself of the man’s arms. His stomach is doing something weird, and the man surely has other people to rescue, but for a few seconds they both just stay there, shell-shocked and staring at each other like the world around them has stopped.

Then something blows up nearby, and the spell is broken.

Carefully, the man helps him to his feet, makes sure Bucky’s in one piece, and then says, “Find shelter, okay? Stay inside.”

Bucky’s not planning to, but he can’t find it in him to tell that to this incredible man, so he slowly licks his lips and nods. Before turning around to leave, the man offers him a small, shy smile.

- - - - -

During the next few weeks after the Chitauri attack on NYC, every single piece of footage of the Avengers fighting against the aliens and helping civilians goes viral. Phone videos, security cameras, blurry pics.

The most popular, by far, is a snapshot of Captain America carrying a guy, who can be seen fighting aliens and helping people in other videos, bridal style, thumb caressing his jaw, and both looking like lovestruck teenagers.

Bucky can’t go to the grocery store or even do his job without being stalked by the paparazzi or Cap’s groupies or just random people wanting to know what his Avenger name is, and for how long he’s been dating Captain America.

- - - - -

“You’ve ruined my life!!” Bucky tells him, because of course, of course Captain America would pick Bucky’s park for his morning run. Of course Bucky’d slip on wet leaves on the pavement precisely this morning, and of fucking course Captain America would just happen to be around to catch him at just the right time. Bucky’s seeing red.

“I’m sorry,” Captain America says, and it’s extremely unfair just how genuine and how much like a kicked puppy he looks.

Christ, Bucky wants to punch him.

- - - - -

Steve’s been living in PR hell.

He’s spent the past weeks “saving” girls and boys alike from getting hit by a bicycle, or fainting, or a fuckton of equally stupid shit.

The second anyone spots Captain America, there’ll suddenly be some kind of dangerous situation going down, and someone hoping Cap will carry them bridal style to safety and maybe fall head over heels in love with them in the process.

Steve is tired and done and ready to get back in the ice for another few decades, and shares Pepper’s worries that someone might actually put themself in real danger soon.

“We should handle this before it gets worse,” Nat says. And Steve agrees, of course, but he just doesn’t know how.

“Just marry the guy,” Clint suggests.

Steve almost chokes to death on his own spit.

“WHAT?”

Clint shrugs. “Why not? Half the world already thinks you’re dating…”

“Clint, he hates me…”

“Only cause people keep pestering him about this. If you two get married it’ll be a circus, but then it’ll blow over. He can’t even do his job right now, right? So you pay the guy for the trouble, yadda yadda, then when this is over you two get a quick divorce, and that’s it. Problem solved.”

For two minutes, no one else opens their mouth. Then:

“He’s got a point…”

“Tony, no,” Steve whines.

“You saw the footage, how he was helping those civilians… If you have to marry someone, he’s not a bad candidate,” Nat says, and then smirks. “Plus, he’s cute.”

Steve already knows he’s lost this battle, but that doesn’t help him feel any better about this. Yes, he’s cute. Yes, he’s a brave and kind and smart guy. Yes, Steve could very easily pretend to be married to him for a while and yes it’d help them both. None of that’s the problem.

The problem is that he kind of really likes the guy.

The problem is that the guy hates him.

This is a really, really bad idea.

hugealienpie  asked:

I see prompts are open yay! Please tell me all about Ford finding out about Bitty and Jack.

Ooh, this is interesting, because I don’t feel like it’d be an announcement, but just something Ford finds out when Jack visits or the like. I mean, it could go the other way, like Lardo could be, “heads up, Bitty’s dating our ex-captain” and Ford would be like, “okay? why are you telling me?” (She’s a theatre background, what is a Bad Bob to her?) I think she’d be pretty chill with it, and coming from theatre, like being gay is not an issue, esp in college (and even at the professional level) and esp if we go with the oft reblogged “Ford is gay” headcanon.

But here is a small fic that is only half based on the above…

Ford double checks the dozens of pages Lardo has given her for the upcoming roadie. She thought dealing with dressing room allocation was hard (and it is, one hundred percent) but figuring out room allocations is somehow worse, particularly when she’s new, and hockey players are more superstitious than the girl who played Johanna in Sweeney.

“So, who was it I’m meant to pair Oliver with?” Ford asks, grabbing for the red pen she’d stuck into her bun earlier. She comes out with a green one. It’ll do.

“Wicks. But really, he’d be fine with any of the guys in his year.”

Ford makes a note on one of the pages. “Okay, then I think I’m–Oh, shit.”

“What is it?” Lardo looks up from her sketchbook.

Ford double checks through all her sheets before she says anything. She’s not worrying, because there’s no time for that, she’s just already hating the amount of extra work she’ll need to do to fix things.

“I’ve left Eric, um, Bitty,” Ford corrects herself, still getting used to hockey nicknames, “off the rooming list.”

“Oh, that. Nah, you’re good.” Lardo goes back to her drawing. “He stays with his boyfriend when we’re playing up there.”

“Boyfriend?” Ford double-checks.

“Yeah. He’s in Providence. And he’ll drive Bitty to the games and practices and stuff. Should’ve emailed you that. My bad.”

“That’s fine.” Ford grabs another pen from her hair, forgetting she already has one in front of her. It’s red this time. “Just thought I was going to have to redo an entire afternoon’s worth of work.”

“Right,” Lardo says. “I can see why the minor freak out.”

“Excuse you, I did not freak out.” It’s half a lie. Ford has so many notes on these sheets, but she’s not freaking out, she’s managing. It’s all part of it.

Lardo looks up and smiles at her. “Knew you’d be fine at this.”

Ford takes the compliment with a gracious nod, and goes back to ticking off the rooming list against the team names. All accept Eric.

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Quiet - Bucky x Reader - One Shot

Originally posted by deniz-is-a-witch


A/N -  Thanks so much for the ongoing support for all the one shots I keep spamming you guys with. Any requests would be appreciated 

Bucky x Reader - Bucky gets jealous over Steve’s constant need to save you.

Warnings: Fluff, mentions of smut.

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3

Alright, HERE we go! Awhile ago I had an idea for a MP100/Voltron crossover, and after mentioning it to @x-i-l-verify​ and loooots of brainstorming later, we have…*gestures vaguely* this. These are more or less screenshot redraws just to kind of get across who is who. :) More info, reasonings and musings under the cut, because well…it got long…

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Knuckles : Boxer!Ashton (Part 2)

sorry it took so long! special thank u to Ashley (@thesaltyspice) for helping me come up with ideas for this a million years ago xx

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six

“Look at that one.”

“That one over there?”

“Yeah,” you confirm with a pout. “I want it.”

Ashton chuckles and looks to you at his side. “That’s the fourth dog you’ve said you wanted since we got here.”

It’s true, but you can’t help it. You always get dog-envy at the farmers’ market, exposed to too many cute pups at once for your little heart to handle.

“We should get one,” you say passively, adoring a large german shepherd trotting by with its owner. “Y'know, if we ever live together.”

Ashton smirks, turning his head. “I love how you’re not even worried about scaring me with plans for the future.”

Your cheeks redden, having not noticed the implications when you said it. It’s only been three months since the fight that started it all, since you and Ashton agreed to give your relationship a title, and you suppose you should be more careful about vocalizing your whimsical thoughts. Your guard just naturally falls around him, the pressure to play safe wiped away by his equal and obvious feelings toward you. Talk of commitment doesn’t affect him the way it does most people. If Ashton was going to run, he would’ve done so by now.

You glance down at his fingers between yours, smiling because you don’t think he’s let go of your hand all day. With his hectic training schedule for another upcoming fight and your demanding attendance at university four days a week, the two of you have recently been missing each other more than actually seeing each other, and it appears Ashton wants to make up for lost time in the form of suffocating your palm–not that you mind. For someone whose fists can be classified as lethal weapons, he has quite a gentle grip when it comes to you.

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MBTI types based on people I actually know

I got this idea off @entjheda and decided to do it based on the people I know!

ISFP

  • You complete me <3
  • Literally we have reverse functions so you need me too HAHA
  • Will cry if made fun of. May not do it in public. But will come home and cry for hours
  • Appreciates other people’s weirdness and accepts them for who they are
  • My lil bbys essentially

ESFP

  • Stop Trying To Beat Me In Sass
  • might be more funny than me what huh who said that
  • Likes to be the Dad Friend
  • Is not always the Dad Friend
  • Pair them with an INTJ I dare I double dare you
  • Up for literally any form of entertainment ever

ISFJ

  • Mom Friend x 100000
  • Somehow always knows what to say to make you feel better
  • Probably uses witchcraft to do this
  • Very very very very very very emotional
  • But bounces back after a hella long time of Coping

ESFJ

  • Gets offended easily
  • “What do you mean you don’t adhere to the social norms”
  • Worries a lot
  • Just wants harmony and peace 
  • Kind of annoying because Fi v Fe but tries to improve always

ISTJ

  • REALLY LIKES RULES
  • gets stressed out when you don’t adhere to the rules
  • Is actually pretty chill (as long as you keep to the rules)
  • Cares so much when you are upset. Will hug you when you are upset.
  • I wish I appreciated you more when you were around tbh

ESTJ

  • Ne. That’s all I’m going to say.
  • Could be the Dad Friend. Gets yelled at when they try to Dad Friend me though.
  • Responsibilities™
  • Will never leave you on your own drunk and dying in a club (but will make fun of you the morning after)

ISTP

  • Problematic Fave
  • Very Problematic Fave
  • Likes the same weird nerdy obscure shit but hides it under layers of Social Skills Inferior Fe
  • Gets embarrassed very easily
  • Is fun to embarrass very easily
  • Pretends not to care but cares a lot 

ESTP

  • Urgh
  • Why are they so attractive
  • And make you feel so special inside
  • But turns out they are Openly Fuckboiz
  • You knew this all along but you still went for it 
  • Pair with an ENTJ and you get a fun spontaneous bromance 

INTP

  • I’ve met a wide range of INTPs going from extremely stubborn fascist to a good very smart no-nonsense friend
  • Great to live with because they are so quiet 
  • Not even sure if they exist properly because so quiet
  • So nerdy but so unashamed
  • BE MORE SPONTANEOUS AND FUN CARPE THE DIEM

ENTP

  • Absolute partner in crime. 
  • Has the sass and the wit, lacks the planning of anything
  • Strong Independent Woman 
  • Snapchat game is almost better than mine 
  • Needs a lot of introvert time though but its ok they’ll be back

INTJ

  • You guys are deep
  • And you spend a lot of time in your room contemplating the univerise
  • Which is great because we reach the same conclusions except I do it through experiencing the world
  • they’re very loyal when they like you
  • and you definitely know when they Do Not

ENTJ

  • I’ve actually never met another one of me 
  • Which is very weird
  • No wait I do have this one female friend
  • Alpha Female ™
  • Very hardworking and studious and smart but will have minor breakdowns if things don’t go according to plan
  • Will Peer Review you 
  • Without you asking

INFJ

  • emo
  • so emo
  • “I can’t hang out today I feel like you deserve so much better friend than me and am contemplating the universe”
  • Very thoughtful and will remember things you said you liked from 3 months ago
  • Will also get you to somehow spill your deepest darkest thoughts 
  • And then disappear into the night because emo

ENFJ

  • ???????
  • where do you find these
  • seriously I know NO ONE of this type
  • NOT ONE
  • I imagine you’re kinda like Zooey Deschanel
  • In which case pls don’t Manic Pixie Girl around me 

INFP

  • Best Friend ™ and Cinnamon Roll ™ 
  • Really really nervous socially
  • But gives A+ emotional advice
  • Very loyal, but wobbles a bit
  • Needs you to protect them at all times
  • Likes romantic comedies

ENFP

  • Other Best Friend ™ and Cinnamon Roll ™
  • Protect them, they’re naive and oblivious - I’m just going to copy this from someone else because it’s TRUE
  • Literally will overlook anything if you are nice to them once
  • Will be a puddle of tears inside if there is conflict
  • Just wants to be loved 
  • Is loved ferociously
JOURNAL 3 BLACKLIGHT EDITION REVEALED! (Part 1)

Today’s a special day! Today is not only Father’s Day, but Alex and Ariel Hirsch’s birthday! Let’s celebrate by cracking open your copy of Journal 3, prepping your blacklight and invisible ink pens, and jotting down everything here in the special edition so you can have a copy for yourself without resorting to eBay or shady second-hand Craigslist deals!

I was lucky number 02149 to get a copy of the special edition of Journal 3. Well, lucky as in “I could afford to buy it and pre-ordered it back in March the exact day I heard about it going on sale.” Still, I am PSYCHED to share this with everyone! Admittedly I didn’t take photos of every single page – only the ones with black-light effects that were more than ink spatters. Some I had to take [kinda big] pictures of individually, to be able to read the text properly, and others were multi-page spreads that I couldn’t resist capturing in their beautiful glowy glory.

Of course I’ll be captioning them all for you, in case you can’t download/read them. Also, there’s a few secret codes in here! But did you really expect anything less? Also also, this is a 9 page word document (not counting pics), so I’m splitting it up into 3 parts. Especially considering the size of these pictures. 

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Meet You Downstairs

Read on AO3

As Jack descends in the elevator to the basement, it strikes him that he never knew his condo building had a rental suite. Between his hockey commitments and hermit tendencies, there’s still a lot about his own home he doesn’t know despite living here for six years. It’s part of the reason he offered to help out around the building: to keep himself social during the summer season. His parents talked a lot about building a community of friends outside of work, and he knows his way around a toolbox so. Why not?

The basement is… really creepy, actually, reserved for the storage lockers and recycling bins. Even the parking garage is a level up and more inviting than this. There’s only one hallway so Jack follows it, certain he’s going the right way when he hears the voice through the wall.

“It’s fine, Mama. I know you wanted to help me pick out a place but this one is great. It’s in a nice neighbourhood, very secure… Yes, I got your pepper spray in the care package, but please, this is Providence, not New York City.”

Jack doesn’t mean to eavesdrop but he can’t help but notice how young this guy sounds. In a building where the average condo sells for over two million dollars, most of the neighbours he sees in the halls are retirees or working professionals. There aren’t many parties, which he appreciates.

He knocks on the cheap wooden door which rattles in the hinges. No wonder they’re renting this room out instead of selling, he thinks. There’s shuffling on the other side, and Jack hears the boy… man say “Goodness, I think the custodian is here already… of course I have pie who do you think I am? Call you back, love you.”

The door opens and there’s a lingering moment of silence as they each look at the person across from them. This guy looks to be a few years younger than Jack, a bit shorter, lean but with well-defined muscles he can see quite clearly thanks to him wearing the shortest shorts that could possibly be considered not-underwear. He’s staring. Oh boy, he’s staring and he needs to not be doing that so he drags his eyes up and they stall on the loose neckline of his tank top.  

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Misguided (M)

Originally posted by y-ta

SUMMARY: After a run in with one of Johnny’s fellow frat brothers, you had thought he had just been after one thing. But when, not only Johnny himself, but with the help of your friends, they helped you realize that you had made some very misguided judgments. // “What tastes better than it smells?”

GENRE/WARNINGS: Fraternity/College!AU // It’s honestly mostly fluff with smut thrown in at the end. This is part of a collab with @versigny and a bunch of other writers. You can read the prologue here.

WORDS: 14.5k.

A/N: I died 3x over writing this. That is all.

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Sterek A-Z Challenge: one word prompts

Week 15: O - Oops

The bell over the coffee shop door announced Derek’s arrival with a merry jingle a little after 11 in the evening. Derek shuffled the strap of his messenger bag higher on his shoulder and shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his leather jacket.

The shop was almost empty at that hour. Only a few students writing their first papers of the new term and a couple of regular night owls were scattered through the shop. His usual seat in the far corner, where he could sit with his back against the wall and keep watch, was open.

Derek dropped his bag on the small table and shrugged his jacket off to drape over the back of his claimed seat. The young woman at the register was new, which could be potentially problematic. Derek didn’t recognize her, but she smiled cheerfully when he approached.

“What can I get you?” she chirped. Her heartbeat fluttered nervously as her scent sweetened with clear want. Definitely problematic.

Derek paused a moment. “I don’t know,” he answered honestly. He wasn’t sure his drink had a name.

“Oh, well, we have different speciality coffees and teas,” the barista said and gestured to the menu board behind her. “If you want something-”

“I got this!” Stiles slid out of the back room, arms flailing to keep his balance. “Yo,” he said, greeting Derek with a lazy salute, and Derek snorted. His roommate was ridiculous. “Super awesome Stilinski special as dark as your soul, coming right up.”

“Right,” Derek said, gravitating down the bar towards Stiles. “No cinnamon this time.”

“Sure thing.” Stiles flipped a large paper cup into the air and fumbled to catch it, which made Derek chuckle.

When Stiles called him earlier that year, it had been a bit of a shock. Derek had been living in a cabin upstate that he and Laura had bought years ago. He had finally achieved vengeance for his family when he ripped out Kate’s throat and burned her body deep in the woods, but Beacon Hills wasn’t home anymore, so he hadn’t gone back. Now he wished he had.

At first, Derek hadn’t been sure the small voice on the other end of the phone had actually been Stiles, and not something trying to lure him back to Beacon Hills because the Stiles on the other end of the line had been quiet, almost hesitant, and unsure. As if Stiles hadn’t believed he deserved Derek’s help. Definitely not at all the hyperactive, chatterbox he had left behind. They both carried heavy scars, but that was fine.

Before Derek knew it, he had a new roommate and was driving across the country to pick Stiles up the day he got his diploma. Stiles hadn’t been home since, and the Sheriff was worried.

The barista asked Derek what the drink was so she could ring it up as Stiles ducked out of sight to retrieve milk out of the fridge below the counter.

“I don’t know,” Derek said again. “Something chocolate?”

Derek always had the same drink whenever he came in, but he didn’t know what it was because Stiles had never told him. It probably didn’t have a name. The first time he picked Stiles up, Stiles had whipped something up and shoved it into his hands.

Stiles’ head popped back up over the espresso bar. The steamer hissed to life, and Stiles laughed. “Don’t worry about it, Sam. It’s on me,” he said and winked at Derek.

Derek hadn’t paid for a drink yet.

The drink Stiles handed off to Derek smelled overly sweet and chocolatey, and was piled so high with whipped cream drizzled with chocolate and caramel that the topping threatened to spill over. He wasn’t sure how Stiles knew about his sweet tooth, but he shouldn’t have been surprised.

“Here ya go, big guy,” Stiles said and grinned. “Extra sweet and fluffy. Just like you.”

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Talks Machina Highlights (Spoilers through E86)
  • Secret Denise message of the week: “He who sees my face will be cursed for a thousand years.” As you do.
  • Sam makes his entrance gagged and with his hands tied while the rest of the cast points and yells “shaaame” at him.
  • Laura thought Scanlan was screwing with them and kept waiting for him to turn around.Travis notes that they can usually talk people out of that kind of choice, and Marisha realized Scanlan was actually leaving when the conversation started going around in circles and there were no easy solutions.
  • Taryon was not supposed to appear in 85 at all. Midway through the show, Matt called Sam over and told him Taryon was going in tonight. “Why?” Matt: “’Cause… why not?” At that point, Sam had virtually no backstory planned for Taryon and didn’t even have Doty named yet. Matt: “…I can say that was a miscommunication and I thought that was the intent?” Matt told Sam they’d figure out Taryon once the party knew where they were going next, and Sam took that to mean in the next episode, so Matt sort of accidentally threw him in at the deep end.
  • Sam: “I did not do any of that to hurt you as people or characters, I did not mean any sort of betrayal by it. It just felt like the right thing to do… and the tasty way to do it.” Taliesin notes he’s had e-mails after a break-up that sounded just like that. Matt was tense through the whole thing.
  • Taliesin: “You’ve proven that we can bring in a new character and it works.” Liam keeps thinking of the pre-stream game and missing Scanlan. Marisha realized she was putting away her d12s because she only ever used them when Scanlan gave her inspiration.
  • Vex felt like she and Scanlan really understood each other because they both put up fronts, and now she’s starting to doubt that.
  • Liam notes that Scanlan was the only one who really managed to get through to Vax during his nosedive.
  • While Scanlan was out, Sam had time to think about how Scanlan would feel when he woke up, and he couldn’t really justify why Scanlan would stick around. He thought it would be really difficult to make it seem believable for Scanlan to stick around when he was that miserable, so a break made sense.
  • Liam: “With a little space from this, it was brilliant.”
  • Sam: “Some of the things that Vex said to Scanlan changed his plan. My initial intent was to leave solo, alone, and you guys all convinced me to stay with Kaylie.”
  • Liam points out that VM doesn’t really keep their guard down anymore, so they’re pretty wary of Taryon, although Grog’s on board now that they’ve beat him up (”I’ve done all the insight checking that’s needed”), and Percy’s on board because he’s excited to have a nerd-buddy and a very useful distraction.
  • It was Grog’s idea to beat up Tary and Doty, because he was worried about them possibly getting the rest of his friends killed if they weren’t able to hold their own.
  • Laura points out it was more of an audition than a hazing–they did it to their staff at the Keep. Marisha reminisces that she turned into a giant scorpion for the first time during that scene and scared off a lot of them on the spot. Vex shot an arrow at Jarrett, and he side-stepped and made eye contact, and she knew he’d be sticking around.
  • Taryon is inspired by the likes of Richard Branson and Tony Stark. The pitch to Matt: “I wanna be a guy with no skill at all who has bought everything he can do, if he has a problem he just throws money at it, and he wants to be a brave, daring adventurer and has no skill to back it up,” and Matt immediately thought of the artificer class. Matt: “In theory, without any of his equipment, he’d be a level 2. The equipment’s what brings him up to level 13.”
  • Percy stopped feeling threatened by Taryon when he realized he needed magic to build his stuff. “We can do a Bruce Banner-Tony Stark kind of thing.” Sam points out that Taliesin actually knows some of the stuff Percy talks about, whereas the simple machines Taryon talked about so condescendingly were the actual limit of Sam’s technical knowledge.
  • Marisha leans towards Keyleth mostly just using the elemental spells that she’s completed her Aramente for.
  • Vex thought of Scanlan as the dad of the group, the one you went to if you didn’t know what else to do. Sam, whispering: “…I’m so sad right now.”
  • Brian: “The first person who can open a fucking door should be the leader of Vox Machina forever.”
  • Liam on Vax: he was a total fuck-up, didn’t have a purpose, and that got flipped on its head. Vax thinks another shoe is gonna drop from the Raven Queen, but he’s not rushing towards that; he wants a little private time. “It’s a weird thing, being Fate-Touched in a game of chance.” He’s currently waiting for instruction, but doesn’t really know where to go. From Matt’s perspective, the Raven Queen’s set him on a path and has outlined the general direction, and until that path needs to be corrected, she’ll leave him to keep walking. But without training, Vax doesn’t really know how that connection works.
  • Travis thinks Grog would do okay one-on-one against Kevdak now.
  • A fan points out that Matt was silent for 18 minutes during the party’s confrontation with Scanlan. Matt loved it, because it let him become a member of the audience. “That’s the reward for all the hard work.”
  • Matt re: Keyleth potentially taking on True Resurrection as a ninth-level spell: “There’s an interesting disconnect between the mechanics of the game and a realistic narrative.” He feels that there needs to be a necessary, very important purpose for that person that didn’t get completed. Marisha mentions that there are some spells that Keyleth wouldn’t be comfortable with (same as Pike not using some spells), and that True Resurrection would be difficult. She’s excited about True Polymorph, though.
  • Matt had to tell Sam that Scanlan did not hear Grog’s contribution to the resurrection ritual–Grog unfortunately failed his contribution. Sam: “I will say as Sam Riegel listening to Travis Willingham’s song… legit tears.”
  • Doty is not quite as strong as rules-as-written, but is a little smarter so he can read and write. Liam: “But can he love?”
  • Matt points out that a lot of the show’s narrative stems from relationships, so it seemed natural that romances would start up in the game. Laura: “[Liam and Marisha] had to deal with all of us acting like asshole fucking schoolchildren.” Travis: “I just want the story to be good. I just want nudity and good story. I don’t care where it’s from.”
  • Marisha and Liam went out to lunch to talk Vax/Keyleth once it looked like things were heading that way to make sure everyone was on board and comfortable with it.
  • Sam thinks Scanlan would be very skeptical of Taryon and would think he’s an asshole and would be on board with pretty much everything that’s happened.
  • Liam hopes for a bit of overlap between Scanlan and Taryon. Sam: “Oh god…”
  • Sam honestly doesn’t know if we’ve seen the last of Scanlan.
  • Percy does not want to return to Whitestone in a permanent sense at all, but Taliesin notes that it doesn’t matter, because he has to, and he understands that responsibility’s part of being titled. He doesn’t think Percy will ever take power, but if it comes up, he has ideas of how he could be useful.
  • Brian: “Is there anything special you want to do for episode 100?” Liam: “Wear some pants, please.” Matt: “No. Never.”
  • Matt sighs heavily when everyone suggests a bodyswapping episode. Sam: “We’re doing it, Matt. Someday.” Matt: “…so hackneyed.”
  • Brian: “Oh, I forgot about Alpha! Probably because it hasn’t worked for months.”

After-Dark:

  • Sam would be down for playing both Scanlan and Taryon.
  • Everyone was pretty okay with Taryon not knowing their names. Marisha: “That seems like something we’d do.”
  • Brian asks where the giant mug is right now. Sam points out that it’s literally sitting on a shelf behind Brian, in the same shot as him. Sam’s new mug was a gift from Laura ages ago.
  • At the time, Vex thought hanging onto the deck was the smart thing to do, but after the conversation with Scanlan, she decided it was better to give it back to Grog. Travis had games and games of guilt-trips planned. Percy was planning to build fake magical cards with a bit of flashpowder.
  • Matt reveals that Fenthras was already Exalted when Vex got it. Laura, slumping dejectedly and extremely dramatically on the couch: “Fucking hell, I’ve got all this fuckin’ shit I’ve been working on!”
  • Exalted is the next level after Awakened for Vestiges. More info in the campaign guide.
  • Liam: “What if Pike was hit with love at first sight for Taryon?” Everyone just goes silent while they ponder that.
Jake English fucking loves booty shorts, guys. Also: Dirk Strider.

I really could not believe it when I heard some people say Jake wears booty shorts because Dirk is a Predatory Gay and made him do so, but here we are. In any case, it took me forever to realize this, so it’s worth pointing out.

Jake uses his clothes to express his inclinations more than maybe any other one of the kids. Jake himself foreshadows his future inclination towards gear that shows off his ass…ets:

Frankly, I don’t think much else needs to be said there? There’s a canonical reason Jake dresses the way he dresses, and that reason is that Jake likes tomb raiders and sexy-looking action heroines, and he wants to be a sexy action hero and look sexy doing it. That’s really all there is to it.

…Or it would be, except that unlike Jake’s relationship with fighting, Jake actually experiences struggles and complications relating to looking sexy, and becomes insecure and vulnerable due to the way people treat him as a sex object.

It’s no surprise this happens. Jake has a list of sexual/romantic voyeurs and aggressors, and his discomfort and trauma in this area is an integral part of his character. 

Early on, Obviously, there’s the AR, who’s lasciviousness is so well-documented I don’t think it’s worth repeating here. 

But Dirk breaks it down nicely for us. Dirk himself makes no appearance on this list, seeing as he had no control over the AR and never even remotely speaks to Jake that way when they talk to each other.

Brobot is often accused of being a sexual aggressor as well. This belief is based on two quotes from the story:

This one, from AR. The thing is, AR is known for being pretty hyperbolic and overly sexual about pretty much all situations–kind of like a 13 year kid would be, you know? 

What Jake himself says about the Brobot’s actions is much more indicative of the nature of the Brobot’s actions. Specifically:

Jake describes the Brobot as tender. And Tender is a specific word with specific, almost memetic meaning in Homestuck:

A meaning that only a juvenile teenager LIKE the Auto-Responder would consider sexual. Or at least, someone similarly trapped in immaturity.


Yeah. I know fanon is really pervasive about this idea that the Brobot was on the list of sexual aggressors, but the only real implication the canon itself makes is that it was doing tame proposals and handholds like this. That’s what Jake is referring to. It becomes problematic for him, but only because of the AR’s taunting and the fact that he and Dirk can’t figure out how to talk about it. 

Brain Ghost Dirk makes some comments to this effect, however–likely reflecting the way the AR has messed with Jake’s head and successfully made him conflate the way the AR sees him and the way Dirk sees him. Even after the AR stops being an active presence in Jake’s life, it still makes its impact known through BGD’s characterization. 

We also have no reason to believe Dirk even knows Brain Ghost Dirk exists, let alone has any active say in what he says or how he acts, either. BGD is, after all, predominantly Jake’s brain–and thus a reflection of, at best, how he THINKS Dirk sees him. 

Note how even though Jake fully expects Brain Ghost Dirk to make lascivious and leery comments to him, he never expects Brain Ghost Dirk to try to touch him in a way he doesn’t want to be touched. On top of that, In fact, Jake makes a point of noting that Dirk is more conscientious towards him than either the AR or Brain Ghost Dirk:

And then, of course Jane literally threatens Jake with sexual slavery (while corrupted by an evil supercomputer):

So yeah, Jake is pretty uncomfortable with being seen as sexy by the time Aranea gets to him. It wouldn’t be unreasonable if the idea of being seen as sexy–or even just wearing short shorts–was ruined for him completely.

It wouldn’t even be unreasonable if his image of Dirk was tarnished, even though Dirk wasn’t really responsible for what was happening any more than he was. 

But different people respond to trauma differently. And once Aranea objectifies him completely and renders him a tool–literally lightning him up and making it so ALL EYES are on him right when Jake feels most exposed and vulnerable, Jake responds in a pretty peculiar way.

With his Hope powers unlocked, Jake could theoretically do anything. Send hordes of angels to attack, make himself invisible, bring Grandma back from the dead…given what Jake actually ends up doing, it doesn’t make much sense to imagine arbitrary limits on his power. Because what Jake does when he needs to feel safe is make his imaginary friend real.


Again: Making something fake real is, by definition, pretty much the hardest thing to do–both in real life, and to convey compellingly narratively. 

Even Jake teleporting his grandma from the past and reviving her to come protect him would be more reasonable a storytelling move than Jake being able to create matter and a personality out of thin air. You would only need Time and Space powers to theoretically pull of that absurd feat, so it would technically be possible to accomplish.

Making your imaginary friend real, though? That’s completely impossible for everyone, everywhere. Except for Jake English. 

But Jake English can do anything, which means what we actually does reflects not only what he wants, but what he wants MORE than anything else possible to him. 

And what he wants is Dirk Strider, coming to his rescue and keeping him safe from his latest aggressor. Kinda like Brobot always protected Jake from feeling unsafe when he was threatened:

Brain Ghost Dirk even calls himself Jake’s boyfriend, and this is after Dirk broke up with him and he worried about not being able to love anyone:

And right before Dirk breaks them off, while Jake is in trickster form and completely uninhibited, he confesses feelings to Dirk and makes a point to note he was willing to be romantically involved with him:

And luckily, as for his relationship with his shorts, Jake had a good pal give him some advice and boost his self-confidence:

And over the course of [S] Credits, Jake apparently patches things up enough with Dirk that they’re living together and can comfortably fight for fun like he always wanted. On top of that, he’s recovered his confidence in his image enough that he can act out the sexy superhero fantasy he loved so much:

Both his relationship with Dirk and his relationship with his body are sorted out, and Jake’s now happy and comfortable with himself. How it happened, exactly? Who knows–there’s as many different ways it could’ve gone down as you can imagine. But the fact is, it did. And it was laid out this way from the beginning. 

What’s the exact nature of Dirk and Jake’s arrangement? Not really relevant. What we know is that they’re living together, that Jake was always willing to have a relationship with him and that never stopped being a thing, and that Jake trusts Dirk with his safety over literally anything else.

What we know is that they’re best friends and mutually romantically interested in each other, whether or not they decide to pursue that. 

We also know Jake always liked dressing sexy so long as he was safe and didn’t have to worry about people dehumanizing him. And in this new world, he can do that as much as he wants, too:

Anyway Jake English is the best character in Homestuck and he’s happy with his boyfriend Dirk canonically, and he’s also happy and comfortable with his body while doing it because that was never the issue when he was with Dirk.

Tomorrow I should be following this up with one last Jake post–this one talking about how Jake is way way smarter than everyone thinks he is. You know. Except for Dirk, who explicitly knows Jake is smart. 

After that, we can move on to Roxy. If you’re interested in my writing, I’m also working on a youtube series aiming to make Homestuck understandable to a broad audience you can find here. Next episode should be dropping before the end of the weekend. 

See you again soon. Keep Rising. 

Secrets- Riverdale X Reader chapter 1- The rivers Edge ((Jughead Jones))

Originally posted by betty-and-jughead

Fandom: riverdale

 Warnings: none

 Word count: lots

notes: let me know if you want more of this! is anyone actually interested?

_____________________________________________________________

 You studied yourself in the bathroom mirror intently. You still looked the same.

Same (E/C) eyes, same (H/C) hair. But you weren’t the same, not after what had happened over the summer. 

After that summer, nothing could ever be the same.

 The girl in the mirror was you, but you had no idea who that was. On July 3rd of this year, your mother had told you a closely guarded secret about the circumstances surrounding your birth, the reason your mom had left riverdale, and who your father really was. She felt you finally needed to learn the truth.

You were a Blossom…well, sort of.

When Cheryl and Jason’s mother was pregnant with the twins, their Father, Clifford Blossom, had developed a wandering eye…and it had wandered straight to your mother. They had been together 2 months before your mother had found out she was pregnant. 

So, your father had taken immediate action. He had paid your mother two hundred thousand to take you and herself far away and to keep her mouth shut.
But when your Grandmother got sick, all bets were off. 

So your Mother had sat you down and told you everything. Including that you were moving back to Riverdale within the week, a town you had both left behind you, and for good reason.

The next day, Jason Blossom had gone missing.

-
-
-
Nearly 3 months later and here you were, getting ready for your first day of school at Riverdale High. It was terrifying having this huge secret weighing you down, especially when your newly discovered half sister went to your school. 

You ruffled a shaky hand through your hair and walked out of the bathroom. The last thing you needed was added attention from being late on day one.

You left your house and stepped out into the warm September air.

You walked towards the school, the slight breeze making the residual summer heat a little more bearable.

When you got to the high school, it was swarming with teens. Each one in their own little world, greeting friends they haven’t seen in months with warm smiles and thankfully, ignoring you.

You wandered in to the school caught up in your thoughts and anxieties, before running smack into a blonde girl, her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail.

You lost your balance and went tumbling, taking the blonde girl with you. You hit the ground with a thud and she landed next to you right after. Face flushed red in embarrassment, you jumped up and started apologizing rapidly “Oh crap are you okay? I’m so sorry!“ 

The girl just waved a hand, dismissing your frantic apologies, “It’s fine, I’m alright. Don’t worry about it.“ 

Even with her reassurances, you still stuck out a hand to help her up, which she took and got up on her feet. You knew you had to be somewhere, but you still felt kinda awful.                                                                                                 

"Hey, are you new?” the girl was looking at you with curiosity.

You shrugged, “Yeah I guess I am. My names (Y/N) (L/N)”                                       

The blondes face instantly lit up in recognition, “I’m Betty Cooper, your peer mentor!” Betty gave you a warm smile, which you hesitantly returned “Guess it’s a good thing I ran into you then, huh?” you laughed nervously.

 
Betty nodded at you with a smile. “I guess it is. Anyways, now that I have you, just follow me. I’m also mentoring another new student named Veronica Lodge.”

You knew that name, everyone did. Her father had been in the news for months, but you decided to keep your mouth shut. It wasn’t any of your business who Veronica’s father was or what he had done. You hoped the sentiment would be a two way street.

You caught up to a raven haired girl at the office. Her and Betty exchanged pleasantries. You didn’t really listen to the small talk but you figured this was Veronica. 

Betty and Veronica started walking. You quickly caught up and walked alongside them.

 "Soooo…I usually start off my tours with a little history and context” Betty began, “Riverdale High first opened its doors in 1941 and–”

Veronica cut Betty off mid sentence. “And hasn’t been redecorated since, apparently. Honestly, I feel like I’m wandering through the lost epilogue of our town.” you smiled at Veronica’s comment. The school seriously did have a ‘vintage’ sort of air.

Veronica was talking again, “So whats the social scene here like? Any nightclubs?”

Before Betty could answer, a new guy with brown hair and a green sweater came up beside you, before moving in front, walking backwards to be face to face with the 3 of you. “A strip club called the Ho Zone, and a tragic gay bar called Innuendo.” Your lips quirked up at the edges at the ridiculous club names.
Green sweater continued his list of social activities.

“Friday nights, football games. And then tailgate parties at the mal-mart parking lot. Saturday night is movie night, regardless of whats playing at the Bijou. And you better get there early because we don’t have reserved seating in Riverdale. And Sunday nights? Thank GOD for HBO.”

Betty smiled as the boy wrapped a friendly arm around her shoulder, “Veronica lodge, (Y/N) (L/N), Kevin Keller. Veronica and (Y/N) are new here, Kevin is–” Betty started to introduce the three of you but was once again cut off by Veronica, “Gay. Thank god. Let’s be best friends.” She stuck a hand out for him to shake. 

You gave him a smile and a polite “Hello” but Kevin’s attention was on Veronica.
Kevin took her hand and gave it a quick shake, before leaning in conspiratorially. 

“Is it true what they say about your dad?” he said in a semi hushed tone. Betty shot him a warning glare and you inhaled a sharp breath. But Veronica just took it in stride, a noticeably more guarded expression on her face. 

“That he’s the devil incarnate?…I stand by my father.“ 

She crossed her arms and gave Betty a pointed look, "Does everyone here know?” Betty and Kevin were silent, refusing to meet her gaze. “Judging by the looks you’ve been getting? I think so.” You blurted out before you could stop yourself.

Veronica gave an annoyed tight lipped smile, “Wonderful. Ten minutes in and I’m already the blue jasmine of riverdale high.”

Veronica stormed off and Betty gave Kevin another pointed look. Kevin shrugged and shook his head. 
"What?” Kevin asked, but instead of answering, Betty just followed Veronica. You followed Betty, Kevin close behind.

By the time you had caught up to Betty, she and Veronica were already back to chatting about Riverdale Highs social calendar. So you just fell into step beside them.

“So there’s everything Kevin already told you and- oh, of course, there’s the back to school semi-formal dance this weekend–” Betty was yet again cut off by Veronica who grabbed her arm and stopped Betty mid stride with a little gasp of excitement. “There’s the hottie you were with last night. The red-headed Ansel Elgort.”

You leaned over to Kevin “If the boys all look like that, I’m going to love Riverdale.” You joked, Kevin responded with an amused snort. 

Before you could continue your jokes about the attractive Riverdale male populace, Veronica was talking again. “Is he your boyfriend?” You were pretty sure the question was aimed at Betty but Kevin answered too,

“No we’re just friends” was Betty’s answer and "No, he’s straight.” was Kevins.
The three of you looked at Kevin, smiling in amusement at the mix up.

Veronica had an intrigued smile on her face as she watched Archie, “In that case, mind putting in a word? I’ve tried every flavour of boy but orange.”

By the look on Betty’s face you immediately knew that was a touchy subject.

“Actually, to clarify, Betty and Archie aren’t dating, but they are endgame.” Kevin informed Veronica, causing her to immediately switch gears and give Betty a matter-of-fact look. “You should ask him to the semi-formal then.”

“She should, but I heard it might be getting cancelled, because of what happened to Jason. They’re going to tell us at the assembly." 

Your breath caught at Jason’s name, a bit of paranoia gripping at you. Did he know? There was no way he knew, nobody did.
"Who’s Jason?” you rushed out in a slightly too high tone. You figured asking who he was would let you play dumb about the Blossom family as a whole. Veronica added on, “and what happened to him?" 

Betty and Kevin shared an awkward silent look, their mouths open like they were looking for the right words.

Betty was quiet as Kevin explained the July 4th incident, You knew already. You had googled the Blossoms two days after your mother had told you the truth of who you were. Just in time for you to learn of the fatal accident that took the life of an older brother you would never meet.

After Kevin was finished explaining, everyone was quiet as you walked to the gym to attend the assembly. A heavy silence hung over the four of you.
When you reached the gym you stopped dead.

 Cheryl Blossom would be in this room. As Kevin reached to pull open the doors you managed to speak. "It’s awful what happened to Jason. I hope Cheryl is going to be okay…” three pairs of eyes were immediately on you, “None of us mentioned Cheryl (y/n), how do you know who she is?” Kevin asked, his and Bettys expressions were confused and Veronicas was suspicious.

You swore internally. “I heard one of the students talking about her earlier, I just put two and two together at the name Blossom.” You lied with ease. You had always been quick at thinking on your feet…even if you hated lying.

Betty and Kevin nodded accepting your answer, but Veronicas suspicious gaze lingered on you. You were going to have to be a lot more careful around Veronica Lodge.

Your group filed into the crowded gym. Pretty much all the seats were taken except 3 near the left bottom corner and a few singles scattered around. The four of you eyed each other awkwardly.
“You guys go ahead, I’ll be fine by myself.” You smiled at them. Betty looked relieved, and then a little guilty, “Are you sure (y/n)?” You nodded “Totally sure.”

Kevin grinned. “Catch up with us after, I’ll continue to be your designated Riverdale guide.”
“See you after.” you replied, before wandering off to find a seat.

You ended up sitting next to a guy with black hair and an odd grey beanie up in the back corner. He made no acknowledgement of you when you sat down, typing away at his laptop. He was definitely interesting, you could tell that. But before you could say anything, a girl with striking red hair had begun talking.

What she said next was lost to you, all you could hear was blood rushing through your head and your pulse pounding. That was Cheryl. It was so surreal, her being 40 feet away from you, with no idea who you were. You were strangers to each other, but still siblings. Still family. But she would never know. No one could ever know. You registered her asking for a moment of silence to reflect on how Jason had touched each of the students lives, as you tried to push away the onslaught of new and powerful emotions.

The boy next to you was watching you intently, silently observing your odd reaction to Cheryls speech. The way you were gripping the seat so hard your knuckles were turning white. When you looked back and him he diverted his gaze and went back to typing.

You managed to get a grip on yourself and calm down, the earlier aura of panic, switching to bored and collected with practiced ease. You bottled stuff up, always had. That was something that hadn’t changed. 


Cheryl was speaking again and you immediately turned your focus to her.
“Thank you for that moment of silence. Many of you were lucky enough to have known my brother personally. Each and every one of you meant the world to Jason.”
Cheryls voice was calm and collected, which you thought was impressive for someone who had just lost her twin.”

But maybe Cheryl Blossom was just like that. You had no frame of reference.
“I loved my brother. He was, and always will be, my soulmate. So I speak with the confidence only a twin could have, Jason wouldn’t want us to spend the year mourning.”

The boy next to you fidgeted as Cheryl talked. You bounced your leg and tried to remain stone faced beside him. You glanced at him to see he was already looking at you. You figured it was just because you were the new girl. But his eyes seemed like he was seeing something more, trying to figure you out instead of just looking.

“Jason would want us to move on with our lives. Which is why I’ve asked the school board not to cancel the back to school semi-formal. but rather to let us use it as a way to heal collectively.–”

People all around you were cheering enthusiastically at the news about the semi-formal. Cheryl had a smile on her face that seemed genuinely warm and sincere.

“–and celebrate my brothers too, too short life on this mortal coil. Thank you all.” Cheryl walked off the small makeshift stage and exited the room.

You grabbed your bag and left through the side door as soon as the assembly was over. You had a spare block and decided to just get some air. You needed the distraction, the break.                                                                                   You sat down under a giant tree with, just enough shade to block you from the lingering summer heat. You grabbed your sketchbook and a pencil from your bag and flipped to a blank page.

You had no idea what you were drawing, you just let the pencil flick across the paper, creating lines. Pretty soon there was a familiar face staring back at you.

Cheryl.

Oaper Cheryl looked like she was scared and upset, angled away like she was running from something. You had no idea why you had drawn it.

You immediately ripped it out of your book and crumpled it up, setting it beside you to be thrown away later.
You had just started scribbling a quick sketch of a little bird that was flitting around on the ground in front of you when an unfamiliar voice startled you out of your bubble.

“So you’re an artist?”

You whipped your head around, looking at the boy from the assembly leaning against the tree.

You brought the sketchbook close to your chest defensively, “I’m drawing, so I guess I must be.” You eyed him apprehensively. “Who are you exactly?”

He shifted his laptop bag on his shoulder. “Jughead Jones. The Third. I sat next to you at the assembly.”

You raised an eyebrow in curiousity, “Jughead Jones the third. That’s…unique.”

He nodded once, looking at you expectantly.

“My names (Y/N) (L/N)–” you paused, a hint of a mischievous smile on your lips. “the first.”

Jugheads lips quirked up for a split second, before switching back to the calculating look he wore at the assembly.  

“So (Y/N), you had a pretty strong reaction to cheryls speech. Did you know Jason?”

You instantly went on the defense. Your arms crossed against your chest and your expression became guarded. “No. I didn’t know anything about him before today.” you lied.

Jughead looked like he didn’t quite believe you, his eyes searching your face for signs of deception, and his expression was hard to read. You can almost see a little press cap and vintage camera. He reminded you of a reporter and that put you more on guard. “I just lost my best friend who was part of a pair of twins. I guess it just hit home.”

Another lie.

Jughead still looked a bit suspicious, but seemed to accept your lie for now. He opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by Betty calling your name.

“Well, that’s my cue to leave.” Jughead remarked dryly before turning and heading in the other direction.

Betty walked over to you and greeted you with a smile. “Hey (Y/N), we didn’t see you after the assembly.”

“Yeah, sorry I just needed some air." 

Betty nodded, her ponytail swishing behind her. "Well, do you want to join us for lunch?”

You smiled, one of the few genuine smiles of that day, “I’d actually love that.”
You packed up your stuff and reached for the balled up sketch from earlier, but it was gone. You hadn’t thought the wind was enough to move it today, but you figured you had misjudged. Not that it really mattered, people didn’t exactly inspect trash. You grabbed your bag and stood up to follow the two teens.


Betty and Kevin made a Beeline for the Red-headed boy from earlier, who was sitting alone at one of the picnic tables scattered around the courtyard. When the three of you sat down he looked up and greeted Betty and Kevin with warm smiles. His eyes were filled with confusion when his gaze landed on you.

Betty quickly introduced you, “(Y/N) meet Archie Andrews.”
Archie gave you a nod of acknowledgment “Hey”

You gave him a small smile and short wave in greeting.

Archie turned his attention to Betty and pulled out a laptop. He started talking but you weren’t listening.

Jughead was staring at you from across the outdoor seating area. You ended up staring right back. His eyes were locked with yours, both of you daring the other to look away. After about a minute Betty’s voice snapped you out of your weirdly intense staring contest.

“(y/n) are you okay? You’re kinda spacing out.”

You blinked a few times to clear your head. “Yeah sorry. Just daydreaming, I guess” You glanced back over to where Jughead had been but he was gone.

Betty nodded and looked at Archie, “Alright, now that (Y/N) is paying attention, you HAVE to play your song for us.”

Archie looked a tiny bit apprehensive but you didn’t think that has anything to do with you. It was the same feeling you get when people ask to see your drawings.
Archie sighed in resignation and hit play, a soft melody pouring through his laptops speakers. it was actually really good, something you hadn’t been expecting.

The song had only been on for about 30 seconds when Veronica walked up to the table,

“Can I join?” Veronica asked with a polite smile.
Archie closed his laptop, and Betty smiled at her “yeah.”  

Veronica moved to sit down with the rest of you, “What are we doing?” Veronica asked.

A proud grin broke out onto Bettys face. “Listening to one of Archies songs.” She leaned closer to Archie.

“I thought we were gonna have to pretend to like it, but its actually really good.”
You grinned at Kevins comment. You actually had been dreading the possibility of pretending to like Archies song, you honestly didn’t have the energy.

“Yeah I actually really really liked it.” You smiled at Archie. You had really liked his song, and hoped one day you guys could actually hear the rest.

Veronica looked kind of confused as she shifted in her seat, “Wait, that was you singing something you wrote?”

Archie looked away “It’s rough.”
Betty, who was starting to sound like Archies personal cheerleader, contradicted him. “No, it’s great.” she said, that huge grin still on her face

You glanced away. Jeez, Betty had it bad for this guy.

“It’s incredible, actually. The little snippet I heard. Is that your thing? Music? Are you doing something with that?” Veronica asked Archie while Betty watched her with a weird expression.

Archie nodded and took a sip of his drink, “Yeah, that’s the plan.” He immediately changed the subject. “So, how’s your guys first day going? good?” this seemed to be directed at you and veronica. You didn’t really have an answer so you just let her answer as you shrugged.

“Not to be a complete narcissist, but I thought people would be more–”
Kevin cut her off, “Obsessed with you? Any other year you’d be trending number one for sure. This year though, its all about Cheryl trying to win the best supporting psycho Oscar for her role as Riverdale Highs bereaved red widow." 

You bristled at this,
"She just lost her twin brother, Kevin. I think you’d be a little messed up too, especially in an accident like that.” Your tone was cold and a switch from the tables previous friendly banter.


An awkward silence fell over the table. Everyone looked a little uncomfortable at your comment and gave you curious looks. After a few moments Archie grabbed his bag “I should go. Meeting with Grundy, then football tryouts.”

Veronica smiled “You play football too? What don’t you do?” she quipped as Archie walked away from the group.

As soon as he was out of earshot you wiggled your eyebrows at Betty, “That right there is a damn good pick Betty.” She ducked her head in embarrassment.
Kevin looked at Veronica and you, “Before you guys ask, no she has not invited-”

Betty suddenly looked kind of panicked and shot the three of you warning stares, “No, not yet. and don’t talk about Archie.” then she quickly went back to nonchalantly eating her food as Cheryl Blossom herself approached your table.

Cheryl walked up to the table and put her hands on her waist, a sickeningly sweet smile on her face. The shock and panic from earlier had worn off for you, now Cheryl’s presence was just a fact.

“Veronica Lodge. I’d heard whisperings– I’m Cheryl Blossom.” Cheryl had that off-putting smile on her face the whole time she spoke. “May I sit? Betty, would you mind?”

Without waiting for a response, she sat down as Betty frowned a bit and slid down to the seat directly across from you and Kevin. You shot Betty a sympathetic look as Cheryl turned her attention to the rest of you. You noted that she hadn’t bothered to introduce herself to you, even though you were new as well.
“So, what are you four hens gossiping about? Archies efron-esque emergence from the chrysalis of puberty?” Cheryl had a conspiratorial smile and Betty shook her head as a warning for you and Veronica.

“Extracurriculars. Weatherbee wants me and (y/n) to sign up for a few.” Veronica switched the focus off Archie. At the mention of your name Cheryl finally acknowledged you, looking you up and down with a judgmental stare. You shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. Cheryl seemed to deem you not totally offensive and flashed that fake smile at you as a way of acknowledging your existence.
“Cheer leading! You must. I am senior captain of the river vixens.” Cheryl moved her hair to her other shoulder and watched Veronicas reaction intently.
“Is cheer leading still a thing?” Kevin said before Veronica could answer. You stifled a laugh at the statement and the almost genuine look of confusion on his face.

Cheryl fixed him with a cold stare, annoyance lacing her tone. “Is being the gay best friend still a thing?” She then turned back to Veronica and switched back to cheer leading.“Some people say its retro. I say its eternal and iconic.” She wore a proud smirk.

“At Spence, I sat at the top of the elites pyramid. I’m in.” Veronica said, then looked at you and Betty. “Betty, (y/n) you’re trying out too.”
You just nodded, you had no intention of trying out for cheer leading but weren’t going to say anything in front of Cheryl.

Cheryl looked at you and Betty, once again with that judgy stare, “Of course! Anyone’s welcome to try out.” Cheryl looked down at Bettys plate of food with disdain, “But Betty’s already got so much on her plate right now…And being a vixen is kind of a full-time thing, but open to all!”

You clenched your fists at your sides, your temper getting the better of you. Any sympathy you may have felt for Cheryl was rapidly fading.

Cheryl got up from the table and addressed you and Veronica, “Follow me on Twitter and I’ll do the same. my handles @CherylBombshell” and with a smile she turned and walked away.

Veronica smiled in relief as soon as Cheryl was gone. “Okay go ahead and hate on cheer leading but if Hipster prince Harry–”
Betty interrupted veronica, “Oh, I’d love to be a cheerleader. It would look good on my college applications. But, last year when I tried out Cheryl said I was too fat.”

“Too season 5 Betty Draper. It was a great line.” Kevin the looked guilty and amended with “But not all all true.”

Immediately your already flaring temper got the best of you, “Seriously? Is that what that plate crack was about? that was so rude and uncalled for.”
Kevin hummed in agreement and Betty nodded sheepishly.

“I agree with (y/n), that was a total bitch move. But you’re a total smoke show now, I mean it. As hot and as smart as you are…you should be the Queen Bae of this Drab hive…look, if you want to be a River Vixen, I’ll help you prep. I have moves. You too (y/n), we can all tryout together.”

You vigorously shook your head, “Thanks for the offer, but cheer leading isn’t my scene. I’m going to have to pass. I’ll totally come and provide Moral support though.”
Veronica looked a tiny bit disappointed but nodded in acceptance, “Alright (y/n) is out, how about you Betty?”

Betty looked deep in thought for a few seconds before smiling broadly at Veronica, “Okay, you know what? Show me your moves.”
You grinned at Betty, “I bet it doesn’t hurt that Archie will get to see you at the game, in your cheerleader uniform.”
Betty flushed a deep red and Kevin and veronica both laughed light heartedly. The rest of lunch period was passed in good natured teasing and friendly banter. 


-
-

On the day of the semi-formal you were a lot more adjusted to riverdale, Cheryl was just the schools resident mean girl and Jason was just some boy who had passed away over the summer essentially they were strangers to you. It didn’t matter that they shared a common parent anymore, It was a secret that would be kept, and hopefully completely ignored.

You were walking home from the nearby 7-11 when your phone chimed with an unread text notification. You unlocked your phone and a text from Betty filled your screen.

’(y/n) do you need a ride? we’re going to the dance at 7’
You grinned at your phone.

‘we? meaning you and Archie? ;)’
a few minutes passed with no response before Betty finally answered,

‘We meaning Veronica, Archie and me.’
You frowned at the message, Betty had apparently lost her nerve.

damn :( but no, I don’t need a ride I live like 2 blocks from the school.’
You waited for a response but Betty never answered, You figured she had been caught up in some pre-dance prep or something, and continued on your walk home.

You arrived at your house a few seconds later and unlocked the door. An empty silence greeted you, your mom was away on a business trip.  Your mother worked as a freelance consultant for big corporations and had to travel alot because of it, so you were usually alone in the house.

Growing up you had a housekeeper that would take care of you, but she had died a few years ago. And by that point you were old enough to take care of yourself, so most of the time it was just you.
When your mother was home she would generally be with your grandmother at the retirement home, your grandma had developed dementia and wasn’t usually lucid as of late. But you weren’t close to her so it was harder on your mother than on you.

You shook the depressing thoughts from your head and wandered into the kitchen and put your bag down. It was around three and you still needed to do some homework before getting ready for the dance.
You grabbed the books from your bag and plugged in your headphones, starting on your latest English assignment.

-
-

Four hours later you were all dolled up and headed to the school, your heels clicked on the pavement as you walked, your hair was down and jostled lightly in the cool breeze.

You walked up to the schools front doors and could already hear music pouring from the gym. You walked in to see Betty standing alone.
“Hey, wheres Veronica and Archie? aren’t they your companions for the evening?”
Betty smiled a little sadly and opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by Kevin.

“Betty, (Y/n), You will not BELIEVE who just propositioned me in the bathroom. Give you a hint, his name may be moose…But I’d describe a certain appendage of his as as horse-like.”
You choked on a laugh at the description and put a hand over your mouth, “Oh man I knew one of the football players had to be gay, the small town gods demand it." 

Betty was just speechless her mouth open in shock.

Veronica showed up a few seconds later, "Hey (y/n) when did you get here?”
You shrugged, “A minute or so ago.”

She nodded in acknowledgement and turned to Kevin.
“I need a dance partner.” Veronica Grabbed Kevins hand with a grin and led him out to the dance floor. They passed Reggie and Moose on their way while the two boys were filling a flask with punch.

Kevin gave Moose an awestruck look as they passed and Moose quickly averted his gaze, which made you start laughing all over again. Your laughter caused Betty to start giggling too. But your laughter was cut short when Cheryls voice came through the loud speakers.

“Good evening, friends. are you all having a good time?”
The crowd around you clapped and cheered.

“As honorary chairperson and de facto Queen of tonights semi-formal…it is my great pleasure to introduce this evenings main entertainment. To know them is to be obsessed with them. Though they usually perform their own material– tonight they’re making an exception…And debuting a cover of the song my parents claim they were listening to the night Jason and I were conceived, this ones for you, JJ.”

You raised an eyebrow at the song choice, it was a little odd to pick something like that. But before you could comment Archie came up to you and Betty.“Sorry about that…oh hey (y/n)”

“I give you Josie and the pussycats!” Cheryl finished right after Archie spoke.
More cheering erupted around you at the mention of the bands name.
Music filled the gym as a slow song was played by the girls on the stage.

Archie turned to Betty, “Wanna dance?”
Betty broke out into a wide grin and happily accepted, leaving you standing alone at the edge of the room.

You watched with a happy grin on your face as Betty and Archie Danced, smiles on their faces. But your smile was quickly turned into a frown as Bettys face grew serious and she removed her arms from around Archies neck. You couldn’t hear what they were saying but you knew it couldn’t be good as Archie looked away from her uncomfortably.

Betty looked upset as the song came to an end and her and Archie stood stiffly beside each other.

You caught up to Kevin and Veronica by the snack table.
“did you guys see Archie and Betty? That really didn’t look good.”
Kevin and Veronica nodded and shared your worried look but before you three could discuss further one of Cheryls friends came up, and invited Veronica and you to an after party at Cheryls

-
-

You were sitting on a couch next to Betty kind of uncomfortable and lost in your own thoughts as you stared intently at a picture of Clifford Blossom, yours and Cheryls father. It was surreal thinking about it, thinking about him, being in this house.

But Cheryls voice interrupted your thoughts.
“It’s game time at chez Blossom, kiddies. We’re going old school tonight Seven minutes in heaven. Who wants to tryst in the closet of love first? My vote is ‘A’ for Archie. Anyone care to second it?”

“Wait, actually–” Archie started to protest but Reggie cut him off.
YES! Andrews. yes.”

Cheryls smile was the sickeningly sweet one as she gestured for everyone to come closer. “All right, gather round kids. Lets see whos riding the ginger stallion tonight.”
She flicked her wrist expertly and the bottle began spinning, Betty and Veronica leaned in intently and you looked on gripped with fear for your friends, you knew Cheryl was up to something and it wasn’t going to be good.

The bottle came to a halt, pointing right between Betty and Veronica. You swore under your breath.
Oooh no way!” Reggie laughed, oblivious to the deeper problems at play.

Betty and Veronica shared an awkward look and Cheryl smirked triumphantly.
“Its clearing pointing to…the new girl. this should be fun.”

Veronica shifted uncomfortably in her seat, “Um, Im not doing this.”

“Thats up to you, but if you don’t…house rules decree the hostess gets to take your turn.” Cheryls tone was antagonistic, she knew exactly what she was doing to those three.

Instead of answering Veronica just looked defeated and Betty looked at Archie looking like she was about to cry.
They walked into the closet and shut the door, You put a hand on Betty’s shoulder and she just stared at the wall, her green eyes glistening.

10 minutes later they were still in the closet.

“Betty its okay, I’m sure Archie and Veronica would never do anything to hurt you.” You tried to reassure her.
Betty was silent and still.

Cheryl watched her with a predatory gaze, her tone was mocking and cruel “(y/n) is right Betty, I’m sure nothing is happening between them.” She smirked as a tear escaped Bettys eye and she ran from the room.

You glared at Cheryl. “Seriously?” your voice was sharp with anger, and you wanted to wipe that stupid triumphant smile off her face, but Betty was more important.

You ran out the front door into the cool night air, but Betty was nowhere in sight.
“Betty?”

No response.
You groaned in frustration and started searching for the blonde.

-
-


Nearly half an hour later you were out of options and everything in this town was closed, except a diner called pop tates, with a resigned huff you decided to check here too as a last ditch effort.

You walked in the building and were instantly hit with the overwhelming smell of food cooking and something sweet. But food wasn’t why you were here.
You walked up to the counter and were greeted by an older man with kind eyes and a warm smile.
“Welcome to pop tates. you new in town?”

You nodded and your gaze darted around searching for Betty.
“Yeah I am listen, have you seen Betty Cooper?”

The man chuckled, “No, not tonight. but you are the second person to come in looking for her.” He gestured towards Archie who was sitting in a booth talking to Jughead. You stormed over to him.

“Archie Andrews I am going to kill you. Do you know how much you hurt Betty going into that closet? You could’ve refused! It’s not like Cheryl had a gun to your head! Or at the very least you could have have come out after the 7 minutes! You knew Betty liked you! You knew and I’m guessing those extra minutes in there weren’t filled with an innocent chat.”

Archie opened his mouth to respond but you cut him off.


“Betty doesn’t deserve this crap. And with Veronica!

way to rub salt in the–”

Archie cut your angry rant off.



“I know I messed up okay?” he looked defeated and heartbroken. “I’m going to go talk to her. I’m going to go fix this.”

“You better Andrews.” you crossed your arms and fixed him with a protective glare, but let him pass.

Jughead was staring at you with a peculiar expression on his face you couldn’t tell what was going on in his head, you didn’t care, not at the moment.

“What?” your tone wasn’t accusing or angry, just tired.

He stared at you like he was seeing you for the first time. 

“How long have you known Betty?”

You looked away and sighed, “I don’t know…a week?”


He nodded once and turned his focus back to his computer. You sat down in the seat across from him without asking and fixed him with a cryptic stare.



Jughead broke the silence, “Why?”

His question surprised you, and you just blinked.

“Why defend a girl you’ve only known for a week?” He pressed.


You sighed and looked down at your lap, your gaze refusing to meet Jugheads.

“I don’t know. people like Betty, she’s so kind and welcoming…Are so rare She accepted me and Veronica immediately. Even though Archie and Veronica had that spark, and she’s so head over heels for him…She still welcomed her welcomed us both treated us like friends. Then Veronica and Archie did what they did and hurt her so badly.”

You paused.



“This town already has enough hurting people.”

Jughead searched your face for a lie, or the hidden meaning behind your words. His Blue-green eyes met yours and you just stared right back, your face was neutral but there was a hint of sadness and Heaviness in your gaze.



You could tell he wanted you to explain further, and again you were reminded of a reporter. Digging at things that maybe should be left alone. And maybe you wanted to tell him…but you couldn’t.

You couldn’t tell anyone.



So, before Jughead had time to ask anything else, you stood up from the booth.

“I’ll see you around Jughead.”


And you left the diner, you walked home, and you went to bed.

-

-

but for the town of Riverdale, the night was far from over.

hold my beer

Ok so this is yet another idea that I will NEVER have time to write (for those that follow my Cross the River one shots, I’m still sorry for inflicting the half finished fics on you haha. But I’m not sorry for inflicting this idea on you

Three words:

Drunk. Ladynoir. Wedding. wait is ladynoir even technically a word?

  • It’s quite a few years into the future and Adrien and Marinette are happily revealed and happily married. Everything’s just friggin peachy
  • One day there is an akuma, a girl who got dumped by a dickhead bf for another girl and then goes on a rampage to show everyone she is ‘good enough.’ After they defeat her, they try to cheer her up
  • Chat, being Chat, thinks that being a flirt will help boost her self-esteem, bc, you know, getting flirted at by a superhero is an ego boost no matter how sad you are
  • Lo and behold, it backfires
  • The girl (lets call her Ada) gets pissed off that Chat is flirting with her right in front of Lady, because “Aren’t you guys like, together??”
  • Chat backpedals, Lady facepalms. No it’s still not official or public that they’re together (keep work separate from home, yknow what I’m sayin, and besides, it’s unwise to let Hawky know the full extent of how much they care for each other because they don’t want to be emotionally manipulated in battle)
  • The girl is like “shit I thought you guys were like.. the perfect relationship. Obviously not. If even you aren’t together, then where’s the hope for me…. sighh….” :’(
  • Ada is so upset that they decide to let her in on a little secret. That in their civilian lives… they are married
  • Ada is all,  :’D omg seriously
  • (^..^) and >(:-:) are like, yeah, but dont tell anyone. It’s a secret. ((SLAPS YOU WITH HEAVY-HANDED FORESHADOWING)) Hey I know what’ll cheer you up, Ada. Lets go out for drinks!
  • AND SO MY FRIENDS, that is how Adrien and Mari end up spending a night on the town with a recent akuma victim as Chat and Lady…

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Gold Digger

Reader x Elijah Mikaelson

(NOT MY GIF)

*requested

Imagine: You are in a long-term relationship with Elijah Mikaelson and is very happy with it. One day, when he requests you to go over to his house to meet oficially his siblings, Hayley accuses you to being with him only for his money and power, which leaves you heartbroken.

tagging: @chocolatemonkeyrainbows :)

Word Count: 3172


Back then, when you were nothing but a naive teenager, you used to dream about true love, wondering every single night, whilst watching the stars, how it would feel like once you met him. Would you recognise the one right away? Or it would take some time for you to realise it? Man, you were one hell of a weird kid.

However, your questions would only be entirely answered years later, in the exactly moment Elijah Mikaelson walked into your life.

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