guys i cannot even handle him

Hot Chocolate

warnings: possible second hand embarrassment 

words: 1,201

pairing: peter parker x reader

request: ok ok how about an au where the reader works at a restaurant or something and peter comes in there a lot JUST TO SEE HER

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Take Care Little Girl (Simon D x Reader)

Request by anon. Enjoy!

Originally posted by vexedmikxyla

You loved Kiseok, from the moment you saw him even when you did not believe in love at first sight somehow you fell in love as soon as your eyes met, you thought he was going to be the man of your life, you loved him and he loved you but sometimes love is not enough.

You quietly packed your stuff, only the sound of the clock and your sniffles were heard around the house… the house full of memories, memories that you cherished and memories that you want to erase forever in your mind, the memories that made you put all your stuff in a few suitcases. Fight after fight, curses followed by petty insults, smashing stuff and closing doors, accusation after denial, tear after tear, all that stuff that broke his and your heart. It was time to face the music, you had to put an end of this even that would hurt you, it would be better for everyone, since you hurt each other every day it won’t be much of a difference you thought bitterly.

You waited for him,sat on a stool at the beautiful kitchen you had designed, the kitchen you used to cook meals for both of you, the kitchen that he would make breakfast, the kitchen that you broke so many plates and glasses, yelling from the one side of the table. You turned to the clock and saw the time, he would be there any minute now, your heart started racing, it was like you were going to pass out right there, you felt nauseous and for a second you thought that maybe you should unpack. You shook your head refusing to back down, you had backed down so many other times, not anymore, it was final and it had to happen, this loving relationship became toxic and you had promised to never let anyone make you feel lost or helpless.

As soon as you heard the door open and close your heart went from fast pace to completely still, your breath hitched to your throat and your body suddenly became cold. You knew he saw the suitcases, you could tell by the silence, he usually calls for you. You took deep breaths as you heard his footsteps approach you, when you opened your eyes he stood right in front you, his face showed hurt, you had to hold yourself from breaking down right there.


“You are leaving me?”

He sounded so broken, so vulnerable and it made you feel so guilty inside, you could feel a knife going straight to your heart as he started right through you.  A part of him expected this, he just prayed it would never happen, he couldn’t help but blamed himself too, he thought he would be the one to protect you, instead he became the root of your pain and he hated himself for it.

“I don’t want to, Kiseok we are in pain, we can’t be like this”

“I love you, you are my woman”

“And I love you but love is not enough, do you want me to hurt you even more?”

“You never meant it”

He whispered to himself, he knew your Love for him ran deep and he knew that you would do anything for him, that’s why you are sacrificing yourself to become the bad guy and end this.

“Let’s say you forgive me, can you forgive yourself?… cause I cannot forgive you Kiseok, I just imagine… her”

You couldn’t handle it anymore, you broke down in tears, completely collapsed on top of the cold surface and cried. He had cheated, yes it was one time and you thought you could move on, turns out you can’t, after that it just went downhill and it mostly was because you could not trust him, everytime he had to practice, every time he went on tour and she was there… you just went crazy and many times you end in a fight over the phone, text, face time, anything. 

You felt his hand your back, you knew he hated when you cried specifically when he was the reason behind those tears. He rubbed your back soothingly, holding back tears himself, he had destroyed you, he felt so ashamed for what he has done, every day of his life after than night, the one woman that he adored he betrayed and traded for someone that had not done half of the stuff you had done for him.

“I love you (y/n), I love you so much”

He whispered in your ear, placing a kiss on your hair. You managed to pull yourself together and wipe away those tears, as you raised your head and looked at him again you reached for his face with your hand.

“I love you too, with all my heart”

You don’t know why but you just pulled him closer and placed a soft loving kiss on his lips, the last kiss. As you pulled back you got on your feet and gave him the best smile you could give.

“Be good okay? No drinking and no partying”

“I will, call me if you need anything. Take care little girl”

You turned your back on him and went towards your stuff, grabbing your luggage and opening the door, you looked to his side one more time, as tears ran on your face again.

“Go on, you will regret it if you don’t leave”

“I love you Kiseok”

“I love you too but you have to leave, you know I don’t like it when I cry in front of you”

Dealing with a break up is already hard, being on the public eye is even harder, it almost feels impossible. People did not know about you and him, which made it even more difficult since you had to put on a smile and perform, give interviews, sign autographs, take pictures like you were not dealing with a bad case of a broken heart. You only found peace at the privacy of your dressing room, your house and the booth, so many touch ups for make up, so many tissues around the house, so many tear stained papers that you could barely make out the words you had written. After the release of your new song “I can’t stay” people started to catch on, luckily you and Kiseok had never made public appearances even as friends so people did not suspect him, they jsut knew you were dealing with a very emotional break up.

“Hello and welcome back to our radio station, today we have with us a very special lady, miss (y/n), welcome”

“Thank you, it’s been a while”

You said with a fake smile. You dreaded this interview, you begged your publicist to call in sick for you, obvioussly it did not work. You knew they would ask questions abou the song, which you did not know you would react.

“So you have just finished a tour and you came out with a new song right?”

“Yes, it’s called I can’t stay and it’s available on Itunes”

“So I have to ask… why did you write such an emotional song, cause i have to admit I cried when I first heard it”

You took a deep breath and braced yourself for the worst.

“Well… I recently went through a break up and… I was and I still am very conflicted and sad about it”

“May I ask why?”

“I was with that person for a long period of my life, I lived with him and a lot of things happen from both sides and it was happening for a long time now so I just said that I can’t stay anymore”

You could feel the tension in the room, the producer could see how you struggled to speak and put sentences together, honestly your eyes were already getting cloudy.

“Do you still talk to him?, cause you sound angry in the song”

“I have not but I do want to keep him in my life cause… i love him and he loves me, we didn’t just stop loving each other, but you know… reality is not always good to us”

“Are you on to the next?”

“No, I can’t move on yet. I need to deal with it and leave it and then move on to be real happy, I honestly do hope I found someone that will make me as happy as he did cause he did make me happy and he gave me his all and I gave him my all but that kind of dissapeared from the relationship… one second”

Your voice broke as you spoke, you closed your eyes and took a really deep breath, trying so hard to not let those tears spill. It was the first time you ever talked about thiss and it brought all those emotions back, all the pain, all the hurt all the anger, it just hit you right in your heart.

“It’s okay, we will stop talking about it now.”

“Thank you”

As you got back to your dressing room your phone vibrated, you had a message. You saw his name on the screen and it terrified you, what if he was angry at you for talking about it on air? What if he was hurt for betraying him? You opened the message with shaky hands and saw the screen.

“I’m sorry, I love you too, don’t cry for me I want you to smile. Call me when you want, we can go for a beer”

You smiled as the tears hit the screen, it’s not fair! you wished you could hate him, you wished he hated you, but no, breaking up while still being in love made it even harder, you wanted to run back to him. You hit reply and started typing

“I would love that, maybe when we get better. I’m sorry too, I love you”

The Only One 5

Summary: You were in love with this guy and in college you could’ve made it work but you had to go home and now 6 years later it might be too late to be with the only man you ever truly loved. Modern Day AU

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 1138

Warnings: mentions of death

A/N: thank you all for reading and liking it so much, as always let me know what you think :)

Part 4

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anonymous asked:


CALM down. 

I really don’t know where to start with this one. I just saw him accusing me on his tumblr, well that’s not a surprise at all, he is completely obsessed and will not stop involving me in his shit. 

Harley says: “ I noticed a big spike in spam activity on my account” lol what does that even mean?? It is not possible to see that sort of thing in the analytics of your youtube account. What a surprise another lie! SO if what he says is true then SHOW the proof Harley, show the receipts because you and I both know that when your channel gets deleted you ALWAYS get a termination note saying why and if a particular channel initiated it then it WILL SAY SO. Anon keep asking him and if he continues to hide the “proof” (which he will) then hey …there is your proof! Guilty af. 

The truth is if I really wanted to I (MAYBE but highly unlikely) could have had his channel deleted a long time ago with all the slander he has put up about me but I didn’t because I just wanted to move on! I am doing daily vegan videos trying to help people and this World! I am actually doing really well in life. Unfortunately here I am again being harassed by him and forced to defend myself to people like yourself who are blind believers. I should be preparing for my live stream rn but yet again I’m pulled into his rubbish >_< I pleaded with him in the past so many times to just let me go and MOVE ON WITH TORI. It was impossible to talk to him. I tried my best to remain friends after I broke up with him however he decided slandering me would be better for his business. His business which is now not at all about spreading veganism but ironically about trying to destroy other vegans???…

I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of being constantly pulled into stuff I literally have NOTHING to do with. He has treated me like a worthless piece of shit on the bottom of his shoe since I broke up with him so I eventually made a conscious choice not to talk about him to anyone anymore, even family. I’m not part of any secret groups - we are done. I made a promise to Robin as well. I’ve moved on because he is faaaar too toxic to talk about.  Regardless of this fact he continues to blame me for everything without a shred of proof and (some) people STILL believe his lies. Since I’ve avoided any contact with him he has demanded my attention more than ever, to the point of becoming really scary and constantly invading my privacy. He cannot handle the fact that I no longer love him (& was it even love at the time??) and that Robin and I are doing really awesome together.  Why doesn’t he give his attention to Tori?? We are done Harley! It’s been like 1.5 YEARS now.

So where is the proof Harley?? There is no proof of course. Yet again Harley is not taking any responsibility for his own actions and pinning it on a person who loved him for many years, his old best friend, what a stand up guy!…Fact is Harley got Harley’s channel deleted through his own disgusting behaviour but he is mentally ill and incapable of taking any responsibility for the consequences of his own actions. 


PS - Please pay attention to who talks about/makes videos about who. I haven’t made a SINGLE video on this guy and he has (sorry had) several on me. I haven’t posted (defending myself) on tumblr about him for months and months yet he hasn’t stopped posting about me. He literally has hundreds of defamatory posts up slandering me. There is your answer as to who is obsessed with who… 


in the spirit of being completely unproductive, a list of my top five favorite times victor says yuuri’s name:

5. huh? yuuri?

victor nikiforov: assigns eros to the guy he’s had a crush on since december, watches him nail it, and then starts critiquing his form before he even comes off the ice. i say this with all the fondness in the world: why are you like this.

(i love it because it means victor takes yuuri seriously as a skater with potential, and yuuri knows this, too; but still, yuuri cannot handle victor nikiforov being so – victor nikiforov at him, straight off the high of the program. in all fairness: could anyone, really.)

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ethan, my baby (i talk loads now)


“Cal!” okay so he’s having a nightmare maybe???? about Cal??? ABOUT GUILT MAYBE??? ALSO if they show his chest and he doesn’t have his scar on it (i mean let’s brush past them forgetting once) i will not be a happy bunny

“Ethan’s grieving-” - charlie to alicia. Damn right he is and damn right if this trailer is anything to go by that’s all we’ll have for the next three months. ethan being v v hurt… so no different from any fanfics then…

they’re holding hands? so everything seems to be going okay between them for the time being but ethan still looks on the verge of tears WOW good on you george rainsford

the rest is in the ‘keep reading’ section because i just realised how annoying this will be to scroll past i am so sorry

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anonymous asked:

If you don't mind would you please be able to give an analysis of Woo's breakdown in the chapter 13? Or if there is one that already exists would you happen to know where I could find it? Thank You so much in advance and sorry for the trouble!

Wow prepare for a big ramble that probably makes no sense and is all conjecture. For me, it became insightful after my third reading, lol. 

The first thing you notice is that hoo boy Sangwoo does not like to be disobeyed or to be made the fool. That sounds obvious, but give me a second. You really see it in this chapter - just how fucking entitled he is, how shook he is by the idea of Bum leaving. He’s not even worried about the repercussions of his escape, legally etc - he just feels so damn personally betrayed by the idea of his disobeying him (’after everything I said? he ignored me??’). He’s even more disgustingly possessive than we thought.

I think that in general the breakdown - at least for me - reinforced the idea that once he began to progressively see his mum in Bum, he never really intended to kill him. The only thing that would change that was if Bum proved to be unbreakable and kept rebelling. So, as opposed to what i originally thought, I don’t think he was fucking with Bum with the intention of one day disposing of him, rather, he began to set him up for the long run. He wanted to keep him. But then its Bum’s first ‘betrayal’ that changes that. We see it in chapter seven - he intends to kill Bum for disrespecting him with his attempted escape (he’s thinking ‘it’s worthless, Bum will never submit’). So he’s strangling him, intending to kill, but then Bum drops the honorific:

When he’s dangling from the ceiling by his neck, though, he reverts back to “Sangwoo-ya,” without an honorific…In turn, that really explains Sangwoo’s expression there. In this situation, when Bum is literally choking to death, not in any situation to even think of manipulating him, he’s referring to Sangwoo familiarly? He’s calling Sangwoo fondly? Sangwoo’s surprise is completely understandable. (x)

Sangwoo is literally like ‘what the fuck’, even now, even as i’m doing this, you can still speak to me like that? Bum might have disobeyed him, but once again Sangwoo saw his potential, and the open opportunity for reform. Or should I say, the opportunity to mold. Bum still had potential to be obedient and submissive, and as long as there is room for Sangwoo to bang Bum into shape, he will punish, but let him live. All in order to preserve his wider goal of turning him into his perfect and submissive…*drum roll* : pseudo-momwife lol. You guessed it. And then the power rush he gets from the name-calling is so strong that he pops a boner and cums all over his feet?? Sangwoo is aroused by his power over people, and the sense of unconditional devotion to him. Ego. He likes feeling needed, and being submitted to. In fact he demands it. I had brought this up with a friend a while back, and now i can be pretty sure - he comes from his name because of his own ego being stroked (ill return to this).

Back to chapter 13, he thinks Bum really has escaped and he’s all you’ve done it now you little fucker, you’ve really pissed me off , you’re gonna get it. He doesn’t care that Bum has momwife potential because his injured ego outweighs his desire to recreate a newer and better (more on this later) version of his mother (I’ll kill him. I have to kill him now!!). Even more interesting is that directly after he says he has to kill Bum, he recalls his mum. This makes him angry and he punches the pole. I’ve been thinking about why he does that, and i’ve kind of done a 180 in my views since a week ago. I don’t think he remembered his mum because of guilt, or because the idea of killing Bum makes him feel guilty. I think he remembered her because his feeling of betrayal echoes something he felt in the past - with her. That is to say, I believe his mum might have ‘betrayed’ Sangwoo in a way that echoes Bum’s alleged escape. Whatever she did, he probably killed her for it.

Keep in mind that he doesn’t exactly head home with a change of heart after he remembers her. So needless to say, i’m flirting with the ‘Sangwoo killed his mum’ camp again. The guy is clearly obsessed with Bum - he honest to God looked deranged, losing his shit and then collapsing to the floor. It was relief, not in a ‘i’m not going to get caught yet’ way, but in a ‘this thing i value so much has returned to me’ kind of way. If he’s obsessed with this cheap, shallow recreation of her, just how obsessed was he with the real thing? The fact that he is projecting his mum onto everything around him shows how deep this obsession ran. It’s telling that even after all these years he is trying to recreate her, bring her back to life in the form of another person. A person who is easier to control. 

I’m thinking maybe he killed his mum because he couldn’t handle her disagreeing with him, or because he felt that she had stepped out of bounds as pertaining to his ‘rights’ over her. It would have been intolerable to him. We know the parents died together, that is to say, within a similar time frame. Maybe she expressed outrage at his killing his dad, and whatever form this outrage of hers took, he received it as an irredeemable insult. She rebelled in some way, and he ‘had’ to kill her for it. Dude’s cray enough to do it. The narrative has cleverly left it vague so that we’re unsure - but I don’t think his feelings for his mother were purely innocent attachment augmented by fatherly abuse. He was probably outside of the scope of normal in how he felt, and what he expected of her. Super possessive.

He wants Bum to have all the characteristics his mother did, without the undesirables. Sangwoo is breaking him bit by bit so that he can sift out his will to resist. He wants his mommy - but he wants her his way. Why does he crack a boner in 13? I think it was the combined imagery/memories of Bum’s submission (wanting Sangwoo sexually despite the mistreatment, calling out for him and needing him even when the pain is being inflicted by Sangwoo) along with some memory of his mother doing something similar. Maybe she called out to him in a similar way when he killed her…like i said, it’s all speculation. It doesn’t necessarily imply he was sexually attracted to his mother…he just gets off on power.

So the most dangerous thing about this guy? Yeah, I’m thinking that it’s his ego. And you know what - I think Koogi hinted this in the very beginning. Remember when he killed the girl, he said:

He victimizes himself and cannot handle an injured ego, he cannot handle people not submitting to him or thinking theyre ‘better than him’. And i think chapter 13 and his breakdown lends itself to this idea. I don’t think he wants bum to be his man-killing murder sidekick - he just wants his perfect mommy back to play into his hands as is convenient for him. My ideas are continually changing, and im always open to new interpretations. Chapter 14 might invalidate this completely lmao but that’s where i’m at right now! I hope this was helpful.

for all my plus size babies out there :)

eeep ok you, cal and mike would be hanging out backstage after their show that night with you and calum cuddled up on one couch his big hands wrapped around your little ones and michael hanging out on the chair and even though the show was crazy and the boys would have to be exhausted they had too much energy for you to even handle and that’s when the idea popped into your head.  you would finally voice your thoughts, “i cannot stay in this room or on a bus any longer..i saw a river on the side of the arena lets go take a walk.” and once they all agreed you would lead the way with calum’s hand intertwined with yours pulling him along and mike casually strolling behind you because there was nothing he loved more than being the third wheel to your relationship. 

you guys would find a little dock after walking for a while.  calum would have you held close to him and you would have the smallest of smirks on your face excited for what you had up your sleeve.  you three would reach the end of the dock and you would turn around to face the boys and as soon as your hands reached for the hem of your shirt they knew exactly why you dragged them out here.  it wasn’t meant to be sexual or anything, but the boys needed to let out some extra energy and you had barely moved your feet this whole time you’ve been on tour with them besides to dance your heart out at every show.  so you would continue pulling off your shirt and sliding your shorts past your thick thighs and down your legs.  michael caught on and of course jumped at the chance to be naked, but calum just stood there with his eyes fixated on you.  people always said you were ‘cute’ or ‘soft’ and yeah, you were but standing there naked in front of calum with the moon hitting your body you looked fucking beautiful.  you looked sexy and honestly you felt it too.  not too long ago you wouldn’t have ever thought you would be completely naked in public, you could barely work up the courage to wear a two piece bathing suit.  but right now you loved yourself and you didn’t need calum’s help to see it you found it all on your own.  his constant worshiping you though didn’t hurt! 

calum would be snapped out of his fantasy land once he heard a big splash in the water and saw your head pop out and heard you yell, “get in cal!!!! the water and the view are great!!!”  and of course your man wasn’t going to pass up the chance to be completely naked in the water with you…and his best friend but honestly this wouldn’t be the first time.  so calum would strip down to his bare ass and damn, if he thought you looked good he had to see himself because he’d look like a fucking god.  before you knew it calum would be on top of you in the water.  your tummy and boobs would be pressed right up against calum’s chest and he would whisper in your ear, “you are so god damn beautiful i really hope that you see that too.”  you’d smile because even though you felt confident in yourself the extra lovin from cal felt pretty good.  and you would kiss him basically melting into the river as your lips collided under the moon and billions of stars.  after you would have to pull it together because michael was there too and calum would yell to him, “hey mike, isn’t my girlfriend fucking hot!!!” and he would flash you two a big smile and a thumbs up.  the rest of the night would be full of laughs and ass touches and everything you guys needed to get some relaxation in.  you always saw calum’s body as being one for the books, loving his small tummy that started to form and his biceps and his..other parts.  but knowing he felt the same exact way about you was so reassuring and made you love him even more.

Title: Sugar, We’re Going Down

Summary: Boruto sees Sarada in a different light during the Winter Festival.

Pairing: Borusara

A/N: Awww! They are just too cute, I had to write something about them. Boruto being the dutiful onii-san and being all flustered because of Sarada. Kawaii! Omg. Still can’t believe that OTPs fondued. Ugh.

“It’s itchy, mom.” Complained Boruto as he tried to reach into the inside of his collar to scratch the base of his neck. “Why can’t I just wear my uniform?”

His mother beamed even more, took his hand in hers and smoothed out his collar again. “But you look very dashing in this yukata, baby.”

Boruto smiled shyly, his cheeks reddening at his mother’s compliment. “But mom, it’s so uncomfortable!”

The corners of his mother’s lips turned down, and she averted her eyes to the floor. “Oh. I am sorry, baby, it’s just…mama spent quite a lot of time trying to choose that for you.But I-I understand  if–”

Oh kami…His mother used the technique again, and it was as effective as ever. The sad look on her face was just too heartbreaking, that Boruto had no other choice but to humour her. “All right, mom, I am sorry. I’ll wear it.”

She smiled and clapped her hands in delight. She was upbeat again. “Perfect! I am sure you’ll be the most handsome boy in the entire festival, baby.”

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I Like it Rough

Can we just say that y'all are fucking great! You guys send the most nicest messages ever! Like they’re so cute! In other news Shawn Mendes’s new single dropped off his album ‘Never Be Alone" and I literally cannot even handle it like hot damn. Speaking of which if y'all ever need a smut about him we gothchuuuuu ;) but yeah nogitsune stiles. 

Run. Keep running Y/N. Don’t turn around and look to see if you lost him. Keep going until you get to the school. You thought to yourself. The gang and yourself were trying a plan out to stop the nogitsune once and for all, which ultimately required you to run from your house to the school to give the gang enough time to set up the trap and work alongside Kira’s parents to ensure the plan essentially ended up working and saving Stiles at the same time. As you ran, you began to think ahead and try to work your way through what may or may not happen once you got to the school, how could you manage to keep everything in place for the rest of the gang and manage to keep yourself alive at the same time? 

As you approached the school you ducked behind the sign, momentarily catching your breath and looking for dark stiles, you couldn’t see him. This was either a really good thing or a terribly awful thing and one of y'all was about to hardcore die. You took as the former and ran into the school building, catching your breathe and walking cautiously around the halls, just to be in the safe side. Didn’t want an Oni blade in your gut today. Well, at least it wouldn’t be convenient should there be victory celebrations afterwards. You rounded the corner and saw him. Perfection. A fallen angel.

“Well. That was quite the marathon girl. I didn’t particularly enjoy it, however, watching that cute ass of yours prance through the woods and up those steps was quite the sight to see.” He said. He smirked at you, revealing his blatant disregard of the scowl that slowly crept onto your face. “I’ll have you know Stiles would never speak to me that way.” you retorted sassily. You still weren’t sure what to do but you had to think quickly because you could feel that he was getting bored with the banter and it hadn’t even become witty yet! 

“Well sweetheart, I’m not Stiles. I’m the Nogitsune and you cannot beat me.” Suddenly you had an idea, not exactly your greatest idea but something that would have to suffice. “You know, I’ve always been attracted to Stiles, but this new darker side, turns me on so much more. Personally, I like it kinda rough” You say slyly. You walk to the nearest classroom door and nodded to it, hoping he understood the gesture. He walked into the room, grabbing your wrist, pulling you inside the room in his arms, crushing his mouth to yours.

The kiss began quite passionate and needy. You both needed this. You because you rarely get any action anymore and him because what guy doesn’t wanna get laid? His hands moved from your was it to your thighs, him bending at the knees slightly to lift you up so that when he sat on the desk, you were straddling his waist. As the two of you sat down, your hands immediately went to his hemline of his shirt and lifted it over his head. You wanted to make quick work so you weren’t caught in the whole “killing Nogitsune” thing and all. As you kissed him, you unbuckled his pants and he did that same to you, pausing to feel your clit and hole momentarliy before he sat you down on his cock, now hard and ready for fucking you. As he sat you down, you let out a moan; rocking back and forth to get you going. Dark Stiles wound his hand up your back, into your shirt and unhooked your bra. He palmed your breasts, feeling and pulling at the erect nipples, making you screech in pleasure. This was then followed by a prompt and hard crack. He slapped your ass. He pulled your hair. Hr bit at your neck, leaving bruises for days to  come. And it hurt like a bitch. But boy did it turn you on. You rode Dark Stile’s dick until the two of you were cumming all over one another, which may be a bit of a hassle to clean up. As soon as the two of you had finished, You cleaned off a bit and began to stare each other off, and yell at each other once again, waiting for the others to arrive and hoping they did so quickly before things turned hella awkward. But one things for sure, you would never be able to have “vanilla sex” ever again. 

5sos Imagine - Cheater {Calum} [Requested]

Request - Anon: Hi, could you please make me an imagine wherein Calum cheated on me, regrets it so much, does everything he could to get me back, but I always deny him?

Of course love! I’m so sorry this took so long, I’ve literally made at least four drafts of this; this was the only one I liked. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to end up back together with him or not, so I just guessed not? You said you always deny him so I just took that to mean a ‘feisty ex always refusing him’ kind of thing, ya know? But I hope you enjoy it! Let me know if you don’t, if you want to end up with him or something, I’ll tweak it and stuff. No big deal. xx

Link to my masterlist - x


C A L U M - 

It was a painful experience; one you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. You’d walked in to see your boyfriend all over another girl, all but forgotten about you, the quote-on-quote “love of his life.” It would take a while for you to forgive him, even longer to forgive yourself. Not only did the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you create a small flame of anger inside of you, it made your question what was wrong with yourself. What was so bad about you that Calum had to sneak around with some other girl for who knows how long? Were you too fat? Were you too much of a prude for him? You didn’t have sex with him every night; should you have? Is that what went wrong? Maybe you weren’t pretty enough for him. Maybe he got bored of you. 

Your mind fluttered back to that one night, beneath the stars, wrapped in a blanket as the two of you held each other and basked in the company. He wanted to be spontaneous; he had taken you out for a drive to the middle of nowhere, with a beautiful clearing, beautiful enough to watch the stars and tell you he loved you.

I’d never leave you,” He’d said. “I love you, babe. And for as long as you love me, we’ll be together.“ It was almost textbook romantic. You were just waiting for someone in the background to call out "Cut!”

But, then your mind flicked back to that same image - him on top of her, telling her the same things he would tell you in bed. Like you weren’t anything special; just another girl. Just another girl that’d given him everything. You felt disgusting. He had had sex with her. He had had sex with you. You needed a shower. You would never be clean enough to wash that thought off of your mind.

“Are you okay?” Your friend asked you. She’d come over after you called her, asking for a day out to just forget that Calum even existed. Normally, alcohol would be involved with the process, but you were avoiding the nightlife scene out of spite for your ex.

You weren’t necessarily angry at him, the anger had passed as the days went on, you just wanted an explanation. Why would he stoop so low? Why would he sneak around with some other girl? Why didn’t he just tell you, so you didn’t have to find out? You might’ve understood. You wouldn’t have to go through such emotional pain. You could’ve just accepted it, and the two of you could’ve said goodbye mutually. No yelling involved. You could’ve just gone your separate ways because he wasn’t interested in you like that anymore. It would’ve hurt, but it would’ve hurt less than seeing him on top of her like that.

“No.” You sighed, your mind returning back to the real world. She pouted and pulled you into a loving hug, and you rested your head on her shoulder. If nothing else,  you needed support right now. You needed to forgive yourself, for not being enough for him. You needed to just let this go. It would pass eventually, given time. 

“He’s a fucking jerk.” Your friend spoke into your shoulder.

“Don’t say that,” You pulled away from the hug. “I still love him." 

"What?” She looked at you, and you sheepishly nodded. “You can’t be serious!” She seemed shocked by your response; as if you were just supposed to forget about it in one night. Calum might’ve been able to throw away your entire relationship like it meant nothing to him, but you couldn’t. You still loved him. You weren’t interested in getting back together anytime soon, but you still loved him. “He cheated on you, (Y/N)." 

"We broke up recently.” You reminded her.

“It’s been a week, (Y/N). Has he even called?” She gave you a pointed look, and you regretfully looked at the floor.


He hadn’t called.

“I’m not going to be over him so soon. Yes, he ch-” You couldn’t manage to say the word. Saying them out loud made them feel all too real. 


He cheated.

He said he loved you, and he turned around, and he cheated on you.

You weren’t enough for him.

He ran to some other girl because she’s better than you’ll ever be.

You couldn’t give him what he wanted.

You weren’t enough.

You’ll never be enough.

Tears threatened to spill down your cheeks, but you fought them away. Crying wouldn’t solve anything. It’d just make it worse. You remember all the times you would cry, and Calum would always be there to comfort you. And hold you. You didn’t even have to tell him why you were crying; it didn’t matter. If you were upset, Calum would be there for you. He was always there for you.

“He did what he did,” You said, in place. “And I may not forgive him for that, but I’m going to need time to give up on the love we had. He might be able to just toss it in the bin, but,” You paused, staring at the floor instead of your very concerned friend. “But I still love him. I don’t want to, but I can’t change that.”

 ”Here, let’s go out. That’s what you wanted, right? We can go shopping, or go get something to eat, maybe we can stop by this bar I know. My friend owns it, he could totally hook us up with something,” She desperately racked through her head to find out something to get your mind off him. 

“I’m okay,” You said. “Really, I’m alright. I just, I just need some space. Do you, um, do you mind?" 

"No, no, of course not.” She grabbed her coat and her purse. “(Y/N), if you need me, please, don’t hesitate to call. I want to be here for you. I know this is a really hard time for you, and I’m sure I’ll never quite understand what you’re going through, but I’ll do anything to help you through it.” You nodded through her cliche little speech. “I’ll call you tonight, okay?” She said. You felt like a child again, always being monitored by your parents. You were being treated like a bomb, about to explode at any second, but who knows when.

You looked to the counter. Your friend had even stopped by Starbucks for you. 

She’s always so thoughtful, and there you went and just kicked her out. You felt bad, but right now you just wanted to be alone. Alone with all your thoughts, trying to process what had happened. You and Calum had broken up so suddenly. It had all happened so suddenly - one minute you were happy with your loving, and caring, and very adorable boyfriend, and the next, you were screaming at him and crying and tell him it was over, and slamming the door shut as you left.

Your flashback ended as a knock sounded at your door. You assumed it was your friend, she’d probably forgotten something. You opened it, only to find your ex-boyfriend standing there, with his hands in his pockets.

“Hey,” He said. “Can I come in?” He looked miserable. There were bags under his eyes - he hadn’t slept, you gathered. His hair was a mess and hidden inside of a beanie, although a few stray hairs were spilling out. His clothes were wrinkled and you recognised them from the ones that were splayed out on the floor from a few days ago - the ones you’d repeatedly told him to pick up. You didn’t live with Calum officially, but you were almost always over at his flat, enough to forget where the silverware was in your own. The memories of your old life with him made you miss him, even though he was standing right in front of you. But, then again, he wasn’t the same guy he used to be. “Please?" 

His voice broke your train of thought and you frowned. 

"You know there’s this magical thing called a telephone.” You snapped.

"Come on, I just want to talk, please.” The poor guy looked absolutely pitiful, standing on your front stoop like a lost puppy. You wondered relentlessly about what would happen if you let him in. If you let the two of you get back together. If he swore he was sorry and swore it’d never happen again. If he said that you were the only one who could ever make him happy, and you were the only one he could ever love. You wondered if you would believe him. You wondered if the two of you could ever be the same again.

“There’s nothing to say.” You shook your head in frustration.

“No, there’s everything to say, please, I want to apologise, I want to explain myself, I want -" 

"I think you’ve made yourself pretty clear,” You said. “You’ve explained to me that you clearly can’t handle a serious relationship.” You couldn’t help but be a little angry at him. He betrayed you. He used you, like you were just some toy. And then when he got bored of you, he got another toy. A better toy, with bigger boobs and a nicer arse and more experience in the bedroom. She was everything you weren’t. Why were you so jealous of her? Why did she matter so much to you? Why couldn’t you just accept that you and Calum were over and move on? Why couldn’t you just look him in he face and accept that you two would never be the same as you once were? Why did you feel so physically hurt? Like there was a weight on your chest, dragging you down with every breath you took. And it just got worse as you saw your heartbreak in the face, in the form of Calum Hood.

You always used to think you were going to marry him one day.

“(Y/N), come on, don’t be like this…” He mumbled.

“Don’t be like what?” You asked. “Angry? I think I have every right to be angry! You threw it all away, Calum! You threw me away like, like, she was more important to you. We always talked about the future, Calum. We always talked about you and me growing older. Were you just lying? Were you thinking of her naked while you were promising you’d love me forever?” 

”(Y/N), no, please, just - just, can I come in? I want to talk.“ 

"I don’t.” Your voice quivered as you spoke to him. “I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to hear what you have to say." 

"Please, I want to fix this." 

"You can’t,” You snapped. “You shattered it. It’s broken now. No use trying to piece it back together, you’ll hurt yourself.” He didn’t respond for a while. He just looked at you. He was clearly a mess. But it had only been one week. Were you really going to be so naive as to forgive him now? Didn’t the two of you need time to process what had went wrong before you started jumping into things again?

“I wouldn’t mind hurting myself, if it was for you." 

"You should’ve thought of that before you hurt me.” 

"Please, let’s just talk.” He said. “Just talk, that’s it. Nothing else. Please. I’m not asking for a second chance, I’m asking for a conversation. Can’t you at least hear me out?" 

You thought about it for a moment. He was right. He wasn’t asking for much. The least you could is hear what he had to say. As painful as it would be, you had nothing to lose from talking to him. 

"Come in.” You spoke, holding the door open for him. He seemed surprised, like he hadn’t actually been expecting you to talk to him. 

“Wh-really?” He said. 

“Don’t make me change my mind,” You warned him. He almost bolted inside your flat. 

“Um, where-” He started.

You wordlessly shut the door and walked over to the couch, patting the seat next to him. 

He raced to take a seat, as if he wasn’t quick enough someone else would take it. You focused your gaze on a spot on your hardwood floors, but you could feel his eyes on you, burning like a torch.

“What took you so long?” You asked him, toying with your skirt, anything to keep your eyes off him. “You didn’t even call.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” He said. “I should have.”

After an awkward pause, you cleared your throat. “So, um, what do you want to say?” You asked him, your voice completely altered in volume from a few minutes ago when you were yelling at him as he stood outside. You were quiet now, wondering if you shouldn’t have let him in. Wondering if maybe this was a mistake. You missed him, but you didn’t want him to know that. You didn’t want him to think you were about to forgive him and you could start all over - the two of you were far past that. 

“Well, first, I’m sorry.” He said. “I want, I just want you to know that I really regret what I did. I’m sorry. It was, it was a mistake, in the heat of the moment and-" 

"You don’t have sex on accident,” You mumbled, purely to yourself.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” He asked. You finally turned to look at him.

“You don’t have sex on accident.” You spat at him. “Don’t give me that bullshit - ‘it was in the heat of the moment.’ Do you expect me to believe that?” You asked him. “You don’t have sex on accident! You can’t just accidentally have fallen on top of her and been like ‘oops I’m inside of you now, well gosh golly this is a terribly awkward situation.’” 

"I know, I know,” He said. “It wasn’t an accident. I can’t change what I did, but I at least thought you deserved to know that I’m sorry that I did it. If I could change it, I would. I love you, (Y/N). I know, I made a mistake, but it doesn’t change anything." 

"Calum, it changes everything. You were unfaithful to me.” 

"I’m sorry.” He said. “I am so, so, so, sorry. You don’t understand how torn up I am about this." 

"Calum, it’s been a week. I’m upset, too. But I’m not about to take you back into my life like you didn’t ruin anything. You can’t just fix this, Calum. You can’t just undo what you’ve done. You can’t just apologise to me and hope for everything to work out. It’s not gonna be okay this time, Calum." 

"I know,” He breathed. “I know. I made a stupid mistake. She means nothing to me, (Y/N). She’ll never be you. You, you were perfect. You were everything I didn’t deserve. I loved you. I still love you. And I still want us to work out, I’m not gonna lie, but, I know I can’t just bounce back from this and expect nothing to have been changed.” 

"You realise you threw us away like our two years together meant nothing. And do you realise what position this puts me in? I now have to wonder, every single day, why I wasn’t enough for you. Why you had to go and run off with some other girl because I couldn’t fulfill what you wanted. I have to wonder what the heck is wrong with me, that you couldn’t be faithful to me.” You stopped, to take a breath, and look him in his eyes. They were on the verge of tears. You were hurting him, slapping him in the face with your words. “You realise, don’t you, that by doing this you’ve shown to me that we meant nothing? That by doing this you proved that your boner for her ‘in the moment’ was stronger than any love you’d ever feel for me? That you just threw us in the bin like we were meant to be there all along. And, who knows, maybe we were. Maybe we were just destined for this.”

"Don’t say that, (Y/N).” He said. “Please, I want you to know that none of this is your fault. It’s mine. I made the mistake, please, I don’t want you to be affected by this-”

But I am!“ You yelled. "When will it ever get through that thick skull of yours that your decisions do not only impact you?!” Tears were pouring down your cheeks, the idea of your and Calum’s relationship completely over, smacking you in the face. 

"I’m sorry!” He yelled. “I don’t know what else to say! I’m sorry!" 

"Good to know.” You mumbled. “I hope you have a nice life with her." 

”(Y/N), please-“ 

"Get out.” You shook your head, facing away from him so he didn’t have to see you cry. 


"Get. Out." 

"No, wait, please, we can try again," 

"Try again?” You looked at him. “Try again? So you can cheat on me again? So I can constantly wonder where you are all the time? So I can think about all the groupies while you’re on tour and I’m not there, and wonder if you’re fucking them, too?” You shook your head. “No, Calum. We don’t need to try again. I’m not putting myself up for that kind of hurt again.” 

"Please, (Y/N), just hear me out-" 

"There’s nothing left to say, Calum. It’s over.” You pointed to the door. “Get out.”

He looked between you and the door, sighing as he accepted his defeat. 

“I love you.” He said, and you looked down as you heard the door slam behind him. 


Special thanks to the anon who requested this! I hope you liked it, love xx

anonymous asked:

So why can't Frisk say that Flowey is trying to help but also kill Sans? Is this a way for us to really see what Sans decides to do in place of Frisk? I really wonder what Sans choses to do when he gets attacked now :)

That is ABSOLUTELY what this is.

Because Sans is the one playing the game now. It’s up to him to earn the Pacifist ending, and no one else.

Frisk cannot do anything as Soul!Frisk - they are just a presence within him. They’ll have very little influence, if any, on what he actually chooses to do or how he handles future situations. And even if Frisk offers advice, Sans by no means has to take it ;)

Now, aside from being a story mechanic there IS a reason why Frisk can’t tell him for sure what to do (I don’t like overly convenient plot holes in my stories haha) but let’s see if you guys can maybe figure it out :) I won’t confirm or deny any guesses until we get to it in-comic though, but if you guess it right you’ll get a cookie later on :)

tacking care of sick 2p

·         Allen D, Jones/ 2p America: he hates being sick it makes him feel so vulnerable and would would probably want them to leave


 James Williams/ 2p Canada ; i hope you ready to take care of this winny baby because he will make you get everything, you will have to feed him and tuck him into bed, and he so bossy and winny about the whole thing and be careful his sneezes are very loud


Louis Boneyfoy/ 2p France: “i can take care of myself” type of person after he says that throws up in the toilet “ ok maybe i should get some rest”


Oliver Kirkland/ 2p England: Please don’t go! he would want you to be by his side until he gets better and will not let you leave


Sergei Braninsky/ 2p Russia: i can handle myself but that you for your concern * throws up* he pushes himself to hard some one needs to be there so he doesn’t push himself over the line


 Yang Wang / 2p china: i need a glass of water , ice cream and hello kitty blanket thanks; ugg it to hot now it too cold, i’m taking a bath wanna  join me ;) he can handle himself pretty well when sick but he would want you there for company the poor guy get lonely


Siegfried Beilschmidt./ 2p Germany: are you sure he isn’t faking it type of guy, like he will have fever but he can still walk and and get what he wants, still he does like company because he think Laughter is the best medicine


 Luciano Vargas/ 2p Italy: GO AWAY I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF” nope i can handle this shoo type of guy won’t let you see him sick


Flavio Vargas/ 2p Romano: winnie and moody and grumpy, he will yelled if you take to long to get his water, complains that it too hot, or too cold and complain and complain


Klaus Beilschmidt./ 2p Prussia : you’re to kind to me” is precious little baby he is even more polite when sick


Kuro Honda/ 2p Japan: “ you cannot even get into his house he isolated himself from the outside world when he is sick


Ryszard Edelstein/ 2p Austria: uhhhggg why me of all people, why did i do have this plague upon me  this” he kinda liek flavio but not as winnie btu still winne


Santiago Fernández Carriedo/ 2p Spain “ will force you to snuggle him until he gets better then will take care of you.

Until Then

( Loki must return to Asgard, and much to Tony’s hatehatehate, he’s not invited. This is fluff/angst. )


He refused.

That’s right, he fucking refused. He would not allow this to happen, because he was Tony Stark and he was finally happy and he got what he wanted. The end.

“It is the inevitable end.”

“No, no, no,” Tony denied, scrambling off the couch and approaching Loki with his hands out, like the god was a timid animal he needed to sooth. “No, Lokes. I already put my foot down, and this is not happening. There is no ‘end’.”


“Don’t you dare start that,” Tony hissed, firmly curling his fingers around Loki’s wrists. “It’s Tony—or Anthony because you have to be fancy for some reason. But don’t start with the ‘Stark’ shit again, because you know I hate it and this is not the end.”

“Anthony,” Loki corrected, his voice that gentle tone he only used in those private moments where their masks fell apart and there was nothing between them but the heat of their bodies and whispered words. “I must return to Asgard, as my contract binds me.”

“But it’s been years!”

“Only one of your years have passed since the contract was drawn.”

“Yeah, but it’s been, like, five years for them, right?”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

How do you balance christian values with what you write? Not judging, just curious.

I knew I was going to get this question eventually. I’ve kind of been waiting for it tbh. And this will be long, but I’m not going to put it under a cut because it’s important. Sorry guys, unfollow me if you want.

I got “saved” when I was like eight because my father is a pastor and that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’ve grown up in church your whole life. You learn the verses, hear the stories, and you print them in your brain like the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell and the pythagorean theorem. They’re facts, it’s a five minute prayer on your couch after church, and then magically you’re good to go for the rest of eternity. I shared second hand embarrassment for the people who got emotional and cried in church or held up their hands during emotional praise and worship songs. I thought I got it.

This wasn’t just me being a kid. This was me up until like thirteen or fourteen years old (which, I guess to some is still kid-ness). Then right before I was about to start high school, I found out my brother (fresh out of high school) was joining the army. He was my everything— my best friend, my other half, the only person in the world who understood me. My Toothless, I guess you could say. And I was terrified. I shut down emotionally and pushed people away, blah blah blah, that’s not really important. Basically I was miserable. Lonely, suicidal, constantly on the attack or defense. And it’s a long story, but I went to a youth retreat with my friend’s church— lets-pretend-im-magic-natalie actually— and it had everything to do with the fact that I wanted to hang out with my friends, and nothing to do with Jesus.

Funny how that worked out. I don’t even remember what band was playing the worship music, or what song they were singing. All I remember is sitting in my seat, thinking about my brother leaving me and wondering how I was going to manage being actually alone for the first time in my life. The preacher hadn’t even gotten on stage yet and I was sobbing. Embarrassing sloppy gross and messy tears and I had no idea why I couldn’t stop. The musicians finished their set, the speaker was brought out, he began his sermon, but I’m not paying a lick of attention. I’m just crying. Hysterically. So I do what I always do— I tried to find a concrete answer, one of those facts I grew up just knowing. I opened my bible, turned to the back where you can search for verses by topic and started looking for “Hope”. 

If you don’t know a lot about the bible, there’s a verse that says, “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” Those are literally the three biggest principles, and the word hope is used like a hundred and thirty something times in the bible. There was no reason for my bible to not have “Hope” listed in the back, but it wasn’t there. And it was just so stupid and I thought, “Of course not. No hope. I’m hopeless.” 

And then I promise you, not a half a second later the preacher says, “I have a daughter named Hope.”

Geez, sorry, I’m tearing up trying to write this.

And I just remember being fourteen years old and hating myself and the world and feeling like there wasn’t one person who could make me be something other than the miserable, lonely, worthless thing I was. And the pastor said that and my head just snapped up. For the first time in my life I understood— God told me to stop trying to know things with my head and just listen with my heart. To stop looking at my parents and my bible like these resources of information and to just be still and understand that he’s there. That he is a constant loving presence. That yes, I am imperfect and sinful and worthless, but that he is perfect and righteous and worthy of all praise, and somehow he loves me anyways. I don’t have to know all the verses or recite the commandments or memorize every bible story I hear in church— that it all means nothing if he can’t break my heart. 

This might not make any sense to you guys. But once you realize that, there’s just this supernatural comfort that comes over you. I have never felt more loved than standing in a room of a thousand teenagers, tears on my face, staring up at the dust moving through the stage lights in the rafters and feeling this impossibly supreme being telling me that it’s okay, that he’s there, that he knows my heart and I don’t have to do it alone. 

So I guess that brings me back to your question. How I balance Christian values and a sinful life. Well, that’s the thing— it’s what every Christian’s doing. You guys see my sin spelled out in smutty embraces between fictional characters or harsh language in funny text posts because I put my life in print and allow it to be viewed by a potentially endless number of people. 

(Also, hold on a second. I’m cracking up because the anxiety was starting to get to me, feeling awful and hating myself for being the smut-writing foul-mouthed person I am, and my Pandora radio just started playing, “By Your Side” by Tenth Avenue North. That’s me and God’s song. Pandora’s not on one of my Christian stations right now, though. He just does things like this to remind me things are okay.)

But anyways, my life is laid out clearly for you guys. My thoughts, feelings, sins and inadequacies. Every Christian (and nonChristian tbh) has them, mine are just up for you to see. Should I be more concerned about whether or not my writing pleases God? Absolutely. If you guys remember several weeks ago I had a panic attack that got me sent to the Emergency Room. What I didn’t tell you guys about was me rocking back in forth in the fetal position, fingers knotted in my hair, crying hysterically while the voices in my head told me, “If everybody knew what you were really like, they would hate you.” My parents, my coworkers, my friends, even my followers. My anxiety over not being perfect— which is what God calls us to be— eventually devolved into a nervous breakdown. 

By which I mean to say— I cannot be perfect. It’s physically not possible. And God knows that. God knows that smutty fanfiction (among other things) is my weakness, and he and I handle that in ways you guys don’t get to see. But he knows and I know that having a relationship with him, that loving him and trying to please him is more important than getting everything right and living by rules I’ve memorized since childhood. 

You guys get to see the imperfections I let you see. My parents see what I let them see. My friends see what I let them see. But God sees the ones I hide too. But he also knows that I’m a human, and therefor incapable of being perfect. And the thing is, I’m still trying to figure out how he can love me and others like me in spite of that— but he does. Somehow he loves me despite awful smutty fanfiction and my dirty mouth. So instead of pushing myself to be perfect and keep all those rules I’ve memorized straight, I decide to let him work on me slowly and in his own time. As long as I don’t forget who he is, I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to love him and let him love me. 


  • lucifer i seriously, seriously cannot take you being upset and scared and vulnerable and wanting to believe mum but not at the same time, and he’s the frigging lord of hell and he just turns into this abandoned little boy around her (while still being, you know, him) and just
  • HELP
  • also
  • i need all of this to play out immediately please and thank you
  • also mom not knowing anything about humanity and constantly embarrassing lucifer is a+
  • can we talk about the symbolism of amenadiel’s wings burning/falling off, he’s sort of replaying lucifer’s loss in a different way, but i don’t know what’s going on yet and i have a lot of feels about this and him having to finally take responsibility for everything he’s written off in the name of the greater good and apologizing to dr. linda and ugh
  • lucifer buying the doll for trixie because he still has no idea how to do relationships, he doesn’t want trixie to think chloe’s a bad mother (also his face when chloe tells him that sometimes the right thing for your kids is NOT doing what they want you to) and he still has his own hangups about his mother and his distorted ideas of being a parent and his insistence that dads should at least be there for their kids (but not wear crocs and deal coke) and JUST LEAVE ME HERE IN A PILE OF IN NOMINE PATRIS FEELINGS
  • trixie is gonna get that doll eventually, i have a feeling, and i will probably also die
  • lucifer casually beating up guys at the tanning salon without even looking was… hot, i can’t lie
  • can we lose dan already jeez
  • just go away dan nobody likes you
  • or date ella, she can pull the stick out of your butt
  • that’s not really fair to ella though she seems nice
  • hork

Can I just say that this guy absolutely kills me with this:

Originally posted by sibirr

Originally posted by jamesnbucky

Originally posted by dailyteamcap

Originally posted by despairingfever


It’s not even real, but Sebastian does such a fantastic job of pulling the audience, of pulling you, right into the mind and emotions of his characters, so that you feel everything they are so acutely, (and cry, or sob; I’m talking ugly sobbing.) Then further, want to reach into the screen and smother him with hugs and soft words to make him feel better.

So, I guess…’You know you’re a good actor when…’

I’m SO excited to see how he progresses as an actor. (But seriously, stop crying. You’re killing me.)