guys he is literally one of us

8

modern disney aesthetic
↳ aladdin

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 5

Great team work, amigos. Here’s is part 5! 

  1. “Why is there a naked Ken Barbie doll tied up in your room?” “Goddammit, ____! I told you not to go in there!”
  2. “No Candice, I am NOT selling you my soul again.”
  3. “why is the fairy holding a gun.”
  4. “Jesus Christ on a boat made of crackers, what are you doing outside of the pod ship again?”
  5. “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT” “He said I couldn’t… and I thought it was a challenge…”
  6. “How the fuck did you dye the ocean ORANGE?!”
  7. “Why are the roses green?”
  8. “Great, you made death angry.”
  9. ”この___だ!”
  10. “That better be a press on tattoo.”
  11. “If you only listened to the nature, you could learn more than humans ever passed to us.”
  12. “So, we’re dead?” “Well, kind of… yeah.”
  13. “Remind me again why you have a centaur tied up in your truck?”
  14. “Can you stop staring into my soul every time we meet? I feel exposed.”
  15. “You do realize that he wasn’t breathing when he spoke to us, right?”
  16. “I liked you better when you where possessed by that demon friend of yours”
  17. “You’re absolutely in love with him and have been for at least 2 years if you don’t go tell him how you feel I swear to god I will”
  18. “There are worse things in life than death.” “Nobody asked you,Lucifer.” “Just saying.”
  19. “Well, it’s wonderful that you’re having a sexuality crisis, but in case you forgot, we’re kind of in the middle of STOPPING THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!”
  20. “Why is there a horse crashing on our couch?” “Oh, that’s Satan.”
  21. “Why would I hang out with you? You’re so incompetent! Your sacrifice to the faeries was so insufficient!”
  22. “Where the hell did the dragon go?! He was right here!”
  23. “Ok, the recipie calls for two cups of lemon and a cup of sugar, but all I see are cough syrup and battery acid…”
  24. “What do you mean today’s not a Tuesday?!”
  25. “So everyone on Earth had the same dream as me?”
  26. “you know what will solve that? Scotch.”
  27. “I didn’t ask for this!” “… you didn’t?”
  28. “How is it that the least likely outcome is always the outcome I receive?!” “You should go buy a lottery ticket.”
  29. “Guys, i know you’re all busy, but if any of you wants the dinner done, i will need my arm back”
  30. “Of COURSE I care about you. That’s why I sold your soul on the black market.”
  31. “JOHN I AM BEGINNING TO QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF YOUR PLAN” “AS AM I ALEX, AS AM I”
  32. “What?”
  33. “I will take the concept of my rage, transform it into a physical weapon, and use it to BEAT YOU TO DEATH!”
  34. “Did you really HAD to slap the shark?!” “I mean… If you want me to kick it-”
  35. “I don’t care, your tamagotchi dying is not an excuse to wake me up before noon!”
  36. “You are telling me that the socks with hearts that I’ve been mocking since the first day you arrived are, in fact, what keep you alive?” “Yes!” “What?”
  37. “So you really want me to believe that you’re actually from the future?”
  38. “Dude. What have you done. Now we HAVE TO save those aliens!”
  39. “Can you just stop?” “God no, why would I do that?”
  40. “Hey at least I get laid doing it”
  41. “While that’s a lovely story, it doesn’t quite explain the fires.”
  42. “Dude, please tell me that you planned to deal with her guardian angel when you killed her.”
  43. “That’s such a stupid idea… let’s do it.”
  44. “What do you MEAN this just HAPPENS?!” “All the time, actually.”
  45. “I swear, one day you’ll kill us both.” “Oh please, I’ve never been that reckless.” “…” “That was ONE TIME!”
  46. “Why did you buy a nuke?!” “Why wouldn’t I? It was on sale”
  47. “I am fueled purely by rage and instant coffee.”
  48. “How are you a million years old, bit you can’t even remember who George Washington is?”
  49. “Because I gave not, a single shit.”
  50. “Is that a marijuana? In my good  Christian suburbs?!”
  51. “WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KILLING PEOPLE?? YOU NEVER USE THE DRAGON, YOU IDIOT”
  52. “I don’t care if he’s a unicorn, NO ONE EATS MY MINI EGGS!”
  53. “Jesus Christ Lewis! *Again* with the Snails?” “It’s Thursday! You said Thursday’s were okay!”
  54. “Here’s a story for you. I woke up in Vegas as a makeup guru. I was REALLY drunk.”
  55. “If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you…WAIT, NO IT WAS A JOKE, STOP!”
  56. “You’re kinda like hitchhiking Ghost Busters, aren’t you?”
  57. “For gods sake, ditch the fanny pack”
  58. “Take the tomato!” “No, I don’t want the tomato” “JUST TAKE THE TOMATO”
  59. “‘That’s no moon!’ Everyone  remembered Jimmy’s words that night as he scolded his friends for half-heartedly pulling their pants down.”
  60. “WHY IS THERE A BEAR IN MY BATHROOM”
  61. “Can you believe it?” “Just barely.”  "Man, I never thought he would ACTUALLY throw the chair.“
  62. "What did you THINK girl scout cookies were made of?”
  63. “Really? That’s not what I heard from Mrs. Sanchez across the hall!”   “Mom she’s literally a possessed cow, why do you listen to her?”
  64. “You got the rubber chicken, cheese whiz, and dish soap?” “Yep” “Ok, let’s do this!”
  65. “Are you building a life-sized Godzilla at 3am again?”
  66. “Don’t get pissy at me, YOU’RE the one who didn’t say what kind of tea bags to get for the clown!”
  67. "So YOU’RE the guy the math textbooks warned us about.”
  68. “Where’s our cat?” “I thought you were responsible for it?..”
  69. “What do you mean I’m half demon”
  70. “why are you duct taping a cat to the ceiling?” “aesthetic.”
  71. “Hope is a lie. So is philosophy, morality, language in general, the sky, dogs, and about a third of the population of Michigan.”
  72. “So let me get this straight. You filled a Darth Vader costume… With cats?”
  73. “How did I die this time?” “Well, it was pretty quick. I missed it, but from what I can tell, you convinced an entire school of 4000 people to throw watermelons at you all at the same time.” “…And?” “The impact of the watermelons threw you back a couple hundred kilometers and you landed in the ocean…inside the mouth of a particularly hungry shark.” “Goddamn it I wanted this death to be metal!”
  74. “Yesterday I learned that my childhood friend was a demon.”
  75. “Please tell me you said 'What bothers me most.’ "Yes? What the hell did you think I said?” Well….it kinda sounded like “His father’s meatloaf.’
  76. "Goddammit, why won’t you die?!”  "I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! “
  77. "I’d appreciate it if you fucking stopped, thanks.”
  78. “What the hell is this?” “It’s jello, you eat it”
  79. "You didn’t” “I did and I made them watch”
  80. "Why in the hell did you think this was a good idea?” “Look, YOU try saying 'No’ to not just a primordial deity, but my little sister as well.” “…Ok, you got me there.”
  81. “How do you know that it’s supposed to look like this?”
  82. “Are you making *tea*?!” “Well what else am I supposed to do?” “I don’t know maybe STOP THE MONSTER THATS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!”
  83. “Why are you in a dress?” “Lucifer wanted to have a tea party. You don’t say no to Lucifer”
  84. “So you’re telling me that aliens invaded while I was on vacation?”
  85. “I appreciate the gesture but I prefer my horses fried rather than alive.”
  86. *whining* “But Mooommm, I don’t want to save the woooorrld!”
  87. “Now I know not to cry there”
  88. “What if we DIDNT kill the king every Thursday” “Good idea we’ll kill him on Fridays instead.”
  89. “So you’re a zombie now?” “I guess I am” “So what are you gonna do about it?” “*shrug* I don’t know….”
  90. “I guess you weren’t joking when you said that the world is ruled by ants”
  91. “When I die, tell everyone 'I told you so.’”
  92. “You’re not real… You’re only in those silly books!” “Correction, my dear, you’re the fictional one.”
  93. “There was no 'free pie’ you moron! You stole it!”
  94. “Okay, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that my pet rock has gained sentience, just like we planned! The bad news is that it turns out he’s evil and is currently building a rock army with the intent of taking over the world. aaaand, he’s trying to get Mt. Everest on his side.”
  95. “Why is our baby on a wanted poster?”
  96. “Zombies are people too, Mom!”
  97. “… I’m gonna go for it. Hold my head for me real quick, and don’t put it on a mannequin like you did last time.”
  98. “Fascinating… I was unaware that was physically plausible.” “I know right.”
  99. “ACHOO!” “Bless you.” “No sorry, that won’t work on me.”
  100. “Bye, Felicia. Take you and your cat ears! GO!”

Prepare yourselves, because starting from tomorrow we will be making ‘100 Prompts That Will Make You Cry’ lists. Hope you enjoy this one. Which prompt do you like the most?

did i ever tell ppl about the time me and my family thought my older brother was gay and dating his best friend? they used to hold hands and cuddle and shit all the time and cause my brothers super quiet we kinda just thought that was him coming out and didn’t really say anything about it. this went on for maybe two yrs and then one day he arrives home with this girl and is all ‘id like you guys to meet my girlfriend’. at this point everyone is ’????’ and my mom is literally crying and like 'u broke up with James?!?!?!’ and honestly I’ve never seen a man more confused in his life and yeah that’s the time my family fucked up for like 2 yrs

Sheriff Knows Best

Stiles/Derek, G, 2K words, Sheriff POV, Coffeeshop AU, matchmaker!Sheriff

(Credit for the title to @cobrilee!)

This is an expansion of the following idea, written by the lovely @artemis69:

the coffee!AU, where John goes to the same coffee shop every day, and there is this very grumpy, quiet barista that always makes him amazing coffee and keep the best pastries for him. And one day the Sheriff learns that Derek is the one to bake them all, so he decides: this will be my son in law, I need a reason to have this man in my family for at least forty to fifty years. Then he matchmakes with no subtility whatsoever, basically offering his only son on a silver plate, Stiles spluttering all the way (but he takes Derek’s number anyway because the guy is just amazingly cute)

John’s on his regular morning stroll when he stops in his tracks and takes in the brand-new coffee shop, complete with a banner advertising their opening day. The little corner space has been boarded up for over a year, and John had no idea it was opening today.

Any new businesses are a boon for Beacon Hills, especially family-run ones like this one is rumored to be, so John ducks inside. It’s warm and homey, and there’s a pair of young dark-haired people behind the counter, close enough in features that they’re probably siblings. The quiet bickering points that direction, too.

They stop, though, when they see the Sheriff—the uniform tends to have that effect—and he pastes on his public servant smile. “Hi there. I saw this place was open and wanted to come on in and introduce myself. Sheriff John Stilinski.”

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you,” the woman says, holding out her hand for a shake. A nice strong grip—John likes this girl already. “I’m Laura Hale, and I own this place with my brother Derek, our resident grumpy barista-slash-baker.”

Derek rolls his eyes at Laura, but his smile to John is genuine, if small. “Hi, Sheriff. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, son,” he says, perusing the case full of tempting sugary treats. “You made these?”

He nods. “Can I get you anything?”

John hums. “A medium coffee, and…any one of these delicious-looking goodies. You pick. Just don’t tell my son,” he adds, and Derek looks up at him.

“Your son?”

“I have slightly elevated cholesterol,” he says, stressing the word. “Nothing to worry about, honestly. But he polices my diet. I don’t think he knows about this place yet, though, so this is great.”

Derek hums. His tongs hover over a muffin—lemon poppyseed, it looks like—before moving to another one. Raspberry-almond, according to the sign, and well, John isn’t picky. Derek drops it into a little bag and hands it over.

“Happy to help,” he says.

John thanks him and opens the bag. Laura’s still pouring his coffee, but it smells so damn good that he can’t resist.

“Wow,” he says, his mouth full. “This is delicious.”

Derek looks quietly proud, and Laura claps him on the shoulder as she reaches over to hand John his coffee. “On the house, today, Sheriff,” she says. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he promises.


“Thanks, Nina,” John says dryly, leaning back so she can put his plate in front of him.

“You’re welcome, Sheriff,” she says with a friendly smile, ignoring his stink eye.

Stiles just grins at both of them and digs into his French toast. He insists on having their weekly father-son breakfast at Paulie’s Diner because no matter what John orders, Nina will only bring him an egg-white omelet with a dry English muffin. Stiles must have some serious blackmail or be paying her off somehow, and John is, he has to admit, grudgingly impressed.

“Don’t look so bummed out, Pops,” Stiles says, around a mouthful of what’s surely syrup-drenched deliciousness. “At least I let you have turkey bacon.”

“It’s not the same,” he says grumpily, poking at it. “But at least I’m getting a steady stream of baked goods now.”

Stiles glares at him. “Are you serious? From where? I thought I had paid everyone off.”

He knew it. “I’m not telling you,” he says, a little displeased with how childish he sounds.

“Fine,” Stiles says, sniffing. “I’ll figure it out, you know I will.”

He will, John knows. Goddamn, he loves his kid, even if his life goal seems to be depriving John from any and all delicious food. “And speaking of, I met someone the other day,” he starts, and Stiles gasps theatrically, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“Is this you crapping all over my dream of having Melissa as my stepmom?”

John sighs at the reminder. Melissa is…well, she seems happy with that Argent guy. Whatever. He’s not bitter.

“Not for me, Jesus,” he says, shaking his head. “For you.”

“Oh my god,” Stiles says, slumping back in the booth. “Eye roll” is too mild, John thinks. It’s more of a whole head roll. “Seriously, Dad, I’m only 25. You don’t have to marry me off quite yet. You’ll get your grandchildren someday, I promise. Stop trying to set me up with people.”

“I’m just trying to be helpful!” John protests. “He seems nice.”

And makes really good treats, he adds in his head. That’ll be a good trait for a son-in-law.

“And who exactly is he?”

John pauses. “I met him at the aforementioned undisclosed location.” 

Stiles snorts. “Find out if he actually likes dudes, then get back to me.”

“Okay,” he says seriously, and Stiles grimaces.

“No, Dad, don’t actually—”

Keep reading

An open letter to Ladybug

I have some thoughts regarding the whole Dark Cupid debacle.  Specifically, this:

  • you know Chat Noir loves you
  • due to the fact that he (almost) told you
  • not 10 minutes before
  • his intention obviously got through by the look on your face
  • then you decided “hey, true love’s kiss is a thing”
  • and used that tired trope to free him
  • on one hand, yay it worked?
  • on the other, y’all are gonna have a Talk if he ever finds out you did that
  • here’s the thing
  • you’re chasing after a guy you’re only sorta friends with
  • you can’t even string a coherent sentence together around him half the time
  • while this sweet, brave, stupidly attractive boy LOVES YOU
  • you talk to him, laugh with him and even flirt with him
  • we’ve all seen the flirts, Ladybug
  • you literally just broke a spell using True Love’s Kiss
  • which means not only does he love you, but you’re his true love
  • or he’s yours
  • think about that
  • *mic drop*

rowana-renee  asked:

How many cookies would it take to bribe you into telling me a story, Bucky? They're homemade, and any story will do.

all of them. i will tell you the story while i wait for all of the cookies.

once upon a time, a little shit decided to go fight nazis. 

usually when i start a story that way, its a steve story. but this time its a me story.

i too fought nazis, my friend, and it was not fun at all.  it turns out nazis dont like being fought, and will fight back. this caused us a great deal of stress and trenchfoot. 

as you may or may not know, my nazi fighting buddies were called the howling commandoes. we had a reputation as being ‘howling mad’ which most people assumed is where our name came from. 

it is not.

so shortly after we’d signed up as steves unit, we got sent out on a sort of breaking-in mission. it was supposed to be a pretty routine just-behind-enemy-lines gig, mostly to see how we’d do as a team. at that point, we were the first ‘integrated’ squad under american command, so they wanted to be sure we were up to snuff. basically they sent us a few miles into a relatively lightly-fortified occupied area to blow up a few supply trucks. it went pretty smoothly. we were still getting to know each other, a bit. we’d met in the hydra camp in austria and bonded pretty well there but it wasnt like we were sitting around doing icebreaker questions. so on that first mission we spent a lot of time chatting, getting a better feel for each other as people. like summer camp, but with more potential for death, and shooting of nazis, explosions, and overgrown science experiments in spangly pants. 

so maybe not like summer camp at all.  i wouldnt know, i never went to summer camp. 

anyways, we blew up the supply trucks and we were headed back towards base when we came across a nice little stream. most of us were pretty dirty, so we agreed to take a few minutes, strip down and wash up. the area we were in was supposed to be secure; it was a slightly disputed border area, but it had been safely in allied hands for months. probably it wasn’t the smartest call, but sometimes you get dirt places you never wanted dirt and are willing to literally risk death to get rid of that dirt. 

we left our gear in a little stand of trees on the far side of the stream and washed up. 

at this point, dumdum dougan was establishing his reputation as the Toughest Guy Ever, which was a rough gig when one of your squadmates is captain america, who literally walks off bullet wounds like a moron. nevertheless, dumdum had the mustache and was determined to be the manliest man around, so when the rest of us got in, clean, and back out as fast as we could manage, because the water was freezing, dumdum decided to prove how macho he was by pretending he wasnt cold at all, and the rest of us were wimps. 

naturally, the rest of us thought he was ridiculous. we were all pretty much dressed and good to go, and dumdum was still sitting in an ice-cold stream in april, bragging about how tough he was. i, being a little shit, covertly suggested we play a little prank. 

so the rest of us finished gearing up, then grabbed his things and started running. his pack, his gun, his boots…all his clothes except his hat, which was hanging off the handle of a knife he’d stuck in the tree. we knew he’d stop to get the hat, and that gave us a head start.

as soon as we started running, dumdum came out of the stream after us, and as expected, stopped to get his hat and knife. we had a decent head start, and he was yelling at the top of his lungs after us. we were all laughing our heads off, because he looked like a complete idiot, running after us brandishing a knife, in nothing but a bowler hat. 

unbeknownst to us, a nazi squad had been sneaking through the woods ahead of us, and were setting up an ambush on one of our transport trucks. they were all tucked away in the underbrush, waiting for the transport to get close enough, and had just popped out of the shrubbery and fired their first couple shots.

which was approximately when a ragtag-looking, still-wet group of cackling maniacs led by the bastard child of paul bunyan and lady liberty burst out of the treeline, being chased by an angry naked man in a bowler hat with a knife. 

there was a very long moment when everyone stopped shooting at everyone else and stared at us. 

and then everyone went back to shooting at everyone else.  but the ambush was angled to ensnare the transport coming up the road. we came from behind them, and they had pretty much no cover from our angle. as soon as we realized we’d run into a combat zone, we dropped the gear and started shooting. steve used the dinner platter of justice and cleared out about four nazis at once, and dumdum got the worlds unluckiest nazi with his knife. poor guy. there’s not a whole lot worse than your last sight on earth being a naked dumdum dougan.

 we’d unintentionally provided a perfect distraction, and the transport had time to regroup and return fire. between us, the ambush was taken care of in a few minutes. 

but the thing was, we’d broken protocol by stopping to wash up, and as a shiny new unit still on probation, the last thing we wanted was to tell anyone what had actually happened. 

so instead we told them that we’d known about the ambush and had decided to provide a distraction, and were just crazy enough that we thought the best way to do that was run howling straight into it. dumdum’s nudity was explained as a personal preference: the man just likes fighting nazis naked, sir, and you cant say it wasnt effective??

naturally, the story went everywhere and got bigger each time it was told. probably we should have gotten in tons of trouble but the story was such a morale booster that they let it slide. 

and thats why we were called the howling commandoes. 

BROGANES AGAIN
  • Lance: Tell us something super bad Keith did when you guys were little
  • Shiro: One time he broke up with his boyfriend
  • Keith: Oh no don't
  • Shiro: By writing 'we're over and u suck'
  • Keith(burying his face in his hands): oh my god
  • Shiro: on a bit of paper and making it into a paper aeroplane and throwing it at him in class
  • Lance: ...
  • Pidge: ...
  • Hunk: ...
  • Coran: ...
  • Literally Everybody: ...
  • Keith: I WAS 14 OKAY?

yknow what. it’s in the am hours. ive had at least 2 alcoholic beverages tonighit. and i have decided that once im out of tech school im gonna get a degree in ye olde literature just so i can write a groundbreaking paper about how cu chulainn (the actual myth one not the anime one) is a fucking trans icon. my guy is incredibly trans. lets just take a good look at the facts here folks

-these stories were written down by monks with an obviously christian agenda they edited the story to adhere to, in some parts more obviously so than others. considering the roman catholic hatred of trans people at the time, it would not be unreasonable to assume that if cu chulainn was in fact trans in the originals that were being written down said monks would attempt to cover that up by making him cis.

-dude changed his name which is a very trans™ thing 2 do obviously

-the whole thing with the curse and how he was the only one ready to throw the fuck down while all the other men were in bed with the pains of birth like this is such a classic example of using gendered language in magic shenanigans to ur advantage

-often described as being small & beardless “this is supposed to show he’s young” but is it really??? it’s not uncommon for masculine women to be mistaken for young men and him being both notably small and unable to grow a beard is brought up several times in text. either way it’s not like being young and being trans are mutually exclusive. really makes you think.

-alright here’s the big kicker that really says Cu Chulainn Is Trans 2 me in big shiny letters: he had to prove himself as Really Being That Tough over & over again to a frankly ridiculous degree. multiple times (at least 2 in the tain bo cuailnge that i can remember rn) there’s some enemy fuck who knows god damn well the one in front of them is cu mother fucking chulainn who has been absolutely obliterating his enemies by the hundreds but the moment they see him & notice he’s beardless (again, this is usually interpreted as meaning he’s young but that doesn’t necessarily have to be the case) they’re like “nah I’m not fighting that get me a real enemy” and cu has to put on a fake beard to convince them he really is A Big Tough Dude Who Can Kick Your Ass. another time in the tain cu used his sick sword skills to make a fool of someone who was mocking him and the fucking idiot didn’t stop even after cu literally shaved the guys head clear & cut off his clothes with a sword. there’s one story (called bricriu’s feast) of a competition where cu easily beat everyone by a wide margin in everything they compete in but none of the other contestants wanted to accept the result so they kept bringing in other judges trying to get someone other than cu to be declared winner. 

there’s this really weird refusal of people in the ulster cycle to accept that cu chulainn is as good at things as he is (specifically things considered masculine like fighting) and idk about all yall but that really fucking screams good old fashioned transphobia to me lads. like trans folks are still dealing with this shit in modern day with athletes not being allowed to compete with their own fucking gender bc it ~wouldnt be fair~ or other such nonsense. this fuck shit with ppl absolutely refusing to acknowledge cu as possibly being good at Man Things is incredibly Trans Relatable™.

-ALSO i just remembered this but there’s also at least one and i’m pretty sure more than one time where cu talks to people who are like “yea we’re trying to hunt down cu chulainn” and they don’t realise he is in fact that very same cu chulainn or are even remotely suspicious of him which would make a lot more sense if they mistook him for a woman

in conclusion: hes trans

The Name Game

The Name Game (m)

Word count: 3.1k

Genre/warning: smut, literally no plot - I legit was having some Tae feels and wanted a dirty talk, fuckboy one shot. So this is the result.

Also for my baby girl, @borderlinehc hope you enjoy. 

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Summary: You invite some of your friends over for a small party. When a tame night in turns into a dirty one. Your friend Hoseok comes up with a fun game for you all to participate in.

You were rushing around your house getting everything ready at the last possible second. It was only some of your closest friends coming over but you still wanted the house to look good. Especially if Taehyung might show up. He said he had to work but he would try and get his shift covered. You felt like such a teenager but you really did have such a big thing for him.

Keep reading

BRACELET

Imagine starts at 55 seconds.

“You guys having fun?”

The thousands of cheers from around the sold out stadium echoes through the cool night, every single one directed towards Justin. It’s kind of crazy to think about it - that people literally spend hundreds of dollars just to see him from what probably is a shitty seat at the back of an arena, but at the same time its flattering, and by now I bet his rather used to it.

“I don’t know if you guys heard me, Are you guys having fun tonight?!” He repeats into the mic, fiddling with the gold chain bracelet around his hand.

Once again the stadium filled with screams and cheers from the beliebers, this time twice as loud. I watch as Justin let his eyes drift over to the side of the arena, and decides to yell “Top row, you guys having up there?!” And they continue to cheer.

Then the other side, “What about this side, you guys having fun up there?!”

A small smile fell onto his face as he leans back and removes the gum from his mouth muttering, “Alright, as long as were having fun. Just livin’ the moment.”

Then continues to move forward and lightly strum the first notes to Cold Water. A second later his hand moves back to his mouth, placing the gum he removed earlier back inside. I can’t help but roll my eyes at my boyfriends indecisiveness. Once more he continues to strum the guitar before for the third time, removing his hand and looking down onto the chain.

“This damn bracelet is annoying.”

Suddenly moving his wrist towards the guitar and using his bracelet to tap the strings while saying, “You see all this noise, I don’t like that noise. It sounds wrong. I’m not diggin’ it.”

I can’t help but smile. Its so cute when he just speaks his mind, and I can tell the crowd feels the same since I do notice a few people chuckling up the front.

Turning towards the wings of the stage, where Scooter, I and the backstage crew are all standing, he jokingly adds, “See Y/N this is your fault - Giving me this bracelet.”

After fumbling around with it for a while trying to remove it, he grumbles “Stupid bitch.” Under his breath, causing not only me but the crowd to laugh. “One second guys.” He announces.

While still attempting to take off the bracelet I bought him for our 3 year anniversary, he decides to make a witty joke, beginning it with, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

The crowd actually responded with a whole lot of “Why’s?” And justin immediately respondes with “He wanted to get to the other side.”

A small smile cracks his lips as the crowd chuckles at his terrible joke and even chose to acknowledge how dumb it was by adding, “That was stupid.” then adds “but it was funny.”

Finally giving up, his head shoots up to look around the crowd asking “Does someone wanna come help me get this off my wrist?”

Girls from the crowd shoot up and cheer immediately with there hands in the air. As for Justin who is still sitting and waiting for someone come to his rescue. Scooter waists no time in suddenly beginning to push on my back, motioning me forward.

“What?”

“Go help him.” He demands with a smirk.

“What?!” My eyes trail down my body, instinctively cringing at my purpose sweatpants and staff hoodie I chose to wear. I looked terrible. “Nah-ah. No way.”

“Who cares about what your wearing, go help him!” He chuckles.

“I care! Plus I don’t wanna just walk out on stage! That’s scary.” I pout but scooter shows no remorse.

“Just go!” He puts his arms on my shoulders and pushes me out onto the stage. This time, I can’t turn back because by the way every one in the crowd has heightened there screams, they’ve definitely seen me.

I sigh and mentally note ‘there no turning back now’ before jogging forward over to the seat Justin was seated on by the edge. Justin’s eyes trail around the stage, looking for the reason the screams in the crowd have increased, and once seeing me making my way over, smiles and extends a hand for me to grab.

I don’t hesitate to reach for his gesture and quickly dash over to remove this bracelet as fast as I can so I can get off the stage as soon as possible. At first, Justin is no help at all. Instead, he begins rubbing my arm and trying to get me to sit and stay next to him. “Justin, stop fidgeting.” I laugh.

Justin shrugs his shoulders as if not having any idea what I was talking about before settling and begins cooperating with the process. This bracelet is so damn stubborn! But after some pull and tug, Justin says, “Pull it from this side.”

“Yeah, and you unclip it from over there.”

The crowd aw’s in affection at our teamwork.

As we work together and finally get the bracelet removed, I jump up in achievement and grab a hold of the bracelet myself. As I’m about to make my way back off stage, Justin grabs my arm and pulls me back pouting. “Stay.”

I chuckle nervously and take a glance at the screaming crowd in anticipation, finally turning back to Justin to shake my head.

“Oh c'mon!” He encourages, grabbing my hip and pulling me towards him. I fall onto the seat beside him, my back pressed against his side while his arm rest around my waist. “Have a little fun. I’ll sing you a nice sooong.” He coo’s as if I was a child. “give you a little kiiiss. We can cuddllle.”

“Shut up.” I chuckle to which Justin smiles.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Meanwhile, the crowd has hit the fan, their cheers going wild in a frenzy of excitement. Justin places his arm around my shoulders while using his hand to hold the right notes on the guitar neck. His other hand strumming lightly at the body.

After commenting about how terribly the guitar is tuned, he finally begins singing Cold water in a soft, melodic tone.

“Everybody gets high sometimes you know…What else can we do when were feelin’ low? - C'mon sing it with me baby!”

I chuckle at his enthusiasm and decide to not ruin the song and just keep my mouth shut, but frozen with a smile.

“So I wanna lay with you told I’m old!” He sang, causing my to furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

“Baby you sang it wrong.” I whispered into his side.

Still strumming the guitar, he looks over at me “Really? I did? Well then how does it go?”

“It goes, ’What else can we do when were feelin’ low? So take a deep breath and let it go -…” I quickly sing as Justin smirks.

I hadn’t realised that justin had actually moved the mic towards me, causing my voice to echo throughout the entire arena, the crowd cheering like crazy in the background while Justin smirked menacingly.

“Hey!” I pouted. “You stuffed the lyrics on purpose!”

“How’d you know?” He chuckled sarcastically. “Well, since you started it you gotta finish. C'mon baby lets go!”

With a sigh, I finally decided to just give in and continue with Justin. “And if you feel your sinking….”

2

The concert in Portland was amazing! About 45 minutes before the concert my friend and I were in our seats when we saw Zack walking towards us. He said hi and asked if we wanted to meet Brendon. My heart literally stopped beating. Obviously we said yes and Zack brought us backstage. Brendon was so sweet and he hugged me like four times and I was so happy. Apparently my dad’s best friend had planned this a couple weeks ago. Also, before Brendon played This Is Gospel he said “Before I start I would like to dedicate this next one to Christian (my father who died a couple of months ago) and his awesome family and friends that I got to meet backstage, you guys are very fucking awesome” I was in tears and I thought it was so kind of him. Again, the show was amazing and honnestly it was probably the best night of my life.

Blowjob

Deadpool x Reader

Warnings: It’s fucking Deadpool. 

Summary: Your girl Nega hooks you up with Wade Wilson. 

Originally posted by my-daily-space

The bar was dingy as fuck.

Fuck it was downright biowaste, but it was the place your date picked. And now you were questioning the whole damn thing.

Cursing Nega under your breath for setting you up with her ‘friend’, you hustled into the bar and looked down at your phone. Quickly you texted the number of Wade Wilson, the man you had been talking to on and off for the last week and a half.

“I’m here.”

A second later, your cell buzzed. “Holy shit you’re way hotter in person. Fuck me.”

Another buzz. “Full disclosure, I have a boner.”

Another buzz. “Also my penis is big.”

Keep reading

comprehensive analysis of sam & cap meeting for the first time
  • ‘oh hey look how fast i can run look how fast and cool i am look at me’
  • cap is wearing a t shirt 2 sizes 2 small that may as well be soaking wet come the fuck on cap put on some fucking clothes
  • i can’t hear anything steve is saying over his flexing
  • ‘what unit u with? where u work? what’s ur name? u got a boyfriend? where yo boyfriend at?’
  • flimsy excuse to hold hands (’oh help me up from this tree i’m so tired i can’t possibly get up by myself’)
  • sam immediately all ‘must be weird coming home after the whole defrosting thing’ like wow personal much? buy a guy a drink first
  • steve is like ‘uh ya it’s weird that’s personal buy a guy a drink first’ and goes to leave
  • sam: -anguished expression- oh god i fucked it up
  • sam:

damn it sam save it! save it! don’t let him go! -says the first thing that pops into his head-

  • steve like

‘what the fuck buy a guy several drinks first?’

  • sam: your bed, it’s too soft. when I was over there I’d sleep on the ground, use rocks for pillows, like a caveman.

steve:

  • what
  • sam: -explains what the fuck he’s talking about, beds are too soft, etc etc etc’
  • steve: ohhhh the marshmallow bed thing? ya i get that. fucking soft beds right haha -is apparently into the whole caveman thing-
  • sam: nice, saved it -high fives self-
  • steve: -demonstrates how Knowledgeable he is and how much Perspective he has and how Funny he can be’ we use to boil everything!!!!
  • steve literally sounds like one of those beauty queens having a question sprung on her that she didn’t expect
  • ‘Miss New York how does the world of today compare to the days of world war 2??? 30 seconds on the clock’
  • ‘no polio is good’
  • ….’no polio is good’….
  • ‘we used to boil everything!!!’
  • somehow sam is still cool with this. it’s probably bc steve has mouth-watering melon pecs
  • Sam Makes His Move

you can tell this is his Move. he tells this to all the ladies. there’s no way you can get someone listening to marvin gaye and not get laid instantaneously

  • steve doesn’t know what the fuck sam is talking about but this is a great excuse to show off his arms by pulling out his little notebook

are you looking at those arms sam?? bc i am

  • btw
  • this

this is the face of a man who is DTF

  • ‘Miss New York, what are the most significant historical events and cultural changes that have occurred since world war two?? 30 seconds on the clock’
  • ‘uhh…. I Love Lucy. Moon Landing. Berlin wall… up and down. Steve Jobs…. apple….???? Disco. Definitely. Thai food. Star Wars and Trek. Nirvana… I’m pretty sure that’s a band. Rocky and Rocky 2. And whatever this guy just told me. idk I’ll look it up on the Google later’
  • ‘all right Sam, duty calls. Thanks for the run…… if that’s what you want to call running.’
  • ‘Oh, that’s how it is??’
  • ‘Ohhh that’s how it is.’
  • this is better flirting than i have ever implemented in my nearly ten long years after hitting puberty
  • ‘Hey anytime you want to stop by my place of employment that I told you explicitly within minutes of meeting you but now I’m bringing up again to make sure you remember where I work and where to find me again, make out with me me look awesome in front of the girl at the front desk, just let me know’
  • Steve: hella B)
  • nat: -rolls up-
  • nat:

anonymous asked:

Hey hey~ I love your blog so much! Can I request Yoosung, Saeyoung, and Saeran reacting to another member locking them in a closet with MC because they just want them to get together already? You can make it as romantic as you want(ie: maybe some heated smooching;););)) Seriously, you guys are so sweet and funny. Your blog makes my day😭❤👏

Haha, no one’s ever called us funny before. Thank you! Hope you enjoy these~



Yoosung:

  • Saeran had been watching Yoosung mope around at the RFA party
  • The blond had been saying he was going to confess to you for awhile
  • But he had literally talked to you three times and said nothing
  • Saeran was sick of it
  • “Hey Chipmunk, are you going to grow a backbone or what?”
  • “No, no! I’ll do it tonight. I know I will!”
  • Saeran knew better, but he decided to help the boy a bit
  • So he told Yoosung to go get his coat from the coat closet…and he told you the same a few moments later
  • He sneaked behind the both of you when  you arrived and pushed you inside and locked the door
  • You start trying to find a way out, but Yoosung is getting flustered because he knows what Saeran did
  • You give up and lean your back against the wall
  • Yoosung is suddenly very aware of how close you are and he can already feel his face growing hot
  • You ask him if he’s okay, and he says he’s fine, but he’s super jittery
  • It’s very hard to keep your distance in a small space, so he ends up backing away from you and slamming his head into the hanging rack
  • He winces in pain and you instinctively bring your hand to the offending area
  • “Oh, no! Are you okay?”
  • He doesn’t respond, too distracted that you are only inches from your face
  • Gathering all the courage he can, he leans forward and pecks your lips
  • It’s like a shock of electricity jolts through you
  • He’s a blushing  mess even though it was only a few seconds of contact….but you could fix that
  • Cupping his face, you bring him down for another kiss, this one longer and more passionate
  • Just before things could get really heated, Saeran opened the door to check on you guys
  • He just throws his hands in the air, “Finally!”
  • You and Yoosung exchange sheepish glances before returning to the party hand in hand

Saeyoung:

  • The RFA was celebrating another milestone for Jaehee’s cafe, so they gathered there after closing to spend some quality time with her
  • Zen catches you and Saeyoung in a quiet moment
  • You had separated from the group to catch your breath, and Saeyoung had joined you
  • Zen watched as you two just talked quietly, and he saw Saeyoung look at you with that quiet admiration
  • He could tell you two liked each other, but neither one of you had bothered making a move so far….but maybe he could give you a little push
  • He asks if you two could find a supposedly secret surprise for Jaehee out of one of the small storage closet
  • You two go inside to search for it, and Zen quietly closes the door behind you and locks it
  • By the time you both realize it was a lie, you find the door locked and you two trapped in the cramped space
  • Saeyoung thinks it would be funny to tease you, so he tries to get really close to your face
  • You back up against the wall, and he casually leans his hand on the wall behind you thinking he has you super flustered
  • “We’re in a tiny space…alone…in dim lighting. What should we do?”
  • You decide to play along a bit and look up so your noses bump together
  • Your hand had gone to his chest to push him back, but then you noticed something
  • “Saeyoung, why’s your heart beating so fast?”
  • Suddenly he’s the flustered one, and his eyes can’t stop flitting down your lips
  • You’re also very aware of his warm breath fanning across your lips as he drew even closer
  • His breath hitches when your lips graze against each other, then before you know it, he captures your mouth with his and takes control
  • You were dazed when Saeyoung abruptly pulls away some time later
  • His hair is a mess and there’s still a little bit of your lipstick smudged on the edge of his mouth
  • But he just shoots you a smile, “Are you hungry? We should get some food.”
  • He crouches down and picks the lock so the door swings open
  • “Why didn’t you think about that before!”
  • “Sorry, it’s hard to think when I’m in a small space with you,” he mutters before rushing away, his face red
  • You blink a few times before going after him, “Are we not going to talk about what just happened? Saeyoung!”
  • Poor guy just needed some time to process things

Saeran:

  • Saeyoung was in physical pain watching Saeran pine after you
  • He could see he was head over heels for you, but he would never confess because of the guilt he harbored from his past
  • More than that, Saeran had been distancing himself from you
  • But Saeyoung had faith in his own efforts…and also the strong power of small spaces
  • He just grabs you and Saeran by your arms, drags you to the closet, and pushes you in
  • Neither of you say anything while this is happening because you’ve gotten accustomed to his shenanigans
  • Saeran waves his hand dismissively before trying to pick the lock…only to realize someone stole his tool from his pocket
  • When he turned to try to find another thing he could use, he found the closet completely empty except for the two of you
  • Saeyoung had planned well
  • Saeran started banging on the door, demanding to be let out
  • But you stop him, “Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you anyway.”
  • He’s already nervous being so close to you, but he calms down and agrees to listen
  • “I know you’ve been avoiding me,” you say. “I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel uncomfortable somehow, and if you need space it’s fine. Or…is it because there’s something wrong with me? Either way, I’ll back off if you want, I just want to–”
  • At this point, he grabs your face and kisses you full on the mouth
  • It takes you a moment to register when he pulls away
  • His words are jumbled and mixed as he stammers out a confession, and it doesn’t help that you’re kissing him at nearly every sentence
  • But somehow you understand and you can’t even express your happiness
  • After awhile, the fire dies down
  • He tangles his fingers with yours and your foreheads are pressed together
  • You exchange a few soft, delicate kisses before Saeyoung comes back to get you
  • The older twin is happy to see you two together, but makes a run for it before Saeran kills him
  • Saeran doesn’t go after him though
  • He turns to you and squeezes your hand gently, “Come on. I’ll take you home.”  

Check out our other headcanons~ Masterlist

the types as things they've all said to me

ENFJ: “yeah i’ve take the personality tests a few times and it can never type me, i always get like 50/50 on each of the things, so i’m really balanced; i’m EXXX” (bitch MORE than 2 of you have said this to me, you are all problematic and project those questions onto yourselves you fake ass hoes)
INFJ: “i should start a psychic business and pretend to take people’s fortunes because i’m so good at this.” (this was said after she guessed that her boyfriend would get a 96 on his philosophy exam after he had gotten a 97 on the last one, and was exactly correct. tl;dr every INFJ is a demon)
ESFJ: “i get to take care of you and treat you until you’re better!” said with real tears in his eyes after i had rolled my ankle and it was the size of an actual softball. he held my hand as he said it.
ISFJ: “i’m trying my best!” said very flusteredly (it’s a word, shut up) after we poked fun at the fact that he was still 4 labs behind on homework. he was also on youtube at the time.
ESTJ: “joe hasn’t answered me and we’re leaving for austria for spring break in TWO months and i need a plan for what we’re going to do the first weekend ASAP or i’m going to literally kill him with my bare hands.”
i have no more context to add to this, yall are literally just the most extra people i’ll ever meet.
ISTJ: “i feel like…” and then you proceeded to lie to me because none of you have felt anything, ever.
ESFP: “what’s happening?! should i talk to him?! should i ignore it and be oblivious?! idk what to do im not an intuitive!” said when i was pissed at everybody and he accidentally got the brunt of my rage. you are all pure and naive and just want to have a good time and i respect that; you do you, boo boo the fools, just keep doing you.
ISFP: “i’m about to make a transatlantic flight to austria to instill the fear of god into every one of those girls playing with joe’s heart over there.” said about her little brother while still in her horse riding gear, in between walking from the dinner table to her laptop to watch sherlock and dr. who. im 100% not joking about this, her name is Mary Duran and she paints on the side too.
ESTP: “well, enough of that.” said moments after crying for two minutes, and seconds before throwing a lawn chair across the yard and breaking a window because he didn’t know how else to process his emotions. @everyESTP, pls get help.
ISTP: “HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A FUCKING BLINKER. USE YOUR BLINKER BEFORE I SLIT YOUR THROAT.” (this is literally every time i’m in the car with him, no matter what, no matter how long; tl;dr every one of you shouldn’t drive, ever.)
ENTP: “but was kant really that bad?” said by some hoe in one of my higher level philosophy classes as he introduced us to Irrelevantland™. stick to your memes and stop antagonizing every person you meet you bored ass mfs.
INTP: “the old lady thinks i’m going to fix our neighbor’s AC, which means i have about 45 minutes to get to a town 34 minutes away to see if the guy has one of the car parts i’ve been looking for. it’ll cost about $200-$220, but i gotta take the money out in small increments around town so she doesn’t get suspicious.” said by my best friends dad, in reference to his wife and his unhealthy obsession with fixing up old, unusable cars.
ENTJ: “socrates was probably the dumbest person to ever live, and i wrote an entire 12 page paper on it and got an A.” (i have no more to add to this; you’re all just as bad as the ESTJs and must be stopped.)
INTJ: “that was a good burn. i think i’m going to like you.” said to me after i said something witty and sarcastic to my ENFP best friend. p.s. every INTJ has an XNFP best friend, it’s just a fact, accept it).
ENFP: “hey remember how you’ve been telling me for the past three months that im overcommitting myself and doing too many things? well today after my seventeenth breakdown of the semester so far, i realized that you might be right.” (said by my best friend. not much else to add to this, really; you’re all insane.)
INFP: “my friend brought me a puppy between classes today and it was only the second of four times i cried today.”

anonymous asked:

Hey luv! Would you write something for 'Dating Yondu would include'? Thank you 💕

-If you get him a little trinket for his dashboard, he will love and cherish it forever. It will have a special place, right in the middle between his sapphire frog and Quill’s troll doll. 

-You banter a lot, except it’s not cute and playful, it’s the sort of thing that everyone around you is like “oh shit cap’n and his bae are fighting again”…until he flashes that toothy grin and you both start laughing. Then it goes into the “you’re both laughing but suddenly he glares at everyone around him like what are you lookin’ at” in that gruff voice.

-It’s likely he rarely calls you by name. Just various, fitting nicknames/pet names. 

-You get used to his teeth eventually, by the way, and in fact, it becomes one of your main banter-topics. 

-He will deny it if you tell anyone, but on multiple occasions he has used the trail of red that his arrow leaves behind to make hearts or write little messages. 

-Like honestly he is lowkey sort of a mushy, romantic guy in his own sort of way…as long as nobody knows about it. 

-Definitely down to look out at the stars and swap stories about the past or talk about the future. Oftentimes with Quill’s music that he secretly made copies of in the background.

-He isn’t one to give gifts, however, you will literally never have to pay for another thing as long as you live.

-I wouldn’t exactly say he’s the jealous type, because he’s confident af, however, he has been known to fuck up anyone who does not treat you with the utmost respect. This includes complete strangers who do something as simple as bump into you then don’t apologize. 

-But he doesn’t see you as some delicate little thing he has to keep an eye on 100% of the time. You are his equal. He trusts you. He makes a point of teaching you to hold your own in fights. He expects you to follow the code. He’s just as loyal as you choose to be. He shows you as much respect as you show him. etc.

-Unless you’d rather have him be the more dominant one in the relationship, in which case, he’s certainly adaptable, as long as you communicate with him. Yondu is excellent at communication. 

-PDA consists of: occasional slaps on the ass as you walk by, having his arm slung over your shoulder, and being pulled to sit on his lap. This mostly happens when you’re out at a bar. (Bonus: Wolf whistles at you all the fucking time and winks when you look over). 

-Makes a lot of jokes about eating Terrans, and then he eats his Terran if you catch my drift

-When the door to his quarters is closed, he expects his crew to know what that means…someone interrupted him once and ended up with an arrow through the chest. **and he didn’t even stop what he was doing as he made a quick, sharp whistle**

-Quick stamina + quick recovery time. Always trying to break records of “how many orgasms in one night”. 

-Dislikes when you are cold and 10/10 will give you his trench coat, when needed. 

-Honestly straight up #1 grumpy boyfriend who loves you to the ends of the galaxy and back. 

Going to the Yule Ball with Draco Malfoy would include...

Originally posted by crystalgreene-justromance

request -  Dancing with Draco at the Yule Ball.

a/n - i kind of changed it up and made it into a yule all with draco thing since i had a lot more ideas to offer into the request, hope you don’t mind!!! xxx

- he probably asked you by using a charm to be all cutesy

- he only went all out because he thinks you’re the absolute cutest in the school

- also would probably beat crabbe and goyle up if they called they said anything about you that was negative

- him asking fellow slytherins to tie his bowtie

- ‘draco all you’ve ever told me to do is go stick a dragons egg up my arse why should i help you now’

- ‘I KNOW BUT JUST THIS ONE TIME CMON’

 - waits for you at the bottom of the staircase in front of the great hall

- might i mention that you’ve already tripped on your dress a good 5 times already

- your mom sent you that dress okay!!! it was special and you hope he would like it

- and oh boy did he

Keep reading

Okay but what if 

What if 

The shocking thing that makes Sana’s story completely different to Isak’s, that ends the parallels for good is that this next thing doesn’t go down how we all think it will? 

When Isak tried to move on from Even, he couldn’t. He kept going back because he couldn’t imagine wanting to be with anyone else. Even is the only one for him (bless) 

and so 

we all expect the same to happen to Sana. That she won’t be able to move on from Yousef because of all the evak parallels that have tricked us…

but what if the 180 Julie has planned is… she actually likes this new guy. 

That he is her real love interest after all and Julie has been messing with us this entire time. that the internet is actually right for once (even tho it wasn’t in Isak’s season) and there is more than one person for you. 

like damn. 

I know it doesn’t seem probable 

But it is literally the last thing that we would expect and leave us shook™ and Julie smug af.

at first I thought of this as a lol but the more I think about it the more I can see Julie doing it just to completely knock us off our feet. 

She has planned these parallels for a reason…and it’s because Sana’s story is not going to be the same as Isak’s, it’s gonna be completely different. But she wants to shock us when she actually proves this

ahhhh I am keen what do you think?

if i fought this indie singer, who would win? (pt. 2)

so i saw this text post floating around a few years ago and absolutely loved the concept. so, just to make it certain i’m not stealing your idea, rather just adding some other artists i think should be mentioned. original text post by @miragesofu! here we go.

Ed Droste (Grizzly Bear): There is a 40% chance Ed knocks you out. He’s so full of love and in a happy relationship with his adorable boyfriend. Although I feel like if threatened, his inner protective grizzly bear could come out. (Like that time he roasted Taylor Swift on Twitter?) So if you really want to, you can fight Ed. (But why would you want to?)

Ellie Rowsell (Wolf Alice): There is an 80% chance Ellie knocks you out. I mean have you seen how much cred she has from being in one of the best grunge/indie bands in the modern music scene? Also, her brother is a model so they could both just easily stun you with a glance. Don’t fight Ellie.

Yannis Philippakis (Foals): Turn around. Walk the other direction. He will get Dickensian on your ass. There is no way in HELL you are gonna win this one. Sure, he’s 5′7 but this man has the strength of 10 greek gods. He may come off as cuddly and soft (which he is) but it’s all a front. Don’t. Fight. Yannis.

Jack Steadman (Bombay Bicycle Club): 0% chance Jack knocks you out. He’ll most likely be preoccupied with sampling the most indie shit you’ve ever heard that he won’t even realize he’s supposed to be in a fight. Fight Jack.

Joe Newman (Alt-J): 50% chance Joe knocks you out. He’s got a bit of pent up anger from people always asking what his band’s name means. He’s got a soothing voice that could put you in a trance mid-fight so, it’s up to you. So if you’re up to it, Fight Joe.

Harry Koisser (Peace): -500% chance Harry knocks you out. I mean come on, he’s in a band called Peace. Doubt he’s gonna be in any fights anytime soon. He’s always wishing he had perfect skin so I doubt he’s gonna want to get it all cut up. I mean, sometimes he kinda deserves to be punched 4everever. so. Fight Harry.

Alex Trimble (Two Door Cinema Club): 0.5% chance he knocks you out. He’s all recovered from the hiatus and is back to his normal self. Although, he’ll probably be lecturing you on why social media is corrupt and ruining our lives. He’s also lost his northern irish accent completely. So for that reason alone: Fight Alex.

Van McCann (Catfish and the Bottlemen): 30% chance Van knocks you out. He’s not the strongest dude in the game, but he’s definitely got determination. If anything, he’ll get a good punch in but it will most likely have been complete luck. He’s a good guy though. Fight Van.

Connor Schofield (Jaws): 60% chance Connor knocks you out. He’s in one of the best indie bands right now and has written some Bops. Been on sold out tours and has 2 albums out. All of this under his belt whilst being unsigned. This guy has some tricks up his sleeve. So if you want to? Fight Connor?

Dave Bayley (Glass Animals): 60% chance Dave knocks you out. In a physical fight? Maybe not. But in a battle of wits this kid would have you begging for mercy. Went to Oxford University and is super smart just because. Brought back Pineapple’s and made them indie again. Don’t fight Dave.

Elena Tonra (Daughter): This one’s gonna end in a draw. Sure, she’s super cute and super petite but have you heard her lyrics? This girl has experienced a bit of life here and there. Once you hear those words all you’re gonna want to do is make her a cup of tea and ask her if she’s ok. Don’t fight Elena.

Matt Hitt (Drowners): -0% chance Matt knocks you out. This guy is like best friends with Alexa Chung and dated that one girl from 50 shades. He’s gotten cool from the people he knows. Sure. he’s got a cute face but the only thing he’ll get out of a fight is looking super angsty with a bruised eye. Fight Matt.

Josh Tillman (Father John Misty): -420% chance Josh knocks you out. He’ll be too busy writing about the demise of our society while simultaneously calling you out on your bullshit. He’s got some important things to say, but let’s admit it. He needs a good punch. Fight Josh.

Ben Howard: 15% chance Ben knocks you out. This guy’s middle name is angst. It isn’t. But it should be. He’s got some words that can tear your heart out. But overall, he just wants to be listened to. Don’t fight Ben.

Justin Vernon (Bon Iver): 10% chance Justin knocks you out. I mean come on, we’ve all heard holocene. That guy wouldn’t hurt a fly. Although he is very versatile and could be useful in a fight. (Most likely not). It won’t get you anywhere, so unless you really want to, Fight Justin.

Declan McKenna: -0% chance Declan knocks you out. This kid is one of the youngest in the game right now. Memes are his thing. Relatable to them #youngpeople. He’s just so easy to make fun of. So for the fun of it and because it’ll be an easy win, Fight Declan.

Mac Demarco: 0% chance Mac knocks you out. This guy is the literal definition of chill. He’ll probably offer to grill you a hotdog or some weird shit like that. He’ll get in a fight with you and at the end of it all still tell you “God Bless.” Just because it’ll be fun, Fight Mac.

Thomas Mars (Phoenix): 0.5% chance Thomas knocks you out. This guy is like 40 something now? Been in the game for long while. One of the OG Indies. There will probably be some sort of language barrier between you two, so it’s probably not even worth the fight away, Don’t fight Thomas.

Gary Lightbody (Snow Patrol): 5% chance Gary knocks you out. He’s a bit tired of being known as that ‘Chasing Cars’ guy. He’s also Irish so I wouldn’t want to fight an angry Irish man. But then again, he’s just another tall lanky Irish dude. Fight Gary.

Sameer Gadhia (Young the Giant): 50% chance Sameer knocks you out. This guy has the face and voice of an angel. Again, super smart and witty. But at the same time, has something intimidating about him. I’d say it’s a hit or miss. Don’t fight Sameer.

Dan Auerbach (The Black Keys): 0% chance Dan knocks you out. Okay this dude not only has The Black Keys, but has another band called The Arcs AND a solo project. Someone needs to tell this guy to sit down and take a break. He’s probably tired as hell. Fight Dan.

Guys, what if we’re the only truly violent race in the galaxy and when our Alien neighbors find us, they’re really scared? Like, we come to be seen as basically the alligators of the universe, really basic and comparatively primitive but will 100% gator roll your ass with a few nukes attached over literally nothing. Then, of course, you eventually have those brave few who come visit us for entertainment and it’s like an episode of Cosmic Crocodile Hunter:

Alien: Crickey! There’s an angry one there! Aw look ‘ah him, he’s committing mass genocide! What a little devil he is! Let’s go see if we can’t beam him up, shall we?