You know what’s total bunk? Lovecraft LIED to me! I shouldn’t be able to swing a cat without hitting something eldritch and down a well! This is rural goddamn New England! I should know five people who’ve got fishmen in their family! I should BE a fishman! WHERES MY NONEUCLIDIAN BOYFRIEND, HOWARD.
“Now guys.” Colonel Rhodes sat in front of them on the couch, his hands clasped loosely in his lap. “Tony would like to stress that making fun of him in his shifted form is unacceptable. He can’t help that while you, Steve, are a Lion, and you, Bucky, are a Wolf, he is nothing quite as scary. Tony would also like to calmly emphasize that–”
“If either of you fuckers calls me a pretty kitty again I will end you!” Tony shouted from the doorway. “I swear to—”
“Tony would like to calmly emphasize–” Rhodes repeated louder. “That calling him kitty is a very fast way to piss him off, so please don’t do that anymore. Showing you his shifted form was not something he had necessarily wanted to do, even though he has agreed that it was necessary to facilitate his healing. That being said, he is understandably nervous about showing it to you again, based off your reaction this time.”
The colonel was speaking with all the tact and diplomacy of someone who had been explaining Tony’s shenanigans to the press for years, and both the soldiers were having a hard time not laughing.
“Tony, is there something you would like to add, or have I covered the basics?” Rhodes asked politely, and Tony just huffed and turned on his heel, slamming the door behind him.
“Yikes.” Bucky murmured. “Made him angry, didn’t we?”
“Goddamn it, you two.” Rhodes dropped his head into his hands, all diplomacy gone now that Tony had left the room. “I cannot believe you reacted like that. Giant bastards that you are reduced to cooing and squealing over a damn cat!”
“We weren’t squeal–” Steve started to protest and Rhodes sent him a look.
“I saw the video feed. Never in my life have I seen two soldiers go from protective mode to adorable mode so quickly in my life.”
“Okay. We did get a little ridiculous.” Steve conceded. “But come on. Have you seen his animal form?”
“He is literally the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. And I used to bring home orphaned kitties all the time.” Bucky said with a sigh and Steve rolled his eyes.
“Excuse him. The Winter Soldier is completely helpless against kittens, fluffy dogs and babies.”