gurlfs

jermbly  asked:

what's wrong with selkies???

What isn't wrong with selkies?  How are you looking me in my face and asking me that question right now?  it’s a fuckin fairy tale where a seal comes out of the sea, drops her raggedy ass skins up on the shore and goes and frolics.  The some rando ass dude comes along and fuckin picks that shit up and is like OH GREAT HOW LOVELY LET ME TAKE IT HOME AND STICK IT IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER 4EVER.  Like, what??  What???  No one just decides to go seashell picking and also grabs a pile of fish droppings off of the shore.

AND DON’T YOU COME AT ME TELLING ME IT’S LIKE A FUR COAT, LIKE THE SELKIE’S ALL 

no.  NO.  That skin was on a SEAL like ten seconds ago, it hasn’t been WEATHERIZED AND TREATED.  I hate you.  I HATE YOU.  DON’T PICK UP DEAD SEAL SKIN FROM THE BEACH!!!!

BUT THEN, THEN, RIGHT SO THE DUDE GETS HIS DEAD PELT HOME WITH HIS MYSTERIOUS NEW GURLF AND HE HIDES IT IN A DRAWER OR SOME SHIT.  IN THE TRU ROMANCE STORIES HE DOES NOT KNOW SHE’S A SELKIE AND BY DOING SO, HE’S TRAPPING HER ON LAND.  THIS MEANS THIS DUDE LITERALLY JUST THINKS A GOOD PLACE FOR THIS GROSS SMELLY FISH PILE IS HIS CLOSET.   NO.  THAT IS NOT ROMANTIC.  LOOK, IF YOU’RE KEEPING THE KIND OF HOUSEHOLD WHERE YOU CAN STORE FISH SKINS AND NOT NOTICE THE ROTTING SMELL THEN YOU’RE GROSS AND I’M NOT JERKING OFF TO YOU.

SOME OF THE STORIES, THE HUMAN DOES KNOW WHAT HE’S DOING BY HIDING THE DECOMPOSING SEAL COVERINGS, IN WHICH CASE HE’S A BAD GUY!!!!  SO YOU ROOT FOR THE GURL TO GET AWAY, BUT IN ORDER TO DO SO, SHE PUTS HER SKIN BACK ON.

WHO IS THIS ROMANTIC TO?  WHAT KIND OF SICK FUCK IS LIKE “THE BEAUTIFUL HEROINE OF MY STORY WILL FIND THE REMAINS OF THE SKIN SHE WORE YEARS AGO MOLDING IN A HIDDEN DRAWER IN A DUDE’S HOUSE AND WILL FEEL A COMPULSION TO PUT IT BACK ON HER BODY.”

I FUCKIN CANNOT EVEN LOOK AT HAIR THAT COLLECTS AT THE DRAIN OF THE SHOWER SO FUCK YOU I’M GONNA PUT DEAD SKIN CELLS BACK ON MY NEW FRESH BODY.  

EVERYTHING ABOUT SELKIES IS PERVERTED GARBAGE AND YOU’RE A SICK SKINFUCKER IF YOU LOVE IT.