gunner problem

which easy company member should YOU fight?

Richard Winters

who wins: Winters

two days before d-day 1st lt. raymond schmitz challenged winters to a wrestling match and dick told him to go away and schmitz wouldn’t and dick got so annoyed that he gave in, but little did schmtiz know that dick was a wrestler in college and he threw schmitz down too hard and cracked two of the guy’s vertebrae

don’t fight winters

Harry Welsh

who wins: Welsh

harry got busted down to private for fighting more times than i can remember; it does not matter if you could pick him up and put him on your shoulder (looking at you, buck), he’s scrappy and will mess you up

Lewis Nixon

who wins: you

i don’t think you could actually win, considering you most likely didn’t go the through sobel-hell training that nix did, it’s just that i doubt nix has the time, energy, or interest to fight you

Buck Compton

who wins: you

buck would let you win, let’s be honest (the first time; when you then demand a fair fight, he would decline because he’d never hurt one of his guys even in fun)

Ron Speirs

who wins: undetermined

everyone is always talking about how tough speirs is and i believe that, there’s not a doubt in my mind that ron speirs is one crazy son of a gun, but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t want to see someone shoot some spit balls at his neck (what happens after that is your funeral)

Carwood Lipton

who wins: Lipton

have you SEEN lip’s shoulders? probably, but to refresh your memory:

those shoulders are broad enough to carry a medium sized town on. not to mention that lip isn’t afraid to climb a tree to fight you

Bill Guarnere

who wins: Guarnere

you will probably not win this fight because bill’s a scrappy street fighter from the streets of south philly–remember that time he tried to headbutt liebgott:

but PLEASE, for the love of pete, although the odds are stacked against you, fight bill guarnere. please do it, this man may be my husband but i’ll fight him any day. this face is just asking to be punched

Joe Toye

who wins: you know the answer

“this guy with arms like pistons” “toughest guy in the unit, period” “these two strapping arms came at lowery from behind, lifted him up, spun him around, pinned him to the wall, and clamped a hand to his throat”

i think malark about summed it up, but if you ever get the urge to fight joe toye, think of this picture:

Don Malarkey

who wins: Malark

i will once again rely on a visual aid:

when it comes down to it, though, malark doesn’t want to fight you. he doesn’t want to fight anyone

Joe Liebgott

who wins: Liebgott

lieb may be the skinniest little dude in the company but what he lacks in stature, he makes up for in attitude, pent-up rage, and a sassy mouth. also he’s a machine gunner so he’s gotta be strong as hell to lug that thing around

Eugene Roe

who wins: n/a

didn’t your mother teach you better than this

David Webster

who wins: you

we’re talking about the man who literally yelled “THEY GOT ME” when he was shot in the leg. this was not the hollywood version he actually said that. fight david webster

Johnny Martin

who wins: Martin

you know that textpost that’s like “i gotta stop telling people to fight me, i’m 5′0 tall″ that’s johnny. if you upset johnny, he’ll just glare at you until you start to get really uncomfortable, and then he’ll rope you into going on a patrol which is worse than fighting him hand-to-hand

Frank Perconte

who wins: Perco

perco doesn’t actually fight you, because when you start to get really excited about a fight, he starts going off on you and chews you out until you’ve lost the motivation to fight him

Skip Muck

who wins: Skip

skip was an expert mortar man so i wouldn’t take him on, personally. but literally every single person was in friend love with skip and his sideways banana smile, you could spend your whole life trying to come up with reasons to fight him and not think of any

George Luz

who wins: you

the trick to fighting luz is strategy. if you’re intent on taking him down, you need to do it at the opportune moment, such as when it took like half the company to shove him into the plane because of that 180000 pound radio. alternatively you can just smack him in the mouth

Babe Heffron

who wins: Babe

babe fought the whole war as a machine gunner with severe hand problems, not odds i’d want to challenge tbh. also, the only person allowed to fight babe is bill

Smokey Gordon

who wins: Smokey

i would never ever fight smokey. ever. this is why:

Shifty Powers

who wins: Shifty

you COULD fight shifty, but i mean, do you really want to? is there anything in you that can justify fighting shifty

Floyd Talbert

who wins: Tab

winters said somewhere that if he had to take one soldier into a fight with him, he’d take tab. i’m going to trust winters on this one. plus, if you piss tab off, he’ll steal your car and conduct “experiments” on it

Chuck Grant

who wins: Grant

grant falls into the revered category that skip and shifty also reside in, which is, don’t fight grant, he never hurt you, and he deserved so much better than what he got. there are no reasons in the world to fight chuck grant

Bull Randleman

who wins: Bull

we know what bull can do, let’s not test him

IN SHORT: don’t attempt to fight easy company, or joe toye will grab you by the throat before you can even get in a fighting stance

anonymous asked:

(Usually BFF) Companions being pushed by Sole after a heated argument then calling them an ass.



“Cait, for fuck sake. Stop being such an ass. When you feel like you need to use again, just fucking come to me”

Cait had been clean for a few weeks, but for some reason today, really felt the urge to use again. She thought that she could be sly about it; she really didn’t want Sole to find out. But of-fucking-course they found out. Those annoying fucking blackbirds that fly around must be spies, or every other human being that lived or breathed in the commonwealth must be reporting back to them, because they fucking found out.

Cait had only wanted one hit- for the old times. One last one. But of course Sole had to find out. Cait stood defensively, and watched as Sole exhaled, breath falling from their nose, a stray tear making its way down their cheek.

“I just want you to be healthy and safe. You can’t if you put yourself in danger through using Cait”



Sole had never liked needles, even before they ended up in their own personal freezer. The idea of blood tests made them squeamish. They never liked having to stim themselves, always told their companion that they’d just sleep it off.

But you can’t sleep off a deep bullet wound. Blood was seeping out of the wound, causing the blue vault suit to stain, but Sole told Curie that it was fine, they were fine.

But Curie wasn’t expecting that as an answer. When Sole was turned away, Curie silently snuck up on them, jabbing the stim’s needle into their arm, injecting the medicine into Sole’s body to speed up the healing process.

Sole jerked their arm away from Curie, screaming out as they felt the needle enter skin. They instantly felt bad about calling her an asswipe, so mumbled out a pathetic excuse of an apology, which Curie instantly accepted.



Danse had been kicked out the Brotherhood. And it broke Sole’s heart to watch as he slowly destroyed himself with a sense of false hope and loyalty for the group whose leader had aimed a bullet between his eyes.

So Sole snapped, telling Danse exactly how it was. The Brotherhood soldiers they saw when travelling together were no longer family; they had orders to shoot Danse on sight. The vertibirds that flew over their heads were no longer an ally; if seen, the miniguns attached to them would be trained on Danse before he could say ‘ad victorium’.

He had to admit to himself- he knew they were no longer his family. But they were the only family he had. And he just wanted to cling onto that for a little bit longer. But he didn’t tell Sole that.


“you ASS”

Sole and Deacon had travelled to Sunshine Tidings Co-op because they heard they had a problem with gunners.

The pair had arrived and got straight to work, repairing broken turrets, setting traps and mines for the gunners to fall into. Then they stood and waited for the impending attack.

The fight between the settlement and the gunners had been a lot more difficult than any of them expected. Sole was stood shooting at the assholes, and out the corner of their eye watched as Deacon went down. They shot their way across the battlefield, killing anyone that got in the way of her and her friend, falling next to him on their knees. They shook Deacon, calling his name, before standing back up, picking him up under the arms and dragging him in the direction of the medical building. They threw him on the bed, rushing around the room to find medical aid whilst watching the battle play out outside. It looked like they had won, with only one injury. Their best friend laying on the bed in the room.

Just as Sole went to stim Deacon, treating who knows what sort of injury, he opened his eyes. Sole stopped the needle just above skin, asking him where abouts on his body hurt the most. Sole knew the needle would need to be inserted close to the injury for best results.

“I got a splinter” He replied to their question, holding his thumb up like a child with a boo boo. He was met to a punch in the arm and a sob from Sole, before they pulled him into their chest.

“You Ass”


“You ass”

Bobbi No-Nose had tricked Sole into breaking into Hancock’s personal warehouse. Sole and Hancock have been on good terms, hell, maybe they could have called each other friends. But now?

Sole sat in Hancock’s office, staring at him nervously from her place on the couch opposite him. He sat with his knife in his hand, swirling it in between his fingers, staring Sole in the eyes. He’d whispered in Fahrenheit’s ear before dismissing her.

“What are you going to do to me?” Sole whispered, deciding to come to terms with their fate. The question was met by Hancock laughing in their face.

“I ain’t gonna do nothin’ to ya brother/sister, ya didn’t sell me out. I just wanted to see you sweat” Sole stood up, stomping round the coffee table to smack Hancock on the arm, mumbling to themselves:

“You ass”

“Talking about asses, don’t mind if I do” He replied, slapping Sole on the asscheek, eliciting a sqeak and another slap on the arm, Sole blushing a deep red.


“I didn’t touch your fucking gun you asshole”

Sole screamed at him, pushing him away from them, before storming off across the vast emptiness of starlight drive in.

MacCready was shocked. For two reasons. One, Sole had just called him an Asshole (his poor delicate little ears). Two, he fucking knew that Sole had touched his gun.

Sole had wanted to learn how to become a better sharpshooter. MacCready was Sole’s ‘bestest friend in the whole wide commonwealth’, and MacCready was a sharpshooter. He agreed to help Sole, but told them they would have to find their own gun; his was special.

He turned and stormed back into a room, throwing himself down on the bed he’d claimed as his. As the mattress creaked and shifted under his weight, something bounced off onto the floor. His hand cupped his face, rubbing his stubble as he sat up, looking down on the floor at his gun that Sole obviously planted there. As the events of the afternoon unfolded in his head, he groaned silently to himself, before standing up and making his way to the door, every intention of finding his ‘bestest friend in the whole wide commonwealth’ and apologising.



Nick knew that travelling the Commonwealth can be tough at times. Sole and Nick had been travelling for fourteen hours, and had taken time to stop at an old abandoned shack. Nick had hurried Sole so they could move on to somewhere more safe, and Sole had snapped.

Nick defeatedly admitted that Sole was right, they can’t keep going. He stood and watched tiredly as Sole dragged their sleeping bag out their pack, roughly throwing it on the floor. He told them he’d keep watch all night, and he’d wake them up in the morning.

Nick wasn’t really sure if they had heard what he’d said. They’d fallen straight asleep and soon as they’d laid down, not even taking the metal plated armour off their chest.


“Piper you ASSWIPE. I told you NOT to mention me in that BLOODY article OF YOURS”

Sole had been hanging around with Piper in Diamond City for some months now. Sole had been there when Piper had started writing the article, and they had quickly shot her down at mentioning their name in the article.

But Piper had gone and mentioned them. And it pissed them off big time.

Sole didn’t want the whole commonwealth to know their name; they didn’t want everyone believing that they were going to be the one to come along and save the commonwealth.

Sole didn’t want the Brotherhood knowing about them, or the RailRoad to know their name. Sole just wanted to find their son. But Piper clearly had other plans, even if Sole didn’t want to be part of them.


“ANOTHER one. AnoTher oNE.” Sole mocked his voice. “No you ass, go and KILL THE MUTIES yourself”

Preston had to admit to himself, it was probably annoying the way he asked so much of Sole and seemed to give nothing in return. He also admitted that he sounded like a broken record, going on about the same things every time that Sole was nearby.

They hadn’t had the downtime to just be friends in a few months, and it was clear that Sole had had no downtime anytime recently.

But Preston felt that Sole had no reason to be so… mean… towards him, he was just doing his job after all. He watched as Sole stalked away, most probably to calm themselves down. It wasn’t long before they were back and apologising, agreeing to take on the job, but he declined, telling them that he’ll send someone else and that Sole can have the night off. Downtime he told them.


“…a fucking wooden spoon. An ass. They both have more emotions than you. That’s what you are X6, A FUCKING ASS.”

Dogmeat got hurt. A group of raiders had spotted the three of them from a mile off, and had moved themselves to higher grounds to get a better shot. Sole and X6 effortlessly eliminated the raiders, however at some point Dogmeat had been shot by a stray bullet.

Sole had reached for a stim to heal the dog, however X6 took it from them, moving it out of reach, claiming that Sole would need it more than the animal. Sole hadn’t taken well to being told that.

So here they were, comparing X6 to a wooden spoon and a ass. And they weren’t far off the mark if they changed the sentence to ‘you have a NICE ass’.



Sole didn’t react well to being told that Danse- no the thing- needed to be put down. They had been sent to kill it, but they didn’t, and they were emerging from the underground facility with it still alive. Sole also didn’t react well to an ultimatum.

When Maxson raised his gun, intending to end the life of the traitor, Sole had put their body in the line of fire. Maxson told them to move, but they refused. When Sole heard Maxson cocking the gun, they threw themselves at him, every intention of causing him to fall, but he barely moved an inch. His gun was still cocked, but now he had a clear shot.

He fired one shot, aiming for Danse’s heart; intending to end his- no its- life. But as the round left the gun, Sole hit the gun, causing the bullet to completely miss its intended mark.



“You’re an ass”

Sole and Desdemona had been discussing RailRoad business for hours now, and Desdemona had shot down everyone of Sole’s ideas.

Des had wanted the opinions from Sole of how to deal with the elephant in the commonwealth that was the Brotherhood. Sole was giving ideas, the majority of which were good- great even- in Des’s mind, however involved putting Sole’s life at risk. And Des didn’t want to put a friend and agent in danger like that, even if they wanted to do it themselves.

“So Des, you want my opinions so badly yet you shoot every single one of them down. Thats an asshole move. It means you’re an ass”