gummi vitamins

my mommy is such an sjw. she tells me that I shouldn’t eat more than two gummy vitamins per day because it’s “bad for me,” but I know vitamins are good for me! mommy just wants to keep all of them for herself so she can eat them slowly like a mouse… that’s why i ate the whole bottle just now. boy is mommy gonna be surprised when she sees that i cucked her whole candy bottle.

Gladio: You sure you’re fine for the night?

Ignis: I’ve prepared for the odd chance that I come down with a cold, I’ll be fine.

Noctis: I’m here to take care of him too.

Ignis: I’d….rather you not…

Noctis: Why? I took care of you just fine last time!

Ignis: Noct, you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming “I just want you to be healthy.” Quite frankly I’ve never been so terrified in all my life.

A bottle of milk is better than a bottle of whiskey

A plastic doctor kit play shot is better than a shot of heroin

A quick cat nap with daddy is better than spending hours sleeping off depression

Flinstone vitamin gummies are better than pills to numb the pain

sucking your thumb is better than cutting your arms



being little is better than being dead

kristoph: we, uh…we both know phoenix wright is a very intelligent man right.

apollo: yeah.

kristoph: and we both know that his choices, however unorthodox, have proved effective. and we have gone over his vast history with the law.

apollo: yes sir.

kristoph: so i’m just spitballing here but. if for whatever reason. someone you consider to be, oh, i dont know….close to you in some sense. were to be arrested on suspicion of poisoning someone. eating the evidence might not be….an idea you should rule out right away.

apollo:

apollo: sir do you want want one of your gummy vitamins youre looking kinda stressed out right now

2

Today I went out and bought a new bottle of Kylo Ren gummy vitamins –I’ve repurchased these vitamins many times over the past year. I definitely noticed something different with this bottle. For the past year, the vitamins have ALWAYS been in the shapes of Kylo, Phasma and the First Order symbol…so I open this bottle to find no Phasma, but shapes of Rey and Rey’s speeder…?

Wow, this got long! I guess now might be a good time to tell you I’m writing a fic for the stowaway thing??? This may or may not make it into the final product, we’ll see. 

It was almost thrilling at first, like an intense game of hide and seek. Now you were lost and in constant fear of being found by giant alien robots, the reality of the situation having hit you like a snowball to the face. You were hungry, exhausted, and goodness knew how far away from home. On top of all that, you were sure you getting sick. There was no sunlight here, no gummy vitamins shaped like teddy bears, and your skin had grown hot and dry. You would’ve cried if you weren’t so dehydrated. Frustrated, you threw yourself down on the floor.

“Cyclonus! Look, here they are!” Numbness burst through you. You hadn’t meant to fall asleep. Now there was a blue and white robot crouching much too close to you, and a dangerous looking purple one approaching. You tried to run but your movements were sluggish. It felt like your brain was lagging. The purple one lifted you with hands like knives.

“It is unwell,” it said in a deep, echoing voice. “We should take it to Ratchet. Come along, Tailgate”

“They aren’t an it, Cyclonus,” the little one- Tailgate?- protested, but followed anxiously.

By the time the robots finally put you down you were nauseous from the journey. Had there been anything in your stomach, you would’ve thrown up. Instead you just whimpered and screwed your eyes shut.

“Primus,” a new voice hissed, and you didn’t have time to wonder what a primus was until something prodded at your lips. It was like something your mother gave your medicine to you in, but larger. And it was filled with water. Blessed, sweet water, more crystal pure that anything you’d ever tasted. You gulped it eagerly.

As abruptly as it came, it went. “Easy there,” murmured the voice who didn’t have a body yet. Things were blurry when you opened your eyes but you were able to make out a reddish-orange boxy shape. “Drift, make yourself useful and comm. Magnus and Megatron. Tell her we’ve found the kid.”

“Rodimus will want to come to,” you glanced over. This one looked like it was made of blades. You wished for more water.


You’d fallen asleep again, and when you woke you were given some bread and more water. It was a feast if you ever saw one. You’d dug in without question. As you ate you watched Boxy-Red-Orange talk with three other bots. One was made of flames, one had skyscrapers for shoulders, and the last one was gray and sad. They kept glancing at you. You chewing slowed as you considered the notion that they might be fattening you up to eat you. The three new bots came up to you.

“I don’t taste good,” you rasped. Flamey laughed and the other two started. Skyscraper leaned down to look you in the eyes.

“We aren’t going to eat you,” the robot said. “We’re going to take care of you. Do you remember how you got on this ship?”

You shook your head.

“Well, that’s okay. We can look into it later. What’s important is that you’re safe,” Sky scraper pointed to itself. “I’m Ultra Magnus, and this is Rodimus and Megatron. They’re captains of the Lost Light, which is the ship you’re on now.”

Megatron? Why did that name sound so familiar? Vaguely, you remembered your father having a discussion with his friends. It was mostly boring and political, and the issue of safety had come up. Your father had mentioned some new kind of “cyber-cone” technology. Days later he’d come home with a new gun you weren’t allowed to touch, then taught your mother how to turn the safety on and off before locking it away. You’re sure somewhere in there Megatron was mentioned. Maybe Megatron made the guns?

“I wanna go home,” you keened. Thinking about your parents made you miss them. The Ultra Magnus bot frowned sympathetically.

“I know, but home is very far away. You need to stay with us until we can get you back to earth,” it-he?- said. Your lip began to quiver. You wanted to go home now.

“How long’s it gonna take?” you whined. Ultra Magnus sighed.

“I don’t know,” he said. “But I promise we will get you home.”

headcanon I have: clef spent years in the goc hunting reality benders out of a van with six to seven other guys surviving off of shoplifted materials from Walmart bc that’s what a goc ‘task force’ looked like back in the day (a loosley connected bunch of small teams paid with $50-$100 cash each at the completion of an assigned mission) and therefore they couldn’t afford actual meds or an actual medical examination if one of them needed one so they made up for it by making 'home remedies’ that clef insists work to this day but the only thing is that it’s not like. made of herbs or something. no ALL of them are made of things six broke sick guys in a van in the middle of winter could shop lift from a gas station so it’s like. gummy vitamins and buffalo ranch cheetos blended together

depression cookbook:

-plain tortilla chips (scoops) and you eat the whole bag
-dominos
-was this candy from halloween or easter? (it was christmas)
-gummy vitamins count as food right?
-ritz crackers and you eat 2 sleeves at 1 in the morning
-i’m gonna be healthy! it’s a fresh start! i’ll eat an apple!
-if i drink warm water its like eating food
-alcohol
-powdered mashed potatoes and you eat the whole box standing in front of the stove
-i havent eaten in three days but i want to throw up, i’ll eat some bread
-appetite suppressants because you want to punish yourself but also because you’re too lazy to cook
-dominos (hi todd, yeah it’s nice to see you again too, here’s your tip…)
-i think there’s some crumbs in that chip bag on the floor probably
-gum has 5 calories a piece so if i eat this whole package…
-is that a crumb or a scab on my bed? it’s a scab
-maybe i’ll treat myself to chinese tonight - oh, it’s 11:48 pm? dominos
-how long have these almonds been in the bottom of my backpack for? oh well nuts don’t expire (they do)
-i could make a frozen dinner that’s quick and easy right? (dominos)