gum roll

Nothing At Stake - 9

[A/N: MUCH SIN AHEAD, IF YOU ARE COLE SPROUSE PLEASE NEVER READ THIS CHAPTER FOR I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN BE SUBJECTED TO SUCH HUMILIATION. 

Okay guys so after much ‘mmm’ing and ‘ahhh’ing I’ve realised this probably as good as it is going to get. Like this chapter was written mainly for the smutty stuff and the things around it just kind of happen and yeah blah. Also shout-out to @isitfuckingfridayyet for being freaking amaze <3

A lot of smut in this one, it’s pretty erm explicit - or at least to me it is, and so if you don’t like smut and especially don’t like Jug smut then please do not read this. You have been warned, any complaints about the smut unless they are constructive criticism, will be ignored.]

Word Count: 2262

[Previous chapter]

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Be My Valentine? (Stark!Reader x Peter Parker)

Word Count: 2265

Summary: The reader and Peter secretly like each other, and plan to hang out on Valentine’s Day. As friends. *wink*

A/N: Just a little Peter imagine I felt the need to write. I love me some Peter Parker x Stark! Reader! WOO! Enjoy this babes!


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Sleeping with my Professor ~Naughty November~

REBLOG WITH INSTAGRAM & TWITTER USERNAMES!!

Prompt: Professor Elija smut

Pairing: Reader x Elijah

Word Count: 830

Warning: none

TAGGED: @crysxtal @dunbarkiss @kirsty-lou666 @emo-chick-59-stuff@xxshewollfxx @horror-movies-and-disney@kittencutie245@thejulietfarciertlove @jwowwluv

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The Joker x Reader “How to Make Your Girl Happy”

Once in awhile, the two of you like to go out at night without a special plan in mind and just do whatever you please. Just like tonight. It’s going to be so much fun! Right?…

You hold the broken gold chain in your hand, crying your eyes out while J kisses your other hand, trying to calm you down and drive straight in the same time:

“I’m gonna get you another one, Pumpkin, OK?”

“But you gave this to me for our two year anniversaarrryyyy,” you bawl, upset like never before, looking for a tissue in your purse. “Oh, look, baby, a grenade, “you suddenly stop your mourning, taking it out and showing it to him. “I didn’t even know I had it in here, you think it’s expired?” you wipe your tears, smiling like nothing happened.

“I don’t think they expire, doll,” he winks at you, working his charm on you.

Thank God she got distracted, Mister J thinks, pleased he avoided catastrophe. Must be that…time of the month because you always get really emotional; he really doesn’t want to deal with it but he has no choice.

“Oh, no!” you suddenly gasp, digging in your purse and your bottom lip quivers on the verge of crying again. “Jaaayyyy, I’m out of my gum,” you whimper, staring at him. “I want my gum!”

“Say no more, Daddy will take care of it!” he quickly agrees, really struggling to keep his cool. If he can’t keep his girl happy, then who will?! He yanks at the steering wheel, going over the curve, hitting two trash cans in the process, almost killing a cat and a pigeon.

He sees the gas station and since it’s so late at night there are no customers. Perfect for what you need. The two of you rush inside with your guns out and the clerk freezes in fear when he recognizes the famous criminals.

“Don’t move or I’ll blow your brains out!” The Joker growls, taking the safety off his purple pistol while you go by the counter and start looking for your gum, and…

“Baaabbby, they don’t have strawberry flavor in the brand I like,” you whine, feeling another wave of imminent tears strolling down your cheeks.
“What?! Why don’t you have strawberry?!”  J raises his voice, alarmed.

“W-we run out s-sir,” the clerk stutters, closing his eyes, thinking he’s going to die tonight. “We have strawberry in o-other brands…”

“I only like this brand!” you interrupt, snorting, wiping your nose with your sleeve while scratching your thigh with your gun.

Good gracious, she’s such a classy woman, your boyfriend thinks, suddenly aroused, really wanting to bite you all over.

“She only likes this brand!!!!” The Joker repeats, getting out of his trance, screaming at the poor guy that trembles like a leaf. “Why are you upsetting my girl, hm? Don’t you know you should have that stuff on hand all the time?”

“S-s-sorry s-sir…”
The Joker pulls the trigger, shooting the guy in his shoulder and he collapses to the ground on the other side of the counter, yelping in pain.
“You’re lucky I’m in a good mood, otherwise you’d be dead now!” J yells, mad as hell, taking your hand and fastly walking back to the car.

“Stop crying, Princess, we’ll get your gum!” he promises, starting to drive again. He feels so aggravated, but if he can’t keep his girl happy, then who will?!

After a few miles he notices a small, lonely convenience store and slams the breaks, sharply turning so he can park.

You both run inside and he keeps the terrified owner at gunpoint while you look through their stash and let out a scream when you see what you need. You grab a paper bag and cram in all the strawberry flavored gum you see in the brand you like and grab one last package, wanting to open it when the date gets your attention.

“Jaaaayyyy, this is expired,” you complain, your quivering bottom lip making him lose it.

“Are you trying to kill my girl?!” he snaps at the man, outraged, mostly because he has to deal with you in this state after you leave the store.

“N-no, n-not at all, I-I don’t know how it happened,” the guy gulps, feeling he’s going to faint soon.

“They’re all expired, baaabyyy,” you frantically go through your bag, tossing each little package one after the other.

“Are you trying to kill your customers?! What kind of place is this? You should be reported to authorities! No, Doll, don’t!” J slaps your hand when you try to actually open the last package because you want your gum badly and it makes you more upset when you drop it. “Let’s go, Y/N, this damn city is trying to kill us tonight,” he pants, backing out and you hold on to his green shirt, following him outside like a lost puppy.

“Hold on, baby,” you sniffle and take the grenade out of your purse, heading back inside and tossing it towards the back of the store, shouting at the clerk:
“This is for trying to kill people!” The explosion blows up the back wall and messes up half a store. You start laughing, suddenly happy, heading back to your car. “I don’t want gum anymore, can we drive to our spot?” you sweetly ask, kissing his shoulder as he starts driving again. You forgot to cry.

Shit, J thinks. Why? Because you usually go to your secret spot on top of the hill to have sex. Since you are…not able to for now, it only means one thing: you will want to cuddle and talk. Your boyfriend takes a deep breath, pretending he’s not panicking. But if he can’t keep his girl happy, then who will?!

Once you get there, you crawl on the hood with him, placing yourself in between his legs so he can hold your waist from behind.

“Ahhh, this is so nice, isn’t it baby?” you giggle, putting your hands on top of his. The Joker is tense but doesn’t want to show it. He hates this kind of crap. “Wow, a falling star! Make a wish!” you get all excited, clapping and he sighs, bored. “Did you make a wish? What did you wish for?” you turn your head so you can see him.

“For Goddamm Gotham to have your stupid gum!” he grumbles, rolling his eyes.

“No way! Me too!” you get on your knees, turning so you can face him. “What were the odds, baby?” You smile so brightly his sassiness goes down a notch. “You really love me, don’t you?” you bite your lip and he feels his left eye twitching.

“Yeap,” his short answer comes and you don’t give up.

“How much?”

“Ummm, a decent amount I guess,” he growls, uncomfortable, wishing you would change the subject.

“Really?!” you kiss him, astounded. “This is one of the nicest things you ever said to me,” you get all teary and sentimental.

“I know,” he agrees, beginning to feel kind of nauseated. The things he has to go through to please you. But if he can’t keep his girl happy, then who will?!

“Dadddyyyy,” you trace his Jester tattoo, batting your lashes at him.

Oh, hell no, The Joker thinks. You only call him Daddy in bed (which is not the case here) or when you want something he wouldn’t agree with, which is probably the case.
“Yes, Kitten?” he tilts his head, waiting to hear what else it’s going to come out of your mouth next.

“I think we should have a baby, or two or three, but at least two, yes?” you blur out, enthusiastic to the maximum and he starts getting flustered, not expecting such a twist.
“I don’t think so, Pumpkin,” The Joker utters with such a determination you start bawling instantly.

“Why, not, babbbyyy?” you wail, sobbing with your face on his neck like he’s been dead for three months or so. “You think I’m ugly?!”

His hands stop caressing your back because he’s trying to soothe you.

“I don’t think you’re ugly, I think you are a pretty Doll,” he debates, trying to sound as sincere as possible on this one. “You look decent, don’t worry,” he pets your hair and you wipe your tears, grinning at him. Man, he absolutely hates this crap. But if he can’t keep his girl happy, then who will?!

“This is one of the nicest things you ever said to me, Jaaayyy,” you proudly state, swallowing the lump in your throat, feeling blessed your boyfriend likes you so much. “So let’s have kids then,” you switch to your original plan, hoping for a positive outcome.

“No…I really don’t want to…” he makes a comeback, stubborn and determined not to give in.

You gasp so loud it startles him:
“Are you…are you having an affair?”

“Wha’ ?! No, I’m not having an affair,” he immediately defends himself , irked you would think something like that.

“Oh my God, you’re cheating on me, aren’t you?” The crying starts again and you weep on his chest, soiling his favorite Versage shirt with tears and makeup. “Is she prettier, more decent looking than me? You wanna have kids with her and not with me?” you clench your fists on the fabric, heartbroken.

Dammit, why do you have to get like this every month? The Joker thinks, irritated.

“I’m not having an affair, OK?” he lifts your chin up so he can look you in the eyes. All that mascara over your face makes him cringe. “If you don’t stop crying I will really have an affair, got it? I mean it! Stop crying, NOW!!” he requests with a pissed voice and you gulp, suddenly holding your breath so you won’t make a sound because you don’t want him cheating. You feel you need air and he watches quite amused how you struggle to hold your breath, afraid to move. After a few good seconds you give up and start breathing again.
“I’m not crying anymore, all right? “you kiss him, and since you don’t have any tissue, you wipe your nose with your sleeve again and he gropes you, purring.

“I love classy girls, Doll, you’re so classy,” he charges at your cleavage, not being able to control himself anymore and not giving a damn about that mascara all over your cheeks.

You snicker, straddling his lap and just have to say it:

“Jaayyy, come on, let’s have a baby, or two or three, pleaseeee,” you pull his hair and scream when he bites your skin. “Unless you really think I’m ugly,” you bottom lip quivers once more, your happiness going downhill as fast as his enthusiasm for the subject. When he sees the tears rolling down your face he has to get it together with all he’s got in order to muster the words:

“Fine, we’ll have a baby,” he bitterly mumbles, distressed.

If he can’t keep his girl happy, then who will?!

Also read- MASTERLIST:

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

2

Germany’s Vampire Killer Couple
Daniel and Manuela Ruda

In 2000, 26 year old Daniel Ruda placed an ad in a local heavy metal magazine looking for a, “Pitch-black vampire seeks princess of darkness who hates everything and everyone and has bidden farewell to life.” Ruda was overjoyed when 23 year Manuela Bartel responded. The pair quickly moved in, they practiced satanism, avoided sunlight and slept in a coffin. On the 6th of June 2001, the pair married.

The murdered occurred on the 6th of July 2001, just a month after their marriage. The satanic couple lured friend Frank Hackert to theirs for a party, however he was the only one there. Once inside he was bludgeoned with a hammer and stabbed 66 times. Afterwards, the couple slit Hackert’s veins and drained his blood into bowls from which they drank. They then carved a pentagram into Hackert’s chest and left his body with a scalpel sticking straight up out of his torso. The couple then fled and purchased a chainsaw to do a surprise massacre, however the police caught them. Authorities found a kill list in their car.

At trial, the Rudas snarled, hissed, laughed, chewed gum, rolled their eyes, mocked Hackert’s mother, and repeatedly threw “devil horn” hand signs and made obscene finger gestures. When asked why, Daniel responded, “he was so funny he would be a perfect court jester for Satan!”

Daniel and Manuela Ruda were sentenced to psychiatric hospitals. Daniel is still serving time whilst Manuela was released in 2010.

anonymous asked:

"I know your weakness. It is kisses. You're are doomed." Beronica????

“Okay,” Betty says, tugging an old sweater of Veronica’s out from the bottom of her closet. “This is so cute. Why don’t you wear this?”

“Ugh,” Veronica says. “It’s old as balls. It’s not even last reason it’s like, a thousand seasons ago.”

“You can’t keep buying new clothes,” Betty says. “You have to budget.”

“No,” Veronica says. “You have to budget for me. Can’t we move some money around into the sweater fund?”

“There is no sweater fund, V,” Betty says. “You barely have finances for lipstick. Which you don’t even need to keep buying lipsticks? You have more lipstick than a Sephora.”

“I like nice things!” Veronica protests, slamming her hand on her comforter. “Why must I be punished for it?”

“I’m not punishing you,” Betty says. “I’m just trying to help you, V.” She holds the sweater in her hands, thumbing the soft cashmere. “You’ve got a weakness for spending money.”

“I have no weaknesses,” Veronica says.

“Oh?” Betty says, kneeling in front of the bed. “Try on this sweater.”

“No,” Veronica says. “It’s ancient.”

“Please?” Betty asks, jutting out her lower lip. “I want to see you wear it.”

“But I don’t want to,” Veronica says. “What if we went to the mall right now? The Westchester’s still open and they have a Neiman’s and-”

Betty surges forward and captures Veronica’s lips in a kiss. She can still taste the cinnamon gum Veronica’s been rolling around on her tongue this whole time. 

She pulls back, gently wiping off the remains of Veronica’s lipstick on the back of her hand. “Please?” Betty asks, snapping the gum with her tongue. 

Veronica snags the sweater from Betty. “Fine,” she says. “But I’m not gonna like it.”

Ticking Time Bomb Ch.1

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Warning: Swearing

** Malyutka (Russian for Little One)

 

Steve and You aren’t close to being the same, you’re a ticking time bomb with an attitude to match your wild hair. A spy and a history with Nat, you aren’t open to many if anyone.  But going under cover with Mr. America could change everything for you, who knows what lies under all that anger, hostility, cold attitude and brightly colored hair.

Originally posted by slayalec

 

‘Snap’… ‘pop’… ‘sigh’… ‘snap’… ‘snap’ …

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Snapshots of Life - A Harry Styles mini fic

This mini-fic was written as an answer to a couple of blurb requests I got for several stages of a ‘relationship with Harry’. Behold, several little snapshots… It’s quite long, so be sure to click keep reading ;) hope you like it. 

The day they met

“Lily!” Jeff shouted over the loud thumping of music blasting from his speakers and the loud hum of people talking, “Come over here, come meet Harry Styles!”

Lily turned her head, brown eyes twinkling over a cocktail with an umbrella in it. She smiled when she spotted Jeff and hopped off the stool she’d been sitting on, taking the drink with her.

“Lily’s father designed this house,” said Jeff.

“God, Jeff, he’ll be disappointed when he realises I’m not nearly as interesting as my dad! Can’t you give me a proper introduction?” she grinned at Jeff and then turned to Harry, “Hi.”

“Uhm, Harry, meet Lily, she uhm, she’s really good at Scrabble.”

“That’s it?!” Lily scoffed, punching Jeff’s arm.

“Trust me, that’s a good thing!”

Harry was watching the whole exchange with a bemused smile on his face. “Pleasure to meet you, Lily.”

“And you,” Lily smiled, picking the umbrella out of her drink and reaching up to stick it in Harry’s hair without further explanation.

Harry learned that Lily was studying to be a teacher (and nearly done), that she was unphased by his stardom, but laughed at his puns.

And when he got home in the early hours of the morning and plucked the umbrella out of his hair, he couldn’t bring himself to throw it away, because it was as colourful as she was.

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anonymous asked:

The big colorful twirly ones you get at the zoo or carnival are lollipops, the little ones (like the ones that have tootsie rolls or gum in the middle) are suckers

Okay. I can agree with this.

Prom Pt. 1 - Ethan

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Masterlist

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It was the day before Prom meaning it was Thursday. And I wanted to just die. It was my senior year and my friends have been bugging me to go. I said I would go if I got ask. And it has not happen. I wasn’t popular. I wasn’t a nerd. A wasn’t a cheerleader. I was none of those things but normal. I wasn’t super hot, or super pretty. To me I was ugly and normal.

I made my way slowly to my class since I had a few minutes to spare before the homeroom bell rung. I walked in the middle of the hallway. My books held tightly against my chest. Every guy either being with his friends or some girls. Every girl either being with her squad or the ‘boy’ she’s using.

As I came to my room I turned in greeting the teacher and made my way to my desk to find the big slut of the school. And not to mention she’s caption of the cheer squad. The only reason why I want to come early. So I can beat her to MY sit. The only reason why she takes it because my crush Ethan Dolan and his other twin brother Grayson Dolan sit right behind me.

I let out a rather loud groan well I got to my desk to let her know I was here. She turned her ugly patted face of makeup towards me. “Can you move?” I asked her nicely at first. “Um who are you?” She asked trying to be stupid. “Your worst nightmare. Now move.” I said rolling my eyes. “Do you even know who I am.” She questioned well clicking her gum. I rolled my eyes. 

“No not really. Wait are you satin?” I asked smirking. “I am the queen of this school and I can make your life a living hell.” She said blowing a bubble in my face. “It can’t you see. Because it already is one because a slut who where’s push-up bra’s and where to much makeup is sitting at my desk.” I said smirking.

“Oh Ethy make her stop!” She whined looking back over at Ethan. I rolled my eyes. “Oh Ethy this, Oh Ethy that! I can tell by his face that he doesn’t really fucking care about you!” I spat at her. She huffed at me rolling her eyes getting up and out of my seat. I rolled my eyes and sat down in my seat flipping her off as she looked behind her to look at me.

“Hey.” A deep voice said as their was tapping on my shoulder. I turned around to look at Ethan. “What up?” I asked. “That was pretty cool what you did there.” He commented. I nodded my head slowly. “Yeah well guess I had to stick up for myself to get her to move.” I simply said. “Can I ask you something?” He asked. I nodded my head to answer his question.

“I know I’m kind of late but I couldn’t really figure out a creative way to ask you but y/n will you go to prom with me.” Ethan asked. I looked at him shocked. “Are you for real?” I asked after a minute of silence. “Yeah.” He replied back. I was still shocked but nodded my head anyways as a smile slowly formed on my lips. “Yeah, yeah I’ll love to go with you.” I smiled fully at him. “Good.” He smiled.

the new workout plan

Title: The New Workout Plan
Pairing: Lance Tucker (The Bronze)/OFC (named)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Lots of smug Lance, smut, just the usual
A/N: Sorry it took me so long; I was planning on getting this done WAY earlier, but I was struggling, and I had to work at my second job this morning. Anyway, this one is for @paodelsan, I hope you enjoy it!

Originally posted by buckypupbarnes

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