John hears the buzz of the razor before he hearsSherlock himself, a low vibrating hum on the air. It’s an odd sound
to hear, since Sherlock never uses the electric razor, and John
frowns because he can’t put the picture together in his head.
It’s only as he’s right outside the bathroom door that
he hears Sherlock himself, a steady stream of profanities, low and
snarling, and as John steps around the corner of the door, he’s
brought up short at the sight that greets him.
stands, completely naked in front of the sink. All around his feet,
scattered across the bathroom tile, is a carpet of dark hair,
familiar twisted curls and jagged cropped locks. John stares in
wide-eyed incredulity as Sherlock, his hands raised to his head,
slides John’s electric razor over the dark fuzz on his scalp. It
passes over, leaving a clean pink line behind it.
John says. “What the—”
front of the mirror, Sherlock’s blazing blue eyes snap towards him.
“We are never, ever having children,” he snarls.
stares at him with his mouth hanging open and has no idea what to
Do you hear me? If you want children, best tell me now because this
will never work between us.”
no. I don’t want—Sherlock…what—”
John.” He growls and swipes the razor over his head. More dark fuzz
disappears and John watches in fascination as another strip of pink
scalp appears, naked and smooth. “I was at the shops because we ran
out of milk and you always complain that I never replace the milk.
And the puling spawn of some unnatural anomaly of human existence put
gum in my hair. Gum, John. In
shaved your whole head because of gum?”
pink stripe appears and Sherlock turns his glare on John. “I
was angry. This is your fault.
For not being home to stop me and because you made me go to the
presses his lips together and nods, not sure what to say. More dark
fuzz disappears and more smooth skin is revealed. John stares and is
aware of an incredibly dangerous impulse to burst into laughter.
he says. “I’ll make tea, shall I?”
can’t,” Sherlock snaps. “There’s no milk.”
mil—I thought you said you went to the shops.”
look Sherlock gives him is utterly scathing. “Do you think I stayed
to have further indignities
visited upon me by the underdeveloped masses? Do you know what the
demonspawn’s mother said when it happened?”
said it was my fault for standing so close. As if I had a choice when
she refused to move up in the line and I had to reach past her to get
the bloody lane divider myself.”
sounds—just wow. Yeah. That’s…that’s very…very…” and
suddenly the laughter is there, bubbling past the words and spilling
out, and John leans against the door frame and howls.
John, this isn’t funny.”
“Oh my God,” John
manages to say before he can’t say anything at all and he stumbles
out of the bathroom, snorting and convulsing helplessly with
laughter. He tumbles into the bedroom and collapses whooping onto the
is behind him, his face a picture of outrage, and he stands over John
in all his naked glory, his head pink and gleaming, and he glowers
down as John clutches at his belly and wails.
For God’s sake. This isn’t funny. John,
tries to speak, to say something, to reassure Sherlock that it’s
really not so bad, but the second he sees that pale pink pate he goes
off again, cackling uncontrollably into the bed sheets.
for God’s sake,” Sherlock snaps, and pounces at him and John gives
a surprised choke of half-alarmed laughter as he giggles helplessly
against Sherlock’s sudden onslaught.
think I’m hilarious, do you?” Sherlock demands, and John giggles
and squirms at the hands dragging at his trousers fastenings. “You
think this is something to laugh about?”
oh my God!”
keep laughing, John,” Sherlock snaps, but his lips are fighting at
the corners and there is dangerous amusement glittering at in his
eyes. “I want to see how funny you think I am,” Sherlock growls,
and John gives a shriek of terrified laughter as Sherlock drags his
Jesus Christ! You shaved your head!”
snarls and bites down on the flesh of John’s belly and John gives a
high-pitched giggle as he tries to worm away.
no you don’t, Doctor Watson.” Sherlock drags him back and pushes
his thighs up and John tries to breathe past the laughter that is
consuming him, of Sherlock’s eyes, huge and impossibly dark without
the contrast of his hair. He continues to giggle at the first finger
that pushes into him, breathless and flushed as the knuckle slips
past his rim and he looks up at Sherlock with tears in his eyes, at
that wickedly grinning face, beautiful and naked and weirdly inhuman
without the curls dancing around it. “Keep laughing, John,”
Sherlock says with a grin. “I want to see how funny you think I am
with my cock deep inside you.”
Jesus. I can’t believe you shaved your head.”
don’t need my hair to fuck you, John,” Sherlock says, and he pushes
a second finger in and John’s giggles abruptly fade into a moan.
the time the third finger pushes inside him, John’s giggles have been
subsumed entirely by panting groans and when Sherlock pulls them out
to replace them with his cock, pressing into John with a slow
thrusting movement, John is open mouthed and the sound that’s dragged
from him as Sherlock’s cock splits him open is belly deep and
John comes, it is with his hands on Sherlock’s head, fingers pressed
claw-like into the smooth scalp above him as Sherlock fucks them both
to completion. And afterwards, collapsed side by side, their come
drying in itchy streaks on John’s thighs and belly, John presses his
face against the soft exposed skin of Sherlock’s head and grins.
like it,” he says. “But I miss having your hair to grab onto when
nuzzles against John’s lips and chuckles. “Don’t worry. I’ll make
sure you have plenty of opportunity to get used to it before it grows