guisarme

The Best 300 gp Ever Spent

Here’s the story about the noodle incident at the very end of this story, as written by the paladin’s player himself: https://yourplayersaidwhat.tumblr.com/post/159992078033/the-uniting-power-of-love-triangles-midlife-dance 

The specific event involves an egotistical human paladin who believes himself to be a literal dragon (specifically, the Chinese noodle variety), a very saucy halfling weapons merchant, and a magical glaive-guisarme that the paladin absolutely HAD to have, but didn’t have enough money to buy on his own, so a deal was struck between him and the merchant. 

The halfling happened to be incredibly amorous, but he refused to do anything unbecoming (Editor’s Note: and since he was pretty thick in the head, it took him a while to get she was flirting to begin with). In the end, the paladin agreed to take the halfling dancing in exchange for a discount. (Ed: The rogue had to buy a thieves’ ring on top of masterwork tools for this deal to get off the ground. Best 300 gp ever spent.) After the odd pair made their way to a grand dance hall in the center of town (the same one Midlife Dance Crisis took place), they stared each other in the eyes. They each intended to walk away from this encounter not as acquaintances, but as victors.) 

Draco-Paladin: “I will defeat you.”  

Saucy Halfling: “Oh yeah, talk dirty to me!” 

(What many would consider to be a recreational activity was a contest of prowess in the eyes of these two opposing forces. The time came for performance checks to be made. I had planned in advance what would occur based on what roll I got, and wouldn’t you know it…) 

Draco-Paladin’s Player: (rolls a 1) 

He picks up the halfling and flings her under his arms, around his waist and over his shoulders like a pair of nunchucks. Entire Party:

(Bellowing laughter)

Rogue’s Player: God damn, dude, that escalated FAST! 

Summoner’s Player: Allow me to show you the dance of my people! 

Medium’s Player: Dragons are used to tossing around smaller creatures for fun, don'tcha know! 

DM: The halfling is having more fun than she’s ever had in her entire life. And she’s had a LOT of lovers. 

In the end, the paladin got his discount, and he entered a vitriolic will-they-or-won’t-they relationship with a halfling who, in spite of her diminutive size, turned out to be a whole lotta woman. Sometimes a natural 1 can be better than a 20.

7

Weapons!

Its good to be able to visualize some of our closest companions. Also, I’m guessing not everyone knows what a guisarme is.

  • First 3 images are from the Pathfinder Core Rule Book and Advance Player’s Guide, owned by Paizo.
  • Last four images are from the D&D 3.5 Player’s Handbook, and owned by Wizards of the Coast.

So here we are, in a dungeon, and the DM is describing a Howler to us.

DM: “So, think of like…  A big lion, but emaciated as hell, and all furless and gray.  A big gray furless emaciated lion.  But it has like…  Four long mandible things.  And quills all over.  And when it sees you, it sort of growls at you, and its face peels back over its head, literally, showing its skull and stuff.”

Half-Orc Fighter: “So…  like a foreskin?  A vicious foreskin-tiger!”

DM: “Yes.  Basically.”

Thus, the Howler became the Foreskin Tiger, and every time the Fighter attacked with her guisarme, she’d yell “Prepare to get circumcised, beast!”

Brineary’s weapon of choice?

I found Brineary’s weapon of choice. It would be a Glave or a Guisarme, Why? it works like a staff too and can resemble to a trident.

To my knowledge they are pole arm weapons. and I wish to know more about these beauties before Doing too much more on them.

I also seem to struggle to know the difference between a  Glave and a Guisarme. So this should be fun.

Anyone who knows about these please feel free to openly educate me on these.