guh his neck

canon-verse bc i can

“What in the hell are you watching?”

“Juvia is watching The Bachelorette! Does Gray-sama want to watch with her?” Juvia asked excitedly, clapping her hands together.

“The Bachelorette? What the hell kinda girly shit is that? And why are you watching it on my TV?” Gray asked, annoyed as he kidnapped the remote from Juvia’s lap.

Juvia pouted. “Juvia wanted to stay at Gray-sama’s house.”

“Of course you did.” Gray sighed, giving up before he had even begun. “What’s this kooky show about, anyways?”

“It’s where there are thirty men who become love rivals and try to win the Bachelorette’s heart, but she can only choose one…” Juvia mumbled listlessly, admiring the scenery of the show.

“That sounds dumb.” Gray deadpanned. A face showed up on the screen and began speaking. “…who’s that?”

“That’s Keith. He says he loves Ashley, but Juvia thinks he’s only in it for the show.” Juvia explained.

“…Oh.” Gray studied the speakers face for a moment, a beachy-blond guy who looked like a male version of Britney Spears. “Who’s that guy?”

Juvia’s face brightened. “That’s Mark, Juvia thinks he and Ashley would be a good match.”

Gray nodded in understanding. “Who’s Ashley?”

“She’s the Bachelorette.” Juvia said. She tucked her long legs up to her chest and patted the seat next to her.

He looked at her skeptically. This was obviously a trap, one of the fakest, most girly shows n television and she was inviting him to watch with her.

“…Nobody needs to know.” She added for fuel.

He sighed. To hell with it.

Juvia squealed when he sat down next to her and practically jumped on top of him.

“So, what’s going on?” He asked her. He wanted her to keep talking because she was beginning to drip and he knew from personal experience if he let that go on for too long she’d be a puddle in no time.

“They just got to Thailand, and they’re going to have a group date soon.”

“A group date? With only one chick? That’s gonna be one wicked orgy-“

“Gray-sama! It’s not an orgy – they just compete for Ashley’s love.” Juvia explained tenderly.

“Hm. Sounds like a horrible idea.”

“It is – but it makes for extra drama.” Juvia inputted. At this point, her head was laying on his chest and she was practically trying to snuggle him to death. One of these days, she’d probably succeed.

“What’s that guy doing?”

“He’s getting one-on-one time so he can get a rose.”

“The hell would he want a rose?”

“If you get a rose, you get to stay on the show. Like immunity. It means Ashley loves you.” Juvia said dreamily.

After a few minutes of one guy telling Ashley his heart wrenching sob story about how his wife and kid died in a plane accident and he tried to give them CPR but they both died in his arms, followed by a vicious make out session between the said guy and Ashley, Gray was confused again.

“Wait a second – she’s macking on all these guys at the same time?” He asked, awed as she made out with a completely different guy on the beach.

“Yes. But she can only chose one in the end.” Juvia said.

“Well what the hell kinda deal is that? She just makes out with someone and then quits? Who would want to be on this show?” Gray asked, completely stricken by the audacity of the idea.

“Publicity, or to find love.” Juvia said wistfully. “Would Gray-sama go on the show if Juvia was the Bachelorette?”

Hell no-“

Juvia froze, a pout wobbling at the edge of her lips.

“-I don’t want to watch other guys make out with you while I’m trying to win you, that’s fucked up!”

Juvia grinned, frown fading completely. “Gray-sama doesn’t like love rivals for Juvia!”

“Well, I mean, no, not if I’m trying to win you-“

Juvia made a screeching pterodactyl sound and buried her face in his neck.

“Guh. You know what? Nevermind.” He mumbled, letting her scream happily and cuddle up against him. He was too bored to fight her on this one.

“Now why’s she crying?” Gray asked, The Bachelorette sobbing onscreen for some reason.

“Oh! Because she found out that Reid has a girlfriend.” Juvia momentarily stopped wiggling to focus on the TV.

“Is Reid the fugly one with the muscle tee?”

“…Yes.”

“Oh. Why is she crying then? She should be celebrating. Never thought it was possible for an idiot like that to have a girlfriend.”

“Gray-sama! She’s upset because he cheated on her!”

“Well, if you think about it, wasn’t she cheating on him, too? With…Mark? And Frank? Or something?”

“Not…really. Sort of. Stop ruining Juvia’s show!”

“Fine. Whatever.” He agreed. He leaned his head back on the couch, relaxing his limbs as Juvia clambered onto him, mumbling something about love rivals and roses.

“Gray-sama, are you asleep?” She asked after a few minute’s silence.

Gray said nothing. He was very much awake, but was curious to see what she would do.

“Hmm…” she hummed, and her body relaxed into his.

In a slip of mind, he dropped his limp hand over her waist and kept it there.

Unfortunately, that was a horrible idea because a mere five seconds after he touched her there, her waist turned into water and his couch was all wet.