guess what i'll be giffing for the next few days lol



“The toughest most valuable lesson I ever learned was focus on the job in front of you..whatever the outcome here, you are strong enough to fight this”. 

Soon I’ll be taking a tumblr hiatus for a few months to focus on under the cut is a truly indulgent post of me waxing lyrical on how much I heart the Wolfe..some of it is speculative because I imagine I’ll be offline throughout her “exit arc” and so I won’t get a chance to freak out and fangirl with you all in real time…  SEE BELOW  BUT ONLY IF YOU WANNA…

Oh god lord, Berenice bloody Wolfe.  I vaguely remember deciding to watch Holby City for Jemma Redgrave way back when it was announced she was going to play Bernie and I’m not one bit sorry I did. I love Bernie Wolfe, have done since day 1 and even through radio silence-gate and severe lack of screen time-gate. She’s fantastic and completely fearless in matters of work/ war/ stressful situations and all that big macho army medic stuff. But in matters of the heart Bernie Wolfe is really rather fragile, completely uncertain and rather scared to destroy the things she holds so dear. I imagine she’s lost an awful lot of relationships throughout her life to a fear, or a reluctance, to express just how deeply she feels things and how much she cares. She’s always been entirely brilliant as a surgeon and leader, shown herself to be a great team member and friend, and a source of strength for others when they’re feeling the very worst a person can feel. That good old British reserve is steeped so deep within how she approaches and reacts to every situation..she’s always a pillar of strength, but never stoic. She never wavers in the face of others expressing extreme outbursts of emotion despite that being a world away from how she expresses herself..she gives them time and whatever it is they need from her at that moment. 

We know the trauma unit is going..and I just hope that there is someone there for her, to return that favour, and I hope she feels safe enough to really allow herself the time to grieve for all the things she’s lost and all the things she’s been whatever way she chooses. I’m not just talking about crying or shouting out rage in the face of Nina and Guy those fucking snAKES . I know some fans have long thought “something HAS to give, she has to break down”, but it isn’t like that for everyone. Yes loss and hurt is sometimes a roaring and screeching thing, tangible and on the surface for all to see..but sometimes for others it’s silent, never outwardly expressed but it is ever present. I just want Bernie to feel safe enough to express herself when she’s upset or angry in whichever way works best for her. Obviously this all depends if holby city have actually taken the time to treat her like a fully-realised person, a character within her own right, but let’s face it they’ve probably taken the trauma unit away from her and then provided little to no follow up.. but in the face of optimism I just deeply hope that holby city have at least written something to show those emotional complexities before she leaves (because we know Jemma is doing theatre so there’s only a matter of time). So if the trauma unit being taken away is the beginning of the end for Bernie Wolfe (pre Jemma’s play..I’m not saying she’ll never be back but as of yet..we don’t have a lot to go on).. I just hope Jemma Redgrave is given ample time to really shine, because she’s a bloody fantastic actress and she plays Bernie so beautifully. Bernie Wolfe entered holby as an already very complexed character but there is still so much untouched potential because holby city have rarely focused on her long enough since Life in the Freezer to provide us with more insight. I just hope Holby city have done her justice in her last few episodes if they are to be her last on the show because if they haven’t it’s a disservice not only to the actor but to the character who’s made a massive impact on the show within such a short space of time. If she does return and there’s to be more Bernie Wolfe in the future then I hope the show’s writing is more reminiscent of the days before Kiev, where they actually cared about their characters. S19 has not been a good year imo, for any of the characters because the writing just hasn’t been that good. 

Long like really long story short, watching Bernie Wolfe has been a riot and something I’ll relive for as long as the youtube’s exist..praise jesus for Nat’s Playlist and if I was laid out on the table, I’d want her to be the one standing over me- and I don’t just mean that in the smutty way, but in the fictional surgeon way. For me there’s no-one better than Bernie Wolfe. The BMAM/ the precious pupper/ the woman that invented legs. I more than like her. 

Sorry this all seems a tad previous, she hasn’t left yet and to be honest she might even still be on the show when I come back to tumblr LOLS, but I’m guessing she won’t be and so preemptively wanted to share some feels. I’m gutted it won’t be in real time and that I’ll miss all the bantz and gifs etc. Being part of this fandom has been SO MUCH FUN omg it’s been brilliant and for the sake of actually focusing on my job and eeek personal life for the next few months, I’m tapping out. I’ll be back and I hope you have continue to have loads of fun, I’m looking forward to seeing all the quality content when I’m back :)

oops edited to add ~ I’ve been given an amazing opportunity with my work and I’m going to Holland tomorrow for placement wheee hence my “I better bloody focus and get off my blog” decision hah! I’m tremendously excited but also shitting a brick™ goes nothing,

Thanks for getting this far if you’re still reading!!

Laura X

Episode 73, part 1: shit’s getting PRIDESHIPPY (getting, she says)

Okay we’re still on top of the skyscraper in the double duel between Yami and Kaiba, and Tol and Smol Ghoul. I know, I know. I’ve been doing these recaps for almost a year and a half and it feels like at least a year of that time has been spent on this duel.

Things are looking tight for our heroes hero and his incredibly petulant boyfriend rival-turned-duel-partner, but because this is Yu-Gi-Oh!…

The surprising part here is the One Card That Might Work is already in his damn hand so we don’t go through the Everything Comes Down To This Last Draw phase of the duel. Very unusual. Kaiba should get his Duel Scientists to take a look, clearly something’s gone very wrong somewhere.

Oh and HAD YOU FORGOTTEN?! The big monster they’re up against is a triple-headed masked monstrosity with a BONDAGE JELLYBABY attached to it’s front-spine.

A disturbingly well-endowed bondage jellybaby. :/

Yami’s running low on life points and if anyone’s life points hit zero the BOMB attached to the PANE OF GLASS that they’re STANDING ON will explode, sending them plummeting to their death.

(This was a very well-animated perspective-shift that I’ve chopped up and slapped together you’re welcome. I’ll do a gif next time.)

Smol Ghoul can wipe Yami out, but…

(This is one of the few shots where you can see Smol’s expression without his happy mask distracting)

Kaibe enjoys being thought of as a problem, and also he’s just really rude ALL THE TIME so he comes out with…

Playing the (very convincing) “I’m arrogant enough to think I’m better off on my own outnumbered” part but because Yami gets him, instead of being like “wow rude, asshole”, he’s like…

Yami did everything he could to help Seto summon that Blue Eyes and he still wasn’t sure that Seto would choose Yami over the holographic dragon, but he does!

And he’s really smug about it.

Oh and before we lose Blue Eyes, may I just point out…


Seto’s gambit works and the Ghouls attack and destroy his dragon instead of his boyfriend #sophieschoice

#thereferencesaregettingreallydark #sorryaboutthat

Seto copes well, she lied.

And Yami comforts Seto the only way that works; dramatically declaring poetic nonsense about dragons while aggressively playing Duel Monsters.

“will be inherited by this card!” 

“Turned ur dragon into a lego robot ur welcome”

Kaiba’s actually pretty supportive of the lego robot. Well we all know Kaiba would be the biggest lego nerd on the face of the earth if lego exists in YGO!verse which who knows if it does or not they literally only ever talk about card games.

That’s actually Kaiba saying that, surprisingly. He’s come around to “cooperation for power’s sake might be okay I guess”

Emphasis on power.

And Kaiba needs only one thing from this newfound source of power…

But Yami hesitates, because he has a suspicion that no one would willingly play the Bondage Jellybaby Monster unless it had some damn good abilities.

But Kaiba is outraged - OUTRAGED - that Yami would consider his options before just vengefully attacking.

Probably because Kaiba’s used to people only “working with him” to use him. Since the day his parents died pretty much everyone who wasn’t Mokuba has only wanted to work with Seto to benefit themselves - his relatives who took him in to get his inheritance money, Gozaburo who took him in to use and abuse him as a heir to suit himself, the Big Five who turned on him as soon as he made a “mistake” that cost them money, Pegasus who loved KaibaCorp technology so much he stole Kaiba’s brother to get his hands on more of it - but Yami doesn’t want to use Kaiba, he genuinely wants to work with him. And Kaiba’s a TOTAL DICK ABOUT IT but why wouldn’t he be? He expects Yami to use Kaiba’s sacrifice for his own gain - and he still does it, I might add - but he thinks he needs to shout at Yami to get Yami to take that sacrifice seriously. 

And Yami, instead of doing what he thinks is best in the duel, turns to Kaiba, who is literally shouting angrily at him, and offers Seto control.

And Seto’s reaction is very telling.

He’s completely taken aback. He stops shouting and just reacts with surprise and mild disbelief. It seems pretty likely that no one has given Seto his way without a fight unless they’re directly employed by him, or they’re Mokuba, maybe ever. No one’s recognised his emotional needs, let alone taken them seriously. And Yami is willing to risk his life for them. 

(Which is crazy, like, he maybe could have started with a “Seriously, though, how are you doing? Do you need someone to talk to?” but honestly Yami is just really cavalier about the fall-to-your-death thing throughout the entire duel so…)

Anyway, Seto demanded Yami attack “to ease my anger” and Yami responds by asking if it will “ease your emotions”. Because Yami knows that it’s not just anger that Seto’s boiling over with, it’s fear and hurt as well. Seto can probably admit to anger - that’s strong, powerful, male-coded - but framing it as “emotions” is a lot more honest. Seto’s saying he’s just angry, and…

And Yami’s trying to get him to see that he’s letting himself get overwhelmed and his emotional reactions are clouding his instincts as an amazing duelist. And Yami knows he doesn’t have to talk Kaiba through this or labour the point - Kaiba’s smart and Yami respects him too much to hold his hand through a conversation about making good choices - so he just asks him to calm down for a minute…

And Kaiba actually fucking listens! Ask anyone (Anyone in universe, I mean. Not, like, your mam. It’s a rhetorical device) and I bet if you said “Someone’s going to tell Kaiba that he’s getting too emotional and he needs to calm down and think things through, what would Kaiba do?” and they’d laugh nervously in your face. But Yami does it and…

Kaiba does it.

I would say “Somewhere, Kaiba’s therapist is crying happy tears” but we all know Kaiba doesn’t have a fucking therapist. He only has the amnesiac pyromaniac ghost-boy he has a crush on. And amazingly, that’s enough.

And just to round out how well they understand each other, this started because Kaiba told Yami to attack. Yami told him to think about it, and he does. And he comes back with the same answer; attack, but this time he says it because he has a plan, not just because he wants pointless revenge for his imaginary dragon. And Yami knows it. He doesn’t go “are you sure?” or wonder if Kaiba’s just forced his voice to be calm to get what he irrationally wants, he immediately trusts that Seto’s made the right choice and agrees to do as Seto wants.


[recap will resume when I’m finished rolling around in these feelings]