Ugh. Had to postpone tonight’s St. Patrick’s Day dinner. I bought so much food but I still feel like garbage. I thought I was better after my shower and sinus wash, but it was temporary. I need to medicate. I guess we’ll try for dinner one day next week. This corned beef isn’t going to eat itself. I looked at my phone in the grocery store and saw I had a missed call from this morning that I never noticed. I’ve been in a fog today. They didn’t leave a voicemail and now I’m wondering if it was a mistake.
ey guys guess what
so after having that panic attack at 3 am thursday night/friday morning, i decided maybe i should be doing more to try and take care of myself than i was actually doing(??)
so I figured i wasn’t going to get any better unless i was willing to force myself to
anyway all of this is just background and now to what i’m actually tryna say
–i made myself eat something small, in front of the entire school cafeteria, surrounded by all of the people i usually sit with, and I fucking did it
i didn’t cry, or start freaking out, nothing
->it was terrible and I regretted it immediately after, however now that a day has passed it feels like a huge victory !!
I recall, when i was a kid, watching my mother put these colorful liquids and powders in a big white box where my dirty skirt ended up. I did not understand how it worked. I remember clearly, thinking how one day i will be doing the exact same thing, and how it scared me knowing that when that day comes i will be responsible for what now turns out to be one of the simple things in life. It’s funny how it works. You spend your childhood watching the world around you, wondering how this works, how that works, and then you turn around and you’re 20, living in a new city, living in your apartment, living your life. Making mundane decisions like what are you going to eat today, should you change the sheets now or maybe next week, oh look at that pile of clothes i should really turn on the washing machine tonight or shit that pile of dirty dishes is way too big. Simple.
I guess what i’m trying to say is that you should stop worrying about not knowing how something works just yet. You just watch and wonder, and it will come. I’m trying to say that you should stop trying to find whatever it is you are looking for. Stop. It will find you. It will. And if you really want to know and you can’t wait, not a second longer, you call your mom. Call her and ask her about whatever it is that you don’t understand. Even if your relationship is not so good. Call and ask, hey mom, i really would like to understand how this thing works, can you tell me anything about it? And then she talks and talks and you listen. That’s when it hits you: this is your life, right now, talking with your mom about some irrelevant thing that will one day be something that comes naturally to you. This is it. You are living. You are taking care of yourself and you are being an adult.
I just wanted to show you that I was totally good this weekend until my dreaded 4-course Italian dinner last night. Thank you to @kc-drops-weight, @lizzielosing, and @exercisecatsandketo for your positive comments on Friday. They made me feel enormously better about the fact that I felt like I didn’t have a choice in going and should just make the most of it. I guess @ketomazing would say you were all enabling me, haha.
So yes, I’m disappointed that I’m back to exactly where I was last Tuesday, but I also think about how before, I was not losing weight AND I was eating the tasting menu, so I was just getting fatter instead of maintaining.
I hope to not give myself a reason to cheat for a long time now, but the dinner was insanely delicious, best-Italian-food-you’ve-ever-had calibre stuff, so I’m not sad I got to experience it, even if I wish I could’ve experienced it once I got to my goal weight instead.
Back to grilled chicken, roasted cauliflower, and kale for lunch! And now I’m off to read all of your posts from the weekend.
Free and Eruka becoming those weird-immortal-magic aunt and uncle to the main cast.
I want them to be the awkward new addition to Shibusen’s little family. Give me the strange villain-turned-hero trope where they kinda just hang around and they’re not really sure what to do with their hands. Imagine them fighting the people they used to work alongside.
Imagine them moving into an apartment in Death City because I guess this is what we should do like I guess this is where all the good guys are and we’re good guys now I guess and Maka and the gang kinda just breaks down their door and invites themselves in for a housewarming party where they all just cram themselves in the tiny living room, eating Tsubaki’s killer casserole, while the twins use Free as their own personal jungle gym and Kim, Patty, and Maka do their best to keep a conversation going to keep things from being too awkward, all of which is just melting Eruka and Free’s hearts because they were never accepted like this amongst their old ‘friends’ and-
Just…give me Eruka and Free having a good life after everything they’ve been through.
Okay so…. He knows the grandpa is a weirdo but who isn’t in that family after all, Ferid bastard is no better right…. But well, he should be happy someone loves him no matter if he has weird arms? He guesses it’s okay for old people to have fun too sometimes huh.
“I… Sorry.” he slams the door closed.
Tho… For sure he is never going to eat on that table. Ever again.
Now. He needs only to wash his eyes with holy water for a whole year. Yeah.
Okay. I'll try. Let me cook you up a nice pot of chicken rice soup. I like to add some chicken fat and top it off with freshly cracked black pepper for a bit of a kick. Then I'll wrap you up in a cozy fleece blanket and tell my dog to get under the covers with you for extra warmth. After that, we'll watch something on Hulu/Netflix, like Black Mirror's San Junipero or Broad City. If you don't wanna watch anything then I'll just read you the story of Red Dog to lull you to sleep. Feel better! <3
Yay!! You’re back! 😊 I’m not much of a soup person, but your soup sounds really good right now (really I should probably just go and eat lunch now). You have a dog? What kind is he? I’ve never seen either of those shows, but I’d give them a try I guess. And who’s Red Dog?
But holy crap, I wish you could actually take care of me, that’d be awesome! I keep repeating myself, but my god you’re so frikin sweet. I’m still sick, sadly, but emotionally I feel better so thank you again, Anon ❤️
Okay, I can’t believe I have to say this, but here I go.
Everyone is talking about Demi Lovato and now - as a fan since 2010 - I guess I can speak a little bit too.
Lots of people are saying that Demi, as a person who has overcome an eating disorder, should accept the other types of bodies and the fact that some people are just born thin and small. I think she already does.
What Demi wanted to say - and you can check it on the REAL interview - is that all the girls in the squad has only one body type, something that doesn’t seem to be realistic for such a big squad.
If there are several types of bodies, why on Taylor squad there is only one? Where are the ladies with more curves? Where are the girls with wide hips or very large breasts? Where are the girls with fat cheeks and round face? Not enough to have one person “different” and another 20 with the same body.
What Demi wants is Taylor to include another type of body in her squad, and stop making it seem like the only ones who can get there are the super thin and beautiful models.
What kind of feminist makes a video attacking another woman just to get attention and belittle her? It’s not right! Decrease another woman of a public and exaggerated way isn’t what the feminist movement needs! In the video, Taylor’s friends not helped to overcome any obstacles, they only joined with a lot of weapons and began to attack each other (which is even worse if you consider that all are against a single woman, Miss Perry)
And what’s the problem of making a career break to devote to charity? Demi has been doing this for years, the only difference is that now she will use all the time she has.
When Miley or any other artist said the same thing, no one seemed to complain. The problem is that Demi is Demi. Everyone will always try to put her down.
In a land of fake people, who tells the truth will always be the wrong one.
As much as I loved the experience I had learning with my rabbi, sometimes I wish I had more influences and things didn’t seem so His-Way-Or-The-Highway for me. Like he had taught me that you should only eat by someone who’s completely tznius and shomer Shabbos in addition to shomer kashrus. Like their kashrus is dependent on if they are tznius and shomer Shabbos. And while I totally get his reasoning, it makes it so difficult trying to go out for Shabbos meals here since 3 families I was close to left this past summer and now there are almost only modern families here. And since their tznius levels aren’t like so so high, I’m told I shouldn’t eat by them.
I guess I’m just wondering like how common that is, like do a lot of people hold this way? Like I said, I do see the logic but it feels unnecessary sometimes. I posted in a Facebook group about moving to Toronto and a girl messaged me saying she’s also looking for a roommate exactly in the neighbourhood I think I’d want to be in. After looking up her profile I realized I actually know her (she’d come on a date over Shabbos once and stayed with my old roommate and I like two years ago). And she’s suuuuuuuuuuper modern. Like V neck tee shirts and skirts above the knee modern. And as much as I’d love to room with her because 1) it’s the area I want to be in and 2) she’s really nice, I’ve essentially been taught not to trust her (or anyone like her, not that it’s her personally) kashrus based on her level of tznius. So I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing a kitchen with her.
There are other people I’ve talked to in my community about this and most agree it’s pretty shtark what my rabbi has taught me, but because they’re also not rabbis nor providing sources I just feel like I should ignore them. Obviously I wish I’d gone to seminary but especially in times like this where I feel like I’d learn about this or be exposed to different hashkafas so it wasn’t so drilled into my head that my rabbi’s way is the ONLY way. I guess I could ask the head of the vaad hakashrus here but he’s also incredibly shtark and Chabad so I feel like that would influence his answer and I don’t want to be held to the Chabad standard because I’m not Chabad.
You know how they should wake Jinyoung up, if they’re all alive and he’s in a coma, just have Jackson stand in front of the tank and say something like “Too bad Jinyoungie’s in that tank, guess I better go eat meat with Bambam again” and watch how fast he breaks through that glass