guess i know not to friend my mom's best friend on facebook anymore

— off limits | 05 (m)

pairing— kim seokjin x reader
genre/warnings— smut, angst
words— 9,221

:: summary— you’ve been lusting after your brother’s best friend for a while now, ever since you met him at a house party, flirting it up a storm as you failed to realise who the other was. That was months ago now and things are still awkward, but you can’t ignore the sexual tension that’s simmers between the two of you…and it keeps getting worse…

 » 01 :: 02 :: 03 :: 04 :: 05 :: 06 :: 07 ::

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Karma is Oh So Sweet

Note: Not really a revenge story on my part, but I believe this is a fine example of cosmic revenge for a larger hole. Long story, TL:DR at the end.

About seven years ago, I was in my sophomore year of high school. Let me just mention this, I was not your typical student:

  • I came from one of the poorest family in this town of three thousand. My dad was physically disabled for years before this and had been unemployed since I was in third grade. This left my mom the only working member of my family until my dad was put on disability. My dad, however, did not get put on disability UNTIL my sophomore year of high school, so around eight years, my mom was the only one working. In fact, there were times when I didn’t even get new clothes to wear for a new year as we couldn’t afford it.
  • I am legally mentally disabled. I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome in eighth grade and, legally, should have been in some special classes. This led the school to alter my schedule without my permission and resulted in my mom’s wrath to the school.
  • I am clinically depressed and went through a time when I did not take my medication as it made me aggressive. I have since switch medications and have become a lot calmer as a result.

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Okay, I’ve done it again. I just can’t help myself. I don’t know what’s going on with me but Yousana has really stolen my heart and I have so many feelings and the only way I can deal with them is writing even though I’m not a writer at all, like I know I’m not really good. It helps that you are all being so amazingly kind to me, you’re inspiring me.

This time I decided to focus more in Yousef, especially his relationship with Elias. I guess you could say Elias is the real mvp of this fic. 

Again, like I said before, please know that this is written with all my respect for the muslim religion. I would never dare to be disrespectful towards any of you. And if you feel like this somehow disrepects you please let me know and I’ll erase it because the last thing I know is to upset any of you. 

This is just me trying to cope with my feelings after yesterday’s clip.

I hope you like it, those of you who take the time to read it.

She still hadn’t answered. Almost 24 hours later and she still hadn’t answered. As soon as he had sent that text he knew that everything was about to change. He had tried to avoid the issue since they had started texting but when she told him that she would try to make her mom believe that he was a good muslim he knew he had to tell the truth. She deserved to know, even if it meant that things between them would be over before even starting.

He hadn’t seen her since last night either. Any other Saturday he would’ve been at the Bakkoush’s with Elias and the rest of the squad but he had managed to convince everyone to go to his house instead. He knew that he needed to keep his distance from Sana, at least until she’d decide to talk to him. It was her choice now and he would respect it whatever it was.

 That didn’t mean that he didn’t have hope that she still would answer him. He had spent the day checking his phone every five minutes, his heart beating faster and faster every time it beeped with a message. He would unblocked his screen with trembling hands only to have his heart broken again each time he’d find that the text he had just received wasn’t from Sana, but from his mom or some other acquaintance.

 This, of course, hadn’t gone unnoticed by his best friend, Elias. He knew something was bugging him but he also knew that Yousef didn’t like to share his feelings with other people so he waited till the rest of the boys had left to talk about it.

 Yousef was still looking at his phone when Elias approached him.

 “Okay dude, what’s going on with you?”

Yousef looked at his friend who was standing in front of him with a concerned look on his face.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Yousef, it’s me, you can try to pretend that you’re cool with the others but not with me. I know something’s going on with you since yesterday and I want to know what so I can help you”

“I’m telling you Elias, I’m fine”

“And I’m telling you, I don’t buy it”

“Whatever” Yousef said standing up from the couch and walking by Elias.

“Does this have something to do with my sister?”Elias said making Yousef stop dead on his tracks.

He slowly turned around to look at Elias in shock. He wished he hadn’t heard well, he wished his friend hadn’t just said what he thought he had. He couldn’t know.

“I’m going to ask you this once, just once Yousef and I really hope you answer me with the truth. What’s going on between you and my sister? And don’t tell me it’s nothing because I don’t believe it. I’m not stupid.”

“Nothing is going on…”

“Yousef.”

“…anymore. Nothing is going on anymore” The truth of his words made Yousef want to cry. Because that was it. Nothing was going, not anymore.

“What do you mean by that? What happened between you two?”

“I screwed up Elias, I screwed up big time” he took a deep breath trying to keep the tears away just like he had been doing the whole day.

“Okay, okay Yousef, relax. Take it easy” Elias said when he saw the state his friends was in “Come here, sit and tell me everything”

“You’re going to hate me” Yousef said but he obeyed his friend and sat on the couch next to him.

“Yousef, I’m trying really hard to stay calm, it’s my sister who you’re talking about. But you’re my best friend and I’m willing to listen to you so please, just be honest and tell me what’s going on”

“I like Sana, Elias. I like her a lot” he said with a huge sigh.

“Okay that I already knew. I mean do you think I don’t see the way you look at each other? And I know yesterday you took the blame for her, not for me.”

“Yesterday…”

“Wait, is that what this is about? Do you think what? That my parents will give you a hard time or something?”

“No, no, it’s not that, it’s not that” he took a deep breath before continuing “After we left the house yesterday, she texted me”

“You text each other…”Elias said raising his eyebrows

“It’s really new, I added her on facebook last week and we started talking about random things, I honestly just wanted to make her laugh”

“So when I said that you two were flirting in the kitchen that day I was right, you were”

Yousef only looked at his friend not really knowing what to say.

“Okay, okay, I’m not judging, I’m not judging, continue. She texted you last night. What did she say?”

“She said…” he covered his face with his hands trying to gain strength to continue “She said she would convince your mom that I’m a good muslim even though I drink vodka” he mumble between his hands.

“But…Yousef, you’re not…I mean you don’t…”

Yousef looked at his friend and bit his bottom lip while nodding.

“I know…and now she knows too. I told her the truth yesterday and she hasn’t answered since and to be honest that doesn’t surprise me. Go on, yell at me, tell me how I shouldn’t have approached her in the first place when I knew what would happen, even punch me if you want, I deserve it”

“I’m not going to punch you, you dickhead”

“I should’ve told her sooner, I know I should’ve told her. I just…it felt so good to talk to her. I thought…I thought that maybe if I waited a little bit longer she and I would connect you know? Like really connect and that eventually when I would tell her, we would find a way to work things out. But yesterday, I couldn’t just lie to her, it’s one thing not to tell the truth and another to lie. And to think that I’ve put so much effort in trying to get her to like me and now…she and me, it’s impossible. And don’t tell me it’s not because you know it is”

“I’m not going to tell you it’s not impossible, Yousef”

Yousef’s heart broke a little more because as much as he was trying to convince himself, deep down he wanted to hear his friend giving him some hope.

“But I’m not going to tell you that it is impossible either” Elias continued “Because it’s not my call. It’s hers and it’s yours. If you want my opinion, all I can tell you is that I can’t think of someone better for my sister than you, you’re my best friend and the nicest guy I know and I want the best for my little sister. And yes, I would’ve preferred if you had told her sooner because you knew how much her faith means to her. But again, it’s not my decision. It’s between you and her.”

 He had spent the whole day trying to keep the tears away but right now Yousef couldn’t help but let some roll down his face.

“She won’t talk to me Elias, you know that.”

“Maybe not now, but give her time. It’s a lot to process.”

“I don’t even know if she liked me back or if it was all in my head”

“Believe me, she likes you, I know my sister, I know the way she looks at you. She likes you but you have to give her time and space so she can think about what she wants. Just don’t give up on her yet. Let her come to you when she’s ready to talk and whatever decision you two make it’ll be the best for you whether it is moving forward or stop everything at all.”

Yousef nodded while wiping away the tears from his face.

“Thank you. Seriously Elias, I needed this.”

“That’s what friends are for”

 —————————————————————————

Sana? Are you in there?” Elias said knocking at his sister’s door. “Come on sis, let me in”

“What do you want Elias?” She said opening the door and letting him in.

She was a having a hell of a day and she didn’t want to listen to his brother, she knew he was probably there to lecture her about the party from last night.

“I’ve talked to him Sana, I’ve talked to Yousef”

Sana froze in the place. She had been holding the tears for so long, trying to be strong but she couldn’t take it anymore. It started slowly, only a couple of tears but as they continue rolling down her face she couldn’t help but continue crying until it turn into a uncontrollable sob.

“Come here” Elias said pulling her in a hug.

She didn’t remember the last time she had hugged his brother but right now it was all she needed so she let him.

“What am I going to do?” She mumbled against Elias’ shirt.

“You don’t have to do anything. Not right now. You can take all the time you need to think. It’s up to you Sana, no one is going to judge you whatever you decide”

He felt her nod but he didn’t let go. Instead he hugged her tighter and rested his chin above her head.

“It’s okay, it’s all going to be okay” he whispered, and he sure wished it was the truth. 


Okay, this is it. Again I’m sorry this is too long. And I hope this doesn’t upset anyone in any way. 

Thank you so so much for reading it means the world to me.

I hope you like it and it’s okay if you don’t.

Also sorry for the grammar english is not my first language and I suck at descriptions.

Thank you again!

Miss you...

Josh Dun x Reader fic, fluff

AN: Wow, so I got a little carried away with this one. I’m sorry it’s so long, but it’s fluff and was fun to write. Enjoy.

Warnings: Mild panic, some strong language, breakup.



Received 9:55 AM

Seriously stop with this shit, or my GF is going to step in and trust me you don’t want that

My eyes were locked on my phone. I can’t believe I messaged him again. Why couldn’t I just let it go like a normal person? You break up, you move on, done, that’s it. But not me. Even though I knew I didn’t want him back or that I legitimately hated him, I still messaged him last night, only to get this reply when I woke up. Why am I like this?

With my hands shaking I went to my recent calls on my phone and pressed Josh’s name, he picked up on the second ring.

“Hey! I was just thinking about you, how’s it going?” His voice was always so cheerful, like every day was the best day ever. Normally that brought a smile to my face, but not this time.

“Josh..” was all I could get out. His tone immediately changed.

“Hey, Y/N what’s wrong? What happened, are you alright?” I wavered a moment, not sure that I could tell him. He’d be disappointed in me again.

“Talk to me hon’…” he urged.

“Josh, I,” I drew in a shaky breath. “I messaged him again…”

He sighed heavily, “Y/N why would you do that? You know he doesn’t really care about you, and he’s only going to hurt you. Besides, doesn’t he have a girlfriend now?” He asked, his tone clearly agitated. I knew this would upset him. Josh always looked out for me and never had a good feeling about my ex when we had started dating, but I had ignored him. I regretted that now.

“Yes, he does, and I don’t know Josh! I was just feeling lonely last night I guess and…” I trailed off.

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. Then, finally, “You know you can call me whenever you feel like that, right? Like, I’ll always be here for you.”

My heart felt like a weight in my chest, I had hurt my best friend. “Yes, I know that Josh. It’s just, I guess I wanted something else. Like you’re my best friend and what I wanted was something, well, different, I guess.”

Josh was silent again on the other end. I could hear a commotion in the background, probably the crew setting up for another show. “Y/N-”

My phone chimed, another incoming message. “Hang on a sec,” I pressed the home button and then to my messages. My ex had sent me another text.

Received 9:58 AM

And don’t get me started on why she’s a HUGE upgrade from you. I know exactly where to hit you to beak you. Sit the fuck down before shit gets real for you

I stared at my screen, my hands shaking. Why would he say something like that? He knew exactly how to break me? What kind of person would say that? And to someone they used to love?

I could hear Josh calling my name, so I put the phone back up to my ear.

“What did he say now?” he pressed. When I relayed the message to him, he blew up. I had to pull the phone away slightly so his shouting wouldn’t hurt my ear. 

“Who the heck does he think he is?! You listen to me, you are a goddess. Do you hear me? He was lucky that he even got the time with you that he did. You’re funny, smart, talented, and drop dead gorgeous. There is no way his troll of a girlfriend is an upgrade from you. He makes me so mad! I could cuss right now!”

I suppressed a small smile at his last comment. It would take a lot for Josh to cuss. He would feel like he was letting down his mom if he ever did, so he avoided it as much as possible. Tyler too.

“Look, we’re about to do sound check and Tyler is waiting for me, so I will call you after. But this is what I want you to do, first, block his number. I mean it. Block him from everything, facebook, snapchat, all of it. Throw out all the crap he gave you. I don’t want you to have any of it laying around anymore. You’ll feel better when you do, trust me. Then, go take a bath or something, make yourself your favorite drink, and just relax. I’ll call you soon okay?” 

“Okay, Josh. Thank you. I miss you”

I could almost hear Josh’s smile. “I miss you too. Now go, I’ll call you soon.”

I did what I was told and blocked my ex from all social media, even email. Then I gathered all the mementos, the hoodie, the cute mug, the necklace, everything I could find that reminded me of him, and I scooped them up in my arms and marched outside.

Luckily for me, my dad was already outside starting a fire. Since it was now fall, we had a fire almost every night, dad was getting a head start and burning some garbage.

“Hey dad,” I acknowledge him as I stomped by with my arms full. His puzzled eyes followed me, “Hey pumpkin.”

I dumped all the garbage right into the fire unceremoniously, and watched the flames overtake everything. My dad stood beside me and patted my back with what I assumed was understanding. After a few more minutes of watching the fire, I took a deep breath, and let everything go.

I stayed in the bath for quite a while, afterwards. I let the negativity wash away from my body, and watched as my fingers pruned up. When I felt more refreshed, I finally stepped out and wrapped myself in the fluffy white towel my mom and left for me, fresh from the dryer. I guess dad had told her what had happened. 

My phone was ringing when I entered my room, Guns for Hands blaring as my ringtone. I rushed over to pick it up from where it sat on my bed. “Josh?” I asked breathlessly.

“Yeah, it’s me. Listen, I want to see you, you know, to make sure you’re okay. I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone right now.”

Confusion tugged at my brow, “But how? You’re on tour and I have work. Josh, honestly, don’t worry about it, I’m okay.” 

Josh was silent again, I could tell he was trying to think it through, but he really didn’t need to worry. His advice had already helped me quite a bit. “Are you sure? Because we have a day off tomorrow. I could-”

“Josh.”

“Yeah?”

“Breathe. I’m okay. I don’t want you to stress about me. You have the show to focus on, and Tyler needs your head to be in it, not on me. I promise I’m okay.”

He sighed heavily, “Are you sure?” 

I couldn’t help but giggle, he was being so sweet. “Yes, I’m sure. Besides, there’s only like a month left of the tour anyway. We can hang out when you get back, just like we used to before- well, before he came along.” 

“I’d like that.” I could almost hear his smile through the phone again. “Okay, if you’re sure you’re alright, I’ll call you tomorrow. But you can text me if you need anything, okay?” 

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful after I hung up with Josh. I spent some time with my parents, cooked dinner, watched netfilx, and I was fine. 

I was fine…

But then it was 3 AM, and I still hadn’t slept. My mind wouldn’t shut off. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about what a fool I was. I had wasted so much time on this guy and had nothing to show for it, nothing besides a broken heart, anyway. 

As these thoughts flooded my mind, my breaths became shallow and rapid, and my skin clammed up. I couldn’t get enough air and I felt sick to my stomach. It was when the tears came that I decided I needed to talk to Josh. 

Instead of answering right away like he normally did, I got his voicemail. It was pretty late so he could be sleeping, but I didn’t think it was likely. Josh was normally on a high after a show, and stayed up late exploring or hanging out with his friends. Him not answering at this time wasn’t really like him.

I started to worry, what if something happened to him? My mind filled with images of him being hurt and my panic only grew. I couldn’t handle this,  there was just too much stress today, I needed to calm down. I just didn’t think that I could without Josh. 

Josh was always there for me. He made me laugh, he protected me when I got picked on, he always surprised me with little gifts or my favorite foods. It never bothered him when I called late at night when my troubles got to me. He would talk me in his soothing voice and I would be able to relax right away. 

Ever since we became friends we were almost inseparable. I always wanted to hear about his day and he always wanted to know about mine. We supported each other. I was so proud of the success that he was able to achieve, but I missed him all the time. He was my best friend, the only person I could always count on, and I-

Oh. 

Oh. 

How could I have been so stupid? This whole time I was wasting my affection on someone who didn’t deserve it when Josh was-

I hurriedly called his number again, desperately wishing that he would pick up. 

“Come on, come on, come on.” I pleaded, listening to the ringing continue. 

“Y/N! Sorry I missed your call, I’m actually-”

“Josh, wait. I need to tell you something.”

He chuckled, “Well that sounds ominous.” A pause, then this time with more concern, “Wait, what did he say now? I thought you blocked him” 

“No. I mean, yes, I did. No, this is about something else.” 

“Y/N you’re scaring me. Are you alright? Did you have another panic attack?” 

I was starting to get frustrated. “Josh, just listen for a moment!” 

“Okay…” he sounded hurt. I guess my tone was too harsh, but now that I realized, I needed to get it out. 

“Josh, I-” But what if he didn’t reciprocate? He’s such a nice guy, there’s a high chance that he never thought of me that way. I wasn’t that special, I was probably only a friend to him in his eyes. Could I risk destroying what we have?

A rustling on his end pulled me from my thoughts. What was he doing? A sudden tapping sound on my bedroom window nearly made me jump from my skin. I turned to look at it with a gasp, dropping my phone from my clammy hand. 

Josh was there, at my window. But how? He was supposed to be a few states away, the show would have ended only four hours ago. How did he?

I leapt from my bed, rushing to the window to let the yellow haired boy in. As soon as his feet were planted on my floor, he crushed me to his chest in a hug. The smell of his cologne, sweat, and something like the smell of an airplane washed over me. My heart skipped and danced in my chest at his proximity, and I wasn’t sure If I was warm because of his body heat, or just how he suddenly made me feel, being so close. 

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t feel right about the situation. When we hung up I booked a flight and left right after the show. I figured we could spend the day together tomorrow, and forget about that dipcrap.” He lifted his cheek from where it was resting on top of my head to look down at me. “Is that okay?”

I felt as if I could melt, or fly, or cry, sing, dance, laugh. There were too many emotions swirling around in my stomach, and my mind felt as if I were in a fog. I couldn’t believe he was here. That he would rush here just to make sure that I was okay. That had to mean something right? Would just a friend do something like that?

“Yeah, that’s absolutely okay, thank you. I can’t believe you’re here.” 

Josh smiled, causing his eyes to squint and his perfect teeth to flash. My stomach did a somersault. “What did you want to tell me?” he asked. 

I pulled him over to my bed so that he could sit, and I began pacing in front of him, not sure how to put what I’d realized into words. 

“Y/N?” I stopped pacing and locked eyes with Josh. I was surprised to see him blushing and fidgeting where he sat. When I didn’t say anything, he continued. “Before you say anything, there’s been something I’ve wanted to tell you too. I’ve felt it for a long time, but then you were with him, and I wanted to give you time to heal, but then I guess I just chickened out really and, well, I just-” 

“Josh.”

His eyes locked onto mine again, and I could see it. I saw our shared feelings reflected back at each other. I had been blind to it, and he had probably gone through so much pain because of it. I didn’t want to hurt him anymore. 

So I kissed him. 

He jumped in surprise at first, then relaxed into the kiss, bringing his hand up to cup my cheek. He tasted like coffee and mint. Feeling brazen, I crawled into his lap to deepen the kiss. I just needed to be closer. I pushed his hat off his head to thread my fingers though his silky hair. This is what a kiss was supposed to feel like, like fire and passion, and comfort all rolled into one. It never felt like this with my ex. I trusted Josh in a way that I’ve never trusted anyone else. 

Josh’s tongue flicked against my bottom lip, pleading with me. I complied and a little moan escaped him. I echoed with my own, my cheeks flushing and dizziness overtaking me. When we finally broke away for air, I rested my forehead against his. 

“That’s all I wanted to tell you,” I said after a few gulps of air. 

Josh laughed, his voice thick from what just happened, his warm breath mingling with mine in between our shared space. “Funny, I’ve been wanting to say the same thing. It’s like you took the words right from my mouth.”

That brought a laugh out of me. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize, but I’m willing to see where this goes if you are.”

Josh gave me a sweet peck on the nose, “I would be delighted.” 

After a few more stolen kisses and warm embraces, it was time to kick Josh out. He couldn’t stay here with my parents so close by, but now that we knew how the other felt, we had all the time in the world to enjoy it. 

As Josh started to climb from my window, he paused to look up at me with those beautiful eyes. “Can I take you on a date tomorrow?” 

I pecked him on the lips and smiled, “I would be honored.” 

I Can’t Believe You!

Ship: Evan Hansen x Reader

Warnings: Panic attack, swearing, brief online bullying, talk of suicide. 

A/N: Requested for the sentence prompt, “I can’t believe you!” I really hope this is what you meant. In this, you take Zoe’s place. I switched around the lyrics to words fail and took some dialogue from this scene in the show, because I felt that the words they already spoke/sang were so important. I don’t know how I feel about this, and I still don’t know how to end things but regardless I hope you enjoy. I’m thinking of making a pt2 where they meet up in the future to talk this over, but I’m not sure. Let me know if anybody wants that! 

-Mod Rae 


It’s funny how everything can change in a moment.

Your phone rang. Grabbing it and seeing a blocked number, you swiped to answer.

“Who is it? Who is it, (y/n)?” Larry questioned.

You ignored your dad. You just wanted to see what the person on the other line had to say to you.

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unfit to be anyone's best friend

I recently made a startling discovery. I brought together two of my favorite friends at my home, almost immediately I witness two people come together like I have never seen anyone come to together before. They talked like they had known each other their whole life, they had the exact same humor, it was as if they shared the same consciousness, they throw talking point back and forth to each other effortlessly. Truly, it was like watching a real gem fusion come to life. It was as if I was not even there, they were perfectly in tune with each other.

One part of me is immensely happy about this. These friends of mine deserved more and better friends. Where the only huge problems in my life were my father leaving my mother for another woman, being bullied for many years in school and anxiety getting in the way of my development as a human being, these friends of mine has had it worse when me. I wanted so deeply to help, to fix their situation (I am a programmer/developer you see, we obsess over “fixing” things), but I always fell short in this regard. I believe through their friendship they might be able to provide the corrective experience I was never able to supply them, and that would be the most wonderful of all gifts.

However, another part of me made a realization that I was not prepared to have. I realized after witnessing their natural connection that I want that, I need that, I need that kind of connection with another human being. Up until that point, I thought my connection with the two of them was pretty good and that was at least among their best friends. But after my discovery, I realized my connection with them paled in comparison to the one between the two. I released in comparison to either one of them I was ill-fitting to meet the needs of either one of them, and therefore a poor man’s choice of best friend.

I am a quiet introvert that likes to learn new things, better myself, create stuff, and generally live in my head. I, however, do like people (though they have been scary for most of my life because my anxiety), and I have met quite a lot of people throughout my life. I have met a lot of wonderful people at school, at work and at cons where I have volunteered. Many of these people I really like I have befriended on facebook or follow on tumblr, just to remind myself of all the marvelous men and women I have met. The disappointing thing though, is that despite meeting so many, I have failed to truly connect with all of them.

Why am I such a failure at connecting with people? I am not sure. I am not a psychologist, I just have a hobbyist interest in psychology. If I were to be Freudian about it, I guess maybe I always tried to be the man in the household, consisting of me the youngest, my sister and my mom. I really look up to male role models as a child, and as an adult, I favor strong women with male qualities (think Jasper from Steven Universe). I always tried to be independent and emotionally strong (which was really hard because of the anxiety, to be honest, I was a crybaby as young). I thought if I could fight my way up to be independent I would be gain everything I dreamed of sooner or later (connection, success, love).

Obviously, I was dead wrong. I might have a job and I am going to move out soon, but I am not anyone’s best friend, and I am 27 fucking years old. Heck, the way this is going, I would not be surprised if it turns out I am unfit to be anyone’s partner too.

Why am sharing this? My current theory is that it is my try to be independence that has fucked me over. According to Brene Brown and her book “Daring Greatly”, the only true way to connect with someone is to be vulnerable and this is my try at doing just that. From now on I will scream my vulnerability and my needs as loud as my lungs can muster, hoping that someday one person in this world will respond to me in kind and connect with me. I will do this despite knowing being deemed needy is looked down upon. Sorry peeps, I can afford to waste time wearing this stupid mask anymore.

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv | part v | part vi | part vii

part iii: in which there is a first strike

“Maybe she doesn’t have Facebook?” Naruto suggested.

Sasuke snorted. “She’s twenty-two. Of course she has Facebook. Also, you can’t use Tinder without Facebook, but I’m sure you know that since, you know, you’re the one who made my account.”

Naruto rolled his eyes. He chewed on the straw of his frappucino. “You keep bitching about that but here we are trying to find the love of your life—”

“Don’t call her that.”

“—because you found her on Tinder.” Naruto looked frustratingly smug. “So that being said, shut the hell up. And really, it’s possible Tinder Girl just doesn’t have Facebook anymore because it’s time for midterms?”

Sasuke considered this for a moment. Naruto had a point. He knew Suigetsu, for example, always deleted his Facebook account during exams because he was always more interested in stalking people than actually getting his work done.

“But…” Sasuke wanted to bash his head against the wall. He settled for doing so on the edge of their table at KU Café. “She was on Tinder last night. This means she had to have deleted her Facebook between last night and right now.”

“It’s possible.”

“It’s stupid.”

Keep reading

Hi! It’s me again. This update is ridiculously long because a lot has happened but I’ll try to skip the small things. So my friends and family started posting pictures from my brothers birthday party right. And there’s one picture of my brother and his best friend, and me and Nate come out in the background, so obviously they tagged us in it. I guess his ex-girlfriend saw it (this is where the drama starts) and she didn’t like it one bit. So she messages me on facebook calling me a home wrecker and that I’m stealing him away and I should be ashamed of myself. I was scared because all this time I thought he was single?? I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. So I tell her that and she’s talking about how they’re currently broken up but they’re gonna get back together because they “always do”.

Anyway, my break is over so I put my phone away and go back to work. And then the shift is over so I’m waiting for my brother to text me that he’s here. And I look at my phone and sure enough there are more messages from her. Calling me all these names, telling me horrible things. She went all out. Like, if her mission was to make me feel like absolute shit about myself then mission accomplished. By the time I’m walking out to my brothers car I’m crying like a little bitch. Of fucking course, Nate happens to see me and he’s like “woah what’s wrong?” and I’m like “it’s nothing I just have a headache” and he’s like “oh ok feel better soon”. I’m 99% sure that he knew I was lying but didn’t want to push me to talk, which I’m thankful for. So I just left.

After that I was like “I’m sorry but no I don’t have the time or energy for this shit” So I asked my supervisor to switch my schedule around. She’s like a second mom to me, so I told her straight up what happened and how I wanted to avoid Nate at all costs and although she was mad that his ex-girlfriend had ruined her favorite ship before it had “set sail” she was really understanding. Everyone was like “omg why did they switch your shift??” and I was like “finals are coming up I need to start studying now” lies lmao. But then Nate was asking if he could switch (because he always want to work with me) and Leslie (the supervisor) was like “No Im sorry. I need you to work this schedule” So I think he knew something was up, but wasn’t sure what exactly.

Anyway, I’m assuming his ex-girlfriend commented to him about how she had scared me away because he showed up at my house to talk to me and starts apologizing for whatever it is that she did to me. And he’s ranting about how she was a toxic person who manipulated him the whole time they were together and made him feel fragile and question everything. And like, I wanna be mad at him for showing up to my house unannounced but I can’t. Not when he’s putting his feelings out there. So I listen to him and he ends up saying how she was his first serious relationship and how after they broke up he was scared that every other girl would use him and try to break him and that’s why he was so awkward with me. Because he knew he was attracted to me but he didn’t want to be because he didn’t want to put himself in a position to get hurt again. And then he said that the more he talked to me, the more he saw that I was being real and that there was nothing to be afraid of and how he always questions everyone’s intentions towards him but he doesn’t have to do that with me because he just knows in his heart that I’m being genuine. And my heart is breaking for this poor guy because damn your first serious girlfriend and she fucked you up emotionally but the whole time he’s venting to me I’m thinking “please don’t say you’re in love with me. please don’t say you’re in love with me. please don’t say you’re in love with me” because it really sounded like he was gonna confess his undying love and I was scared shitless!

Anyway, I know what it’s like to be scared of being in relationships. My ex-boyfriend was the worst guy ever and it ended with me getting a restraining order against him. So I can see where he’s coming from. So I was like “It’s okay to be scared Nate” and he was like “that’s the thing. I don’t wanna be scared anymore” and long story short we’re going on a date on saturday??

HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD IM SORRY YOU WENT THROUGH THAT BUT FINALLY, A DATE!!!!

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.
I was tagged by @aquietkindofthunder​ and I really like these so I figured I might as well!

LAST:
1. Drink: iced coffee
2. Phone call: my best friend 
3. Text message: my best friend again lmao
4. Song you listen to: Kids- Mikky Ekko
5. Time you cried: uuuh last Wednesday I broke down at work

HAVE YOU:
6. Dated someone twice: nope
7. Kissed someone and regretted it: uuuuuh
8. Been cheated on: no
9. Lost someone special: uh yeah my pixel arts all about that yo
10. Been depressed: for sure
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nu uh

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
12. pastel pink!! duh
13. grey! i like most shades of grey
14. pale blue,,,

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yeah!! I love them all esp @bat-slap
16. Fallen out of love: ahaha yeah
17. Laughed until you cried: only a couple times
18. Found out someone was talking about you: yeah,, both positively and negatively
20. Found out who your friends are: yea sure 

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: idk what this means,,,

GENERAL:
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of em
23. Do you have any pets: no but i pet sit a lot
24. Do you want to change your name: um I really like my name but it doesn’t exactly fit me
25. What did you do for your last Birthday: uh. I spent last birthday crying a lot and lying on the ground
26. What time do you wake up: lately I’ve been getting up at 7:45 (cause I’ve got work)
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: … I was watching the Simpsons (the Burns Cage is a v good episode)
28. Name something you can’t wait for: time enough to breathe and work on things I’m passionate about
29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: Just today
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish I was less busy
31. What are you listening to right now: Perfect Places- Lorde
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: uuuh probably
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: stress stress stress
34. Most visited website: hiveworks cause I love webcomics
35. Mole/s: I have some on my face and arms and I love them
36. Mark/s: I have a big birthmark on my leg and I love it
37. Childhood dream: to travel and tell stories
38. Hair color: dark brown
39. Long or short hair: long but I want to cut it all off (snip snip)
40. Do you have a crush on someone: ahaha
41. What do you like about yourself: I like how I write
42. Piercings: none! I’m afraid of piercings lmao

43. Blood type: idk man
44. Nicknames? I have sooo many,,, sushi, shoe shine, scadoosh, soosh…
45. Relationship status: I’m single
46. Zodiac: Leo
47. Pronouns: uuuuh I’ll get back to y’all on this one
48. Favorite TV Show: this is tough but rn I’m a big fan of 
50. Right or left hand: Right for writing but I’m better with my left hand for other stuff (like piano and hammering stuff)
51. Surgery: never
52. Hair dyed in different color: Nope
53. Sport: ultimate Frisbee but I don’t play anymore cause I’m weak
55. Vacation: my fam used to drive to California but mostly we just go to Oregon and Canada
56. Pair of trainers: um idk

MORE GENERAL:
57. Eating: these gross noodles I didn’t like them
58. Drinking: that sweet H2O
59. I’m about to: drink a hot chocolate yayyy
62. Want: I want to have the time to work on things I care about
63. Get married: Maybe?? idk
64. Career: I really want to be a writer
65. Hugs or kisses: hugs I guess
66. Lips or eyes: lips
67. Shorter or taller: I like people who are shorter than me
68. Older or younger: uh I have issues with both,,, I guess I’d be most comfortable dating someone my age
70. Nice arms or nice stomach: nice arms!
71. Sensitive or loud: loud lmao
72. Hook up or relationship: ummmm I’d like a relationship but I’m also chill with hooking up
73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: nah
75. Drank hard liquor: nope
76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: yea
77. Turned someone down: yuppers
78. Sex on the first date: prob not
79. Broken someone’s heart: ….maybe?
80. Had your heart broken: sorta
81. Been arrested: naaah
82. Cried when someone died: no
83. Fallen for a friend: uh huh

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84: Yourself: sorta
85. Miracles: no
86. Love at first sight: No
87. Santa Claus: nope
88. Kiss on the first date: sometimes

OTHER:
90. Current best friend name: my best friend is so wonderful and great I love her so much,,, she doesn’t have a tumblr but I’m trying to get her to make one
91. Eye color: brown
92. Favorite movie: I really like “whisper of the heart”, “the grand Budapest hotel” and “the handmaiden 

I’m mostly gonna tag my mutuals on my main (my main’s paper-island)

@nanab-berry @freakingclogs @thegayastrologist @narnzo @whaleawhile @incendavery @phantomkaboodle @teawithmonster @clara-oswhy @fruitfemme @bat-slap @laberintodeofelia @summer-nite @aviinue @zhas @bear-maple @pibbers @aquacrown @okkeanos @jays-art (lmao)

question tag

i was tagged by @ainstudiess to do this, so thank you very much!!<33

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:

1. Drink: water

2. Phone call: mom

3. Text message: “IMSORYRYYYRYYYYY” to my friend bc I couldn’t understand what she meant but finally i did soo yeah

4. Song you listened to: Sweet Creature - Harry Styles

5. Time you cried: yesterday

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: nope (i’ve never even dated yet in my whole entire life)

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

8. Been cheated on: nope

9. Lost someone special: yes

10. Been depressed: yeah

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: purple, pastel pink, white

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yes!

16. Fallen out of love: hmm maybe??? idk

17. Laughed until you cried: yes lol

18. Found out someone was talking about you: yes ..

19. Met someone who changed you: yup :)(

20. Found out who your friends are: probably but maybe not, who knows

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i’m pretty sure i know all of em?

23. Do you have any pets: nope but i rly want to have a cat but my parents told me that i was allergic to fur or sth like that i’m not rly sure so :’)

24. Do you want to change your name: in the past yes but i guess now not anymore 

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: nothing bc i never rly celebrate my birthday aha

26. What time did you wake up: 5 AM

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping or maybe dreaming

28. Name something you can’t wait for: be friends w my new classmates lol

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a few minutes ago

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my personality maybe? but like not everything obvi,, maybe like decrease my shyness level so that i could make friends easier

31. What are you listening to right now: the sounds of the cars & motorcycles in the parking lot at my school and people talking

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: nope

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: school

34. Most visited websites: youtube & tumblr but mostly youtube

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME

35. Mole/s: none

36. Mark/s: none i guess?

37. Childhood dream: i wanted to be a dentist/doctor in the past bc apparently my dad wanted me to be one (until now actually)

38. Hair color: dark brown

39. Long or short hair: probably short but like not too short

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah kinda i guesss

41. What do you like about yourself: my hairr

42. Piercings: none

43. Blood type: O

44. Nickname: Dea, Oyong (Oyong is a type of vegetable and idk why but i liked to say that word in the past so my friends call me Oyong and i also call them Oyong am i making any sense)

45. Relationship status: single

46. Zodiac: virgo

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV show: big bang theory bc that’s the only tv show i watch haha i know i’m the lameststtt when it comes to tv shows lol

49. Tattoos: none

50. Right or left hand: right

51. Surgery: never had one

52. Hair dyed in different color: in the future i rly want to dye my hair a brown ombre

53. Sport: i ’ m b a d a t s p o r t s although i rly wanna work on it so bad but procratination !! :’) but at least i like to play badmiton

(this wasn’t supposed to be a part of this but where did  question 54 go?? did i accidentally delete it or was it originally non-existent)

55. Vacation: the last vacation i went to was to Malaysia and it was gr9!! i made a travel video kinda thing on youtube so if u wanna check it out

56. Pair of trainers: um what

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: nothing rn

58. Drinking: water is good 4 u

59. I’m about to: go to the mall

61. Waiting for: school to be over

62. Want: an instax mini 9s sooo baddd

63. Get married: later la

64. Career: i have no idea yet abt that

65. Hugs or kisses: hugs i guess

66. Lips or eyes: eyes but lips r cool too

67. Shorter or taller: taller? but like not too tall

68. Older or younger: older i guess¿¿

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: hmmh

71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: nope

75. Drank hard liquor: nope

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope

77. Turned someone down: yeah

78. Sex on the first date: nope

79. Broken someone’s heart: idk man i guess so

80. Had your heart broken: probably

81. Been arrested: nope

82. Cried when someone died: nope

83. Fallen for a friend: yep

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: hmm sometimes

85. Miracles: guess so

86. Love at first sight: yess ahha

87. Santa Claus: nope

88. Kiss on the first date: idk

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: Kayla

91. Eye color: black/dark brown

92. Favorite movie: (current) SPIDERMAN HOMECOMING!1!1

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE: @juliasacads, @yumicademy, @headgirlstudy, @quipsterlotte-studies, @studykitties, @architstudy, @moonshinestudies, @ellastudyblog, @biolcgy, @aureatestudy, @studylilium, @studylilacs, @secret-student-claire, @ttstudys, @lattetudes, @lilypadstudies, @ii-humss-life-ii, @kankenstudies, @noteriser, @intcllctual

Kissing in the Rain-John Laurens x Reader

Title: Kissing in the Rain

Word count: 1771

Pairing: John Laurens x reader (Swimmer!John x Swimmer!Reader again)

Warnings: At the end there is an insinuation of making out. 

A/N: If anyone wondered, I’m a swimmer. Also, I’m not sure if I’m happy with this imagine or not. It was my first (in the Hamilton fandom), so I wasn’t really sure about anything.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

:::

You and John had been best friends for a long time now. You weren’t even sure completely how long, but some years. By now you had become so comfortable with each other, you basically acted like a couple (except kissing and what came with that). At first your friends had pointed out how comfortable with him you were. You had never been so comfortable with anyone before. When they asked, you just shrugged it off. 

“He’s my best friend. I trust him.”

You still remembered how you met. He had moved back from America, and was starting in your team at swimming. That was when you were eleven years old, and you were faster than him. When you hit puberty though, he out-swam you.

 At first it was you father (who was your coach at the time) who forced you to talk to him. You were incredibly shy and nervous, and barely talked with the people on your group and he told you that you had to make the new kid feel welcome, especially you, since you were the coach’s daughter. Thank god he made you talk to him. After a few times talking, you became best friends. You always talked with him at swimming, at swim meetings and at swim camps. You started talking to him outside of swimming. He was the one that made you continue with swimming during your preteen and early teenager years, where you didn’t improve at all. You were always there for each other. You slept over at him countless times (especially from Friday to Saturday, because then you could get the early morning practise at Saturdays too), and you always accompanied each other at swim meets. 

But of course, you had started to develop feelings for him. That was unescapable, wasn’t it? Or maybe it was just your teenager hormones? You weren’t sure, which was why you didn’t act on your feelings. You stayed best friends with him, and decided to enjoy that instead of being miserable about your small crush on him. Okay, it wasn’t small crush. You were pretty sure you were in love with him. At least that’s what it felt like.

-

“Ugh, I can’t feel my legs. I thought Saturdays was easy practise. Like, restitution.” You groaned as you pulled yourself up from the pool.

John laughed at you, and when you finally stood up beside him, he put an arm around your shoulders and leaned all his weight on you.

“Ey, you’re too heavy.” You said as you pushed him, and he let out another chuckle.

“Okay, but when I fall together in a pile later, it will be on you.”

“Trust me, I will fall in a pile beside you.”

You both laughed and started walking over to put your equipment away. 

“Hey, you’re coming to me after practise, right?”

You nodded. “Of course. That’s out tradition, right? Movie marathon tonight?”

“Yes!”

Suddenly, you felt someone push you out in the water. When you came up to the surface you looked up to where you had stood some seconds before in shock and surprise. It was Chris who had pushed you. And now he was pushing John, and he was falling right where you were floating.

You went under again, this time with some other body tangled with yours. Something, you think it was John’s elbow, jabbed into your gut and all the air went out of your mouth. Then John managed to get to the surface and push you up with him.

“Chris!” You yelled angry, out of breath and your gut still hurting.

You could feel John’s hands on your waist. Chris started to laugh, and John joined in.

“Come on, it was funny.” John said and poked your shoulder.

You glared at him.

“Not when someone elbows your gut.”

“Sorry.” He said, although he didn’t sound sorry.

You rolled your eyes, but let out a small laugh. Then you quickly went underwater so they wouldn’t see you grinning, and swam to the poolside. When you resurfaced, Christian was already on his was to put his equipment away and John swam lazily over to you  He grinned at you and you gave him a smile back. Your gut didn’t hurt that much anymore, and it had stopped throbbing (thank gods). 

“Please be fast in the showers and changing rooms today, I wanna get home soon.” John said to you.

You let out an overdramatic gasp and put your hand over your heart.

“Are you trying to say I’m not usually fast?” You asked, faking being offended.

“Well, since I usually have to wait like, ten minutes for you to come out, I’ll say, yeah.”

You didn’t say anything, knowing he was right, but you did stick out your tongue at him, then ran away.

-

“Hey, what are you looking at?” You asked as you came out from the locker rooms, seeing John staring out the windows.

“It’s pouring outside, and mom is at the hair dresser, so she can’t pick us up.”

“Well, I guess we have to just wait here until it stops raining then.” You said as you sat down on one of the white benches. 

John sat down beside your.

-

You waited for fifteen minutes before it finally stopped. But the sky was still dark and grey, and you suspected it would soon start raining again.

“We have to hurry. Come on!” John said as he turned around to you, who was walking a few steps behind him.

“I’m coming, I’m coming! Jeez, relax. I don’t have as long legs as you.”
He chuckled and turned back around.

-

You were almost at his house. You only had around two minutes, when you felt the first drop of water. 

You groaned simultaneously, then burst out laughing. You stopped when it started to pour down harder. 

“Look, we can hide there.” John said, then grabbed your arm and pulled you towards a bus stop. 

You stumbled after him. By the time you came under the roof, you were already soaked. You stood close together, sharing body heat, since you were both shivering. You were on your phone, checking Facebook. You could feel John stare at you.

“What?” You looked up at him in curiosity. 

“Have anyone ever told you how beautiful you look?”

Your whole face went red, and your pulse went up.

“W-What?”

He smiled and tucked a strand of soaked hair behind your ear.

“How you don’t have a boyfriend by now is beyond me.”

“I-I’m waiting for the right one.” 

His face was closer to yours now. You let out a shaky breath.

“You should have boys fighting over you. I’m glad you don’t though.”

“Why?”

“Because I would be jealous, and I don’t want you to see me jealous.”

Was it possible? Did he feel the same for you, that you felt for him? Did your presence make his heart beat go up, just like his presence did to you? Did his stomach flip whenever you laughed? Did he get flustered when you were close to him?

“Why would you be jealous?”

You could feel his breath on your lips now, he stood so close. He didn’t answer you. Instead, he gently placed his lips on you.

Boom! Fireworks exploded in your stomach. Just like that, your confusion and nervousness disappeared. You moved your arms from your sides to around his neck and kissed him back. He pressed himself closer to you, making sure no room was between you. Your mind was blank, except for a few thoughts that popped up in your head.

Wow, do kissing feel so good all the time? 

Wait, did I remember to brush my teeth this morning?

Oh my god, it’s actually happening! I’m actually having my first kiss!

You didn’t want to pull away, but your lungs were starting to burn from the lack of oxygen. You couldn’t help the grin on your face as he stared into your eyes. 

“Do you want to be my girlfriend, Y/N?”

You bit your lip to prevent you from jumping up and down and shouting ‘yes!’. Then you nodded. He grinned. A perfect, white grin that almost blinded you from the brightness. You hugged. You realised as you relaxed your head on his chest that you didn’t freeze anymore.

It was still pouring outside. You were hit with the sudden urge to dance in it. Like when you were a little child. Carefully you slipped your hand into John’s and started to pull him out.

“Wha- Y/N, what are you doing?” He asked with a playful smile on his face.

You giggled and took his other hand, then started to dance around with him. Now, you were not a dancer. You honestly had no idea what you were doing, but John agreed with it anyway. He let go of one of your hands and raised the other, then span you around in circles. Then he pulled you close and put his arms on your waist. You laughed and he kissed your nose. After a little while, the rain cleared up again. This time it seemed like it wouldn’t continue to rain. 

-

“Come on, my mom will freak if we come after her, soaking wet.” 

You looked at the clock on your phone, which you had put in your inner pocket before you pulled John out in the rain. You had been out for an hour, the walk from the swim hall included.

“Yeah, then we should probably hurry.”

You showed him your phone. His eyes widened as he grabbed your hand, dragging you along.

-

His mom was home when you arrived three minutes later.

“Oh dear, why are you so wet?” She said as she handed you towels and started boiling water for tea.

“It was raining outside, mom.” John explained.

“But didn’t you find something to stand under?”

You and John shared a glance.

“Well, yeah, but Y/N decided she wanted to play outside in the rain.”

“Wow, thanks for that, John. Outing me to your mother. And I thought you were my friend.”

You think you sounded a bit nervous. He chuckled and put his arm around your shoulder. John’s mom, Lisa, handed you your cup of tea.

“Thanks mom. Y/N and I are gonna go to my room and work on homework now.”

Before she even got to reply, John was dragging you to his familiar room. As soon as the door was shut, he took your cup of tea and placed it on his desk, together with his cup, then he kissed you.

Yeah, you didn’t do any homework.

anonymous asked:

best friends when we were young and then you moved and now we meet again at college AU

“Sorry, man,” Stiles straightens up still laughing at the joke Scott had told that had gotten him throwing his head back and jerking into someone behind him. He claps down on a nice, broad shoulder, and then feels his eyes widen as the figure turns around. 

“Derek?”

“Stiles?”

“Dude!” Stiles laughs delightedly as Derek Hale frowns across at him. “It’s been too long!”

Ten years, maybe, since Derek’s parents upped and moved Stiles’ best friend across the country. He’d been inconsolable for months, written to Derek often for a couple of years, until Derek’s letters had started sounding distracted and distant. They haven’t spoken since. They’re not even Facebook friends— which is a damn shame because Jesus, Derek’s grown up hot

“You look good,” he tells Derek, flicks at one of Derek’s ears fondly, “Grew into these I see.”

Keep reading

Coming out

For the longest time I did not want to accept that I was gay. I prayed and prayed to God that it wasn’t true and that if it was true, to make me straight. When I realized that God couldn’t do anything for me, I hoped and hoped that I was at least bisexual. I thought that if I had feelings for girls too I would be able to suppress my homosexuality, find a girl, marry her, have kids, and live a long and normal life. My backup plan, if i never found a girl, was to live alone with a bunch of pets for the rest of my life. Why not? I love pets, they’ll keep me from feeling alone and unloved, right? This was essentially my plan all through high school.

First year of university (December 2011) is when I truly accepted that I was gay and all of the consequences that came with it. What made me come to terms with it was the movie Prayers for Bobby and it hit me like a freight train. The negative emotions that ran through my body were like wild fire. The more and more I tried to suppress them with happy thoughts, the worse and worse they got. I pretty much spent an entire week bawling. I didn’t sleep. I was devastated. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore. This is when I told my very good friend from South Africa. I felt like the distance between made it less awkward and I desperately needed someone to talk to. She was extremely helpful and pushed me to experience the gay life. I spent the next year basically trying to plan the best way to tell my family.

July 2013 i downloaded Grindr for curiosity’s sake. I wanted to see what the gay community looked like and I also was curious to see if i knew anyone on it. Many guys messaged me but I was too new to the whole thing, I wasn’t out to my parents, and I was terrified. One guy messaged me who went to the same high school as me but was a grade below. We had a couple mutual friends so I felt like it’d be safe to go out with this guy so I said yes. I told my mom I was going to a friend’s house, he picked me up and then we walked along the beach and talked. The next day I had a doctors appointment and on the way home, while my mom was driving, i said “so … i went on a date last night … with a guy.” She looked at me, looked at the road, and then looked back at me, “are you telling me you’re gay?” I affirmed and then she proceeded to ask me about him, his name, his age, his ethnicity, his area of study, etc… and then asked if I enjoyed the date. She then told me that she doesn’t care and that she loves me no matter what. 

A few days passed and she said that we needed to talk about it. She had a million questions including “How do you know you’re gay if you never had sex with a girl?” So I asked her if she had sex with a girl, she said no. So I said “then how do you know you’re straight?” She then proceeded to make comments like “no wonder you like disney so much” and “so i guess Emily isn’t your girlfriend.” She also told me that she was saddened by the fact that my friends knew before she did. She wanted me to feel like i could trust her. She then said we would need to talk about it again once she lets her head settle some more. 

The next time we talked she told me that she had seen a therapist a few times about it. Not because she had a problem with it but because she wanted to make sure that she was handling it in the right way and wanted to make sure that I wasn’t suicidal (she was starting to make it a much bigger deal than I wanted). I asked her to tell the rest of the family because I didn’t want to have an awkward talk with each of them. She agreed but said we wouldn’t tell my brother because he’s a bit of a homophobe and she doesn’t know how he’ll react (especially because of the many hunting knives and rifles he has in the house, ha ha). 

So my mom told my sister. My sister told me that she was very sad because I would have to face a difficult life. She said she was embarrassed because she had been facebook stalking my best friend (who she thought I was dating). She also then wanted to know my type of guy. Now-a-days she hates that I’m colour blind and have no fashion sense because I can’t help her with clothes like a “gay brother is supposed to do.” My relationship with my sister has honestly much improved since I came out. 

My mom then told my dad when they went out for dinner. He basically said that it’s unfortunate because I will have to face extra challenges and that he suspected I was anyway. That’s all I know from my dad. He does not talk about feelings or relationships or sex or anything whether its straight or gay. I honestly feel like it bothers him but in truth I have no idea. 

So I think that pretty much sums everything up. I apologize for the spelling and grammatical errors if you find any. 

Sponge

My nickname in high school was Sponge. That’s me. Sponge as a cheesesteak for halloween 2009. 

Not sponge as in Spongebob “use my nose as a part-time flute” Squarepants… Perhaps I was a Sponge in the way that I regurgitate geography facts, or better yet, the way bread is used as a sponge to soak up sauce you’re not allowed to indecorously lick off your plate. My parents always thought it had a negative connotation, and when I relay the Sponge factor to new acquaintances, the pose the same question – who wants to be called that

Sponge came about my junior year of high school, the year I started to become “cool” or whatever. That doesn’t mean popular. I wasn’t one of those kids whose parents let us play beer pong, get trashed and give each other blowjobs. That’s what all the popular kids were doing according to trashy Facebook photos. Honestly, that’s all they still seem to do, except now it’s legal. It’s still trashy. 

I just felt like I was not… disliked anymore. And that was a relief. 

I went around that first day of 11th grade, to a whole new crop of teachers who hadn’t yet been tested with overly ethnic names. Unfortunately, my neighborhood, formerly home to a catastrophically large marijuana ring as well as Kobe Bryant’s high school (not my high school), was not as famous for its diversity. Hell, I was convinced I was white for the first 16 years of my life. Who knew that taking the SATs could bring about such a seismic identity shift?

The Day: I went in to each classroom, took a seat, and slowly the teacher would go through the names, the beautiful smattering of Waspy, Jewy, and other white people names. 

TEACHER: “James Butler, ok. Aileen Caldwell, sure. Kaitlyn Cohen, why not? And… uh…. Um………………….”

ANJALI: “That one’s me, I’m here.” 

TEACHER: “Are you…?” 

ANJALI: “Don’t worry about it. You can just call me Ang”

TEACHER: “No I really want to say it right.”

Okay guy, I get it. You saw Freedom Writers and this means a lot to you. (Note: I’m just kidding, Mr. Callahan, you still scare me. Sorry again for doing an interpretative dance as a presentation on the New Deal to “Candyman” by Christina Aguilera). 

ANJALI: “Okay fine. So it’s like… It’s like Sponge…ali. Sponge-ali, and then remove the S-P. Anjali.” 

TEACHER: “Spongeali?”

ANJALI: “Anjali”

TEACHER: “Well, okay then.” 

After class, this kid comes up to me and says, “that was funny” - inside I thought, “really? me?” I would’ve done an end zone dance if I could, but I don’t know what an end zone is… (just kidding, I have watched Friday Night Lights). After that, he started calling me Sponge, and slowly, so did everyone else. Sponge this, Sponge that! Once when I was in gym class, a freshman came up to me nervously and asked if he too could call me Sponge. Of course you can, sport! Don’t do drugs! 

I still respond to it. I hear the word “sponge” and I turn my head. When I come home, my high school friends still call me that. A couple call me “Spong” because once, I entered a hot wing eating competition, and when my friend wrote my name on my forehead, he couldn’t fit the E. I was Spong, Sponge, Spongeali. My best friend Aubrey calls me that, especially in drunk texts where we talk about being best friends forever. Those things usually don’t mean anything, but so far, we’ve kept our word. 

I still don’t know whether I like it or not. It’s been over six years, and I still don’t know. But how much do you really like your name? I have though about so many other names that I like better, like Maya or Elaine. (Note: Don’t name your kid Drogo or Khaleesi or Direwolf, you’re an idiot.) I love the names Maya and Elaine, but I don’t want them to be my name. Anjali suits me just fine. Even when I found out that my brother was dating and would eventually marry a girl also named Anjali, I didn’t want to change that either. I wanted her to change her name, and did have many conversations with my father about how we could make that happen. Alas, I could not and she and I are both named Anjali Desai to this day. True Story. 

I don’t think I mind. I don’t give it much thought. Even as I write, I have a hard time posing the question to myself. I didn’t pick Anjali as my name - why should Sponge be any different? My mom told me before she left me at college that no one was allowed to call me Sponge. Not there, not anywhere. Not anymore. She always abhorred it. “Ew” she’d say, every time she heard my friends say it. Thanks, Mom - way to be cool. Her mandate was that all of New York would know me as Anjali Shivraj Desai. My name is important. Who I am is important. 

As much as I didn’t enjoy being commanded, it wouldn’t have been right to introduce myself as Sponge. I’m happy that my mom was wiser than I could be, even if she didn’t know it. I’m a good daughter, and I did her bidding. Sponge was not to make an appearance at NYU. 

I can’t imagine that if American Pie’s Stiffler went to college (could he get into college?), he’d be able to feasibly explain how everyone called him “The Stiffler”. Not even simply explain, but have everyone in his new habitat adopt it the same way. It wouldn’t have had the same meaning there as it did with Finch and whoever Jason Biggs played (He had sex with pie, we need to move on culturally). Despite Stiffler being his last name, it was also a verb. It was a way of being acceptably rowdy, obnoxious, loud and unapologetic. Sponge was jovial, and friendly, and snarky… I guess. I felt I had the verb component. It didn’t feel to me like just a name by the end and then all of a sudden it was gone. 

When I’m at home, it feels different now. I sit with my high school friends in a basement drinking beer, and I get the feeling that they’re waiting for someone to show up that no longer exists. Anymore, when I’m back in preppy, suburban Philadelphia, I hang out with my dog, Indiana Jones. He’s great. He looks like this: 

To have remained that way, that Spongey self, would’ve been to stop a natural progression. Sure it was safe, but it wasn’t really right. Being “Sponge” was the first time I felt people genuinely like me. Anyone. Even my parents. As Sponge, I got the sense that people heard me, felt my presence and thought it added something to their environment. From what shows like Doug and Hey Arnold! told me, to have a nickname means someone talks about you, and thinks about you. That name is then associated with the feeling they have when you’re around. Before I was Sponge, I felt nothing. To feel something, even as this Sponge, was magical. But now, Sponge is gone. It’s not so much an alter ego as it is a predecessor. 

I can feel magical all on my own. As Anjali. 

'Chance Meeting'

requested by anonymous

summary: Michael and I had been such good friends when we were kids, moving had changed everything; now things were changing again

warning: extremely fluffy, i think you guys will like this

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Selene - Key

I never really wrote this to post it. It was one of those things I just wrote to get some of my own anger and mental clutter off of my chest.

This is an old story; I wrote it last year. A lot of what’s in it doesn’t really even apply anymore. I just really needed to go ahead and push this out because I needed the weight of it out of my life.

“I don’t blame you for taking me for granted, for forgetting about me, because it’s happened with many people along the way. I guess this all just hurts because it’s you, and I never thought you’d join them.”

“Good morning, my love.”He sends a text, and you just sort of stare at the screen. It’s been weeks. Weeks and you know he’s been busy, but you just… “I’m sorry it’s been so long. I was on vacation with my family. Ugh. You know how that is. 10/10 would not recommend.”

You can tell that he’s trying to play off like nothing’s happening, like there’s no rift between the two of you. Like he’s still here, like he’s never left, like he’s never disappeared. And that hurts. You want to roll your eyes and throw your phone away, you don’t want to answer him. But at the same time, after nearly eight years… 

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Under the cut you will find a MASSIVE MASTERLIST of potential post/gif starters (and also some comebacks that could be used in an already pending conversation) in case you’re in need of some. They were all found around the Internet, so I don’t have a direct link where I found them. So the credit goes to whoever came up with them. None of these are sorted out by gender, and they’re neither carved out for any specific characters, just so you know, but feel free to use or edit them as you like.

The masterlist will most likely be updated whenever I find more sentences for potential starters, but please like or reblog this post if you find this helpful.

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