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Who’s the toughest to guard – Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, or Kevin Durant?
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Jared Dudley tells Chris Broussard on the In The Zone podcast. (via @fs1)

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I’ve seen several of you nerds trying and failing to talk about knb with irl basketball people in our messages, so Dr. Doc is here to help!

If you want to talk about Akashi, talk about Chris Paul, who plays for the Los Angeles Clippers. They both play point guard, are pass first, and have killer handles. Biggest difference is that Chris Paul (sometimes referred to as CP3) has not won a championship, or even made it to the finals.

If you want to talk about Midorima, talk about Klay Thompson, who plays for the Golden State Warriors. They’re roughly the same height and have extremely similar playing styles. Biggest difference is that Klay is very chill and likely constantly baked. Klay has won a championship.

If you want to talk about Kise, talk about Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant. Though traditionally a shooting guard, Kobe is listed as a small forward this year, the position Kise plays (side note: Kise is autocorrected to miss, if that means anything to you). Kobe is famous for “stealing Michael Jordan’s moves,” is very competitive, and is arguably top 5 all time. He also has a wildly successful shoe and clothing brand. KOBE IS RETIRING THIS YEAR SO USE AT YOUR OWN RISK BEYOND THE 2016 SEASON. Kobe has won 5 championships.

If you want to talk about Aomine, you should talk about Russel Westbrook, who plays for the Oklahoma City Thunder. Something to remember: Westbrook plays point guard, not power forward. But he’s known for being a hyper-athletic, dominant scorer, with a penchant for ridiculous shots and numbers. Westbrook has not won a championship.

If you want to talk about Murasakibara, talk about the Houston Rocket’s center, Dwight Howard. Dwight is 6'11, physically opposing, and anchors the defense well. He also has motivation issues. Big thing to remember: Howard has suffered several back injuries in the last few years and has lost a lot of his dominance. He has not won a championship.

If you want to talk about Kagami, talk about Blake Griffin. Blake plays power forward, has hops through the roof, and has recently become a very good all around scorer. Biggest difference is that Blake is not as dominant in defense as Kagami. Blake is CP3’s teammate, and has not won a championship.

If you want to talk about Kuroko, you’re screwed, since to make it into the NBA you have to be able to hit a layup at LEAST.

All joking aside, his best comparison is Manu. Manu Ginobli is a European guard who plays for the San Antonio Spurs, who is an incredible passer and teammate, and who sometimes doesn’t do much else offensively since his jumpshot comes and goes. MANU IS ALSO RETIRING IN THE NEXT YEAR OR SO, USE AT YOUR OWN RISK. Manu has won several championships, but I don’t know how many exactly.

All NBA comparisons are currently playing, so you’ll sound cool and relevant without giving away your weebness. Happy hooping!