When you’re wearing HP merch and someone tells you “omg I love Harry Potter! I’m a Gryffindor.” and you think to yourself “are you really a Gryffindor or do you say you are because Harry, Ron and Hermione were Gryffindors and therefor you think it’s the only worthy house because you’ve watched the movies once 4 years ago and don’t really know about the true complexity and attributes that belong to each house and are ignorant to the brilliance and potential of the other houses.” or when someone you just met says “I’m a slytherin, obviously.” and you think to yourself “are you an actual Slytherin or do you say you are because you’re ‘totally evil’ and ‘edgy’ since that’s the (wrong) impression the world seems to have about Slytherins and they’re all connected to the villains in the story, even if the villain presents zero Slytherin traits.”
“Harry found himself newly and happily impervious to gossip over the next few weeks. After all, it made a very nice change to be talked about because of something that was making him happier than he could remember being for a very long time”
- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Chapter 25, after Harry and Ginny’s first kiss
(loosely based on conversations I’ve had/overheard)
“If you don’t start singing along to High School Musical with me in under 30 seconds you will no longer be my best friend"
"I swear on my chicken nuggets-”
“Yes I made that joke up by my self - no it’s not from Spongebob Squarepants how dARE YOU-”
“Speaking of Spongebob can we just take a few moments to discuss how much of a masterpiece that first movie was please”
“Ah yes, it’s 3 in the morning, time to get emotional and tell all my friends how much I love them”
“You made me chocolate??? Oh my God I love you so much thank you I’ll have some right no - THIS HAS RAISINS IN IT YOU TRICKED ME”
“Oh my God yeah I saw that movie, my favourite part was when - oh shit wait there’s this adorable kitten video I meant to show you last week and I completely forgot let me get it up on my phone”
“Sorry I’m late I was up all night watching those videos where kids get surprised with puppies”
“Are you awake? Great, let’s start planning our future homes together, I have a pinterest board ready”
“This is my favourite photo album! It’s full of photos of all the cats and dogs I’ve made friends with on my walks, I’ve even given them all names”
(crying) “Stop calling me emotional God damn it”
"Of course I remember you said you liked the colour red, you told me at like 1:35 am last year in May"
“What? Simplifying equations? No, I can’t help with that but I do know all the words to every Simpsons episode in the first 5 seasons if that helps"
“Sorry I really can’t go out today. No I’m fine, I’m just stressed I’m doing something important. I’m trying to memorise all the words to this documentary about frogs - What? Yes of course it’s important!”
“I discovered and fully analysed that meme 3 weeks ago, step up your game”
“What do you mean why do I have a folder full of strategic plans on how to succeed at animal crossing, that’s not weird?”
“Sir, I don’t mean to be rude but I’ve been doing my own research and you’re getting all of this wrong. Well yes I know I’m not the teacher here but - Yes, actually, I’d love to teach the class my self I’ve already made a lesson plan, thank you”
“No, I won’t come and see Jurassic World with you. Because it’s completely unrealistic! Do you have any idea what dinosaurs are actually supposed to have sounded and looked like? Even adult velociraptors weren’t meant to be that b - OK you know what, I will come, but I’ll be pointing out every single problem to you. No, it’s too late, you already invited me. I’m buying our tickets right now, don’t move”
“You really think you can beat me at Mario Kart? I have spent YEARS studying this game and honing my skills, spending hours upon hours training until my hands cramp and even my tv is judging the amount of time I’ve spent playing and you think YOU can beat me? Let’s fucking go”
“I think these guys think I want to murder them because I followed them home but it’s only because I overheard them talking about what would happen if Pokemon is real and I wanted to see how good their logic was”
“Shut up? Shut up? I haven’t shut up for 17 years and I’m not about to start now”
(crying) "I just want Shakespeare’s ghost to be proud of me”
“I’d love to have a sleepover but it can only be when there’s a thunderstorm so we can dance in the rain, let me check the weather forecast”
“Did that bee just try and sting you? COME BACK HERE BEE YOU COWARD I’M GONNA FUCK YOU UP - wait shit no run”
"What did you say? Don’t touch it? Alright.” (touches it as soon as the person turns away) “Sucker”
“Whaaat? Someone wrote on the desk? No it wasn’t me I would never do th - My name was there? Well, I’m not the only one in the world with my na - My surname was there too? What are the chances?!”
“Help me I started saying lmao ironically and I can’t stop”
“Before you say anything it wasn’t me - unless it was something awesome then I definitely planned the whole thing”
“Excuse me? They said what to you? … I have to go for a second, I just remembered something completely unrelated. No, no, I’m not taking this fork with me for any particular reason”
“Um, did you just tell me it’s impossible to sing along to a guitar solo? Stand back. Your mind is about to get blown”
“I am so not drunk! I’m completely drunk! … Wait shit I meant sober”
“I’M SO PROUD OF YOU AAAH LET ME HUG YOU! I’M NOT LETTING GO FOR THE NEXT 3 HOURS, GET COMFORTABLE BITCH”
“I bet I can stay up for longer than you - what no I’m not tired shut up - nO THAT WASN’T A YAWN I WAS JUST SHOWING YOU WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE IF I WAS TIRED - SEE I DID IT AGAIN TOTALLY ON PURPO - ok fuck you I’m going to sleep”
“Oh my God, just tell me what you did already so I can start complaining”
“Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Did you say STOP saying fuck, or KEEP ON saying fuck?”
“Over your dead body? I was hoping you’d say that”
“If you even LOOK at them one more time I will take a stick as big as your ego and stick it right up your-”
“Don’t come near me or - OK fine, we can snuggle for exactly 15 minutes. I’m setting a timer now”
“Hey, I saw you posted a picture of us on instagram yesterday where my eyeliner isn’t completely straight? You’re gonna have to delete that, if anyone thinks my eyeliner isn’t drop dead perfect every day and that I’m not a literal make up goddess I’ll lose my reputation as the Regina George of the school”
“But keep the one where I’m wearing no make up so that all those bitches know I still kill it without trying”
“Oh come on, you know I’d never do anything to embarrass you! Speaking of which, that video I posted on youtube the other day of you falling down the flight of escalators in the shopping centre has reached over 1000 views”
“My dad told me tattoos were trashy so I got a giant tattoo saying ‘trashy’ on my back I’ll send you his reaction later”
“I’m not a sentimental person but if you touch my teddy bear I will turn you into a stuffed trophy to put next to him”
“What do you mean I look smug this is my normal face”
Gryffindor- holding rocks from the beach in yours hands, watching them flow out, being at the playground at midnight with your best friends, completing dares that no one even dared you to do, running just for the purpose of doing something, sending your best friend appreciation paragraphs for them at 3:00 A.M., going on roller coasters very confident but freaking out a little when you get to the top, playing ghosts in the graveyard with you or friends at 11:00 A.M., putting on makeup and dressing up even though you have nowhere to go, dancing and lip syncing in your room crazily, finding wonders in the little things, spacing out, diving in right away in the lake, handing out feminism badges, walking at a regular pace in the rain with your arms out, forming new clubs, being overly-excited, making small designs on the misty car window, either taking 0 selfies or 1938284 at a time, red lipstick and black mascara, scraped up legs
Hufflepuff- sugar highs, putting so much trust in your friends, dressing up as your favorite book and tv show characters, growing out your hair, blueberry pancakes when you wake up, whether that’s at 6:00 A.M. or 12:00 P.M., catching fireflies, the feeling you get when you make all your friends fall over laughing, seeing a spiny chair and immediately know what you will be doing for the rest of the day, ice cream bigger than your head, putting flowers in your friend’s hair, being the last to finish your popsicle, getting excited when you hear the ice cream truck, heart-shaped sunglasses, petting every puppy you see on the street, making a big deal out of everything, getting your friends presents even though there is no special occasion, candy shops, slumber parties, writing songs, writing stories, musicals and Broadway plays, caring about others more than you care about yourself, strip malls, taking pictures of your friends, happy drunk, defending the underdog, finding beauty in everyone’s eyes
Ravenclaw- record shops, when your face gets red after you get complimented, chokers, laughing when your nervous, cuddling with your friends at 2:00 A.M., drinking coffee in the morning, going to the beach when the waves are crazy, telling yourself to only read one more chapter but you end up finishing the book, writing letters to the author, scented candles, knee high socks, taking videos so you can remember the moment, perfect makeup techniques, laying on the rooftop at 3:00 A.M., looking at the stars, making multiple playlists for different moods, watching documentaries, playing mindlessly with your friend’s hair, eating a three course meal at 12:00 A.M., pranking your friends when they’re sleeping, putting your headphones on long car rides, binge watching Netflix, spending your day at the library, asking your friend to go to the bathroom with you, getting a churro at the fair, studying because you want to, not because anyone else wants you to
Slytherin- testing the limits, fire whiskey, mysteries, the sound of the thunderstorm against your window while you are drifting to sleep, doing anything for your friends, talking back to the teacher, smirking against the classroom, splashing the people who think the water is too cold in the lake, escaping reality, black roses, rooting for the underdog, downtown, skyscrapers, doing anything to get your way, cat ears headband, correcting people’s grammar, solving moral dilemmas easily, fixing your best friend’s makeup in the school bathroom, leather jackets, playful smirks, making faces across the classroom, knowing what your friend is saying just by reading their expression, self-deprecating humor, the moon, looks that could kill, playing sweet and sour with your close friends, doing everything yourself, with no help, rewriting history, chopping a little bit or a lot of your hair off, dirty jokes, sleepless nights, being the hero to your class because you found all the answers online, knowing when to stop but not stopping anyway
books or movies? philoshopher’s stone or chamber of secrets? prisoner of azkaban, goblet of fire or half-blood prince? order of the phoenix or deathly hallows? slytherin or ravenclaw? gryffindor or hufflepuff? durmstrang or beauxbatons? chaser or beater? seeker or keeper?
Hufflepuffs are the ones who love. Who find beauty in fallen petals and drifting leaves. They are the ones who pull books from their shelves in a burst of nostalgia, only to to hold them in their hands and flip without thought through the pages. They smile as the rain falls down and laugh as their hair lifts in the breeze. They hang photos above their fireplaces and keep letters from their friends in battered boxes. They are the ones who know all of the words to their favorite songs. Who know what it takes to make another smile. They watch out their windows as sunsets turn over to dusk and wear sweaters so many times that the sleeves begin to fray. They cling to laughter and point to the stars as they peek out from behind the clouds. They are the ones who find beauty in life.
Ravenclaws are the ones who question. Who point at birds and ask why they can fly and humans can’t. They are the ones who pull up flowers to study the roots. Who would follow lines of ants when they were children. They are the ones who strike up conversation and point to the cobwebs on the ceiling. They listen to music for the instruments, not the words, and when they write, they end only because they have run out of parchment, not because they are short on things to say. They are the ones who try to teach themselves to knit. Who leave notes in the margins of books that drive librarians mad. They listen to conversation with rapt attention, gratefully jumping in whenever pause allows. They are the ones who lie awake at night, wondering about the universe and the depths of the ocean. They are the ones who find wonder in life.
Gryffindors are the ones who discover. Who plunge into the woods with nothing but the clothes on their backs. They are the ones who explore dust-ridden attics. Who fall into streams, only to find that the water is perfect temperature for swimming. They live for the sun beating against their cheeks and an untrodden path before them. They travel to places others have never heard of and return with thrilling tales and exciting stories. They are the ones who try new foods. Who watch foreign movies and dance alone in the early morning. They’ll pick a direction and drive for miles, stopping only when sleep decides to claim them. They push past flowers without fear of the thorns, cupping the small blossoms in their hands as they pass. They are the ones who find excitement in life.
Slytherins are the ones who dream. Who paint even though they never learned how. They are the ones who keep journals and write poetry. Who ask others to tell them a story. They stare at the clouds and watch them form shapes, unmindful of the grass prickling against their elbows. They are the ones who stay awake long after everyone else has fallen asleep. Who read books, and newspapers, and anything they can get their hands on. They wish on stars, eyelashes, and birthday candles, and their eyes gleam whenever someone mentions one of their passions. They are the ones who like to watch trees grow: from saplings to guardians of the forest. Who will study maps for hours on end. They close their eyes when they listen to music, and their thoughts are full of color. They are the ones who find hope in life.