grumpy dan

9

Marksandrec’s Super Dooper Popcorn Party #226

(Happy holidays!) (Dialogue from Christmas Vacation.)

Pull Over Please

Pairing: Phil Lester & Dan Howell (Phan)

Genre: Light Smut

Warnings: Vulgar Language.

Word Count: 3500

Summary: Dan wakes up with a stubborn problem. The solution unattainable because unfortunate for Dan, he’s riding in a car next to his best friend. 

Author Note: Shoutout to the Anon prompt that read ‘phan car smut’ because I thought I knew what my three favourite words were but clearly I was mistaken. 

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Under Your Spell

  Prompt: Can you write something where Phil is overstimulating Dan, and Dan keeps letting out little whimpers, and at one point he tries to close his legs, but Phil pulls them back open, and fUCK I can’t get this out of my head. 

Authors Note: So like, I am aware i havent posted in forever so I hope you guys still read this and like it :) I plan to post at least once a month or so, maybe more, so send in prompts and ideas you wanna read! <33 (2k words) 

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I’m worried about your coffee dependency...

Um this is unedited and I wrote it a while ago I’m not 100% sure what happens anymore. Opps? Sorry for inactivity, I’ve been having feelings and yeah led to a life off social media for a while. Anyway, happier things.

So Matt is super nice and takes shifts from coworkers who have essays etc due if they have a night shift so they can do them

And it just works out that a lot of people wanna switch their shifts with him cos they all have assignments due

And Matt really regrets his choice

Like he wants to sleep. And see his girlfriend. And the morning.

He’d really fucking love to see morning again

(It’s for the greater good, he tells himself, but what greater good? Certainly not his grades)

But alas he has about ten nights shifts over the next two weeks and an abundance of assignments due that he’s just not gonna get done

He already vaguely recognises Neil from other shifts as he does a lot of the students cos you learn what people look like working at the 24 hours campus coffee shop

There are a few other regulars he sort of knows but there are honestly so many people he doesn’t really keep that many of them in his mind

But then Neil comes in and it’s 1 am and it’s pretty standard for students pulling all nighters to come for coffee at that time or sum long home after a night out

And he looks a bit off. He’s slightly pale and shaking a little and in a huge ass hoodie but it’s cold out so Matt puts it down to that

And Neil orders a double espresso. And then he hesitates when Matt asks him if he wants anything else and goes ‘actually make that two’ and Matt just nods like uh huh fine probably had an assignment due and needs to get it done

And Neil takes his coffee over to one of the corner tables and pulls out a laptop

And it’s ten minutes later Neil orders another two and matts just like okay must be a super important assignment

After an hour or so Neil gets a phone call and packs up and leaves without ordering another coffee

Matt sees a short blond waiting outside the entrance to the shop who seems to be really annoyed at the kid in the ginormous hoodie and they leave together

And Matt just shrugs cos it’s not the strangest thing he’s ever seen a student do

But what is strange is when Neil comes back at 3am seemingly looking over his shoulder all the time. Matt vaguely wonders if he’s looking for the blond who came by earlier but actually just asks neil what he wants. Which this time is a triple shot latte cos why not coffee is coffee and Andrew only said no more espressos

Neil stays sat there till long after the athletes have stared rolling in and the early lectures have begun

(Cos Andrew knows his boy and also Kevin is a night owl and told him)

(They’re all minorly concerned about him)

Matt had finished his shift around 5am and gone back to see Dan before classes started

When they go to get coffee together at lunch time Matt gets concerned when he sees Neil still hunched in his corner surrounded by scraps of paper and screwed up balls and Matt really wants to know what the hell this kid is working on

But he also needs his time with dan so they order and go sit down

Neil gets a text and looks really super alarmed by it and packs up super quickly with fleeting glances to the door every few seconds

And when everything has been hastily shoved into the bag and almost sprints out of the door

Boy forgot his class was about to start. Also Nicky was warning him Andrew was looking for him

Matt’s not on a shift again that night so he doesn’t know if Neil turned up again or not. He’s curious but he brushes it off cos he really needs to get this assignment done

(Neil is there again. In the same hoodie. Looking slightly paler than last night)

And drinking double espressos till Andrew comes to drag him home to sleep

Neil does not, in fact, sleep

The next two shifts Matt has Neil isn’t there. He hopes this is a good thing because last time he saw the kid walking around campus he was looking a little like a zombie to be honest

Matt also hopes this doesn’t mean he’s just been going at more normal hours of the day cos that would also be bad

It’s Friday night that Matt next sees neil

It’s 2:53 and Matt has had nothing to do for the past hour or so save for one English student who was getting really tired of Shakespeare and needed caffeine to finish Othello for the millionth time

He ordered a double espresso. Then a double latte. Matt felt bad for the girl

So Neil turns up. And this time he’s in a new hoodie. But it’s black and again it’s too big for him. He accidentally picked up Kevin’s on his way out so this time to like wayyyyy too big for him

And Neil looks like absolute death. 💀 like this

The other one is actually andrew’s tho

He has huge dark bags under his eyes

And Matt is like ok this is not good

But Neil only orders one double espresso this time and actually gets a cup of water to drink as well

So Matt feels slightly less bad about giving this small child (cos he is v small) coffee when he’s also having water

What he does not realise is that the water is to clean a cut on his knucles

So Neil squirrels himself away in a corner out of sight with a wad of tissue and cleans the cut

And then drinks the coffee

Matt doesn’t see Neil again for another half hour. Which is definitely an improvement on the last time he was in the shop

He gets a latte this time and gets us to go

And then another espresso and downs that before leaving

Hush child all in good time

Matt is beginning to get concerned

Especially when he goes to clear the table and sees the water not drunk and a bloody tissue on the floor

Neil thought he’d cleared it all

Ok it was an accident

So when Neil comes in the next night and Matt is working he finally says something more than what can I get you

‘Y'know, man cannot live on coffee alone’

‘Man can damn well live on coffee’ is Neil’s response

And Matt can’t decide if that grey hoodie he wears is getting baggier or if it’s his imagination

'You look like death, man, what’s your name?’ Matt

'Thanks. I definitely come to the coffee shop for beauty tips’ neil replies monotonously

Matt is not perturbed tho cos it’s Matt and he’s amazing

Seriously though what’s your name. You’re in here so much I feel like I ought to be able to call you something

'Ok, something it is’

Matt frowns at this ball of grumpy in front of him

And thus I sleep

Sorry kid

So Matt is frowning at the smile ball of grumpy in front of him

And wondering what on earth he has done to piss the kid off so much

But he makes the coffee and watches Neil squirrel away in the same corner he always does. Just out of sight but not quite fully this time

And he can just see a bandage poking out of Neil’s left sleeve

And he frowns even more cos his ball of grumpy (no he is not going to call this kid something when he has his own much more accurate description of his own)

His ball of grumpy is hurt and he doesn’t know why and he wasn’t hurt when he came in yesterday so what on earth happened

Except he was and Matt just didn’t see as we know

The next time Neil comes in Matt opens with 'I’m worried about your coffee dependency’

And Neil just stares at him levelly.

'My name is neil’ orders his espresso and walks away

Matt if dumbfounded. Where did that come from. He is so confused

Matt isn’t sure what to say to Neil for the rest of the time he’s there. The kid is too many contradictions (well, he thinks so anyway, not that they’ve really had enough conversations for it to really be something he can say) but he just seems like the walking conundrum type to Matt

The short blond appears again that night to Matt’s surprise. He’d almost forgotten the kid existed since he hadn’t seem him since the first time, but now he’s kind of cowering behind his counter with the glare the kid is wearing and wondering what on earth Neil might have done to piss him off so much. He was now also worried for Neil’s continued life, not just his coffee dependency.

So he moves to intervene when Neil looks up like a deer caught in headlights at the other kid but then as matt approaches he sees that the glare in Andrew’s eyes has softened, only a little, and that Neil doesn’t seem to be scared of him so he kind of just lets it be but stands back close enough to be able to intervene in case something happens

So Matt is lingering behind them and he watches as Andrew reaches out his hand toward Neil’s hurt one but pause before he touches it

He doesn’t hear what he says but we all know that he’s asking for permission

and Andrew slowly unwraps the bandage and Neil’s knuckles are all bloody and Andrew just closes his eyes and leads Neil out of the shop

Matt doesn’t see Neil for a while after that

he’s spotted him around campus a couple of times but never in the right place for him to call him and say hi, they’re both always been rushing somewhere

so when he hears a story from a coworker about the kid with the weird caffeine addiction at 3am he decides it’s time to take more night shifts again

and so Neil comes in as he always does. but this time he has come in with the blond whose name Matt still doesn’t know (he learns it’s Andrew) and a tall dark haired boy who towers over them both

Honestly Matt finds it a little funny how they look together but he does not comment because he is scared of Andrew if he’s being honest with himself

Andrew orders his coffee, and Kevin gets some healthy thing that honestly Matt doesn’t really know how to make but whatever he’ll go with it, And Neil orders his two double espressos (by this point Matt knows to just put them in the same damn cup cos it won’t change how quickly the damn kid drinks them)

'I’m still concerned about your caffeine addiction’

'I thought it was a dependency’ Neil responds and Matt is kind of just like uh what how does the kid remember that I don’t understand what what how

'I think it’s both’ Matt shrugs as he makes the drinks. Neil sends Kevin and Andrew over to his usual table and leans on the counter to talk to Matt

Well, he leans on the counter to hum in response to Matt, same thing right>

Matt slides the drinks over a tray with a glass of water as well. Neil picks up the glass of water between two fingers and stares at it quizzically. Matt just sighs and says 'drink the water or I refuse to serve you’ and Neil is like the fuck man what why are you doing this what did I ever do to you ugh you’re worse than Andrew and I don’t even know you

But Neil takes the drinks and stares Matt down as he drinks the water first and then moves onto the coffee

when matt sees that neil has finished the water he is satisfied and walks back over tot he counter

he positions himself so he can still see the group but not so that it’s obvious

he watches and neil pulls out his laptop and starts typing away furiously

he is actually doing an essay this time

so are andrew and kevin

I say essay, he’s working on some super complex math revision for his exam, Andrew and Kevin are writing the essays

but they would have been happy to write them in the dorms

they just came out to make sure neil didn’t kill himself on the amount of caffeine he’s been consuming

Matt slowly worms his way into neil’s life bit by bit

andrew doesn’t glare at him any less

but he appreciates that while matt is serving the caffeine, he is at least trying to make neil drink water at the same time

then neil comes in and he looks really scared and now matt isn’t worried about his caffeine dependency as he tells neil every time he comes into the shop

he’s worried about actual neil

which to be fair he always has been but  now

neil is so much thinner than he used to be and he looks like he wants to run

and matt sees blood

everywhere

but there’s too much of it to all be neil’s and him still be standing so some of it must be someone else’s

but matt can’t put the pieces together properly in his head so instead he follows neil to his usual tables

and he follows the instructions from neil to turn off the lights

and to duck down behind the table

and then he sees someone with a flashlight walking by

ad they’re shining the light into the coffee shop

and he ca . hear neil’s breathing start to get weaker

and matt is now concerned on immeasurable levels

and there’s a concentration of blood coming from his abdomen and matt is like oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck

so he fumbles and grabs some napkins from the stand nearby while trying not to be seen by anyone outside

but when he pulls his phone out to call 911 neil knocks it out of matt’s hand

and matt is just like ok ok no phones great wonderful what the fuck

but neil pulls his own phone out

and he calls 911 himself

and he just stares matt dead in the eyes and says 'my phone is secure’

and now matt is confused beyond epic proportions

because um ok? Who the hell knows about secure lines anyway

and why does this caffeine addicted/dependent ball of grumpy need or have one

but he takes the phone anyway and talks to the person on the end of the line

but then he realises that neil didn’t actually call 911

he called andrew

who is now preparing to storm down to the coffee shop armed with someone named Abby? Matt thinks and he’s making it sound like he knows what he’s doing but honestly matt is just like

ummmmm

what is happening

so Abby gets there with Andrew but she can’t do anything properly to help

so she has to take him to the hospital

matt and andrew are there when neil wakes up

andrew doesn’t say anything

but matt does. He’s concerned

'how are you?’

but neil doesn’t answer that question

instead he just looks at the boht, and the bandage around his chest

and says

'see, my caffeine addiction saved my life

and matt is spluttering indignantly

and Andrew just says 'junkie’

and matt is in a state of disbelief

and he is still confused as to what is actually going on

but it doesn’t seem like either andrew or neil are going to be very forthcoming with answers

so for now he just settle with the idea from neil that maybe they should hang out some time

when matt isn’t serving him coffee

and from his little ball of grumpy, matt considers that a win

Phandomsub’s Phanfic Masterlist

Oneshots:

Prompts:

Chaptered:

Misc:

hi imagine when shiro is grumpy matt says “dan shirno ur bobbies god me goim crayzee” and shiro not being able to help smiling and the lance sees it and the next time keith is feeling down he awkwardly puts a hand on his back and says completely deadpan “dam keimth ur mullie got me wildin” and keith stares at him in wild disbelief for a few seconds leaving lance dead and right when hes about to apologize keith is literally on the floor laughing, thanks thats all

SOS - phandomlittlepop

Title: SOS

Drabbler: thatsmistertoyou

Beta: larryfravan

Doodler: @firedawnleafpool - art coming this Sunday!

Warnings: Copious amounts of swearing and pancakes

Summary: Dan’s actual job is working at Louise’s diner, but he could make a career out of saving cute dark-haired strangers from dates with assholes.

A/N: Thanks to the ever-wonderful @philslesters for her help with this. It’s about damn time I plucked up the courage to post 1k of fluff. This is my first time doing PLP and it was a lot of fun :)

“I understand why people do it, but the business side just doesn’t work, Phil,” the asshole at table four explains, and Dan’s a bit miffed for having missed that much of the conversation. He has no idea what Jerkface is on about.

“More Coke?” Dan asks Blue Eyes - or Phil, assuming Dingbat has his name right.

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