About year ago, I was finally stepping out of an extremely toxic relationship, into the real world. That’s exactly what it felt like. It all hit me at once that for the previous 2 years or so, I wasn’t really living. I had let my life slip through my fingers, and into the hands of another. I hadn’t loved myself or put myself first in God knows how long. I had lost control of my life. I had lost faith. I was so unaccustomed & afraid of being alone that I often asked myself, “How will I live without her?”. And it’s honestly not even about my ex, it’s the fact that I literally could not imagine life without another person by my side.
Fast forward a year later, I love myself more than I ever have. I am grateful for my life and hopeful for my future. I am closer with my family. I have an awesome job opportunity waiting for me at the end of this month. A program more than 300 people tested for, at least 100 interviewed for, and out of 30 chosen, I’m one of them. A program that a year ago, I would have felt that I wasn’t good enough for. I’ll be living in a house with my older sister in a couple of months. I’ve always wanted a stronger relationship with her, and I know this will lay that foundation. I have a dog that I love & will watch grow with me. In a couple of months I’ll be able to get the car I’ve always wanted. I’ll be able to travel. Get an education. Have my own shit again! Build my credit! I’ll be able to do so many things I’ve always daydreamed about. Adult things ( yay 😶 )
I’m not typing all of this to brag or convince myself that my life will be perfect, because I know that it’s not. It’s just to share my experience. I deleted my old blog and made this one to mark the start of my journey of self love, & it has been hard, and it’s no where near over. I still have growing to do. (That’s where the ‘Progressing Daily’ comes from if anyone wondered).
If anyone reading this is going through a hard time, getting out of a toxic relationship of any kind, struggling financially, suicidal, ANYTHING. I want you to know THINGS WILL CHANGE. Things WILL get better. All you have to do is SPEAK IT INTO EXISTENCE. Your mind is the most powerful thing you will ever own.
Spend time ALONE. Focus on SELF. Put yourself FIRST as much as you can. It’s going to be hard af, but you have to face your problems, & you have to face yourself. You need time to HEAL. I literally stayed in my room for at least 2 or 3 weeks, alone, no company, just me & my thoughts (& Netflix). It’s ok to not go out, it’s ok to not talk to anyone for a while. It’s ok to be depressed as long as you’re working on healing! God is real, energy is real, the Universe is real. If you think its all bullshit, find something else to believe in. Talk to that something. Thank that something. Ask that something to help you. If you’re having negative thoughts, literally drown them out with positive ones, even if it’s BS! Don’t use drugs or alcohol to ‘help you feel better’! You’re only running from yourself & you’re gonna start a dependency for it. & write down what you feeling!! It helps, trust me.
Change doesn't happen overnight, it takes time and lots of practice. I can honestly say that I feel like a new person, I’ve watched myself grow, I’ve seen myself change for the better. And I can’t wait for all of you to be able to say the same.