gross bathrooms

STRANGE SENTENCE STARTERS —— for the creative writer in you. Send these in and see what your partner comes up with as a scenario!

*These are completely interchangeable, they’re just in categories to make it easier for all of y’all.

FOR AMIGOS;

  • “How many times are you going to do that, exactly?”
  • “You were right. As per usual.”
  • “Sometimes it’s hard to see the lines you’ve drawn until you’ve crossed them.”
  • “You’re surprised because you have a soft spot for hot blondes.”
  • “Is that – that’s a naked Scarlett Johansson on your fridge.”
  • “You can stay, but for no more than two nights.”
  • “Please don’t look in this drawer. Please.”
  • “I told you not to pick him up, he’s very sensitive.”
  • “Yes. I might have given you rabies. But in my defense, that’s ridiculous and I didn’t.”
  • “I’m sorry, my cell phone data coverage does not cover the bullshit zone you’re in.”
  • “Hey! Give me your pants. Quick, give me your pants.”
  • “No, I’m serious. Stop it right now or I won’t give you the last cookie.”
  • “You think I’m kidding. But I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life.”
  • “How much would a stripper cost and why so much?”
  • “I’m going to buy you a drink. Next week. On Thursday. When I get paid. Can you swing this one?”
  • “Hippos are hungry, hungry! And you are considerably larger than a small piece of lettuce!”
  • “When I was little, I used to be afraid of mummies. And now look at me. I love dead people!”
  • “I don’t even miss my ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, I just miss my glockenspiel.”
  • “It happens to everyone, you just sell your skirt for some coke.”
  • “Please do not pull your pants down in front of baby Jesus.”
  • “That’s not the phrasing you want to use.”
  • “Because nothing says heterosexuality like a gold sash.”
  • “Please don’t take it out on my boobs.”
  • “When it gets really windy I look like a bizarre combination of Marilyn Monroe and Cousin It.”
  • “We have to change our names and run away to Mexico. It’s the only way. Adios.”
  • “How much money do you have on you?”
  • “Please tell me that’s a raisin and not a tiny hamster shit you’re eating.”
  • “Life is a lot better when you put things on your head.”
  • “For someone who’s not very deep, I’m incredibly not shallow.”

FOR LOVERS;

  • “I need you to remind me what it feels like to love you.”
  • “I love you. What? No I don’t. Forget I said anything.”
  • “I need you to tickle my feet but like, sexually.”
  • “If we got married, would I have to take your last name? Or could we just make up a new one?”
  • “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
  • “I heard you say his/her name in your sleep last night. Want to explain or should I just leave?”
  • “I want to spend the night with you tonight. But I also want to sleep on your side. And without you on the bed. So technically I just want your bed.”
  • “Please don’t be proposing to me in an empty parking lot.”
  • “Stop saying you’re sorry, you stupid fucking broken record. It’s done.”
  • “I’m not jealous, I’m curious. About the things you were doing. With him/her. Without me.”
  • “Your mother’s looks could kill. Actually, are you sure they haven’t before?”
  • “If you’re breaking up with me tonight, can I at least eat first?”
  • “Stop sweating. It’s not attractive during sex, and it’s not attractive now.”
  • “Are you – are you checking me out? In the line for the confessional?”
  • “We have to go. I might have told your mom I’m pregnant. I don’t know why I said that. I’m not.”
  • “So what you’re saying it that you’re snorting sugar to get excited for sex.”
  • “My dog licks better than you do.”
  • “But through every stupid thing you do and say – and those are a lot, by the way – I love you.”
  • “I don’t care if you’re growing another head. I’ll talk to both of them. I love you.”
  • “And I’d take fifty years of not talking to you for just a day of doing so. I promise that’s a compliment.”
  • “I don’t want to hide this anymore. I’m not some dirty little secret, you American Reject.”
  • “This is a bit too dramatic for my taste, so can we skip it and have sex instead?”
  • “I don’t want you to think of me as your personal sex toy.”
  • “Thanks and all, but that makes me feel like a low-class escort, so.”
  • “A kiss in exchange for every nice thing you say about me. Deal?”
  • “Promise me you’re not like him/her. I need to hear it from your mouth. Promise me.”
  • “Look, I’ve had my heart broken before. I’m not ready to let you in just yet. Anywhere.”
  • “Don’t leave me here. Anywhere else, okay, but not here.”
  • “I wish I could say that was the worst sex I ever had, but I’ve had worse.”
  • “I just blew you. Could you look a little happier about it?”
  • “I’m attracted to shiny things, so if it looks like I’m staring at your chest, it’s because I am.”

FOR TEXTERS;

  • [text] This is upsetting my poop.
  • [text] Hey, are you up? If you’re not, can you wake up? I need some help.
  • [text] So it involves feces and large birds.
  • [text] She said that to you? Why?
  • [text] Please come back. I miss you.
  • [text] What are you good for if you’re not gonna bring me ice cream?
  • [text] Can you ignore that last text? It wasn’t meant for you. I’m sorry.
  • [text] …did you just send me a nude?
  • [text] FUCK OFF YOU ONE-EYED WHORE.
  • [text] I don’t know why I said that.
  • [text] Leave it to you to fuck the simplest of requests up.
  • [text] Do we have to go to their wedding? He’s only my first cousin.
  • [text] How much does ‘I love you’ mean to you?
  • [text] I am not stalking you. But you should do something about your bathroom, it’s gross.
  • [text] Please. I need this so badly.
  • [text] I trust you completely.
  • [text] I’m a genius. You’re a peasant. Everything makes sense again.
  • [text] Hey, buddy! Got like, five hundred bucks I can borrow? Times ten.
  • [text] She lost it. She completely lost it. She said her uterus was attacking her bone marrow.
  • [text] I will not get you donuts.
  • [text] Please? I love you.
  • [text] I think I’m gonna go to sleep now, but you keep thinking that.
  • [text] I can’t say this out loud. They might be listening.
  • [text] I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t think he’d duck when the ball came at him, I’m sorry.
  • [text] You’re cute.
  • [text] I just need you to understand how important you are to me.
  • [text] Fuck off.
  • [text] Okay. Guess we’ll leave it at that then.
Faerie Bath Recipe/Spell

Add the following to your bathwater in however small/large portions you wish:
2 parts rose petals and/or hips
2 parts lavender
2 parts hibiscus
1 part dandelion
pinch of sea salt
4 parts Moon water (i used about 1/4cup because it’s all i had left)

To take this from simple relaxing bath to a spell to call upon the Fae and/or realign your energies through them, simply light two or three candles (a white and then whatever other colors you feel relate to what you need at the moment), and a handful of the stones you are closest to or you feel can help (I used rose quartz, howlite, petalite, botswana agate, fluorite, and amethyst just to name a few).

Extra: I added a bit of lavender epsom salt and a Rose Queen bath bomb I had laying around to my bath tonight because I felt like pampering myself; feel free to add your favorites as well to make this bath work for you even better!

me, dissociating, obnoxious me1 club music playing on loop in the background: the elcor have been rubbing their bare, freaky feet-hands on every gross floor they’ve ever walked on and that makes me uncomfortable

youtube

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Ellen’s in Y/N’s ear (Shawn Mendes x Reader)

Summary: Ellen Degeneres sends famous (your profession) Y/N to a local coffee shop with an earpiece. Y/N must follow everything Ellen tells her to say. It is a funny game until Y/N realizes her long-time crush Shawn Mendes happens to be in that very coffee shop. Ellen got to have her fun.

Italics= what Ellen is saying

A/N: Who doesn’t love Ellen?

Originally posted by me-inpassing

“Alright, so in honor of her 18th birthday and all the success she has had this year, we sent (your profession) Y/N Y/L/N to a local coffee shop in Toronto where she is staying. I know, she actually prefers Canada.” Ellen Degeneres winks to her laughing audience.

The audience’s attention refocuses on the screen in front of them, showing Y/N in comfy sweatpants and a tank top.

Okay Y/N, if you hear me scream out loud: “It’s freezing cold outside, but I want to show off my abs!”

Y/N chuckles and whispers: “What abs?”, before shouting:

“IT’S FREEZING COLD OUTSIDE, BUT I WANNA SHOW OFF MY ABS!”

The people standing around her stare at her and laugh softly.

Okay Y/N, walk in the shop. 

Y/N grabs the door, and opens it, stepping into the nice coffee-smelling building.

Sniff around, and look like you’re heavily enjoying the aroma of coffee around you.

Shaking her head, Y/N walks further into the shop, sniffing around. She shuts her eyes and sighs.

The audience laughs, some of them muttering how she looked high while doing that.

What Y/N and Ellen did not know however was songwriter Shawn Mendes was sitting in the corner and had raised his head up from his phone upon Y/N’s arrival.

The corners of his lips tugged up into a smile. Shawn had always harboured a little crush on the renowned (your profession). They were following each other on social media and occasionally would retweet each other’s posts and such. Each time Y/N liked his posts, or tweeted something so goofy reflecting her personality, Shawn always had a little warm fuzzy feeling in his chest. They had met at the Teen Choice Awards, and he remembered clearly how amazing she looked in her dress and how much he couldn’t stop thinking about how they took a picture together on the red carpet. Since then, Shawn only saw glimpses of her at other award shows but never had time to go speak to her.

So, seeing her there today made his heart leap. He has never seen her in anything other than dazzling gowns, but he found her just as effortlessly beautiful in a laidback casual outfit.  

Okay, so walk up to the cashier.

Y/N coughed and whispered:

“Ellen um there’s a line.”

Cut the line! An audience member shouted. Ellen smiled. Cut the line.

Y/N took a deep breath in, and slid in in front of a man waiting in line.

“Um, excuse me?” He said.

Say you’re a celebrity.

“Yes sir, I’m sorry I cut you, but I am a celebrity.” Y/N responded, blushing slightly.

Ellen rolled around in her seat with laughter.

“Well miss that’s not an excu- Wait Y/N Y/L/N?” He gasps.

“Yes.” Y/N giggles.

“No way, my daughters love you! Can I get a picture?”

“Oh yeah, great! Tell them I say hi!”

And the man takes out his phone, snaps a picture of them together and leaves straight away exclaiming to his phone; without his coffee.

Alrighty then, Y/N you got out of that.

Y/N grins cheekily.

Shawn watches from a distance, a little perplexed. Was Y/N actually that rude about being famous? But yet again, her grin at the end was impossible to hate.

Y/N walked up to the cashier, waiting for Ellen’s directions.

Ellen kept quiet, pursing her lip to hold back laughter.

Y/N clears her throat, looking from side to side as the cashier watches her expectantly.

Playing with her hair awkwardly, she bites her lip.

“Can I help you miss?” The cashier asks once again.

“Hmm, oh yes.”

“So what can I get you?”

“Yep.” Y/N responds. She looks up to the hidden camera, raising her eyebrows slightly at Ellen.

Meanwhile in LA, Ellen is red from holding her breath and the audience is on the edge of their seats, waiting for Ellen and Y/N’s next move.

“I’m sorry, so what would you like to order?”

“Yeah that’s the one.” Y/N continues, swaying slightly from side to side on the balls of her feet to release some awkward tension.

“So uh miss, would you like to maybe hear the specials?”

Say: No, I know exactly what I want.

“No sir thank you I know exactly what I want.” Y/N answered.
“Okay perfect what would that be?”

Ask for a smoothie.

“Can I get a smoothie?” Y/N exhales, relieved the silence didn’t go on.

“Yes of course, we have strawberry, honey melon and mixed berry.”

Respond: Ooh I love melons. They look a little bit like breasts. You know with the little circle in the middle.

The color rose in Y/N’s cheeks.

“Ooh I love melons. They look a little bit like breasts. You know with the little circle in the middle. Looks like a nipple…” Y/N blurted out.

The cashier rose his eyebrows, then laughed out loud.

“Oh you are funny miss. So one small honey melon smoothie?”

“Yep, that’ll be that.”

Ellen then got an idea. Remembering her previous Ellen in Your Ear episodes, she decided to get a little bolder. Y/N, say: “But of course they don’t look like my breasts. Those melons are huge!”

“But of course you know, melons don’t look like my breasts. Ha ha um no, those are hu-uge.” Y/N gestured, positively red by now.

Shawn let out an involuntary laugh, clapping his hands on his mouth. This went unnoticed by Y/n who was too embarrassed and busy trying not to laugh, but not by Ellen.

“Wait, camera crew zoom in on the left hand corner. Aah ladies and gentlemen, there is singer-songwriter Shawn Mendes.” Ellen chuckled mischievously. Her audience oohs in surprise. “Y/N walk to the back of the shop and go sit beside Shawn Mendes.”

“Shawn Mendes?” , Y/N thought. Not the handsome, kind, down-to-earth singer Shawn right? The Shawn she has had a crush on for the longest time ever?

Y/N walked to her left, spotting him and sitting down beside him, hating herself for blushing.

“Hey.” She said.

“Hi! It’s so nice to see you here.” Shawn smiled back.

“So what brings you here?” He asked.

I needed somewhere to pee.

“I um yes, needed somewhere to pee.”

Shawn looked a bit confused, but carried on.

“Oh, bathroom’s broken at your place?”

Nope, I just love gross public bathrooms.

“No I just love gross public bathrooms ha. Love em!” Y/N squealed, wondering why she agreed to do this segment again.

“Anyway I heard your new single Bad Reputation and wow I can’t stop listening to it!”

“Wow thanks a lot, is that what you’re listening to now?” Shawn said, pointing to her earpiece.

Y/N closed her eyes for a second. Shoot busted, she thought.

“Yep.”

Hand him the earpiece.

“Here, listen.” Y/N said, taking it out and giving it to Shawn.

He accepted it, feeling his flesh burn as he grazed her fingers and stuck it into his ear.

“Hello Shaaawn.” Ellen said into the earpiece.

“What? Y/N who is this?”

Y/N merely grinned and gestured to him to keep listening.

“It’s meeee, from Finding Nemo.”

“Ellen?” Shawn asked.

“Yeah!”

“Oh! That explains why you were doing and saying such weird things.” Shawn threw his head back in laughter as he placed the earpiece down on the table.

“So I’m guessing you heard what I said, eh?” Y/N cringed.

“Yes, it was very entertaining.”

“Eeven the melon part huh?”

“It was one of the best parts.” Shawn chuckled.

“Oh, and just so you know, I don’t actually enjoy peeing in public bathrooms.” Y/N remembered, earning her another laugh from Shawn.

“Well um, there’s this beautiful restaurant downtown, and their bathroom is not um gross.” Shawn said.

“Is this your way of asking me out to dinner?” Y/N giggled.

“Yes, you caught me.”

“Well I’d love to check out that restaurant. For their bathrooms, of course.”

“Yes yes of course.”

They sat there for a tiny while, just smiling back at each other, dumbstruck and not believing their luck.

“Yo lovebirds, you forgot I can hear and see everything.” Ellen shouted into the earpiece, causing the pair to jump.

“Oh right, excuse me Shawn I have to end the segment.” Y/N joked.

She stood up and said at the top of her voice to the people in the shop:

“Hey guys! I’m Y/N and if you saw what weird things I have said, it’s because… You’re all on the Ellen Degeneres Show!” She waved her hands happily at the cameras as the coffee shop cheered with glee.

“So, maybe we can check that restaurant out right now?” Shawn stood up next to her.

“I’d love to.”

“Okay, that wasn’t the best Ellen in Your Ear since there was no dancing involved, but if they do get together, I’m taking full credit.” Ellen stood up and said to her audience. They laughed and cheered, as TV screens worldwide went to commercial.

apanoplyofsong  asked:

OKAY I think I finally came up with an actual prompt?? Something to the effect of "we adopted a pet together and now my mom/whoever definitely thinks we're dating whoops"

10/10 any prompt with pets in it is an excellent prompt. hope you like it and thanks for being such a great friend! (ao3)


The thing about Bellamy Blake, as Clarke well knows, is that he’s incapable of not caring for things smaller and more defenseless than he is. Not when he could help instead. She knew this when he moved in with her. She knew it from the first time he gave drunk Raven a piggyback the whole way home.

What she didn’t know was how it would affect her life once he becomes her roommate.

It starts innocently enough, with Bellamy hanging a bird feeder on the balcony after he finds a nest built into a crevice there.

“How much research did you do last night?” Clarke asks, amusedly interrupting his verbal pros-and-cons rundown of different models at Home Depot. She’d come along in part because she thinks it’s funny, how worried he is about these birds who can ostensibly take care of themselves.

(She’d also come along because it’s really cute, but that’s neither here nor there.)

“I may have looked at a few comparison charts online,” he admits, smiling sheepishly. “I don’t want to spend good money on something that isn’t going to work the way I want it to.”

“I didn’t know there was a wrong way a bird feeder could work.”

“Hence the research.”

She shakes her head fondly and taps the smallest option. “Just get this one. We’re looking to feed one family, not the whole forest.”

He stares for another moment, then nods and starts putting the rest of the boxes back on the shelf.

“How come you’re never this decisive when we’re picking a restaurant for dinner?”

“My muse is fickle, Bellamy.”

“Uh-huh.”

Keep reading

  • me, wearing a cute outfit with a nice hairstyle and makeup: dorm is deserted, I see no-one
  • me, in sweatpants, having just had a four hour exam, with oily unbrushed hair and pimples: everyone in the university is on my floor, can't go to the bathroom without running into 30 really hot guys, all the girls dressed up perfectly to go out, everyone looks at me
Shape of You [Kyle Spencer x Reader]

Warnings: SMUT, alcohol, unprotected sex (remember kiddos, wrap it before you tap it), gross bar & grill bathrooms (pretend this one isn’t gross)

Word Count: 1,301

A/N: Aye I’m back with some Kyle Spencer smut (yes please excuse how ?? it is, all of my smut is like wow?) Surprisingly, I haven’t gotten any smut requests for him, but I needed this in my life, so I wrote it. And quickly, let me fucking share this with you. Like c’mere Eddy, I’ll ride your pony. Just hit me up. Also, the fact didn’t proofread this and it was written at 3:45am might lead to things being a little off.

But seriously, no glove no love. Special circumstances only.

Keep reading

  • Prompto: We need more details Iggy, what type of Chocobo?
  • Noctis: Colors, markings, chips in beak!
  • Ignis: *sigh* I don't know, black, kind of blue, scar on right leg?
  • Prompto & Noctis: *Gasp* Big Baby Pudding Snatcher!
  • Gladiolus: What?
  • Prompto: That's Big Baby Pudding Snatcher!
  • Gladiolus: Why did you name it that?
  • Noctis: She snatches pudding out of our hands when we eat them in the alleyway.
  • Ignis: Why are you two eating pudding in the alley!?
  • Noctis: Where are we suppose to eat it, Specs?
  • Prompto: In the bathroom? That's gross, Ignis!

Pic is by my friend who doesn’t have Tumblr.
Yeah I’m pretty sure this is the toilet that’s now closed off in the bathroom. Idk why people are so gross with the bathrooms like people have to go when they have to go jeez.

Anyways, here’s what has happened during my time using the bathrooms:
-found the mcdonalds in the toilet with my friend
-found a HUGE PAD (like overnight super size) on the floor. It wasn’t in the original wrapping, it was just there. It didn’t look like it was used but there was no way I was picking it up because what if it was used…
-there was water on the floor (probably from the toilet) that got on my shorts. That was disgusting.
-the sinks aren’t good in most bathrooms. They usually spray too fast and in small amounts so they feel like needles and other times they are don’t spray enough. Also, the ones without hand dryers tend to not have enough paper towels to make it through the day.
-don’t even get me started on the soap. The bathroom in the fine arts building runs out really fast for some reason and I HATE IT because I need clean hands to play violin or else I just feel gross and sloppy.
-also there’s a freshman girl smoking weed in the fine arts building bathroom. I only know that much because my sister knows her (one of the cellos in her orchestra class). I only discovered this because I’m in the class after her and I did not have a good time when I used them (my asthma got all worked up and I did not work my best that class that day). My teacher locked the door so no one else used it.
-I also think there was something written on the mirrors once in something gross (not sure) but I’m convinced that was a dream. I’m hoping it was just a dream.

I have no idea if the boys bathrooms are better or worse but one time I looked in the boys fine arts bathrooms and the lighting is just as sucky as the girls except it smelled like cologne.