grocery store artifact


To: The Next Customer Who Whines And Complains And Is Furious We Don’t Do Anything To Stop The Shoplifters Walking Out The Door With Stuff They Stole

From: All Retail Employees

Yesterday a cashier was applying superior customer service to a shopper that was lingering with a cart full of items next to the emergency exit by smiling and waving and asking if they needed help. After a few minutes the shopper abandoned the cart and left. In the cart was $700 worth of product that would probably have walked out the door if the employee wasn’t paying attention.

Also found in the cart was the knife shown above. It was probably being used to sever the security tags on the items in the cart (the knife was identified as having been stolen the previous day). When the pressure of being helped got to be too much the shopper walked out. He knew he was burnt, so he left but he’ll be back another time and probably be successful in that attempt.

This particular cashier did the right thing. A different cashier may have confronted the shopper as a thief as he lingered by the door. If feeling trapped,the guy may have used that knife for something other than cutting off security tags.

While any business appreciates being informed of the occasional ne'er–do–well understand that challenging or confronting people is a good way to either open yourself or employer to massive liability or be stabbed in the face with a six inch knife.

See also: If you are that worried about a dog in the car then call the police yourself. Oh, you don’t want your phone number to be on record and held responsible for that? Okay.

YESTERDAY AT WORK: A little girl in the most adorable fairy princess outfit comes up to the register with her mom…

ME: Hi! Wow. Are you a princess?


ME: Are you magic, too?


ME: Do you rule your land wisely?


ME: Do you institute sensible progressive economic policies that benefits everyone fairly and with equality?


HER MOM: What.