Meredith: [voiceover] I can’t think of a single reason why I should be a surgeon, but I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose. There are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it’s more than just a game, and you either take that step forward or turn around and walk away. I could quit but here’s the thing, I love the playing field.
—  Grey’s Anatomy: Meredith Grey - 01x01 A Hard Day’s Night
"You're not looking for drugs?!!"

I’d just like to say something about the scene where Meredith walks in on Amelia rummaging through supplies in the storeroom, looking “super sketchy” and therefore assumes she must be relapsing into her addiction. I can wholeheartedly relate to Amelia’s situation in this case, having struggled with not necessarily addiction but mental health and an ED for the majority of my teenage years, I know well that it is not something that can be switched on and off and I’m quoting Webber here when I say “you never run away from it”. Recovery is a constant balancing act, almost as if on a tightrope: if you teeter too far either way from your trajectory you can easily slip, possibly fall - and it’s a LONG way down to fall (you know because you’ve been there). If you appear off balance, people are well in their right to be concerned, even to overstep a little and assume you are slipping as there is always that risk, but I also know how frustrating it can sometimes be when the first thing people think of as an explanation for a slight change of behaviour, a spontaneous (even mildly impulsive) action, or anything that may appear away from the status quo, is a direct result of your addiction/disorder/mental health problem because you may have these things, but these things are not you. It can often feel like these people, however good their intentions, have underestimated your own resilience, and inadvertently singled you out as the ‘ill’ one, demeaning the personal identity you have worked so hard to rebuild for yourself. Recultivating trust in my mum, my friends, my siblings, my teachers and carers, has been one of, if not the most difficult thing in my recovery to date. It takes time and patience, but please do not be disheartened. You may not be able to run away from your demons, but you can colour in the life you have away from them, so that you have a purpose even when life seems hopeless. Besides, they have made you who you are and will continue to shape you, and in my opinion, that makes you pretty damn strong. Every time you say NO to the negative voices or the temptation to slip, every time you speak up instead of burying your pain, every time you make the decision to remove yourself from a situation which could trigger your relapse, this proves to people that you are fighting and you are trying and they should respect that. “The only way to fail is not to fight, so you fight until you can’t fight anymore”. They may not be able to see the struggle, but they should acknowledge it is there, but even if they don’t, I am SO FUCKING PROUD of you for making it through each day. If you know someone around you who is struggling with anything please check-in with them, ask how it feels for them, and don’t automatically assume they have lost the tug-of-war with their disease if you’ve not yet given them a chance to pull for themselves.